Sam Witwicky Quotes in Transformers (2007)

Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation.

Sam Witwicky: A what?

Ironhide: [aiming cannons at Mojo] Shall I terminate?

Sam Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.

Ironhide: He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!

Sam Witwicky: He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!

Ironhide: Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust...

Sam Witwicky: [looking up at Bumblebee] Can you talk?

Bumblebee: [through his radio] "XM Satellite One"..."Digital Cable brings you"..."Columbia Broadcasting System"...

Sam Witwicky: So, you... so you talk through the radio?

Bumblebee: [clapping his hands] "Thank you, you're beautiful! You're wonderful, you're wonderful."

Sam Witwicky: So what was that last night? What was that?

Bumblebee: [pointing skywards] "Message from Starfleet, Captain"..."Throughout the inanimate vastness of space"..."And angels will rain down like visitors from Heaven! Hallelujah!"

Mikaela: Visitors from heaven... so you're, like, an alien?

[Bumblebee points a finger at her and nods, and converts into a Camaro]

Bumblebee: "Any more questions you want to ask?"

Sam Witwicky: He wants us to get in the car.

Mikaela: [laughing nervously] And go where?

Sam Witwicky: Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?

[Bumblebee, with Sam and Mikaela inside, is being chased by Barricade]

Mikaela: Oh, God! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

Sam Witwicky: No, we're not. No, we're not gonna die. Trust me. He's a kick-ass driver!

[Bumblebee heads towards a wall]

Sam Witwicky: [high-pitched scream] Oh, my God! No! We're gonna die!

Judy Witwicky: [barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow] Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?

Ron Witwicky: Judy...

Sam Witwicky: [frantic] Was I master... No, Mom!

Ron Witwicky: Zip it, okay?

Judy Witwicky: It's okay...

Sam Witwicky: No, I don't masturbate!

Ron Witwicky: That's not something for you to bring up.

Judy Witwicky: Okay.

Ron Witwicky: That's a father-and-son thing, okay?

Sam Witwicky: Father-son thing...

Judy Witwicky: I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...

Sam Witwicky: [amazed] Happy time?

Judy Witwicky: ...my special alone time...

Ron Witwicky: Judy, stop!

Judy Witwicky: ...with myself.

Sam Witwicky: Mom, you can't come in and...

Judy Witwicky: I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.

Mikaela: Why are you here?

Optimus Prime: We are here looking for the All Spark. And we must find it before Megatron.

Sam Witwicky: Mega-what?

[Prime projects a holographic view of Cybertron]

Optimus Prime: Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him...

Sam Witwicky: My grandfather.

Optimus Prime: It was an accident that intertwined our fates.

[Captain Witwicky discovers Megatron in the ice]

Optimus Prime: Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube.

[the Captain fiddles with Megatron's gears, causing a bright light to strike him... ]

Optimus Prime: He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses.

Sam Witwicky: How did you know about his glasses?

Optimus Prime: eBay.

Sam Witwicky: eBay...

Ratchet: If the Decepticons find the All Spark, they will use its power to transform Earth's machines and build a new army.

Optimus Prime: And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.

Mikaela: Please tell me that you have those glasses?

[Bumblebee drives Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel]

Mikaela: [in the back seat] This car's a pretty good driver.

Sam Witwicky: [in the passenger seat] Yeah.

[looks at the empty driver's seat]

Sam Witwicky: Why don't you go sit on that seat there?

Mikaela: I'm not gonna sit on that seat. He's driving.

Sam Witwicky: Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.

Mikaela: Why?

Sam Witwicky: Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first.

Mikaela: Yeah. Right.

[Mikaela moves from the back seat to Sam's lap]

Sam Witwicky: See? That's better.

Mikaela: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.

Sam Witwicky: Thank you.

[Bumblebee approaches Sam and Mikaela]

Mikaela: What is it?

Sam Witwicky: It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.

[He slowly walks towards Bumblebee]

Mikaela: [alarmed] What are you doing?

Sam Witwicky: I don't think it wants to hurt us. He would've done that already.

Mikaela: Really? Well, do you speak robot? Because they just had, like, a giant droid death match!

Trent: You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?

Sam Witwicky: Oh, no, no, that... No. That, that wasn't like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.

Trent: Oh, yeah?

Sam Witwicky: Yeah!

Trent: [grinning] Yeah? What's it about? Sucking at sports?

Sam Witwicky: [laughs a little] No, it's about the link between brain damage and football.

[Trent looks really angry, while Mikaela hides a smile]

Sam Witwicky: [nods head] No, it... it's a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it's got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It's... a lot of fun.

Ron Witwicky: [drives past a Porsche dealer] I've got a little surprise for you, son.

Sam Witwicky: No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

Ron Witwicky: Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche!

[laughs]

Sam Witwicky: [after the Autobots have ripped the top off the car] You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.

Optimus Prime: Taking the children was a BAD move! Autobots, relieve them of their weapons!

Sam Witwicky: Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.

Sheriff: It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...

[hands Sam a container and a tissue]

Sheriff: And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?

Sam Witwicky: No, I'm not on any drugs!

Sheriff: What's these?

[shows Sam a bottle of pills]

Sheriff: Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?

Sam Witwicky: Those are my dog's pain pills.

Ron Witwicky: You know, a Chihauhua. A little...

Sheriff: [annoyed] What was that?

Sam Witwicky: Hmm?

Sheriff: You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?

[leans over Sam]

Sheriff: Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.

Sam Witwicky: [whispers] Are you on drugs?

Agent Simmons: Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.

Sam Witwicky: Well, here's what I said, okay? 'Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen...

Agent Simmons: Really?

Sam Witwicky: ...from me, from my home, but it's fine now because it's back! It came back!

Mikaela: Well, not by itself.

Sam Witwicky: Well, no.

Mikaela: Because cars don't do that because that would be crazy.

[everyone laughs]

Agent Simmons: So what do you kids know about aliens, huh?

[laughing stops]

Optimus Prime: Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?

Mikaela: They know your name!

Sam Witwicky: Yeah.

Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron.

Ratchet: But you can call us "Autobots", for short.

Barricade: Are you username: LadiesMan217?

Sam Witwicky: I don't know what you're talking about!

Barricade: ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?

Sam Witwicky: Yeah...

Barricade: Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?

Agent Simmons: What you're about to see is totally classified...

[Project Iceman is reveled: a towering mechanical clossus, imprisoned in a cryogenic chamber]

Keller: Dear God... what is this?

Tom Banachek: We think that when he made his approach over the North Pole our gravitation field screwed up his telemetry and crashed into the ice, probably a few thousand years ago. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934.

Agent Simmons: We call him NBE-1.

Sam Witwicky: I don't mean to correct you on all that you think you know, but that's Megatron. He's the leader of the Decepticons.

