Santa Quotes in Arthur Christmas (2011)

Arthur: [after seeing that the Gift 47785BXK for Gwen Hines was Undelivered] A Child has been missed!

Steve: Not Necessarily!

Arthur: [the Digital L.E.D display above the mainframe computer in Mission Control that displays the number of presents lights up and shows 0000000001 in red] A Child has been missed!

Steve: Do you really want to wake up the whole north pole?

Arthur: Good Idea!

[Yelling]

Arthur: A CHILD HAS BEEN MISSED!

Steve: ARTHUR!

Santa: [Overhearing the commotion in mission control, opens the doors and walks onto the main concourse] Is everything alright?

Steve: There has been a glitch!

Arthur: [Showing Santa the missing present] A Glitch? We have missed a child!

Santa: Really? Oh dear! Oh Dear! That is awful, How did you let it happen, Steve?

Steve: How did I...? I thought it was your mission!

Santa: This is your department!

Arthur: What are we going to do?

Santa: We must... um... What must we do, Steve?

Steve: There is nothing to do! The mission was successful!

Arthur: But we cannot leave a child out of Christmas?

Steve: [Checking out details on the computer of the destination and the time of sunrise] Sunrise at destination is 7:39 AM! There is no way to get there on time, except, of course for the S-1!

Santa: The S-1? Right then, let's do it!

Steve: No! That is not a good idea! The S-1 has already traveled some Seven Million miles! We could damage it!

Santa: Oh Dear!

Steve: Not only that, but we could also risk the lives of the elves

Santa: Oh Deary me!

Steve: [Steve gets back onto the S-1 after having a fight with Spanish Pedro in Trelew, Mexico over the bicycle] OK! OK! I'm not very good with children! Does that make me a Bad Santa?

Steve: [Faces Santa and keys in 23 Mimosa Avenue, Trelew into the S-1's GPS to see it it would come up with a list] You're hardly Perfect! Let me Guess! You put in the address, saw a List of Trelews, and just clicked on the First one? Just like Arthur?

Santa: [Looks at Steve] Am I?

S-1 Computer: [the Phone on the S-1's Bridge rings] North Pole Incoming!

Elf: [Steve, Santa & Mrs Santa look at the S-1's Videophone and see Arthur cycling across Trelew, England getting to Gwen's on her Twinkle Bike] Sir! The Soldiers have just shot the sleigh! But look! It's Arthur! He's still going!

Santa: Arthur?

Santa: [trying to operate the S-1 himself, denting it and jolting it violently, Flashing red lights flash all over the S-1's bridge] OK! 23 Mimosa Avenue, Trelew

Mrs. Santa: [Reading the manual] Reading up! There is no harm in using the manual

Santa: [Agitated, pressing buttons, levers and knobs all over the bridge causing the S-1 to rock and sway violently] Margaret! I Order you to DISEMBARK! It's not safe!

Mrs. Santa: [Trying to calm Santa] I did a microlight flying course on the internet! It can't be that different!

Santa: [Steve appears at the doors to the bridge] Oh! Steve!

Steve: [Santa accidentally leans on a lever and the S-1 jolts more violently] You've DENTED IT! You've taken it out without asking!

Mrs. Santa: [stabilizes the S-1] Malcolm, you told me he knew! You know how Steve feels about his S-1

Santa: [presses more buttons and levers causing it to rock and sway even more violently] It's MY S-1! S for Santa, I'm flying to this child!

Steve: Of course, she is all that matters, not me! Your SON! Not the Two Billion things I didn't write tonight! NOOOoooo!

Santa: This is about the pool table isn't it! I told you that you should have written to me!

Steve: [shouting] I was eight years old! You're my dad!

Mrs. Santa: [shouting] For Goodness sake!

Mrs. Santa: [slams her cup down on the controls] Arthur & Grandsanta are out there probably not wearing nearly enough layers of clothing and you two are bickering over a big red toy!

Santa: I'm... I'm not bickering! If Steven should just Stand back!

[Activates the airbag]

S-1 Computer: [Airbag inflates] Airbag!

Santa: You drive, Steven? Thank you!

Steve: [puts on his S-1 gloves, fires up in the S-1] So! Since gift delivery to child 47785BXK is all that seems to matter, I'll do it all myself, and we'll pick up Arthur and Grandsanta from whatever ditch they've ended up in.

S-1 Computer: [Steve pulls the main lever on the S-1 to go at full throttle] Maximum Velocity!

Steve: Hold on Tight!

Santa: Margaret! Hand me my 'Me' Suit! All sorted! Steve is holding the fort, While I deliver the present! And find Arthur and Father!

Mrs. Santa: [Hands Santa his red & white suit, he puts it on] Well done, dear! Trelew is on course for 187.7 degrees from the geographic pole

[hands Santa his boots]

Mrs. Santa: As it is the 'old sleigh' we should allow drift margin for one thousand miles outside the Greenwich meridian! I've got a sweater for Arthur, your Father's pills and some sweet tea!

