Satan Quotes in End of Days (1999)


Satan Quotes:

  • Satan: How do you expect to defeat me when you are but a man, and I am forever?

  • Satan: I AM COMPLETE!


    Satan: [singing] Yes you are fucked/Shit out of luck./Now I'm complete and my cock you will suck. This world shall be mine/ and you're first in line/You brought me the pick and now you shall both die!

    JB: [singing] WAIT, Wait, wait, you motherfucker! We chalenge you to a rock-off! Give us one chance to rock your socks off!

    Satan: FUCK! FUCK! Fuck! The demon code prevents me, from declining the rock off challenge. What are your terms? Whats the catch?

    JB: [singing] If we win you must take your sorry ass back to hell, and also you will have to pay our rent!

    Satan: And what if i win?

    JB: Then you can take Kage back to hell...

    KG: What?

    JB: Trust me, Kage. It's the only way!

    KG: What are you talking about?

    JB: To be your little bitch!

    Satan: Fine! Let the rock off begin!

    [laughs manically]

  • Satan: Ow, FUCK! My fucking horn!

  • Rachel: Haven't you ever been in love?

    Satan: I am darkness made visible. I am the Prince of Princes. I once basked in the light of God's love.

    Rachel: Then you must know how we feel.

    Satan: I know how everyone feels.

  • Satan: You have spilled the blood of the innocent. Now begins two million years of Darkness.

    Chef: Oh, good job Mrs. Broslofski. Thanks a lot!

  • Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?

    Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?

  • Saddam Hussein: [singing] Some people say that I'm a bad guy, they may be right, they may be right. But it's not as if I don't try, I just fuck up, try as I might. But I can change, I can change! I can learn to keep my promises I swear it. I'll open up my heart and I will share it. Any minute now I will be born again! Yes, I can change, I can change, I know I've been a dirty little bastard. I like to kill, I like to maim, yes, I'm insane, but it's okay, cause I can change! It's not my fault that I'm so evil. It's society, society. You see my parents were sometimes abusive, and it made a prick of me! But I can change, I can change. I can learn to keep my promises I know it. I'll open up my heart and I will show it, any minute now I will be born again!

    Satan: But what if you never change? What if you remain a sandy little butt-hole?

    Saddam Hussein: Hey Satan, don't be such a twit. Mother Theresa won't have shit on me!

  • [In bed together]

    Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?

    Saddam Hussein: I love you.

  • Satan: Saddam, could I talk to you over here for a second? I don't see why you have to belittle me in front of people like that.

    Saddam Hussein: Relax guy.

    Satan: Sometimes I think you don't have any respect for me.

    Saddam Hussein: Come here, guy. Who's my cream puff?

    Satan: I am.

    Saddam Hussein: That's my baby!

  • Satan: Saddam, I need to talk to you

    Saddam Hussein: Ah, you'd better get packing, bitch, we're running out of time.

    Satan: [sighs] sometimes you can love someone very much, but still know they aren't right for you.

    Saddam Hussein: What the *fuck* are you talking about?

    Satan: You treat me like shit, Saddam! I'm leaving you!

    Saddam Hussein: What? No? No! You can't do that! I have to go to Earth!

    Satan: You don't even have any respect for me.

    Saddam Hussein: Sure I do, guy, please, just hear me out

  • Satan: [singing] What if you remain a sandy little butthole?

    Saddam Hussein: [singing] Hey, Satan, don't be such a twit / Mother Teresa won't have shit on me.

  • Satan: The day is mine!

  • Satan: You have spilt the blood of the innocence, now begins 2,000,000 years of darkness!

    Chef: [sarcastically] Oh, good job, Mrs. Broslofski! Thanks a lot!

    Sheila Broslofski: [innocently] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children!

    Saddam Hussein: Yeah, and brought enough intolerence in the world to allow my coming. Now everyone bow down to me!

    [the Canadians and Americans do so]

    Saddam Hussein: [laughs] Yeah!

  • Satan: [singing] Up there, there is so much room / Where baby's burp and flowers bloom / Everyone dreams I can dream too / Up there / Up where the skies are ocean blue / I could be safe and live without a care / Up there

  • Satan: The time of prophecy is upon us!

    Saddam Hussein: I love when you get all biblical, Satan! You know exactly how to turn my crank.