Tom Banachek: He's been in cryo-stasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.

Agent Simmons: Fact is, you're looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, cars, space flight: all reverse-engineered by studying him. NBE-1...

[glares at Sam]

Agent Simmons: That's what we call IT!

Keller: And you didn't think that the United States Military might need to know that you're keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?

Tom Banachek: Until these events we had no credible threats to national security.

Keller: Well, you got one now!

Sam Witwicky: [begging his teacher to give him an "A"] Look, can you do me a favor-can you look out the window for a second? See my father? He's the guy in the green car? Let me tell you about a dream, a boy's dream, and a man's promise to that boy. He looked him in the eye and said "Son, I' gonna buy you a car, but I want you to bring me two-thousand dollars and three A's." OK, I got the two thousand and two A's. OK, here's the dream. Your B minus? Pfff! Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself... What would Jesus do?

Sam Witwicky: Where's my car?

Tom Banachek: Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here. We need to know everything you know, and we need to know it right now.

Sam Witwicky: Okay... But first I'll take my car, my parents - maybe you should write that down. Oh, and her juvie record. That's gotta be gone. Like, forever.

Tom Banachek: [exhales] Come with me. We'll talk about your car.

Mikaela: [to Sam] Thank you.

Sam Witwicky: Sure.

Agent Simmons: [deep sigh] The man's an extortionist.

Optimus Prime: Sam... you risked your life to protect the Cube.

Sam Witwicky: No sacrifice, no victory.

Bobby Bolivia: [about the Camaro] I'll let you have it for $5,000.

Ron Witwicky: No, I'm not going above $4,000.

Bobby Bolivia: The door just closed.

[turns to Sam]

Bobby Bolivia: Get out of the car.

Sam Witwicky: Wait a minute? I thought you said "the car chooses its owner.",

Bobby Bolivia: Yeah, well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father!

Captain Lennox: So why Earth?

Sam Witwicky: It's the All Spark.

Keller: All Spark? What is that?

Sam Witwicky: Well, they came here looking for some sort of cube-looking thing. Anyway, Mr. NBE-1 here, aka MEGATRON...

[glares at Simmons]

Sam Witwicky: That's what they call HIM... who's pretty much the harbinger of death, wants to use the cube to transform human technology to take over the universe. That's their plan.

Captain Lennox: Sam! Where's the Cube?

Sam Witwicky: Right there.

Captain Lennox: Okay. Epps, get those Black Hawks here!

[sees a building]

Captain Lennox: That building. Okay.

Sam Witwicky: What?

Captain Lennox: All right, I can't leave my guys back there, so here, take this flare.

[hands him the flare and the All Spark]

Captain Lennox: Okay, there's a tall, white building with statues on top. Go to the roof. Set the flare.

Sam Witwicky: No.

Captain Lennox: Signal the chopper and set the flare.

Sam Witwicky: No, no. I can't do this!

Captain Lennox: [grabs him] Listen to me! You're a soldier now! All right? I need you to take this Cube. Get it into military hands while we hold them off, or a lot of people are gonna die.

[to Mikaela]

Captain Lennox: You got to go. You got to go.

Mikaela: No, I'm not leaving.

Captain Lennox: You need to go. Go.

Mikaela: No, I'm not leaving till I get Bumblebee out of here, okay?

USAF Master Sgt. Epps: [into radio] Army Black Hawk requested. Immediate evac for civilian boy with precious cargo. Headed to rooftop marked by flare.

Ironhide: Sam, we will protect you.

Sam Witwicky: [breathing heavily] Okay.

Sam Witwicky: [to a crippled Bumblebee] I'm not going to leave you!

Mikaela: [after Sam has tripped on his mother's bike] That was, uh... that was really awesome.

Sam Witwicky: Felt awesome.

Mikaela: Are you okay?

Sam Witwicky: No, I'm not okay alright? I'm losin' my mind a little bit. Gettin' chased by my car right now, gotta go!

Sam Witwicky: So...

Maggie Madsen: What'd they get you for?

Sam Witwicky: I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot.

Glen: [whispered] Wow.

Sam Witwicky: Who knew?

Bumblebee: [fully repaired] Permission to speak, sir?

Optimus Prime: Permission granted, old friend.

Sam Witwicky: You speak now?

Bumblebee: I wish to stay with the boy.

Optimus Prime: If that is his choice.

Sam Witwicky: Yes.

Sam Witwicky: [as a technician hoses down Bumblebee] Stop! You gotta stop! Stop! Stop! Let him go! Let him go!

[technicians stop, Bumblebee looks to Sam]

Sam Witwicky: Ya okay? They didn't hurt you, right?

[Bumblebee, wild with pain, draws his blaster, aiming at everyone]

Sam Witwicky: [calming both Bumblebee and the humans] Listen to me, the Cube is here, and the Decepticons are coming... No, no, don't worry about them, they're ok, right, they're not gonna hurt you... Just back up a little bit, he's friendly, he's fine... Ok, come on, put the guns down, they're not gonna hurt you. Come with me, we're gonna take you to the All Spark.

Sam Witwicky: What is Sector 7? Answer me!

Agent Simmons: I ask the questions round here, not you, young man!

Mikaela: All right, how did you know about the aliens?

Sam Witwicky: Where did you take my parents?

Agent Simmons: I am not at liberty to discuss...

[Sam snatches his badge away]

Agent Simmons: Hey, you touch me, that's a federal offense!

Sam Witwicky: [holding it up] "Do whatever you want and get away with it" badge, right?

Agent Simmons: Brave now, all of a sudden with his big alien friends standing over there.

[Bumblebee gets his legs blown off by Starscream]

Sam Witwicky: You're gonna be okay... you're gonna be okay... RATCHET!

Sam Witwicky: No, no, no, no, no, no... Hey! That's my car!

[Sam grabs a cellphone and cycle and chases after his car]

Sam Witwicky: Hello? 911 emergency! My car's been stolen! I'm in pursuit! I need the whole squadron, bring everyone! No, no don't ask any questions, my father's the head of the neighbourhood watch!

Sam Witwicky: That's stupid. That was a stupid line. "There's more than meets the eye with you." Stupid.

[trying to escape Barricade, Sam tackles Mikaela off her bike]

Mikaela: What is your problem, Sam?

Sam Witwicky: Okay, there's a monster, it just attacked me!

[Barricade stomps after them]

Sam Witwicky: Here it comes!

Mikaela: You know what I don't understand?

Sam Witwicky: What?

Mikaela: If he's like, this super-advanced robot, why does he transform into this piece-of-crap Camaro?

Trent: So, what are you guys doing here?

Sam Witwicky: [looking at the tree Miles is climbing] We're here to climb this tree.

