Ryan Quotes in Dog Soldiers (2002)

[Sam the dog barks and everyone jumps to their feet]

Joe: Brilliant... we either stay and snuff it, or we all go... and snuff it.

Ryan: Decisions. Decisions.

Joe: Laugh? I nearly died.

Ryan: Who's stopping you?

Ryan: ...you live and learn.

Cooper: Yeah. But you don't.

Ryan: They won't die.

Wells: Yeah, well,

[cocks gun]

Wells: , this gives me better peace of mind, sir.

Ryan: You want piece of mind? Run before they tear your legs from under you.

Wells: Now you just shut up like a good gentleman, you are scaring my lads.

[Wells cocks his gun]

Wells: Yeah, well, this gives me better piece of mind, sir.

Ryan: You want piece of mind? Run for your lives before they tear your legs from under you.

Wells: Now you just shut up like a good gentleman. You are scaring my lads.

Ryan: They tore them to pieces in front of my eyes!

Cooper: Well, Ryan, you heard the score. Maybe one or two of us'll make it through this, but I don't care much for our chances. D'you like football?

Ryan: What? "They think it's all over", and all that crap? No I don't.

Cooper: Yeah, well Joe, you remember Joe? He liked football. He fuckin' lived for it.

Ryan: Is this relevant?

Cooper: He missed the most important match of his life for this bullshit exercise, and now he's dead along with two other mates I'd have rightfully given my right arm for. Too fuckin' right it's relevant.

[about to turn into a werewolf]

Ryan: Live and learn, Cooper.

[to Cooper]

Ryan: Then I remembered you. Monkey see, monkey do.

[after throwing Cooper to the ground]

Ryan: RTU this pathetic piece of shit. Send him back to his squad.

Ryan: There are some places you really shouldn't go.

Ryan: Have you ever heard of Special Weapons Division? They're the ones in white coats that train dolphins to stick mines on submarines, and cute furry animals to tear your head off at the neck.

Ryan: Of course, the real trick to survival lies not in running and hiding, but in removing your enemy's capacity to hunt you down.

Ryan: We're on a different level here, Cooper. For that, I need men of action, not deeds.

Spoon: They shut down the generator!

Terry: Why would they do that?

Megan: Because they can see in the dark.

Ryan: And you're afraid of it.

Ryan: [to Cooper] You just can't get past the dog, can you?

Ryan: What good are you to my team if you can't even kill a dog?

[last lines]

Jessica Martin: I don't know if there's anything I could ever do to thank you

Ryan: I do. Don't ever call me again.

Ryan: "Ricky Martin"? You named your kid "Ricky Martin"?

[Ryan accidentally dials an artist on a payphone at Santa Monica Pier trying to reach Jessica's kidnappers]

Ryan: I got what you're looking for.

Vietnamese Artist: Oh?

Ryan: Yeah.

Vietnamese Artist: Okay, and what I do for it?

Ryan: What?

Vietnamese Artist: What I do for what I looking for? You tell me now.

Ryan: Wait, who's this? What number did I call?

Vietnamese Artist: You call me on the payphone. You waste my time. I have pictures to draw.

Ryan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. Chill out.

Vietnamese Artist: No, you don't tell me what to chill. My mother tell me to chill. I sit here, I draw people telling me to chill out all the time. You don't tell me what to chill. I chill you.

[after he views the tape]

Ryan: I'm a dead man.

Ryan: [after stealing the lawyer's car] Ohh, I am in deep shit!

Ryan: Look, give me your phone or I shoot your car.

WLSUU2 Lawyer: Oh, hell no, hell no. Why would you do something awful like that?

Ryan: From here on out, you do as I say, exactly as I say. Or I slap this bitch on "Nightline" and call it a day, okay?

Ryan: You know, it does me no good to hand over the video tape and then you guys turn around and take us out.

Greer: I swore I wouldn't do that.

Ryan: Like you swore "to protect and serve"?

[Greer has Ryan pinned down and is about to shoot him]

Mooney: Let him up.

[Greer looks up and sees Mooney pointing a gun at him]

Ryan: Help me. They're dirty cops!

Greer: He attacked my partner. He tried to kill me.

Mooney: I said, "Let him up."

Greer: You're going to believe this lying piece of shit over a cop?

Mooney: It doesn't matter what I believe. What's important is that you believe I will put a bullet in your skull if you don't let him up.

Ryan: Excuse me, are you a detective?

