Sammy Quotes in Death Sentence (2007)

Nicholas "Nick" Hume: I'm looking for Billy Darley or any of his friends.

[Sammy speaks in Spanish, and so Nick throws down some money]

Sammy: [in Spanish] I said I don't speak English, you son of a bitch. Got it now, boss?

Nicholas "Nick" Hume: [in Spanish] Maybe if I chop off that piece of shit you call a head... and sent it to your mother, she'd recognize you. But I doubt it, boss.

[after Gino intimidates the entire bar]

Sammy: The only balls he has is that badge and gun!

Det. Gino Felino: Is that right? Let me show you something.

[unloads gun]

Det. Gino Felino: Eh? Here's my gun! Fair game now, okay?

[holds up police badge]

Det. Gino Felino: And here's my badge. This is your trophy. This is your trophy, okay? Come and get it.

Sammy: I offer five thousand for that badge right now.

[bar brawl ensues]

Sammy: So I gotta ask. What do you really do for a living?

Jamie: What you mean?

Sammy: [disbelieving] Your profile says you do medical claims. You don't really do medical claims.

Jamie: [frowns]

Sammy: [staggered] You really do medical claims?

Jamie: [laughs] Yeah, I really do!

Sammy: [Notices her discomfort] What? C'mon. No judgment.

Jamie: Ok, fine. I sort of... I used to want to be a professional kickboxer. I take classes now...

Sammy: Kickboxing?

Jamie: Yeah, I know. It's lame. It's...

Sammy: That's amazing. The sport of the future...

Matt Halloran: He's a kid. And you lost him?

Sammy: No, we didn't. We didn't. The cops had him at that point. Their the wasn't lost them. We still have the money.

Matt Halloran: I don't want the money. I don't want any excuses. I want that kid. Get out there and find him!

[Sammy and Marv are heading to the elevator and then leaves to find that kid named Charlie Farrow]

Ash Ketchum: Alright

[He sits with Celebi, who's dying, in his arms]

Ash Ketchum: We'll keep trying!

[He pulls out several berries]

Ash Ketchum: See? These are those berries we found in the forest. Here you go.

[He tries to feed Celebi one but it doesn't respond and he drops the berries]

Ash Ketchum: Oh, that's okay.

[He chuckles nervously then tries again but drops them]

Ash Ketchum: Uh, C-Celebi...?

[He realizes Celebi is dead and starts crying]

Ash Ketchum: Celebi, you can't die!

[Everyone starts crying]

Sammy: [Says while crying] Celebi didn't do anything wrong... It was a human being who forced Celebi to destroy the forest! Celebi never even had a choice! And now... it can't have a choice... Now it's too late to choose because Celebi is gonna die!

Firewater: Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible and for that, I give you mad props. But, now that you have shattered one truth: It is time for you to learn... that we are not REAL.

Gum: While tripping balls, Firewater and I made an important meta-psychical breakthrough.

Firewater: The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters, twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters, puppet masters in the other dimension! We're something called... Cartoons.

[Frank, Brenda, Kareem, Sammy, Barry and Teresa gasped]

Frank: What?

Firewater: You, Frank... are a plaything in the demented schlubby Jewish actor named:

[the image of a Jewish actor]

Firewater: Seth Rogen.

Frank: Wait. I'm Jewish?

Sammy: So... who am I?

Gum: You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named:

[the image of a Celebrity actor]

Gum: Edward Norton.

Sammy: Edward Norton? What kind of parent gives that kid of stupid cunt name like that?

Gum: Worry not, friends. I have a solution.

Fat Guy: [about a hit in the head, turns to Lavash and Sammy] What the?

Lavash: You fuck with them?

Sammy: You fuck with us, bitch!

Sammy: Fifty-five minutes.

Brenda: I know. Where is he?

Lavash: [laughs] Looks like you got ditched, bun!