Bobby Bolivia: [pointing at himself] You come to see me?

Sam Witwicky: I had to.

Sam Witwicky: That practically makes us family. Uncle Bobbie B, baby, Uncle Bobbie B.

[smiles and shakes Sam's hand]

Sam Witwicky: [to five vehicles in his yard] This isn't hiding! That's my backyard, not a truckstop!

Sam Witwicky: This... I can't do it anymore. You're putting girl jewelry on a boy dog.

Judy Witwicky: What?

Sam Witwicky: He's got enough self-esteem issues being a Chihuahua, Mom.

Judy Witwicky: That's his bling!

[Sam runs to the top of a skyscraper and prepares to hand over the Cube to a waiting helicopter... ]

Sam Witwicky: [spotting Starscream] WATCH OUT!

[Starscream fires at the copter, incapacitating it]

Sam Witwicky: Oh my God... Where do I go?

Optimus Prime: [hurrying across rooftops] Hang on, Sam!

[With a crash, Megatron rises from below; frightened, Sam clings to a statue at the edge of the building]

Megatron: Is it fear or courage that compels you, fleshling?

Sam Witwicky: [terrified] Oh no! No!

Megatron: Give me the All Spark, and you may live to be my pet.

Sam Witwicky: [still making a stand] I'm never giving you this All Spark!

Megatron: Oh, so unwise...

[With a roar, he pulls out a flail from his arm and smashes the rooftop, sending a screaming Sam plummeting towards the ground... ]

Optimus Prime: [grabbing Sam] I got you, boy! Hold on to the Cube!

[Prime leaps down, but Megatron grabs him, and all three tumble down into the street]

Optimus Prime: Ratchet, shine the light.

Sam Witwicky: Would you stop with the lights?

Sam Witwicky: [presenting his assignment] So, for my genealogy report, I decided to write on my great-great-grandfather, Captain Archibald Witwicky, who was a famous man. He was a polar explorer; in fact, he was one of the first men to visit the Arctic Circle, which is a big deal. In 1897 he took 41 brave explorers with him to the Arctic Shelf. That's the story. Unfortunately my great-grandfather, the genius that he is, went blind and crazy - he spent the rest of his life in a psycho ward, drawing these strange symbols and babbling about some Iceman he'd discovered...

Sam Witwicky: [to Mikaela] I was wondering if, if I could ride you home... I, I mean if I could give you a ride home!

Ron Witwicky: [brandishing a bat, outside his son's door] 5... 4... It's comin' off the hinges, pal. 3... 2... stand back!

[as Ron gets ready to break the door down, Sam opens it]

Sam Witwicky: What's up?... What's with the bat?

Ron Witwicky: Who were you talking to?

Sam Witwicky: Talkin' to you!

Judy Witwicky: Why are you so sweaty and filthy?

Sam Witwicky: I'm a child, you know, I'm a teenager.

Sam Witwicky: [on phone about Bumblebee] Um yeah, Satan's Camaro? It's stalking me!

Sam Witwicky: [speaking to Optimus Prime through his window] Okay, listen. You gotta listen to me! If my parents come out here and see you, they're going to freak. My mother's got a temper.

Sam Witwicky: [upon seeing his car transform, he hides and starts making a video last testament with his phone] My name is Sam Witwicky. Whoever finds this, my car is alive, okay?

[holds up phone]

Sam Witwicky: You saw that, since this is my last words on Earth, I just wanna say, Mom, Dad, I love you and if you find "Busty Beauties" under my bed, it wasn't mine. I'm holding it for Miles. No, No, wait that... Okay, that's not true. It's mine and Uncle Charles gave it to me. I'm sorry. Mojo, I love you.

Judy Witwicky: Sam, we heard you talking to someone...

Sam Witwicky: Mom, I...

[Sam's parents fall silent and stare at Mikaela]

Mikaela: Hi, I'm Mikaela. I'm a... I'm a friend of Sam's.

[Judy starts giggling and chucks Sam on the shoulder]

Judy Witwicky: Gosh, you're gorgeous!

[turns to Ron]

Judy Witwicky: Isn't that the prettiest girl?

Sam Witwicky: She can hear you talking, Mom.

Sam Witwicky: You're not gonna get me! You're not gonna get me!

[runs into a building; moments later, Magatron smashes through a window]

Megatron: I smell you, boy...!

[senses Sam on the floor above him and bursts through, narrowly missing Sam]

Megatron: MAGGOT!

[Sam wistfully watches Mikaela walk away]

Bumblebee: [turning his radio on] "Who's gonna drive you home?"

Miles: Hey, man, what's wrong with your radio?

Sam Witwicky: I am.

Miles: What?

Sam Witwicky: I'm gonna drive her home!

Miles: What? She's an evil jock concubine, man, let her hitchike!

Sam Witwicky: She lives ten miles away, all right? It's my only chance! Get out of the car!

[Sam gives Mikaela a ride home]

Mikaela: [looking out the window] I can't believe that I'm here right now.

Sam Witwicky: You can duck down if you want. I mean, it won't hurt my feelings.

Mikaela: Oh, no no no. I didn't mean here with you. I just meant here, like, in this situation. The same situation that I'm always in. 'Cause, I don't know, I guess I just have a weakness for hot guys, for tight abs and really big arms.

Sam Witwicky: Big arms?

[swallows]

Sam Witwicky: Well, there's a couple new additions in the car. Like, I just put that light there...

[points back, and flexes his arm muscle]

Sam Witwicky: ...and that disco ball...

[he turns his hand forward, still flexing]

Sam Witwicky: ...and so the light reflects off the disco ball.

[points back and forth, flexing his arm all the while]

Sam Witwicky: [in a used car showroom] You ever seen "The 40 Year Old Virgin"?

Ron Witwicky: Yeah...

Sam Witwicky: [points to a car] Well, you see this? This is the 40-year-old virgin...

[points to another car]

Sam Witwicky: And this is the 50-year-old virgin!

Sam Witwicky: It's custom-faded?

Sam Witwicky: [to Frenzy] Not so tough without a head, are ya?

[kicks Frenzy's head]

Sam Witwicky: [checking out his car for the first time] Feels good.

Sam Witwicky: ...and the compass makes uh... a great gift for Columbus Day...

Sam Witwicky: I'm cool with, you know, females working on my engine. I prefer it, actually.

Mikaela: You got a high rise double pump carburetor. That's... that's pretty impressive, Sam.

Sam Witwicky: Double pump?

Mikaela: It squirts the fuel in so you can go faster.

Sam Witwicky: Oh... I like to go faster.

Sam Witwicky: Bee, if you hate me I understand. I messed up. I'm sorry.