Detective Looking Guy: Detective? I'm a freaking victim here. Detective? Those freaks dragged me down here. And they're supposed to read me my rights.

[Ryan takes off]

Detective Looking Guy: And they - hey, where you going, you little punk?

WLSUU2 Lawyer: [after Ryan swerves his car in front of him] What the hell is your problem, man? What the hell is your problem? You want to tussle?

Ryan: [pulls out his gun] Give me your phone!

WLSUU2 Lawyer: Oh snaps.

Ryan: [Ryan and Ethan are discussing a place to meet] Santa Monica Pier.

Ethan: No, too busy.

Ryan: Yeah, that's kind of the idea, dickhead.

Ryan: [after shooting the number taker in the store] Now who's gonna give me that goddamn charger?

[talking to Ryan on a payphone]

Chad: Dude, I have no idea what just happened. One minute I'm talking to nipples, next thing you know, I'm wearing a whale costume handing out flyers.

Ryan: [laughs] That sucks. Sounds like she got you.

Chad: I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't have its benefits.

[to two girls that pass him by]

Chad: Hey, you guys know that a blue whale's got an 11-foot penis? Heal the Bay.

Ryan: It's Chloe!

Chad: No, dude, don't do this! Don't do this!

Ryan: I'm just gonna say "hi."

Chad: You're not gonna say "hi."

Ryan: No "hi"?

Chad: No "hi."

Ryan: I can't say...

Chad: [shouts] Come on, man! Hold it together! This girl, she *dumped* you, all right? Have some self-respect, have some dignity!

Ryan: You're right.

Chad: Be strong.

Ryan: You're right.

Chad: Yeah.

Ryan: Thank you.

Chad: All right.

[he gets distracted by girls in bikinis]

Chad: Oh! What's goin' on, ladies?

[Ryan leaves to go talk to Chloe]

Aki: This mission was well worth the lives of you and your men.

Jane Proudfoot: "Men"?

Ryan: She thinks you're a man.

Jane Proudfoot: I think she's an idiot.

Neil: I know you're not a man.

Jane Proudfoot: I think YOU'RE an idiot too.

Ryan: PLEASE tell me we're risking our lives for that little plant.

Jane Proudfoot: I wouldn't even call it a plant; I'd call it a weed.

Neil: I wouldn't even call it a weed.

Neil: Speak to me, Sarge.

Ryan: Ouch.

[Neil and Ryan tamper with an elevator with passengers Grey and Aki]

Jane Proudfoot: What do you think you're doing?

Neil: We're just gonna stall them for a little while... Hey, don't look at me, it was HIS idea.

Jane Proudfoot: This was YOUR idea?

Ryan: We're just helping the Captain out a little. Have you seen the way he looks at her?

Neil: Yeah, Jane, where's your sense of romance?

Ryan: Two. Coming from the eighth wall.

Ryan: Time's up

Ryan: [making up words from the book] Shit happens.

Kimodo: Shit?

Ryan: Happens.

Elysia: Shit happens...

Kimodo: [nodding] Shit... happens...

Ryan: Uh huh.

Kimodo: Ryan, read me the book... What does it say?... READ THE WORDS!

Ryan: Shit happens.

Ryan: It's pretty hard to soar when you have a broken wing.

Ryan: I'm Ryan. How's it going?

Ryan: All I know is - after the race today - something just... clicked.

Chelsea: Yeah, it's called a concussion.

Ryan: [to his father] I just want you to know I'm sorry you didn't have a father like the one I have.

[first lines]

Samson: So there I was, face to face with the biggest, meanest leopard on the savannah and...

Ryan: You roared so loud, his spots flew off. Dad I've heard that story a billion times.

Ryan: I told you I'd come to the game.

Samson: You think this is funny? You just endangered everyone in the zoo!

Ryan: I'm sorry.

Samson: For what? Chasing the Gazelles or costing us the game?

Ryan: No, I...

Samson: All you do is sit in your tree and sulk.

Ryan: If you would just...

Samson: I mean, What is it? What's the problem? Is all of this because you can't roar?

[pause]

Samson: Ryan, I didn't mean that.

Ryan: You know what I'm doing when I'm sulking up in my tree? I'm thinking how great it would be if Samson the Wild wasn't my father.

Samson: Huh? Ryan, I... I didn't

Ryan: 'Cause it would make being Ryan the Lame a whole lot easier.