    Satan: No, I'm being serious!

  • Yosemite Sam: Where am I? It sure is powerful warm in here. Is this Dallas?

    Satan: No, but you're close.

  • Jimmy the Demon: You were gone ten seconds, what happened?

    Nicky: I was hit by this big light that was attached to a lot of metal.

    Satan: That was a train, son, don't stand in front of them.

    Nicky: Well, I'll have to take a mulligan on this one.

  • Satan: I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline.

    Dan Marino: C'mon, man, I'm just asking, let me win one Superbowl.

    Satan: In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino.

    Dan Marino: You did it for Namath.

    Satan: Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways.

  • [from Mitch's brownie hallucination]

    Satan: We eat the pig and then together we burn! Burn!

    Gary Coleman: Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Satan?

    Satan: Come with me! You belong with me! Burn! Burn! BURN!

  • [on the intro for "Town Talk with George"]

    Movie Announcer: George Newman, he starts where the others stop.

    George Newman: Sex with furniture: what do you think?

    Movie Announcer: The world watched in amazement as he unlocked the secrets of Al Capone's glove compartment!

    George Newman: Ah-ha... *road maps*!

    Movie Announcer: He blew the lid off Satanism!

    Satan: Look, all I was trying to say was...

    George Newman: Oh, shut up, you pinhead! You make me SICK!

    [He throws a glass of water in his face]

    Movie Announcer: Sometimes shocking, always controversial. He deals with topics that the other talk shows are afraid to touch. He pries, he pokes, he digs deep. He gets the answers. He gets the facts. And most of all, he gets the ratings.

    George Newman: [addressing viewers] Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight loss programs... all next week on Town Talk.

    [gets hit with a chair]

  • Satan: [singing to princess] Be nice to me, babe or you'll regret it. You are my hostage and don't you forget it. The night is early and there's lots to be done. Lets boogy now, come on, we're gonna have some fun.

  • Satan: Now, off with his head!

  • Satan: Hello, John. John, hello. You're the one soul I would come up here to collect myself.

    [claps giddily]

    John Constantine: So I've heard.

  • John Constantine: They have the Spear of Destiny.

    Satan: [mocking him] "They have the Spear of Destiny!"

    [becomes serious, leans in]

    Satan: Or is it another one of your cons?

    John Constantine: Go look for yourself.

    [Satan hesitates]

    John Constantine: You've waited twenty years for me, Lu. What's another twenty seconds?

  • John Constantine: You mind?

    [reaches for cigarettes]

    Satan: Oh, go - go right ahead; I've got stock.

    John Constantine: [chuckles] Coffin nail.

    Satan: Very fitting, John.

  • Gabriel: I will smite thee, in His honour.

    [He throws a punch at Lucifer, but his fist stops short, to his surprise]

    Satan: Looks like somebody doesn't have your back any more.

  • Satan: Sonny, I've got a whole theme park full of red delights for you.

    John Constantine: Aren't you a peach?

  • John Constantine: Word is that kid of yours is a chip off the old block.

    Satan: Well, one does what one can.

    John Constantine: He's in the other room.

    Satan: Boys will be boys.

    John Constantine: With Gabriel.

    Satan: [looking disgusted] No accounting for taste, really.

  • Gabriel: Son of perdition. Little horn! Most unclean!

    Satan: [nostalgic] I do miss the old names.

  • Satan: [his last lines] No. You will live, John Constantine. You will live so you will have the chance to prove that your soul truly belongs in hell. Oh, you will live. You will live.

  • John Constantine: How's the family?

    Satan: Family's doing just fine. Busy, busy, busy, busy. Need a vacation.

  • [after Satan thwarts his son's plot]

    Satan: So...

    John Constantine: So.

    Satan: Yeah, what do you want? An extension?

    John Constantine: The sister, Isabel.

    Satan: What about her?

    John Constantine: Let her go home.

    Satan: [sneers] You're willing to give up your life so she can go to Heaven?

    [John nods. Lucifer shuts his eyes for a moment]

    Satan: Fine. It's done.


    Satan: Time to go, John.

    John Constantine: Yeah.

  • [Satan interrupts the ceremony]

    Gabriel: Lucifer!