Santa: [Puts on his boots] Okay! Let's do it!

Santa: [Santa drops from the S-1 and lands on a roof] Ho-Ho-Ho!

Santa: [Santa, Mrs Santa & Steve have arrived in Trelew on the S-1] Trelew! Out with the Old, In with the New!

Mrs. Santa: [Holding Santa's Hand] Well Done, Dear!

Santa: [Back on the Bridge of the S-1 as Steve has gone to give Gwen what we believe to be another version of the bike] Poor Arthur! He tried so hard! He slumped again!

Mrs. Santa: Off course not, Dear! We are here! The little girl will get her present! I think he has done rather Splendidly!

Santa: [Exclaiming] My Margaret!

Steve: [Rings the doorbell, the door opens and a child that looks just like Gwen appears] Good morning Gwen! Ho Ho Ho etc. Apologies for the minor delay, I am sure that even a child can understand that in a operation as complex as Christmas there is always a slightly insignificant margin of error, which is you! As a gesture, I have upgraded you to the

Steve: [Reveals the big purple hi-tech bicycle]

Steve: Glamour Fast Ultra X3, which retails at $9.99 more than your requested gift! Bigger and Better! You wouldn't mind just signing a legal waver?

Pedro: [the child appears to be a boy] No bien el señor! Soy Pedro!

Steve: What? P-Pedro? A Boy? A Spanish Boy? This is an error! No Hablo Espanol!

Steve: [Snatches the bike off Pedro]

Steve: [Pedro and Steve start fighting, Pedro starts weeping and wailing in a tantrum, Mr & Mrs Santa back up on the S-1's bridge can see the commotion on the S-1's Steve-cam] Look! Will you...? No! No! No! Please don't cry! Please don't cry! No crying! No sobbing!

Santa: [in front of the enraptured elves who start cheering] MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Tonight we delivered Two Billion presents, on this my 70th Mission!

[Steve taps the microphone to make sure it is working]

Santa: Oh Thank you! Didn't I just think that sometimes I could not possibly do it all without you! And my splendid Margaret,

[Camera points to Margaret]

Santa: who stood by me for all these years, being very able doing all that stuff that women do while their husbands are at work, and Arthur doing all that vital work in Maintenance!

Arthur: I work in letters, dad!

Santa: Oh! Letters, Of course, I'm so so sorry!

Arthur: You moved me when I melted down that elf plug!

Santa: Yes! Now! Many years ago, my Father told me

[Camera points to Grandsanta, He grunts and snores]

Santa: that being Santa is the best job in the world! He was right! I Loved It! I can't wait for year 71!

Santa: [the elves start cheering] Merry Christmas Everyone!

Arthur: [Opening a Christmas cracker, having Christmas dinner with the family round at the dinner table at the North Pole's Residential Quarters] What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?... Tinselitis!

[laughs hysterically]

Arthur: Isn't this the best bit of Christmas?

Mrs. Santa: It certainly is, Arthur! The whole family together!

Mrs. Santa: [to Santa] How about a toast, Malcolm?

Santa: Oh... mmm... , Well, here's to me, to an even better job next year!

[Everybody cheers]

Arthur: You're already the perfect dad!

Grandsanta: Hah! That turkey did more than him!

[Starts laughing and looses his false teeth, they land in gravy]

Santa: You wouldn't understand, Father! I've rather moved things on since your day, Hey Steve?

Grandsanta: [Gets his false teeth back and continues eating his meal] Forget Techno Tommy, he's texting on his calculator after every job

[laughs]

Steve: [Clearing out his inbox on his HO-HO] It's a Hand-held Operational and Homing Organizer, The HO-HO 3000!

Grandsanta: Whooooh! Whoopy-doo! Aren't you the Fancy Nancy! Doesn't matter what you come up with, Son, you maybe be the next in line, but you'll never get to be Santa unless you 'Knock Him Off'

Arthur: Hummm! I've got you all a present! After all the hard work, I wanted everyone to have some 'Christmas Fun'

Arthur: [Shows everyone the Game, 'Christmas, The Board Game] Ta-Daah!

Santa: Haven't you heard of peace on earth and goodwill toward men?

Lock, Shock, Barrel: NO!

[first lines]

Santa: 'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun.

Jack Skellington: Forgive me, Mr. Claus. I'm afraid I've made a terrible mess of your holiday.

Santa: Bumpy *sleigh*-ride... Jack. Next time you get the urge to take over someone else's holiday, I'd listen to *her*.

[points to Sally]

Santa: She's the only one who makes any sense around this insane asylum!

[walks away, muttering]

Santa: Skeletons, boogie men...