Bumblebee: [through his radio] "You are the person I care for most in my life, and if there is anything you need I won't be far away."

Jetfire: Tell me, is that robot civil war still going on? Who's winning?

Sam Witwicky: The Decepticons.

[Jetfire grimaces and spits]

Jetfire: Well, I changed sides to the Autobots.

Sam Witwicky: What do you mean, changed sides?

Jetfire: It's a choice. It's an intensely personal decision. So much negativity... Who wants to live a life filled with hate?

Wheelie: You mean you don't have to work for those miserable freaking Decepticons?

Jetfire: If the Decepticons had their way, they'd destroy the whole universe!

Sam Witwicky: Bee, I want to talk to you about the college thing, okay?

Bumblebee: [does a dance] "I'm so excited, / And I just can't hide it..."

Sam Witwicky: Hey! I'm not taking you with me!

[Bumblebee is downcast]

Mikaela Banes: I'm gonna wait outside...

[goes outside and starts to strip]

Sam Witwicky: Bumblebee, just hear me out okay? You know, freshmen aren't allowed to have cars, that's all it is. It is best for both of us. I know it doesn't sound like it but... you're an Autobot, you shouldn't be living in my dad's garage. I mean you're suffocating in here. Hey will you look at me please? Hey, come on big guy...

[gives Bumblebee a hug]

Sam Witwicky: Look, the guardian thing is done, okay? You did your job. It's over with. You've gotta be something else, you've got have a bigger purpose then just me, Bee! I can't be the end all deal in your life! I wanna be normal, I want to go to college. Everybody has this, and I should be able to experience this. And I can't do that with you.

[Bumblebee bursts into tears; literally, with his windscreen cleaners malfunctioning]

Sam Witwicky: Come on... it's not the last time I'm gonna see you, you know? Come on, don't do that... Bee, you're killing me...

[Bee angrily gesticulates to Sam to go away]

Sam Witwicky: You'll always be my first car man. I love you.

[leaves the garage]

Mikaela Banes: Okay, so how do we stop him?

Jetfire: Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen.

Sam Witwicky: Optimus Prime?

[Jetfire leans forward to look at Sam]

Jetfire: So you've met a Prime? Why, you must have met a great descendant. Is he alive? Here, on this planet?

Sam Witwicky: He sacrificed himself to save me.

Jetfire: So he's dead. Without a Prime, it's impossible. No one else could have stopped the Fallen.

Sam Witwicky: So, the same energy that's gonna be used to reactivate the machine... could that energy somehow be used to reactive Optimus and bring him back to life?

Jetfire: It was never designed for that purpose, but it's an energy like no other.

Sam Witwicky: So, then how do you get us to the Matrix before the Decepticons get to me?

Jetfire: Follow your mind, your map, your symbols! What you carved in the sand, it's your clue: "When dawn lights the Dagger's Tip, Three Kings will reveal the doorway!" Find the doorway! Go now! GO! That was my mission! It's YOUR mission now! Go before the Decepticons find me and find you!

[Sam, Mikaela, Leo, Simmons, Bumblebee and the Twins leave]

Leo Spitz: [about Simmons] You know him?

Sam Witwicky: We're old friends.

Agent Simmons: Old FRIENDS? You are the case that shut down Sector Seven. Now that it disbanded, no security clearance, no retirement, no nothing! All because of you!

[looks at Mikaela]

Agent Simmons: And your little criminal girlfriend. Look at her now, so mature.

Sam Witwicky: Maybe we can help each other. You know things I don't know, I know things you don't know...

Leo Spitz: I don't think he knows what we know.

[Sam carves Cybertronian symbols into the ground with a dagger]

Sam Witwicky: I could do this all day. It comes in waves, these vivid symbols. They're symbols, but they're in my mind. You see, all this is in my mind, and Megatron want what's in my mind, him and someone called the Fallen...

Jetfire: The Fallen? I know him. He left me here to rust! The original Decepticon! He's terrible to work for, it's always apocalyose, chaos, crisis...

[scrutinizes the symbols]

Jetfire: These transcriptions, they were part of my mission! The Fallen's search... I remember now!... for the Dagger's Tip, a-and the Key!

Sam Witwicky: Slow down! The Dagger's Tip? The Key? What are you talking about?

Jetfire: [activating a space bridge] No time to explain! Hold on, everybody! Stay still or you'll die!

[Humans and robots vanish into a flare of light, they all fall in the sand as they arrive in Egypt]

Jetfire: Well, that wasn't so bad. I just hope we're still on the right planet.

Wheelie: [tumbling] Hey, that freaking hurt!

Ron Witwicky: Sam!

Judy Witwicky: What?

Ron Witwicky: Sam!

Sam Witwicky: Mom! Dad!

[Rampage launches himself in front of Sam, tossing his parents around]

Sam Witwicky: Wait! WAIT!

Ron Witwicky: Sam, listen to me! I want you to run!

Sam Witwicky: Wait, wait, wai...

[Sam hears a whistle, and catches sight of a hidden Bumblebee... ]

Sam Witwicky: Okay...

[holds up his sock]

Sam Witwicky: Okay, this is what you want... and I know you need me, 'cause I know about the Matrix...

Rampage: [growling] Sam Witwicky...

Ron Witwicky: Sam, just go!

Judy Witwicky: Sam, listen to your father!

Ron Witwicky: Sam, they're gonna kill us all anyway!

Sam Witwicky: Look, just come over here and take it, don't harm them... okay. BUMBLEBEE!

[Bumblebee jumps on Rampage]

Sam Witwicky: Take 'im down, Bee!

Wheelie: I will have so many Decepticons on your butt!

Mikaela Banes: [brings out blowtorch] Hey, behave!

Sam Witwicky: What is it, a Decepticon?

Mikaela Banes: Yeah.

Sam Witwicky: And you're training him?

Mikaela Banes: I'm trying to.

Agent Simmons: I spent my whole adult life combing the planet for aliens, and you're carrying around one in your purse like a little Chihuahua.

Wheelie: Huh? Do you want a throwdown, you pubic 'fro-head?

Sam Witwicky: [to Alice and Leo as they enter the room to find he's written in Cybertronian all over the walls] Hey! You ever have a song stuck in your head? Its like the worst song ever, but you cant help but whistle it or sing it cause it repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself. Kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar.

Leo Spitz: Dude, what the eff?

Sam Witwicky: I know you're freaking out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Easy fix. Puzzle code in my head. Now it's on the walls. Everything is good.

Sam Witwicky: Look, I am slowly losing my mind, okay? I had a little crab bot plug in to my brain and start projecting little alien symbols like a freaking home movie! And on top of that, I am a wanted fugitive! So you think you got it rough?

Agent Simmons: You said it projected images from your brain?