Brenda: He wouldn't ditched me, dumbass. He's my boyfriend. I mean, we touched T-I-P's.

[giggling]

Lavash: Get away for me! Don't touch me!

[fighting over Sammy]

Lavash: It was you! You cock-sucking bagel fuck-face!

Chunk Munchers Cereal: Hey, watch it!

Lavash: You pushed me out of the cart! No surprise then, huh? A bagel trying to kill Lavash, once again!

Sammy: I pushed you? What are you nuts? I, why would they do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda. Which even that I didn't push you know, I pretty much passive-aggressively nudge. I reached out of the panic. It was toots over here, the bun. She grabbed me.

Sammy: Maybe this is Snow's present to me?

Fluffy the Cat: Doubtful.

Fluffy the Cat: You don't want to end up like my last ami... zee chicken.

Sammy: The chicken?

Fluffy the Cat: Apsulimo, who's pen do you think this is?

Sammy: She eats animals?

Fluffy the Cat: Don't let the hippy-dippy attitude fool you. She will stuff you like a goose. Then its "heeekkkkkkkk!", throat slicing gesture , patee for everyone. Shhhh, here she comes now.

Robbie: You hit two cones back there. Those could have been people... they could have been guests at her wedding!

Sammy: [exasperated] They were *cones*!

Robbie: Can I borrow your credit card?

Sammy: You're gonna pay me back, right?

Robbie: No. But if you don't give it to me, I'm gonna tell everyone what you said at the bar.

Sammy: If you find somebody you can love, you can't let that get away.

Andy: [watering plants as Sammy pulls up] About time his best friend showed up.

Sammy: How is he?

Andy: I dunno, man. He just stays down in the basement since it happened... Five days now. I think he might be having some kind of mental situation, or something.

Sammy: I'll talk to him.

Sammy: [the camera follows him as he walks to the house, singing to himself]

Andy: [off camera] Hey, you better do something. I don't wanna be known as brother-in-law of the town nut job; I got enough problems already.

Andy: [sound of water splosing]

Andy: Oh, shit, I just got water all over myself.

Robbie: That's it, man, starting right now, me and you are going to be free and happy the rest of our lives!

Sammy: I'm not happy. I'm miserable.

Robbie: Wha - what?

Sammy: See... I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino because they got a lot of chicks. You know what happened to Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino?

Robbie: Yeah, I read that Fonzie wants to be a director and Barbarino, I think... the mechanical bull movie? I didn't see it yet.

Sammy: Their shows got canceled. Because no one wants to see a fifty-year-old guy hitting on chicks.

Robbie: So what are you saying?

Sammy: What I'm saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.

Old man in bar: [Comes up behind him and hugs him] Everything is going to be all right.

Sammy: Hey, how do I look?

Robbie: I don't know, man. I would lose that glove. You look nuts.

Sammy: Somebody left a jacket in the back.

Robbie: That's Julia's jacket! She took off on Notson Street, remember? She said it wasn't jacket weather anymore.

Sammy: Uh-oh... You like her!

Robbie: No, I don't.

Sammy: Of course you do! She's a cool chick with a hot ass.

Robbie: How about this? You talk about her ass again, I'll break your neck.

Annelle: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire?

Sammy: Beer.

Annelle: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine.

[dumps the beer out in the yard]

Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake!

Annelle: Who? Who did you say?

Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ!

Annelle: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain?

Sammy: That's the one.

Annelle: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter.

Sammy: Oh, Annelle, goddammit!

Annelle: I think we should pray.

Sammy: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!

Lelaina Pierce: Hey, Sammy, what's your goal?

Sammy: My goal is... I'd like a career or something.

Sammy: I have something to tell you, I am... a homo... homosexual.

Vickie: [beat] Oh, Christ.

Sammy: Dad... When can I get a Guitar?

Alex: When you've mastered the harmonica.

Sammy: When can I get an electric guitar?