[he starts running away]

Samson: Ryan, I'm sorry. Ryan! Please don't... leave.

Larry: Bye, Ryan! Thanks for coming to the game.

Ryan: Dad, thanks for the technical help, but if you really wanted me to roar like you, you'd take me to the wild.

Theodore: [screaming] Eagle! Eagle!

Ryan: Get him!

Theodore: [screaming] Bully! Bully!

Ryan: Somebody's going to have to knock those guys down to size.

Xander: That should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only eight inches tall.

Matthew: [high] Heyyy, it's my competition! Ryan, what's up my man?

Ryan: Jesus, what happened to you?

Matthew: Just living life, my man.

David: [Austin is sticking ads everywhere to find his Cinderella] Dude, why are you going through all this trouble for one chick?

Austin: Look, she's not just some chick, all right? She was real.

Ryan: Real. Like, she still had her old nose?

Austin: No, real. The kind of girl who has more on her mind than what she wears, or how much weight she wants to lose. She listens to me, you know?

David: Listens yo you? Hey, brother, I listen to you, okay? I feel your pa...

[gets distracted by a girl passing by, then talks to the girl]

David: ...Hello, kitty!

Austin: Yeah, you're a great listener.

David: Well...

Ryan: Look, man, you found her cellphone. You just gotta get some clue from that.

Austin: The phone's locked. All I keep getting's these text messages like, "I need you", and "Come see me now."

David: Oh dude, it's so hot.

Austin: See, that's what I thought. Until I got one that said, "Come fix fryer".

David: Oh, dude, that's hot AND kinky, baby! You know what I'm saying? Can I get one? Let me get a pound, baby.

Austin: [looks at David disapprovingly]

Austin: What up, guys?

David: What up.

Ryan: Sorry about your costume you lost, Austin.

Austin: It's all good, my friends.

David: No, it's not all good, bro. Now we don't get to be the Three Musketeers. You get to be Prince Charming, and we're the two wimps in wigs.

Austin: [laughs]

Ryan: I got promoted to sergeant!

Justin: You got promoted to sergeant?

Ryan: I felt like I deserved it.

Ryan: We're the law, bitch!

Ryan: That's what you GET!

Ryan: Even the cops think we're cops.

Dawn: You can't.

Ryan: Do you want me to stop?

Dawn: No.

Ryan: Good.

Dawn: But they'll get you.

Ryan: Who?

Dawn: The teeth.

Ryan: Come on.

Dawn: Seriously.

Ryan: No, no, look. I'm conquering them. See? Yeah, I'm the hero.

Ryan: [to Dawn] Your mouth is saying one thing babe, but your sweet pussy is saying something very different.

Ryan: Hey, Brad. Uh, I'm here for Dawn.

Brad: [looking him over] You're out of your league, pussy boy.

Ryan: Excuse me?

Brad: [moving forward] Get the fuck off my property.

Ryan: [backing up] Hey, uh, listen, man...

[Brad punches Ryan in the face and he goes down]

Brad: If you want any more of that, you can come by and see us again, yeah?

Dawn: Dentata.

Ryan: What?

Dawn: It's Latin for teeth.

Ryan: OK, where are we going next, Harry's school?

Anna (in Tess's body): Oh, he can walk from here.

Harry: It's 20 blocks!

Anna (in Tess's body): Fresh air will do you good.

Harry: But what about bullies?

Anna (in Tess's body): Run fast.

Anna (in Tess's body): Are you mad?

Ryan: No.

Anna (in Tess's body): Do you, like, not want to get married now?

Ryan: No. No I don't. Not if you're gonna put me in this role.

Anna (in Tess's body): What role?

Ryan: The role of insensitive stepfather who couldn't care less, or thinks it's a stupid rock band, or any of the preposterous things you just said. How can you say I don't care? I'm not that guy, Tess, and if that's who you think I am, then this is never gonna work. When I fell in love with you, I knew you came with a history and a family, and I respect the hell out of that. You have always put the kids first. That's exactly how it should be, that's how I want it. I never pushed Anna, because I want her to like me on her own terms, in her own way.

Grandpa: [about Anna] Stop groveling, man. Let her come to YOU.

Ryan: She'd come with a hatchet.

Anna (in Tess's body): So, let's do this thingy.

Ryan: You mean our wedding rehearsal?

Anna (in Tess's body): Yeah, whatever.