Sam Witwicky: Yeah.

Agent Simmons: Meat locker, now!

Leo Spitz: HEY! Who drove a freaking yellow Camaro? There's a car on the porch!

[Sam rushes out to see Bumblebee outside]

Sam Witwicky: What are you doing here?

Bumblebee: [through his radio] "Houston, we have a problem."

Jetfire: What do you want?

Sam Witwicky: Look, we just want to talk!

Jetfire: I've got no time to talk, I'm on a mission! I'm a mercenary doom-bringer!... What planet am I on?

Sam Witwicky: Earth.

Jetfire: Earth? Terrible name for a planet. Might as well call it DIRT, Planet Dirt...

Megatron: There is another source of Energon hidden on this planet. The boy could lead us to it.

[Megatron sends Prime sprawling with a kick]

Sam Witwicky: OPTIMUS!

[Megatron blasts Optimus]

Megatron: Is the future of our race not worth a single human life?

Sam Witwicky: Up! GET UP!

Optimus Prime: You'll never stop at one!

[Surrounded by Decepticons, Optimus Prime unsheathes Energon blades]

Optimus Prime: I'll take you ALL on!

[in the middle of the Egyptian desert]

Leo Spitz: [looking around] Hey, I think we're in Vegas!

Agent Simmons: That really, really hurt. You're just lucky that I didn't get hurt! People could have gotten killed, okay? And if I would have gotten hurt, you would have heard...

Jetfire: Oh, shut up! I told you I was opening a space bridge, it's the fastest way to travel to Egypt.

Sam Witwicky: [his hand injured and bandaged] When did you... When did you tell us? You didn't tell us anything. You didn't tell us anything. Why are we in Egypt?

Jetfire: Don't you get snippy with me, fleshling! You were duly informed!

Jetfire: Somewhere buried in this desert, our ancestors built a great machine. It harvests Energon by destroying suns.

Sam Witwicky: Destroy suns?

Leo Spitz: You mean blow them up?

Jetfire: Yes! You see, in the beginning, there were seven Primes, our original leaders. And they set out into the universe, seeking distant suns to harvest. The Primes set out with one rule: never destroy a planet with life. Until one of them tried to defy this rule. And his name was, forevermore, the Fallen...

[projects a hologram and narrates the events seen within]

Jetfire: He despised the human race, and he wanted to kill you all by turning on that machine. The only way to activate it is with a legendary key called the Matrix of Leadership. A great battle took place over the possession of the Matrix. The Fallen was stronger than his brothers, so they had no choice but to steal and hide it from him. In the ultimate sacrifice, they gave their lives to seal the Matrix away in a tomb made of their very own bodies. A tomb we cannot find.

[shuts off the hologram]

Jetfire: Somewhere, buried in this desert, that deadly machine remains. The Fallen knows where it is, and if he finds the Tomb of the Primes, you world will be no more.

Mikaela Banes: [to Wheelie] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about your eye. But if you're a good boy, then I'm not gonna put out your other eye. I'm not gonna hurt you. Just tell me what these symbols are, please...

Wheelie: [examines the documents] Oh... oh, I know that, that's the language of the Primes! I don't read it, but these guys... Where the frick did you find photos of these guys?

Sam Witwicky: Is this them?

Wheelie: Yeah! Seekers, pal! Oldest of the old! They've been here for thousands of years, looking for something. I don't know what, nobody tells me nothing. But they'll translate those symbols for you. And I know where to find them!

Sam Witwicky: You won't give me a day, huh? You won't give me one day in college?

Optimus Prime: I'm sorry, Sam, but the last fragment of the All Spark was stolen.

Sam Witwicky: Like what? Like Decepticons stole it?

Optimus Prime: We placed it under human protection at your government's request... but I'm here for your help, Sam, because your leaders believe we brought vengeance upon your planet. Perhaps they are right. That is why they must be reminded by another human of the trust we share.

Sam Witwicky: This isn't my war!

Optimus Prime: Not yet. But I fear it soon will be. Your world must not share the same fate as Cybertron. Whole generations lost...

Sam Witwicky: I know, and I want to help you, I do, but I am not some alien ambassador, you know? I'm a normal kid with normal problems. I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry, I... I really am.

Optimus Prime: Sam, fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.

Sam Witwicky: You're Optimus Prime. You don't need me.

[Sam walks away]

Optimus Prime: We do, more than you know.

Skids: Oh, look who came sashaying back.

Mudflap: Hair growing like a Chia Pet, look at him.

Leo Spitz: I had a bit of a mild panic attack earlier, right?

Mudflap: That's 'cause you're a pussy.

Leo Spitz: I think I'm allowed that, considering what I've been through.

[directs attention to Sam]

Leo Spitz: Hey, you say you have in your head? I know someone who can help.

Sam Witwicky: Who?

Leo Spitz: RoboWarrior.

Megatron: Come here, boy. Closer... You remember me, don't you?

Sam Witwicky: I'll do what you say, all right? Just don't hurt them...

Megatron: SHUT UP!

[flicks Sam through a wall and onto a table]

Megatron: [pinning Sam down] It feels good to grab your flesh! I am going to kill you slowly, painfully, but first, we have some delicate work to do. How could I snap your limbs off!

Wheelie: I'm changing sides. I'm changing sides too, Warrior Goddess!

[climbs on Mikaela's foot]

Wheelie: Who's your little Autobot?

Mikaela Banes: Aww, you're cute...

Wheelie: Name's Wheelie. Yeah. Say my name, say my name...

Sam Witwicky: What are you allowing to happen to your foot just now?

Mikaela Banes: At least he's faithful, Sam.

Mikaela Banes: Yeah, well, he's faithful and he's nude and he's perverted. Can you just... Can you stop?

[pulls Wheelie off Mikaela]

Wheelie: Hey, what are you doing?

Sam Witwicky: Just stay right there, okay? I'm not gonna tell you again.

[At dawn, Sam looks up in the sky and makes a discovery]

Sam Witwicky: [points at a cluster of stars] See those stars, see how the last one touches the horizon? That's Orion's Belt. It's also called the Three Kings, the reason for that is because the three Egyptian kings who ruled in Giza built them to mirror those stars. So, it's like an arrow staring you in the face...

Agent Simmons: They all point due east, towards Jordan. The mountains of Petra...

Optimus Prime: Thank you, Sam, for saving my life.

Sam Witwicky: You're welcome. Thank you for believing in me.

Megatron: Dotor, examine this alien specimen...

[the Doctor transforms and crawls on Sam]

Doctor: I'll scan you. Let's take a look at your face. I'm ze Doctor. Ze oddjob. Information!

[shoves a probe down Sam's throat, and acquires readings from a hologram]

Megatron: Oh, there they are...