    Satan: This world is mine - in time.

  • [after Constantine slits his wrists and then tries to light up a cigarette]

    Satan: You know, when you cut too deep, you cut the tendons. Finger movement goes out the window.

  • Satan: Do you really believe that one man can bear the full burden of sin?

    Jesus: Shelter Me, O, Lord. I trust in you. In you I take refuge.

    Satan: No one man can carry this burden, I tell you. It is far too heavy. Saving their souls is too costly. No-one. Ever. No. Never.

    Jesus: Father, Y-you can do all things. If it is possible, let this chalice pass from me... But let your will be done, not mine.

    Satan: Who is your father? Who are you?

  • Satan: I told you we would meet again.

  • [about human beings]

    Satan: It's amazing the things they do. They're inventing themselves now. Artificial intelligence and cybergenetics and so on.

    Jesus Christ: It's impressive, I admit.

    Satan: They're cross-fertilizing pears with apples and goats with sheeps, tobacco plants with lightning bugs.

    Jesus Christ: Now that's just stupid.

    Satan: Well, I agree.

  • Edie: Are you really the Devil?

    Satan: Yes.

    Edie: Would you like some soup?

    [Satan looks completely baffled]

    Dave: She's a Buddhist.

  • Satan: Childlike innocence is not a viable alternative to despair.

  • Satan: I talked to your boyfriend today.

    Magdalena: You're so unimaginative.

  • Satan: No punishment is too severe for those who love.

  • Satan: Where innocence is greatest, evil is nearest.

  • Satan: I have a proposal. You can accept or refuse. Only hell seriously practices free will.

  • Satan: With young women's chastity, the angels are incredibly naive.

  • Satan: What else?

    The ear demon: Great festivity... No, the young woman is not there. Wherever can she be? No, she's not there. Now I hear her. She's laughing. A young man is breathing heavily on her. She tries to speak, but he stifles her words with kisses.

    Satan: What do you hear now?

    The ear demon: It's quiet, your grace. Ah, now! I hear a bed... the rustle of clothes... But it may be an auditory illusion. Now I hear her breathing fast, like this...

    Satan: What do you hear?

    The ear demon: She is panting. Now it's silent. Quite silent. Now she gave a cry, but not as if it hurt - I can't describe that cry - you gentlemen may know what I mean. Now she's weeping, but not from grief...

    Satan: Perhaps happiness?

  • Jim: Good morning, Satan. Want a donut?

    Satan: Shut the fuck up.

  • Satan: Nobody cancels a job without notifying me. We wouldn't get where we were today, Jimmy, if we laid down every time God swang his cock around.

  • Satan: I, for the sake of this evil affair, shall transform! Shall transform! I, for the sake of this evil affair, shall transform! Shall transform!

    Title Card: Satan is going to transform.

  • Molly: [outside Wrigley Field] Do they play baseball here?

    Satan: Yes.

    Sam: Can I go on the field today?

    Satan: I'm sorry, no.

    Lana: What year was it built?

    Satan: Uh, 19

    [mumble mumble]

    Satan: .

    Bud: Is there a bathroom here?

    Satan: Around the corner to the left - watch your butt.

    Martin: Is there a game today?

    Satan: There are 14 games today, all 28 major league teams will be in action, none of it will be taking place in this building.

    Mamie: Do you have an emery board?

    Satan: Yes.

    [he pulls an emery board out of his shirt pocket]

    Chuck: Do you prefer couches to armchairs?

    Satan: Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm lounging with a book, I might.

    Mr. Zodsworth: [while still aboard the bus] Didn't you once have a lizard?

    Satan: Yes, and his name was 'Bubbles.'

    Bridget: Yeah, do the Cubs need a new ballgirl?

    Satan: I don't care.

  • Melissa: Who are you?

    Satan: I am a friend and companion of the night. I rejoice in spilled blood and the baying of dogs. I wander among shades and tombs. I am Gorgo, and Mormo, of the thousand-faced moon.

  • Satan: Love is such a stupid emotion.

  • [discovering that Julie, the woman his cult intended to sacrifice, isn't a virgin after all]

    Satan: Who would have thought that lying to your preacher daddy about those extra-long high school prayer meetings would end up saving your life.

Browse more character quotes from End of Days (1999)