Ryan: You know what, I'm not really a prying kind of guy, but just for the heck of it, I was wondering what you were doing on the eve of our wedding straddling some guy on the back of a big black Harley?

Anna (in Tess's body): Hello, it was a Ducati!

Ryan: What the hell just happened?

Tess: Trust me, you don't wanna know.

[after dropping "Anna" off at school]

Ryan: Okay, where are we going next? Harry's school?

Anna (in Tess's body): [smirking at Harry] Oh, he can walk from here.

Harry: It's twenty blocks!

Anna (in Tess's body): Fresh air will do you good.

Harry: But what about bullies?

Anna (in Tess's body): Run fast.

[as he holds Tess's hand]

Ryan: One more day.

Anna (in Tess's body): Yeah, it's great we're getting married, isn't it? Even though my husband died. How quickly I've been able to get over it.

Ryan: [hearing Anna scream because her door is gone] She saw it.

Grandpa: [gets up quick] I'm gonna check those Lakers.

Ryan: I'm with you...

Rollie Hortense: It's just too bad those are your teammates that you fucked up out there.

Doug Glatt: Oh, I'm sorry sir.

Rollie Hortense: Of course, on the bright side, those are your teammates that you fucked up out there. What do you say son, you wanna be an Assassin?

Doug Glatt: Yes, yes.

Rollie Hortense: What number you wanna wear?

Ryan: 69! Take the number 69, It's hilarious!

Doug Glatt: Is that number taken?

Ryan: Look at you, you're a - you're a fucking beast. You're like the fucking Hebrew Dolph Lundgren or some shit.

Ryan: I've never seen Rhea lose his shit like that before. He got suspended for 20 fucking games. Boston sends him down to St. John's. He's 40-years old. That's it! He's fucking done, son. I'll probably feature it on next week's Hot Ice, unless that motherfucker Sully from Worcester calls in again. Last week, he called in pretending that he was from some fucking sweepstakes and he told me that I had won the grand prize of 50 cocks in my mouth. He goes, I have the option of sucking all 50 at once or one a month for 50 fucking months. Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you down, pal.

Doug Glatt: Oh, no no no. I don't have a thing, you know? Like, you have your show. My dad and my brother, they have their doctor thing. I don't got a thing. Everybody's got something but me.

Ryan: Would it help that I want you inside me? That I want you to make lemonade in my chocolate factory? Hey? Fuck this sad shit. Let's just go watch the Assassins kick the shit out of Oshawa. I'll fill your big thick ass full of fucking corn dogs.

Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen, this is actually fucking happening. Dougie "The Thug" Glatt is about to fucking drop the gloves and take on Ross "The Boss" Rhea. This has all the elements of a fucking sports masterpiece. Holy fuck! We've got the worried lady friend's face frozen with concern. We got the gay brother. Yup! And the loveable, wisecracking best friend. Orangetown, son! Pussy crew, album dropping. Oh fuck, here we go!

O'Sullivan: Hi there, I was wondering if you like hot dogs.

Doug Glatt: Yes, I like hot dogs.

O'Sullivan: Great!

Doug Glatt: Um, but I prefer corn dogs because you don't need a bun for it. Because the bun is all around it and you can eat it from a stick.

O'Sullivan: You like hot dogs 'cause you like cocks in your mouth, son!

Ryan: You motherfucker!

O'Sullivan: Sully from Worcester, bitches!

Ryan: Dammit! Fuck you, Gus and Brian! You motherfuckers! You're supposed to screen this shit!

Ryan: Look, no disrespect intended, but honestly fuck your parents if they don't fucking appreciate you.

Ryan: [to Eva] Did you fall off a toilet paper roll? Do you pee rainbows? Do you fart cinnamon?

Ira: Don't ruin this for Doug, man.

Ryan: Does a rainbow come out of your nipples?

Doug Glatt: Hey! What the hell?

Ryan: Recognize!

Doug Glatt: Of course I recognize you!

Ryan: You recognize this big fuckin' beautiful family of yours?

Doug Glatt: Oh my god, this is amazing, I'm so happy!

Ronnie Hortense: Glatt! What the fuck are you doing mother fucker? Start skating, chase some ice!

Xavier LaFlamme: You don't know shit about hockey you fucking bulimic Don Cherry!

Ryan: You spat in my face!

Doug Glatt: What the hell?

Ryan: He started it!

Doug Glatt: Come on, you're spitting everywhere!

Xavier LaFlamme: Your friend is fucking sick!