Sam Witwicky: What?

Megatron: These symbols can lead us to the Energon source!

Doctor: We must have ze brain on ze table! Chop chop!

Sam Witwicky: Brain? What does he mean by my brain?

Megatron: Well, you have something on your mind, something I need...

Sam Witwicky: Hold on, I know you're pissed, I know you're pissed because I tried to kill, you and it's completely understandable! If somebody tried to kill me, I'd be upset too! I think we have an oppurtunity here to start anew, and-and develop our relationship, and see what it leads us, okay? So, you just call the Doctor Inspector off and let's just talk for five seconds!

[the Doctor pulls out a buzzsaw]

Leo Spitz: That's it! No mas! I'm not going anywhere, all right? And you guys are crazy! You don't even know where you're going! I'm staying! Who's with me, huh?

[no response]

Leo Spitz: Viva la revolution!

Mikaela Banes: Good luck, Leo.

Sam Witwicky: Enjoy the heat!

Agent Simmons: You're better off staying, you're slowing down the mission. I give you twenty minutes before the vultures start pecking at you like lunch meat! Try swallowing your tongue, go out quickly. End it with dignity.

[Everyone gets in the car and leaves]

Leo Spitz: Wait, wait, wait! Don't leave me with this old-ass plane... WAIT!

[runs after the convoy]

[Sam appears back in college]

Professor Colan: So glad you could join us, Professor Einstein.

Sam Witwicky: Yeah, I was kinda busy. Okay.

Sam Witwicky: [on the phone with Mikeala] I just read a 903-page astronomy book in 32.6 seconds. I had a meltdown in the middle of my class. I am seeing symbols ever since I...

Mikaela Banes: Since what?

Sam Witwicky: Ever since I touched the Cube splinter.

Sam Witwicky: Hey, you know the glyphs? These? The symbols that have been rattling around in my head?

[shows the Twins the symbols he drew]

Skids: That's old school, yo. That's like... That's Cybertronian.

Mudflap: That's some serious stuff, right there.

Sam Witwicky: They gotta mean something, like a map or like map. Like a map to an Energon source! Can you read this?

Skids: Read?

Mudflap: No. We don't really do much reading. Not so much.

Sam Witwicky: If you can't read it, we gotta find somebody who can.

[Sam and Mikaela discover Simmons working in a diner]

Sam Witwicky: You gotta be kidding me...

[the Witwicky home is under siege by Decepticons]

Ron Witwicky: What was that?

Sam Witwicky: That's the whole kitchen!

Sam Witwicky: I'm sorry, what were you saying?

[Jetfire thrusts himself right in their faces, making them fall over]

Jetfire: I told you my name was Jetfire! So stop judging me!

Wheelie: Whoa, somebody shit the bed this morning!

[Optimus, in truck mode and carrying Sam, is being chased by Megatron in tank mode]

Sam Witwicky: Here he comes!

[Megatron and Optimus Prime transform; Megatron tackles Prime just as Sam jumps out]

Optimus Prime: HIDE, SAM!

Sam Witwicky: [about the kiss from Alice] You ever had your stomach tongued by a mountain ox with a five-foot tongue? It's fun for me, okay, Mikaela? And it smelled like... Like diesel! Like a diesel-y tinge to it!

Mikaela Banes: You're such a little girl!

Ron Witwicky: You'll see that a lot in college, too.

Sam Witwicky: What are you talking about, Dad?

Ron Witwicky: There's gonna be a lot of women there.

Sam Witwicky: Yeah, well, I'm a one-woman kind of guy.

Ron Witwicky: Look, Mikaela's the greatest, but you gotta give each other room to grow, okay? You're no different than any other couple your age.

Sam Witwicky: Except we discovered an alien race together.

Ron Witwicky: [scoffs] How long you gonna ride that scooter?

Sam Witwicky: You know what this is? This is the awkward moment. Yeah, see, you're trying to see if I'm a normal guy. I'm trying to see if you're a normal guy. Balanced, unmedicated, nothing under the crawl space.

Leo Spitz: Good personal hygiene, won't stab me in my sleep.

Sam Witwicky: No criminal record, won't steal anything.

Leo Spitz: Including girlfriends.

Sam Witwicky: Especially girlfriends.

Leo Spitz: You got a girlfriend?

Sam Witwicky: I do. You?

Leo Spitz: No, not a chance.

Ron Witwicky: Let's go. March, young lady!

[to his son's horror, Ron slaps his wife's derriere]

Judy Witwicky: I love it when you call me "young lady," you dirty old man.

[goes upstairs giggling]

Ron Witwicky: You ain't seen nothing yet...

Sam Witwicky: Dad, Dad, Dad, whoa!

Ron Witwicky: What?

Sam Witwicky: I'm watching what you're doing, Dad. It's not a rap video.

Ron Witwicky: It's just like a coach thing.

Sam Witwicky: That was a really creepy move just now, Dad.

[Leo dials on a cellphone]

Sam Witwicky: What're you doing?

Leo Spitz: Making a call so I can get outta here!

[Sam snatches the phone]

Sam Witwicky: Dude, the government can track us with these!

[breaks the phone]

Leo Spitz: They can track us?

Sam Witwicky: Bee, get in the garage! NOW!

Bumblebee: [through his radio] "Whatever!"

Mikaela Banes: You're the best thing that ever happened to me.

Sam Witwicky: And?

Mikaela Banes: I'd do anything for you.

Mikaela Banes: And?

Judy Witwicky: [watching intently] He's about to say the L-word?

Ron Witwicky: [impatient] Come on, kiddo.

Sam Witwicky: I... adore you.

Frat guy: Freshman!

Sam Witwicky: Yeah?

Frat guy: Is that your car in our bushes?

Sam Witwicky: No... uh, this is a friend of mine's, he just... went to go get you a tighter shirt...

Frat guy: There isn't a tighter shirt! We checked!

[Sam, Mikaela and Leo are on the run from Decepticons]

Leo Spitz: Okay, so what else don't I know, all right? Since you guys forgot to mention some minor details.

Sam Witwicky: [to Leo] That thing that you saw back there, that was the little baby... WHHOOOAAAA!

[Grindor comes for them]

Sam Witwicky: You don't stop, you don't hide. You run. You understand me?

Ron Witwicky: No!

Sam Witwicky: You've gotta let me go. You've gotta let me go.

Judy Witwicky: Let him go.

Ron Witwicky: You come back! YOU COME BACK!

[Sam shows Mikaela Bumblebee testing his vocal processors]

Mikaela Banes: Is he still having voice problems?

Sam Witwicky: He's playing it off.

Sam Witwicky: Hey, beautiful! I made you a long-distance relationship kit... I got you a webcam so we can communicate 24/7!

