Samir Quotes in True Lies (1994)
[Harry is under the influence of a truth serum,in private room located on a deserted island]
Samir: Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?
Harry: Yeah. I'm going to kill you pretty soon.
Samir: I see. How, exactly?
Harry: First I'm going to use you as a human shield. Then I'm going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about breaking your neck.
Samir: And what makes you think you can do all that?
Harry: You know my handcuffs?
Harry: [holds up his hands] I picked them.
[Samir gasps. Harry springs up from his chair and grabs Samir, using him as a shield while he kills the guard, then breaks Samir's neck]
Evelyn Mercer: Ok, Darnell, so the candy just happened to jump into your pocket, huh? Well I don't think so. Samir's going to call the police right now. Samir, the police!
Darnell: Please don't call the police, man, please!
Evelyn Mercer: That's what happens when you shoplift. There's consequences.
Darnell: But it's just some damn candy! I don't wanna go to jail!
Evelyn Mercer: Well you can probably get away with stealing sometimes, Darnell, but sooner or later you're gonna get caught. Is that the way you want to lead your life?
Evelyn Mercer: I happen to believe you're worth more. But you gotta believe it, Darnell.
Darnell: I hear you, Miss Evelyn.
Evelyn Mercer: Are you bullshitting me?
Darnell: No, Ma'am.
Evelyn Mercer: Well you better not be, you hear me?
Darnell: Yes, Ma'am.
Evelyn Mercer: Ok. Now you tell Samir.
Darnell: I won't steal anymore, sir.
[hangs up the phone]
Evelyn Mercer: Boy, did you get lucky.
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Na-ghee-na-na-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know, there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There *was* nothing wrong with it... until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
Tom Smykowski: It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor... and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO.
Michael Bolton: That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Samir: Yes, this is horrible, this idea.
Peter Gibbons: [about the plan to steal from Initech] Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this but us, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.
Samir: Of course.
Michael Bolton: Agreed,
Lawrence: [from the next apartment through the wall] Don't worry, man. I won't tell anyone either.
Michael Bolton: Who the fuck is that?
Peter Gibbons: Uh, don't worry about him. He's cool.
Peter Gibbons: [talking about the hypnotherapist he's about to see] Hey, he helped Anne lose weight.
Samir: Peter, she's anorexic!
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, the guy's really good.
Peter Gibbons: Hey, guys.
Michael Bolton: What's up, G?
Peter Gibbons: Want to go to Chotchkie's? Get some coffee?
Samir: Oh, it's a little early.
Peter Gibbons: I gotta get outta here. I think I'm gonna lose it.
Female Temp: Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.
[Stuck in traffic]
Samir: Mother... shitter... Son of an... ass. I just...
[punches steering wheel]
Samir: This is a... fuck!
[Peter, Michael, and Samir are chatting as they hang around the printer]
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
Michael Bolton: Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you would want to do if...
[printer starts beeping]
Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?
Samir: Back up in your ass with the resurrection.
Michael Bolton: We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.
Samir: I don't want to go to ANY prison!
Peter Gibbons: Look, I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you?
Samir: Yes, Peter, but I'm not going to do anything illegal.
Peter Gibbons: Illegal? Samir, this is America.
Steve: I lied. Um... All that stuff I said about being a crack head? It just helps me sell magazines. I'm actually an unemployed... software engineer.
Peter Gibbons: You're a software engineer?
Samir: Things, uh... it must be very rough for you.
Steve: Actually man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions, than I ever did at Intertrode!
Samir: No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window.
Michael Bolton: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I'm not armed.
Samir: Piece of shit.
Samir: [trying to decide if he should go along with the virus plot] I have a question.
Peter Gibbons: Yes?
Samir: In... in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?
Peter Gibbons: Yep, you sure can.
Samir: OK, I'll do it.
Peter Gibbons: [discussing the possibility of going to prison] This isn't Riyadh. You know they're not gonna saw your hands off here, alright? The worst they would ever do is they would put you for a couple of months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort! Shit, we should be so lucky! Do you know, they have conjugal visits there?
Peter Gibbons: Yes.
Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.
Samir: Is there some way to just give the money back?
Peter Gibbons: What? You mean just hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? I think they'd figure that out.
Peter Gibbons: What if we're still doing this when we're fifty?
Samir: It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
Stu Price: We're looking for a little kid.
Samir: Two thousand dollars
Stu Price: Huh?
Samir: Maybe more, I don't know. How young you want this kid to be?
Mr. Chow: [upon his arrest] How the fuck?
[Samir walks in]
Mr. Chow: Samir! You fuck me over 6 grand, you camel jockey?
Samir: You spit to me? Huh? You spit to me? Hey! 6 grand this time, 8 grand last time. It's not the money, man. It's the principle!
Mr. Chow: Principle? Nigga, please! We both dead inside.
Samir: You call me nigger? Huh? Don't call me nigger!
Mr. Chow: [as the cops take him away] Toodle-loo, motherfuckers!
Samir: Racist asshole, man.
Samir: [to Calvin] For one brief embarrassing moment, I chose to give up. But your words were just the reminder I needed. Perhaps insignificant to you, but sometimes I think we're unaware of how the little things for us can be so huge for others.
Samir: When two people see each other after 4 years and still fight together, it shows that there is something unsolved between them.
Fouad: Why don't they separate her from medical instruments?
Samir: Because they don't know if she wants to live with them or die.
Fouad: She wants to die.
Samir: Why do you say that?
Fouad: She wants to die. That's why she committed suicide!
Marie Brisson: I'll tell them to apologize.
Samir: In this way, you will teach them that always there is an escape way named apology!
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