Jack Skellington: I hope there's still time.

Santa: To fix Christmas? Of course there is! I'm Santa Claus!

[flies out chimney]

Santa: [from in the bag] Me on vacation? On Christmas Eve?

Barrel: Where are we taking him?

Shock: Where?

Lock: To Oogie Boogie, of course. There's no where in the whole world more comfortable than *that*. And Jack *said* to make him comfortable, didn't he?

Barrel, Shock: Yes, he did.

Santa: [singing] Release me now or you'll have to face the dire consequences. / The children are expecting me, so please come to your senses.

Oogie Boogie Man: [singing] You're jokin', you're jokin'! / I can't believe my ears! / Would someone shut this fella up? / I'm drownin' in my tears! / It's funny, I'm laughing! / You really are too much. / And now, with your permission, / I'm going to do my stuff.

[snake dangles from his mouth]

Santa: [fearfully] What are you going to do?

Oogie Boogie Man: I'm gonna do the best I can!

Sally: [examining Jack in his newly-finished Santa suit] You don't look like yourself, Jack. Not at all.

Jack Skellington: Isn't that wonderful? It couldn't be more wonderful!

Sally: [holds up the clipboard sketch of him] But you're the Pumpkin King!

Jack Skellington: Not anymore!

[breks it over his knee]

Jack Skellington: I feel SO much better now!

Sally: [pulling a loose thread from his cuff] Jack, I know you think something's missing, but -

[accidentally catches his finger]

Jack Skellington: [lightly] Ow.

Sally: Sorry.

Jack Skellington: You're right. Something *is* missing. But what? I've got the beard... the coat... the boots... the belt...

Jack Skellington, Lock, Barrel: [come in] Jack! Jack! This time we found him!

Jack Skellington: This time we really did.

Lock: He sure is big, Jack!

Barrel: And heavy!

Santa: [bursting out the bag] Let me out!

[the Halloween citizens gasp in awe]

Jack Skellington: Sandy Claws - in person. What a pleasure to meet you.

[prepares to shake but then looks down when their HANDS touch]

Jack Skellington: Wh - ! Why, you have *hands*! You don't have claws at all!

Jack Skellington: [dazed] Where am I?

Jack Skellington: Consider this a vacation, Santy. A reward. It's your turn to take it easy.

Santa: B-But there must be some mistake!

Jack Skellington: See that he's comfortable... Just a second, fellas! Of *course*! *That's* what I'm missing!

[takes Santa's hat]

Santa: B-But...

Jack Skellington: Thanks.

Santa: Hang on - you just can't -

[has the bag thrown over him again]

Santa: Hold on! Where are we going now?

[the henchmen leave with him]

Jack Skellington: Ho, ho, *ho*! No...

[monotone]

Jack Skellington: Ho, ho, ho. Ho...

Sally: This is worse than I thought. Much worse. I know!

[leaves to get fog juice]

Santa: Release me fast or you will have to answer for this heinous act.

Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.

Buddy: Really?

Santa: Mm-hmm.

Buddy: What's it like?

Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.

Buddy: Oh.

Santa: Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show", that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at presents before Christmas.

Santa: That's another thing... Buddy you should know that your father... he's on the naughty list.

Buddy: Nooooo!

Santa: I'm getting too old for this.

Santa: Oh no, it's The Central Park Rangers

Sarah the Little Girl: You're fatter this year.

Santa: Thank you. You've grown, too. Now go back to sleep.

[Drinks the milk and gags a little, Sarah looks at him]

Santa: I think the milk's a little sour.

Sarah the Little Girl: It's soy milk.

Santa: Huh?

Sarah the Little Girl: You said you were lactose intolerant.

Santa: I did say that, didn't I? Thank you for remembering.

Santa: What day is today?

Dueña Pensión: Have you done anything wrong?

Santa: No, not yet. But don't worry, I'll let you know.

Santa: Give Amador a drink. We'll drink to ''They might call us''.

Santa: What would you like for Christmas, little girl?

Angie Vega: I'd like you to find a chimney, and shove your...

Santa: Oh, you're back.

Hallie O'Fallon: I'm back.

Santa: You wouldn't want something easy, would you? Like a nice doll? I have dolls you wouldn't believe.

Hallie O'Fallon: Can I use the lap?

Santa: Sure.

Hallie O'Fallon: Okay. Now we've really got to talk.

Santa: [to Hallie] You know, I usually specialize in stuff you can wrap.

Santa: Madam, I took a vow of poverty. And you can't talk about poverty... you have to live it.

Santa: Do you know why I only eat roots?

Jep Gambardella: No, why?

Santa: Because roots are important.

Santa: Sometimes kids can be so deep?

Freddie Kruger: Yeah, about as deep as a bucket of spit.

Missy Claus: Is he still complaining?

Santa: Shut up and bake me some cookies woman!