Ryan: Oh yeah says the fucking Frenchman. You people live like animals!

Doug Glatt: I hate spit! I hate it!

Xavier LaFlamme: Fuck you!

[Ryan finds his porn stash that Matt hid in a basket]

Ryan: Do you know how many hours I spent looking for my "Temple of Poon" tape. One. That is a long time to be looking for porn, Matt. What the fuck is going on here?

Ryan: [upon learning Matt's given up sex for Lent] One - you can't do it. It's j... This isn't a personal attack towards you, I'm just saying that no man can do it. It goes against nature. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed, Matt. You're gonna piss off the seeds, man! You're gonna... It goes against science! You wanna be the guy who goes against science?

Matt: [patiently] And two?

Ryan: Two - are you out of your fucking mind? You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich! You think you can go 40 days? Four... Do... This isn't normal. Did your brother put you up to this or something?

Matt: No. You know what? He's about as supportive as you are. And what do you care, anyway? This doesn't affect you in any way.

Ryan: You... This affects everyone.

Matt: Hey, have you ever noticed the crack on my ceiling?

Ryan: Dude, you're action-packed with issues.

[to Matt on why he should tell Erica about his vow]

Ryan: Dude, you got to tell her. Seriously. You can pass off two dates without a kiss as old fashioned - you go three and you're a homo.

Ryan: Look, Matt, I know you're still trying to work out your Nicole issues with the big black hole, but trust me, trust me...

Matt: I don't have any Nicole issues.

Ryan: ...you...

[Ryan picks up an old picture of Matt and Nicole]

Ryan: 'Hi, I'm one of the many pictures of Nicole that infest Ryan and Matt's apartment after six months.' And she's hot, Matt, I don't mind looking at her. I'm just saying you have issues.

Ryan: So you're not into her?

Matt: Oh, I'm totally into her.

Ryan: So how can you not want to fuck her?

Ryan: This is a photocopy of Candy's ass?

Matt: Yup.

Ryan: You're gonna call her, right?

[gets no reply, returns to the picture]

Ryan: Obviously, you're gonna call her.

Matt: Everything was going great until you had to... I stopped having sex, I'm totally falling for Erica, and I'm finally over Nicole

Ryan: [doubting] You really think you're over her?

Matt: Fuck yeah! Bitch.

Ryan: [Giving sex advice to Matt] All right, all right, all right. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna strap a helmet on Big John, put him in the game, and he will play his little heart out, okay? He'll put up big numbers for you. You're gonna forget about the cracks in the ceiling, forget about Nicole. Go out and give your star player the support he needs. Right?

Ryan: [Ryan enters Matt's bedroom wearing rubber gloves and carrying a portable ultraviolet light] Surprise inspection.

Matt: What the hell's that thing?

Ryan: It's a special light that allows me to see if any fluids have been liberated.

[Examines Matt's bed, finds nothing]

Ryan: Keep up the good work.

Matt: [Tripping out on his 40th day of sexual abstinence, Matt wistfully rubs his thumb over the breasts of a Mrs. Butterworth syrup bottle] She's filled with Heavenly sweetness.

Ryan: [taking the bottle away] I somehow don't think *Mr.* Butterworth would appreciate that very much.

Ryan: Look at Martina, man the girl's all grown up.

Aaron: You mean little Martina? She's like in the 12th grade.

Ryan: Well she may be in 12th grade, but that ass is in grad school.

[Repeated line]

Ryan: [to Aaron] I'm Grievin'.

Ryan: You know, I came over here, and I was noticing you, and well, wow. You're like... cute!

Maggie Feller: Darling, you're like twelve!

Ryan: [battle rap duel] Yo! Call me whatever you want, but you know I gets busy I'm so badass, I'm the king of Vice City, like the Buddha, I'm Zen, like Beckham I bend, I tell suckers "say hello to my little friend".

Filkins: Hey, meatball, where's your spaghetti? Your rapping's like a nightmare but I don't see Freddy. You best not even try to spit rhymes, dude 'cause when you spit all I ever see is chewed-up food.

Ronnie: Yeah, that's how we roll, that's how we do.

Ryan: Hold on. I know you just didn't go there, I got more skills than you in my one and only nut hair. So you better step off before you insult me and mine 'cause if you decide to step on, see I'm like a land mine... Boom! Boom!