Alex: When you've got your own house.

Willie Morris: You want to know how to throw a curve?

[Sammy nods]

Willie Morris: Dink's gonna show me how when he gets home.

Sammy: Who's Dink?

Willie Morris: Where are you from? Mars?

Sammy: Nope. Right across town over there.

Willie Morris: And you haven't heard of Dink Jenkins?

[Sammy shooks his head]

Willie Morris: He's only the best ballplayer anywhere around here. Ever.

Sammy: Well you haven't seen Waldo Grace.

Willie Morris: He a colored boy?

Sammy: Yep, and the best in the whole world.

Sammy: [talking to Kenny while he is cleaning out a septic tank] ....always going on about his bloody marriage. Is this gonna go right, or is that gonna go bloody right? Is he gonna marry her or not?

Kenny: [through his mask, in the septic tank] I should say so, they've got a wedding.

Sammy: He's either gonna marry or, or not marry her. If he ain't gonna marry her, I'll give her one.

Kenny: Look, mate,

[takes his mask off, comes up from the tank]

Kenny: I... I understand what you're saying, I really do. And I am hearing you, but, mate, what you got to understand is there is a smell in here that is going to outlast religion, all right? So can you just... give my ears a rest for a minute? Just give it a break for a sec, and we'll talk about it later, all right? I appreciate it mate.

[puts mask back on]

Sammy: Well, now you know how I feel.

Sammy: Are you brave?

Matthew Field: What? Well, sometimes.

Sammy: Are you honest?

Matthew Field: Brutally.

Sammy: But are you romantic?

Matthew Field: To a fault. Have you had breakfast?

Sammy: You can't have breakfast at 4 o'clock.

Matthew Field: I can do what I like.

Sammy: Saracen, will you marry my mother?

[Matthew chuckles]

Sammy: Will you be my good deed?

Matthew Field: I'm much to busy to do that.

Sammy: You don't have to do anything. I'll come and do things for you.

Matthew Field: What on Earth could you possibly do for me?

[he and Sammy just look at each other]

Matthew Field: I'll think about it, the next time you come.

Sammy: Are you going to change?

Matthew Field: Into what?

Sammy: Your Saracen costume.

Matthew Field: It itches.

Sammy: What are you going to say to her?

Matthew Field: Good afternoon, Mama Sammy.

Sammy: Can't you think of anything more exciting than that?

Sammy: [running into the church with Matthew] Mama! Mama! Look what I got for you!

Matthew Field: How would you like it if I arranged to get her out?

Sammy: She won't come.

Matthew Field: I can put temptation in her way. What does she like?

Sammy: You have to keep your room tidy.

Matthew Field: As bad as that?

Sammy: How do you write a Saracen story?

Matthew Field: I start at the beginning and I know how I want it to end.

Sammy: My teacher says...

Matthew Field: Don't listen to him. He's a loser.

Sammy: [watching Nene and Mama Fola argue in proverbs] Why are they talking like that?

Nimi Da Silva: Proverbs, to be polite.

Sammy: It doesn't look very polite.

Sammy: Matthew, what do you know about sex?

Matthew Field: Well, uh, men and women are built... differently.

Sammy: I know all that penis, vagina, rabbit business. I saw a video at Jean Claude's

Matthew Field: Rabbit?

Sammy: [referring to a discussion with his friend about sex] He says everyone does it.

Matthew Field: Yep.

Sammy: Everyone?

Matthew Field: Uh-huh.

Sammy: Even people I know?

Matthew Field: Yes.

Sammy: Even people who get married?

Matthew Field: Especially people who get married.

[Sammy makes a face]

Matthew Field: Tough one, I know.

Sammy: Don't you wonder what it would be like to live in the twenty-fifth century?

Nimi Da Silva: Sweet Potato, I wonder what it would be like to live in the twentieth century.

Sammy: You remember "Come end my eternal loneliness. Let us surf Orion on my cosmic chariot."

