Ryan Dunn Quotes in Haggard (2003)

Ryan Dunn: That's a nice tattoo you got there. What does that mean?

Girl at Coffee Shop: It means desire.

Ryan Dunn: Desire huh? What the fuck does that mean? Does that mean you're into dudes with fuckin' long hair, smell like beer, have shitty tattoos; maybe they hang out at the bowling alley! Maybe, just maybe you'll go out back and rub their sick crotch; he'll stick his hands down your pants. Meanwhile, your boyfriend's sittin' at home jerkin off to fuckin' gay porn.

Glauren: What I need right now is heavy metal music, hard drinkin, mayhem, shit you can't offer me right now, okay Ryan?

Ryan Dunn: Who are you? You don't even like fast music - you don't even drink.

Glauren: [indignant] Yeah. Before I met Hellboy. You know what your problem is? You always want shit to stay the same, okay? I need to get out there. I wanna play the field - of dicks.

[beat]

Ryan Dunn: Eww.

Officer: Hellboy?

Ryan Dunn: Picture a guy named Hellboy... and that's what he looks like.

[Talking about Hellboy's tattoo]

Glauren: Actually, he's got a rhino. Ya' know, I'm a Leo so I like rhinos...

[In a sarcastic voice]

Ryan Dunn: Yeah, rhino, real cool.

Ryan Dunn: [after Glauren apologizes] Get lost.

[she turns around and smacks Valo]

Ryan Dunn: You dumped me for someone named fucking HELLBOY? What the hell is the matter with you?

Ryan Dunn: Dude! She got fingered!

Glauren: I got a two o'clock.

Ryan Dunn: I am your two o'clock. You're a hairdresser, I got bad hair and I need you to cut it.

Glauren: You're an asshole.

Ryan Dunn: You look beautiful today.

Glauren: You look like shit.

Ryan Dunn: Gee thanks, why do you think I'm in here? I'm getting my hair cut. I know I look like shit.

Valo: Alright dude, seriously just relax okay? Look at that girl over there. She's reading a book alone. If that's not an invitation, I don't know what is.

Ryan Dunn: What are you talking about, Valo? It's a coffee shop. People like that come here to get away from people like us.

Valo: She is looking for ass, I can see it.

Ryan Dunn: What does it matter? I look like shit.

Valo: Go talk to her.

Ryan Dunn: What do I say?

Valo: I don't know. Compliment her on that tattoo or something.

Ryan Dunn: Yeah, that'll work. It sounds so fucking lame.

Valo: Worked for Glauren.