Sally Albright Quotes in When Harry Met Sally... (1989)


Sally Albright Quotes:

  • Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.

    Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

    Harry Burns: When did I say that?

    Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.

    Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

  • Sally Albright: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.

    Harry Burns: That's what drew her to me.

    Sally Albright: Your dark side?

    Harry Burns: Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts.

    Sally Albright: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.

    Harry Burns: Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

  • Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

    Sally Albright: Why not?

    Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

    Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

    Harry Burns: No you don't.

    Sally Albright: Yes I do.

    Harry Burns: No you don't.

    Sally Albright: Yes I do.

    Harry Burns: You only think you do.

    Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

    Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

    Sally Albright: They do not.

    Harry Burns: Do too.

    Sally Albright: They do not.

    Harry Burns: Do too.

    Sally Albright: How do you know?

    Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

    Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

    Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

    Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

    Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

    Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

    Harry Burns: I guess not.

    Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

  • Sally Albright: Well, basically it's the same dream I've been having since I was twelve.

    Harry Burns: Which is?

    Sally Albright: Okay, there's this guy...

    Harry Burns: What does he look like?

    Sally Albright: I don't know, he's just sort of faceless.

    Harry Burns: Faceless guy, okay.

    Sally Albright: He RIPS off my clothes.


    Harry Burns: And?

    Sally Albright: That's it.

    Harry Burns: That's it? Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and THAT'S the sex fantasy you've been having since you were twelve?

    Sally Albright: Well sometimes I vary it a little.

    Harry Burns: Which part?

    Sally Albright: What I'm wearing.

  • Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

    Sally Albright: Which one am I?

    Harry Burns: You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

    Sally Albright: I don't see that.

    Harry Burns: You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. "On the side" is a very big thing for you.

    Sally Albright: Well, I just want it the way I want it.

    Harry Burns: I know; high maintenance.

  • Sally Albright: You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.

  • [Harry and Sally discussing orgasms]

    Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it.

    Harry Burns: Well, they haven't faked it with me.

    Sally Albright: How do you know?

    Harry Burns: Because I know.

    Sally Albright: Oh. Right. That's right. I forgot. You're a man.

    Harry Burns: What was that supposed to mean?

    Sally Albright: Nothing. It's just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it, so you do the math.

  • Sally Albright: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants.

    Harry Burns: Ehhhh. I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"?

    Sally Albright: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.

    Harry Burns: What?

    Sally Albright: They don't make Sunday.

    Harry Burns: Why not?

    Sally Albright: Because of God.

  • Harry Burns: You take someone to the airport, it's clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.

    Sally Albright: Why?

    Harry Burns: Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?

    Sally Albright: It's amazing. You look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death.

  • Harry Burns: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.

    Sally Albright: What?

    Harry Burns: I love you.

    Sally Albright: How do you expect me to respond to this?

    Harry Burns: How about, you love me too.

    Sally Albright: How about, I'm leaving.

  • Harry Burns: With whom did you have this great sex?

    Sally Albright: I'm not going to tell you that.

    Harry Burns: Fine, don't tell me.

    Sally Albright: Shel Gordon.

    Harry Burns: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon.

    Sally Albright: I did too.

    Harry Burns: No you didn't. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man... but humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. 'Do it to me Sheldon, you're an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.' Doesn't work.

  • [last lines]

    [voiceover as last documentary couple]

    Harry Burns: The first time we met, we hated each other.

    Sally Albright: No, you didn't hate me, I hated you. The second time we met, you didn't even remember me.

    Harry Burns: I did too, I remembered you. The third time we met, we became friends.

    Sally Albright: We were friends for a long time.

    Harry Burns: And then we weren't.

    Sally Albright: And then we fell in love.

    [on sofa as last documentary couple]

    Sally Albright: Three months later we got married.

    Harry Burns: Yeah, it only took three months.

    Sally Albright: Twelve years and three months.

    Harry Burns: We had this - we had a really wonderful wedding.

    Sally Albright: It was - it really was a


    Sally Albright: beautiful wedding.

    Harry Burns: [overlapping] It was great. We had this enormous coconut cake.

    Sally Albright: Huge coconut cake with a - with a - tiers and there was this very rich chocolate sauce on the side.

    Harry Burns: Right, cause not everybody likes it on the cake, cause it makes it very soggy.

    Sally Albright: Particularly the coconut soaks up a lot of excess and you really - it's important to keep it on the side.

    Harry Burns: Right.

  • Sally Albright: I don't have to take this crap from you.

    Harry Burns: If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?

    Sally Albright: I see people.

    Harry Burns: See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe?

    Sally Albright: What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I fuck somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something.

    Harry Burns: ...Are you finished now?

    Sally Albright: ...Yes.

    Harry Burns: Can I say something?

    Sally Albright: Yes.

    Harry Burns: ...I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

  • Sally Albright: At least I got the apartment.

    Harry Burns: That's what everyone says. But, really, what's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is look in the obituary section. You see who died, find out where they lived, and tip the doorman. What they could do to make it easier is combine the two. You know, Mr. Kline died yesterday, leaving behind a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace.

  • Harry Burns: I miss her.

    Sally Albright: I don't miss him. I really don't.

    Harry Burns: Not even a little?

    Sally Albright: You know what I miss? I miss the *idea* of him.

    Harry Burns: Maybe I only miss the *idea* of Helen... No, I miss the whole Helen.

  • Harry Burns: And was it worth it? The sacrifice for a friend you don't even keep in touch with?

    Sally Albright: Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice.

  • Sally Albright: Is Harry bringing anybody to the wedding?

    Marie: I don't think so.

    Sally Albright: Is he seeing anybody?

    Marie: He was seeing this anthropologist, but...

    Sally Albright: What's she look like?

    Marie: Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare.

  • Sally Albright: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real; if it's out of the can then nothing.

    Waitress: Not even the pie?

    Sally Albright: No, I want the pie, but then not heated.

  • Harry Burns: You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?

    Sally Albright: Is one of us supposed to be a DOG in this scenario?

    Harry Burns: Yes.

    Sally Albright: Who is the dog?

    Harry Burns: You are.

    Sally Albright: I am? I am the dog? I am the dog?

  • Harry Burns: You know, you may be the first attractive woman I've not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.

    Sally Albright: That's wonderful, Harry.

  • Harry Burns: Repeat after me. Pepper.

    Sally Albright: Pepper.

    Harry Burns: Pepper.

    Sally Albright: Pepper.

    Harry Burns: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.

    Sally Albright: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.

    Harry Burns: But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.

  • Harry Burns: You were going to be a gymnast.

    Sally Albright: A journalist.

    Harry Burns: Right, that's what I said.

  • Sally Albright: You know, I'm so glad I never got involved with you. I just would have ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at 3:00 in the morning and go clean your andirons, and you don't even have a fireplace, not that I would know this.

  • Sally Albright: I am not your consolation prize, Harry.

  • Harry Burns: How long do you like to be held after sex? All night, right? See, that's your problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.

    Sally Albright: I don't have a problem.

    Harry Burns: Yes, you do.

  • Sally Albright: Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.

  • Sally Albright: The first date back is always the toughest, Harry.

    Harry Burns: You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?

    Sally Albright: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?

    Harry Burns: We're talking dream date compared to my horror.

  • Sally Albright: Yes it is. You are a human affront to all women and I am a woman.

  • Sally Albright: [sobbing] All this time I've been saying that he didn't want to get married. But the truth is he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.

  • Marie: The point is, he just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. I don't think he's ever gonna leave her.

    Sally Albright: No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her.

    Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

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