Matthew Field: Definitely one of my earlier efforts.

Matthew Field: Hello, Sam.

Sammy: Are you mad at me too?

Matthew Field: No. Why? Should I be?

[About phone sex.]

Sammy: Call me old-fashioned, but I like my women live and direct.

[about phone sex]

Sammy: Call me old-fashioned, but I like my booty live and direct.

Sammy: To all those who left us may they die twice!

Sammy: Can we play Big and Small?

Grace: Is that a real game, or is that a game you just made up?

Sammy: It's a real game that I just made up.

Terry: Where were you?

Sammy: Nowhere. I had dinner with my boss.

Terry: Kind of a late dinner, ain't it?

Sammy: Yeah. How was Rudy?

Terry: Fine. He's asleep.

Sammy: Did the plumber come?

Terry: Yeah, the fucking plumber came!

Sammy: Terry, just give me a break!

Terry: What's the matter with you?

Sammy: Nothing, I'm just tired.

Terry: Wanna smoke some pot?

Sammy: No I don't... why, you got some?

Sammy: [to Brian] You know, and if I were you, I'd be a little nervous about firing an employee I'd just had an affair with, okay?

Sammy: [to Terry] Are you out of your mind? You know, I admit I may not be the best mother in the world, but I'm doing the best I know how, and he doesn't need you to rub his face in shit because you think it's good for him! He's gonna find out that the world is a horrible place and that people suck soon enough and without any help from you!

Sammy: [picks up phone] Hello?

Brian: Yeah, it's Brian.

Sammy: Brian!

Brian: What the hell happened to you today, lady?

Sammy: [rolls eyes and hangs up]

Sammy: [phone rings again] Hello...

Brian: You're fired!

Sammy: Good!

[slams phone down]

Terry: [as they get in the car] Where are we going?

Sammy: To pick up Rudy.

Terry: What, do you not even want me to come visit now?

Sammy: Of course I want you to visit, you idiot! I've been looking forward to seeing you from the moment I got your letter, I told everyone in town that you were coming home, I cleaned the whole *fucking* house just so it would look nice for you! I had no idea you were just broke again! I wish you'd just send me an invoice!

Rudy: Who are you talking about?

Terry: Some wild kids we used to know.

Rudy: Were you a wild kid?

Terry: Not as wild as your mom.

Rudy: Yeah, right...

Terry: Oh, you don't believe me?

Rudy: No.

Terry: Ask her.

Rudy: Mom, were you?

Sammy: [long pause] No comment.

Sammy: What is happening here?

Terry: It's just the problem is the pipes are corroded the whole length of the hall, so every time I put a new piece in it starts leaking further down.

Sammy: Why don't I just call the plumber?

Terry: Why? He's not gonna do anything different than what I'm doing.

Rudy: Yeah, we're only making it worse.

Terry: No we're not, shut up!

[Terry pulls a pipe out of the floor and accidentally sprays Sammy with water]

Sammy: Thanks. Thank you.

Sammy: [whispering] Terry, I fucked my boss.

Terry: What?

Sammy: And his wife is six months pregnant...

Terry: Jesus Christ, Sammy!

Sammy: [shamefully] I know... I know...

Sammy: That just seems like an awful lot of extra paperwork.

Brian: I like paperwork.

Sammy: I could use a beer.

Brian: I could use a tranquilizer.

Sammy: So, how was school today?

Rudy: Stupid.

Brian: I think it's an area we ought to explore.

Sammy: You explore it! I'm going back to work.

Sammy: I don't know what the church's official position is on fornication and adultery these days, and I felt really hypocritical not saying anything to you about it before, but... what *is* the official position these days?

Ron: Well... it's a sin.

Sammy: Good, I think it should be!

Ron: But we try not to focus on that aspect right off the bat.

Sammy: Why not? I think you should.

Ron: Well...