Mikaela Banes: Sounds cute. I can't wait...

[Mikaela dresses up in a fancy dress to surprise Sam]

Sam Witwicky: Wow!

[to Mikaela]

Sam Witwicky: I love you.

Mikaela Banes: It took all this to say you love me.

Sam Witwicky: You said it first.

Sam Witwicky: I love it when you say "camshafts." Whisper it to me.

Mikaela Banes: Camshafts.

Leo Spitz: [breaking down during the assault by the Decepticons] Oh, God. Please, God! Please...!

Mikaela Banes: Leo, stop freaking out, stop freaking out.

Agent Simmons: Shut this guy up, huh?

Leo Spitz: Please, just let me live, just let me live!

Mikaela Banes: Shut up and let him drive!

Sam Witwicky: Just stop screaming...

Agent Simmons: All right, that's it!

[tases Leo, rendering him unconscious]

Agent Simmons: I can't take that guy anymore.

Leo Spitz: Okay, I'm just gonna go to the cops, all right? I'm going to tell the truth...

Sam Witwicky: Hey, you wanted this! You wanted the Real Deal? Wake up, you're in the MIDDLE of it! You want to go, nobody's in your way!

[Leo stares at Sam, at a loss of words]

Leo Spitz: Stop complaining!

Judy Witwicky: [touring Sam's college] People are sure friendly here. Some kids just gave me this bag of brownies.

Sam Witwicky: Mom, that's not a brownie! Don't take it!

Judy Witwicky: Sam, I am your mother and I can do what I want!

Ron Witwicky: Honey! They baked it with reefer!

Professor Colan: Young man, I will not be punk'd in front of the dean. No, this is my universe here. Do you understand me? I am the alpha and the omega. Get out of my class!

Sam Witwicky: Yes, sir.

[Sam leaves]

Professor Colan: Anyone else care to have some sort of mental breakdown?

[from director's cut]

Sam Witwicky: Bumblebee, just hear me out okay? You know, freshmen aren't allowed to have cars, that's all it is. It is best for both of us. I know it doesn't sound like it but... you're an Autobot, you shouldn't be living in my dad's garage. I mean you're suffocating in here. Hey will you look at me please? Hey, come on big guy...

[gives Bumblebee a hug]

Sam Witwicky: Look, the guardian thing is done, okay? You did your job. It's over with. You've gotta be something else, you've got have a bigger purpose then just me, Bee! I can't be the end all deal in your life!

Bumblebee: What is YOUR purpose, Sam?

Sam Witwicky: I don't know. I... I wanna be normal, I want to go to college. Everybody has this, and I should be able to experience this. And I can't do that with you.

[Bumblebee bursts into tears; literally, with his windscreen cleaners malfunctioning]

Mikaela Banes: Guys always run when you say it first.

Sam Witwicky: Yeah, well, so do girls. Especially, girls like you with options.

Mikaela Banes: So this is all part of your elaborate plan to keep me interested?

Sam Witwicky: Can be.

Mikaela Banes: Ain't those working?

Sam Witwicky: [after Bumblebee sprays Alice with fluid] I got Wetnaps. I got Wetnaps for your face!

Sam Witwicky: Okay guys, low profile, all right?

Wheelie: Some of us have work to do! Dumb Autobots...

Agent Simmons: [ripping off pants and throwing them to Sam] Hold those.

[he is wearing a jock strap]

Sam Witwicky: What is THAT?

Agent Simmons: What? Oh, I wear it when I'm in a funk. So does Giambi, Jeter... It's a baseball thing.

Frat guy: How about I park my foot up your ass?

Sam Witwicky: What size shoe do you wear?

[attacked by Alice]

Sam Witwicky: Tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue!

Optimus Prime: What your leaders say is true: this was all my fault. I told them whom to trust. I was so wrong.

Sam Witwicky: That doesn't make it your fault, it just makes you human for a change.

Optimus Prime: Remember this: you may lose your faith in us, but never in yourselves.

Sam Witwicky: I need to know how you're going to fight back. I know there's a strategy, I know you're coming back with reinforcements, something. I know there's a plan. You can tell me, no other human will ever know.

Optimus Prime: There is no plan.

Sam Witwicky: If we just do what they want, how are we ever going to live with ourselves?

Optimus Prime: You are my friend Sam, you always will be. But your leaders have spoken. From here the fight will be your own.

Sam Witwicky: [to Lennox] We gotta get Sentinel outta here, he is the key to all this...

Sentinel Prime: Indeed I am! What you must realize my Autobot brothers, is we were never going to win the war! For the sake of our planet's survival, a deal had to be made... with Megatron!

[blasts Ironhide]

Lennox: GET BACK!

Ironhide: [rusting away] Sentinel... what have you done?

Sentinel Prime: [to Ironhide] I hereby discharge you from duty!

[shoots Ironhide again]

Optimus Prime: [shoots down the ship attacking Sam and Epps] We will kill them all! Your leaders will now understand: Decepticons will never leave your planet alone. And we needed them to believe we had gone. For today, in the name of freedom, we take the battle to them!

[other Autobots appear]

Sam Witwicky: I saw your ship blow up!

Roadbuster: The ship? We were never in the ship! We designed the damn thing, didn't we?

Leadfoot: We were hidden in the first booster rocket to seperate - splashed down back in the Atlantic, just as planned.

[spits]

Leadfoot: We ain't going nowhere!

Brains: Yeah, no one's exiling us!

Wheelie: The Autobots are staying right here. We're gonna help you win this war!

Dylan: Sam, do as I said, she won't be harmed, you have my word.

Sam Witwicky: I'll kill you, you have my word.

Robert Epps: [seeing destroyed Chicago] My god. We came here to find her in the middle of all of that?

Epps Team 'Stone': Are we really going out there Epps?

Eddie: I'm not going in there!

Robert Epps: No one's going in.

Sam Witwicky: I am. With or without you, I'll find her.

Robert Epps: You're going to get yourself killed Sam! Is that what you want? Is that what you want, you came all the way out here to get yourself killed? Listen to what I'm saying!

Sam Witwicky: She's here because of me, do you understand?

Robert Epps: Listen, if you go in this building, that's if she's still alive, there's no way you're going to be able to reach her!

Sam Witwicky: What do you suggest I do?

Robert Epps: It's over. I'm sorry, but it's over.

Robert Epps: I still got my NEST friends out there. I'm a round 'em up, we'll find your girlfriend and we're gonna bring this guy in.

Sam Witwicky: Why are you helping me?

Robert Epps: 'Cause that asshole killed my friends too.

Charlotte Mearing: Mr. Witwicky, I thought I made it clear to you that I did not want you calling this phone...