Filkins: Oh, my God, look it's a punkass rapping. He say one more word I'm gonna have to bitch-slap him. So surprised you're moving ass is so damn fat. You're luck I don't hit you with my Wiffle, Wiffle Ball bat.

Ryan: Can't hurt my head with a bat, I'm the Incredible Hulk, I'm like Costco. I'm serving ass kickings in bulk. You don't like my words Mister King of the School? Well, guess what? You can suck on my family's jewels. Bitch!

[crowd cheers]

Ryan: Remember what that douche bag Drillbit taught us? Mind over Pain!

Ryan: [after knocking Filkins down] Everybody, from 9th grade to 12th grade, I promise you, his reign of tyranny is over! I proclaim it! He will never bother us again! And he's getting up!

Filkins: You're dead.

Ryan: And I'm in big trouble!

Ryan: Keep walking. I don't want to get shot like Tupac.

Ryan: Not balls! You hit me in the nuts.

Ryan: If I don't survive, you should definitely sue Emmit's family.

Drillbit Taylor: Godammit, I'm sick of getting hit by this kid.

Ryan: C'mon, Drillbit, kick his ass.

Drillbit Taylor: I can't, he's a minor.

Kid: No, he's not. He's 18.

Ryan: Now, we're more screwed than ever. All because you wanted to protect the hobbit over here.

Drillbit Taylor: Hey, let's just stop for a second.

Emmit: I'm not a hobbit!

Ryan: You're a damn hobbit, okay?

Emmit: I'm not!

Drillbit Taylor: Hold it! Hey, Emmit's not a hobbit, okay? I don't think.

Ryan: Me and Emmit are gonna back you up.

Emmit: Oh, now it's "me and Emmit". You've never been nice to me, Ryan and I've only been kind to you. And I've tried so hard to make this friendship work, but I am not going to die for someone who won't die for me. "Survival technique". I renounce violence. I have a future!

Ryan: All right, Mr. Wrightman, I gotta bat. Let me just leave you with this thought. You love the Sox, but have they ever loved you back?

Ben: Who are you, Dr. Phil? Get outta here, go hit, go swing the bat!

Ryan: I like that you look nervous sometimes for no reason. And when you do, you bite your lip. I like that you probably... rifled through your closet tonight... and settled with what you started out with. I like your smile.

Ryan: Finger suck good. Vomit shower bad.

Maggie Carter: He said I was beautiful.

Ryan: I said that. Me.

Ryan: Tell her you need a friend to talk to. You're depressed. You're doing bad in school. You're dad's on crack.

Chris Campbell: My dad played pro-football.

Ryan: Perfect!

Chris Campbell: You're getting your ass kicked for this.

Ryan: I feel comfortable in my thong!

Ryan: [to Pete after he tells Ryan that he's a great pitcher] Yeah? Well... What you think don't mean shit!...

[Pete and Auggie are confused]

Ryan: ...What?... Look all that matters is making it... Getting signed and cashing a check! And right now, I'm lucky if some scout from Po-dunk lets me pitch batting practice for the next couple of seasons!

Auggie: No you're wrong!

Ryan: Bullshit! That's all that matters!

Auggie: No bullshit! What matters is there's some of us who would say you've already made it! Some of us - Some of us who've been there for you... Who drove to Boston College to see you pitch and who went to Framingham State, and sat at your Mom's wake with you... And who cleaned you up behind the OASIS when you couldn't pick YOURSELF up off the ground! And who let you live with me... When you and your old man were at it!... Yeah we matter... I matter... You bet your ass what I think matters... I ain't missed one game Ry... Not one game! And I'm - I'm proud as hell you've done what you've done... When you hit that mound man, I got all I can do to keep from cryin' thinkin about what we've been through... Me and him and your Father and Mike... None of us has missed a game... This ain't just about a paycheck Ry... It's - It's about having pride in what you do... Cuz - Cuz I do...

[Ryan's just been telling everyone that he "loves her"]

Ryan: [to Tenley] I love her.

Tenley: What?

Ryan: Oh! I mean you. I love "you".

Tenley: You're thinking about kissing me, aren't you?

Ryan: No.

Tenley: Well, now that I've said that, you're thinking about it.

Ryan: No, I'm thinking that's what you're thinking.

Tenley: No, I'm thinking that I could swim the length and back underwater.

Ryan: Five bucks says you can't.

Tenley: You got it!

Ryan: She was fat?

Billy: This girl had strings hanging from her the last time they steered her down the street.

Ryan: She was big huh?