Sammy: Maybe it was better when they screamed at you from the box for having sex with your married boss, they told you what a terrible thing it was, they were really mean to you. Maybe it would be better if you just told me that I'm endangering my immortal soul and that if I don't stop, I'm gonna burn in hell. Don't you ever think that?

Ron: No, not really.

Bob Steegerson: [picks up a phone call from Sammy] Bob Steegerson.

Sammy: What are you wearing?

Bob Steegerson: Mom?

Terry: So how are ya?

Sammy: I'm fine, Terry.

Terry: So um... um, how's Rudy?

Sammy: We're fine, Terry.

[beat]

Sammy: How are you?

Terry: Uhhh, yeaahhh...

Sammy: I'm going to bed. You need anything?

Terry: [playing Rudy's handheld game, not looking up] No, I'm good.

Sammy: Okay. Terry... I'm really glad your home.

Terry: [stops playing game, looks up and smiles] Yeah, me too, Sammy.

Sammy: [after having sex] This is incredible.

Brian: [moans] Ughmmmm!

Sammy: That is not what I mean.

Sammy: God damn shame, Mike. God damn shame about Joey. He thought the world of you, Mike.

Sammy: You get all you want for free?

Nathan: Yeah. Except for Sally warned me to be careful, because the last guy that worked for her ended up in rehab, so I try to be cool, and only smoke at night. Plus a couple of nights a week I go to the gym, so I don't smoke on those nights... Do you work out?

Sammy: No man, I'm a musician.

Joey Zane: Why don't you hit me with your number?

Sammy: I don't really have a number.

Joey Zane: You don't have a phone number? What are you, fuckin' Amish?

Joey Zane: Jesus, kid, where are you sleeping?

Sammy: Uh, at a friend's house.

Joey Zane: Yeah? Who's your friend, baby Jesus? Looks like you've been sleeping in a manger.

Kent Stock: Okay, its one and done, forever. South Clay is 31-8. The eight games they lost were when Reed Ellis wasn't in the rotation, he's pitching today. We all know he's being scouted by pro teams, but one player doesn't make a team.

[Sammy raises his hand]

Kent Stock: Sammy?

Sammy: He can if he throws 92 miles per hour coach.

Kent Stock: We win by playing Norway Baseball. 80% of this game is defense. We don't let anything out of the infield and we wait. Sooner or later, they'll make a mistake. Every person who's ever worn a Norway uniform is out there with you today. Now think about this, no Iowa baseball dynasty has ever won a state championship in their final season. We're playing for everyone who knows that Norway is a great place to come home to. And no matter what happens today, this time next year, the jerseys you're wearing will be polishing chrome in Madison High School. So ask yourself one question. How do you want to be remembered?

Elder: What are you gonna do now?

Lonnie 'Lucky Man' Johnson: We will enjoy our life.

Sammy: Yes, at least for one week.

Sammy: I wanna play Red Light.

Grace Poole: No, Sammy. I don't wanna play Red Light. Now, I want you to go to bed right now.

Sammy: But, I'm scared.

Grace Poole: There's nothing to be scared of, it's just a storm.

[picks up ringing telephone]

Grace Poole: Grace Poole.

Chucky: Yes, I'm trying to reach Andy Barclay.

Grace Poole: Andy no longer lives with us. Who is this?

Chucky: This is his Uncle Charles.

[last lines]

Sammy: [humming now familiar song]

Cara Harding: Sammy?

Joe Logan: I've translated the plays into Sunaquot. And like the Navajo code talkers in World War II, we'll confuse the hell out of our enemies. You two help with pronunciation, please.

Sammy: Really? What you have here for V-cut, vagi... Uh, actually kind of means like a woman's... Yeah, you know?

Nadie Logan: What? Oh my God, Joe, he's right.

Joe Logan: I got this from a very good source.

[referring to Julie's book]

Nadie Logan: Well, something got lost in translation, like maybe tact.