Sam Witwicky: Listen, the whole thing has been a set-up since the beginning! The Decepticons wanted Optimus to find Sentinel because he was the only one who could revive him.

Charlotte Mearing: But we have the space bridge...

Sam Witwicky: Mearing, you have five pillars - I just learned that they have hundreds! You're doing exactly what they wanted you to do! What do you need me to say to you? The Decepticons are coming for Sentinel Prime!

[Bumblebee drops some sprockets]

Carly Miller: Oooh, rings!

[Bumblebee plays wedding chimes]

Carly Miller: I love this car!

Sam Witwicky: Yeah, but Bee. you gotta slow it down. You gotta slow way down, ok?

Bumblebee: [through his radio] "I'm just trying to help out."

Sam Witwicky: [comforting Carly] You're gonna be fine, I promise...

Sam Witwicky: [Bumblebee appears, transforms] That's my car.

Sam Witwicky: Humans are working with the Decepticons.

Sam Witwicky: We got an emergency, you gotta get Colonel Lennox out here. I'm reporting Decepticons! Decepticons are back, you gotta open that gate right now!

NEST Guard: Easy sir, this is Heath and Human services.

Sam Witwicky: Right, packing M4s! What are you protecting? Colostomy bags? Bedpans? Throat lozenges? Where'd you get that hat from, nursing school? So you're nurses and foot powder protectors, fantastic!

Sam Witwicky: Come here. Come here!

Bumblebee: [through radio] "Come on, Sam!"

Sam Witwicky: What is your deal, huh? I know your Black Op stuff is important to you and i'm not trying to diminish it or guilt trip you or anything, I just never see you anymore! You can't come to the garage and hang out just one night?

Bumblebee: "Sam, that makes me feel bad."

Sam Witwicky: Well I hope you feel bad, you should feel bad - look at the jalopy I'm driving now - I feel bad every single day!

Sam Witwicky: [pointing a gun at Dylan Gould] Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?

Dylan: You've got some balls.

Wheelie: [coming in out of the rain] Frickin' shorting my circuits out here! It's inhumane, that's what it is! Make us live in a box on a balcony next to a beast? Like a common animal!

Sam Witwicky: Stop, okay? You and your creepy sidekick can't be in here without permission.

Wheelie: According to who? Miss Blondie Blonde?

[climbs on the dog]

Wheelie: Giddyup, little doggie! Ha!

Wheelie: You know, Sam, I don't know about moving in with this chick. What if she dumps us like the last girl?

Brains: She was mean, didn't like her.

Wheelie: Us guys gotta stick together!

Brains: [sings] We are family! fa-fa-mi-mi-family.

Sam Witwicky: No, we are not family! You're a political refugee, and I have finally found someone who appreciates me for me!

Brains: Well, you tell her that we're not your pets, and we're not your toys, all right? We're an advanced genius alien race just looking for a home!

Judy Witwicky: Sam, I think for a job interview that you should wear real pants.

Sam Witwicky: I think for life, you should wear real pants.

Judy Witwicky: [Sees Sam's new car] Oh, what happened to Bumblebee?

Sam Witwicky: He's off on his missions. I had to get this for backup.

Ron Witwicky: Your car has a job, huh?

Judy Witwicky: Stop. What does it change into?

Sam Witwicky: It doesn't change into anything. It's a collector's item, Ma. I got it for a steal. It just needs some work. Trust me.

Judy Witwicky: No, I think it's darling. It reminds me a lot of Bumblebee... if Bumblebee were a sad piece of shit.

Sam Witwicky: [seeing Driller coming at them] No, no, NO! MOVE! WE GOTTA MOVE!

Robert Epps: Why do the Decepticons always get the good shit? We're about to be eaten, people!

Optimus Prime: They're surrounding the city to make a fortress so that no one can see what their up to inside. Our only chance is the element of surprise.

Sam Witwicky: [looks at the Decepticon airship] I think I know where to look. So you can fly this thing, right?

[Bumblebee wiggles his fingers]

Sam Witwicky: What is that... What is that? What is that? So-so? So you so-so can fly this. That feels terrible.

Bumblebee: Uh-huh!

Dylan: NOOOO!

[pulls a gun on Sam]

Sam Witwicky: Dylan, you can't do this, okay?

Dylan: There's only one future for me!

Sam Witwicky: The Autobots are off saving the world and I've organized four binders.

Charlotte Mearing: I don't care who you are. If you breathe a word of what you see in here, you will do time for treason. Do you understand me?

Sam Witwicky: I'll take my orders from the Autobots. I know them. I don't know you.

Charlotte Mearing: You will.

Brains: [watching Carly and Sam make out] Wow!

[snarls]

Brains: Get lucky!

Carly Miller: [shrieks] Get him out of here!

Brains: [is grabbed by Sam and is kicked] Wait. No, no, no, no!

Carly Miller: Oh, he's gross!

Brains: She's good.

Sam Witwicky: Sorry. They're stranded here. Somebody's got to watch out for them.

Carly Miller: Yesterday, that one was in my underwear drawer.

Brains: Did research! Looking real good too! Ha-ha-ha...

[Sam slaps him]

Brains: Ow! No need to hit me!

[as the Autobots leave in the starship Xanthium]

Sam Witwicky: You wanted an answer, you got it.

Dylan: I always get what I want, Sam. I just had to be sure.

Sam Witwicky: Sure of what?

Dylan: That they would go without a fight.

[signals Starscream, who blows up the Xanthium]

Dylan: We all work for the Decepticons now.

Dylan: You think you're a hero? YOU THINK YOU'RE A HERO?

Sam Witwicky: No, I'm just a messenger.

[knocks Dylan into the pillar]

Sam Witwicky: [looking at documents] Bee, there's something else going on here. The moon programme, the cover-ups, the assassinations, it's all led to this...

Sam Witwicky: You love it, don't you? I'm just your American boytoy!

Carly Miller: [laughs] I love a boytoy.

Sam Witwicky: Do you know how demoralizing it is that I've saved the world twice and still be groveling for a job?

Carly Miller: People don't know that you've saved the world Sam, I mean I do, I believe you.

Sam Witwicky: Government knows, I mean they could hook me up with a job right here in DC. I should be working with the Autobots otherwise, it's not fair.

Sam Witwicky: [pillars start to spark] It's starting!

Carly Spencer: I love you.

Sam Witwicky: I love you. You're the only thing I need in this world and I'll do anything to make it up to you. I promise.

Carly Spencer: I'm going to hold you to that. Just never let me go.

Sam Witwicky: Promise.

Sam Witwicky: [Upset as it seems Bruce won't hire him for the job he wants] I've saved your life twice. I can't tell you how, but you are still alive because of me.

Sam Witwicky: Chicago is Ground Zero, do you understand?