Billy: Yeah, she was fat and that ain't with a p-h kid!

Ryan: [angry at the umpire at the Hyannis game] Does his wife know he's screwin us?

John Schiffner: All right, let's not have a meltdown...

Billy: It's me...

Ryan: What?

Billy: Yeah, I don't think he appreciates me fartin' in his face all night... First it was accidental, now I'm tryin' to make him cry... and I'm pretty sure I just poo-pooed in my panties...

Tenley: You don't understand...

Ryan: Understand what? Being broke? I understand!

Tenley: No...

Ryan: Understand what? Doing something you love? I understand! I love standing on that mound with a baseball in my hand... Staring at a guy holdin' a club *60* feet away... KNOWING... that he can't touch me... It is the only place in the world that I feel powerful...

Tenley: Why are you so scared?

Ryan: Scared of what?

Tenley: Of everything! Success? Love? You say you love getting on that mound and playing baseball! Why would you ever settle for cutting grass?

Sean Dunne: Mr. Parrish. Remember my son Ryan?

Ryan: How are you doing?

Rand Parrish: Fellows, could you do me a favor and not park on the main driveway? Just use the service drive from now on. Thanks.

Sean Dunne: I drove by the Chamberlains'. I thought you were going to do their lawn.

Ryan: I had practice.

Sean Dunne: How's the coach?

Ryan: I told you not to talk to him.

Sean Dunne: I didn't.

Ryan: Someone told him the story about Mom dying.

Sean Dunne: Maybe someone's trying to help you.

Ryan: Thanks, but I can screw this up on my own.

Sean Dunne: Tough loss tonight. Nine innings, six hits, five runs, three walks, eight strikeouts and one big mistake. I was talking to one of the scouts, the guy in the suspenders. He's from the Phillies. He was curious about your college career. I made up a few stories.

Ryan: That's great, Dad.

Sean Dunne: I'm trying to help here, hotshot. Most important thing in your life, you don't want my help? Not interested?

Ryan: I got some place to be!

[he runs away]

Sean Dunne: Chasing some Shore Road princess who's trying to get Daddy's attention by screwing the lawn boy.

Ryan: I love her.

Pete: Me too!

[looks at Auggie]

Pete: Who?

Ryan: What?

Jennifer: What? This. This, what is this?

Ryan: I don't know! Nothing's going on.

Jennifer: Really? Because I just ran into Megan and she told me that you broke up with her. Is that what this is about? Because I thought I told you not to tell her anything.

Ryan: Yeah, I know.

Jennifer: Well are you upset?

Ryan: No!

Jennifer: So what's going on?

Ryan: I don't know! Things are different.

Jennifer: But I thought we talked about that. Ryan, I thought that we said that we didn't want anything to be different. I thought we said that having sex was just a huge mistake and - and I mean, I mean it was weeks ago now, I thought we'd go back to being just friends, I thought that that would just...

Ryan: Why was it a mistake?

Jennifer: What?

Ryan: You and me. Why was that a mistake? I'm curious.

Jennifer: I thought we talked about it, what - you wanna go over it again?

Ryan: No, you wanna talk - let's talk. Was it a mistake because anything that even comes close to real intimacy freaks you out? Or just that I'm not good enough for you?

Jennifer: Ryan, you - you kissed me and - and I responded. But I wouldn't have done it if I thought it was gonna end our friendship.

Ryan: And neither would I.

Jennifer: Ryan, if I could take it all back, I would.

Ryan: Take it. It's yours. Put it on the shelf with all your other one-night stands.

Jennifer: Why are you doing this?

Ryan: Look, that night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you. But being with you was like going to a place that I had never been before. And after you fell asleep I just laid there, staring up at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling, and - after a while they just started forming a pattern, this weird glow-in-the-dark pattern that linked together our entire relationship. And for the first time everything seemed clear to me - like one logical progression. It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made and I had nothing to do with it. Being with you made me feel that maybe I didn't have to keep planning anymore because it felt like I was actually living. And that for once in my life I wouldn't have to work so hard at being happy. That it could just happen. Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.

Jennifer: Ryan...

Ryan: What, what - you wanna go hang out at the library and pretend like nothing happened? I can't do that.

Jennifer: I'm sorry. I'm sorry - I don't know what to say.

Ryan: Look, you don't have to say anything. I have to go. Have fun in Italy.

Jennifer: I don't know what's wrong with me. I...

Ryan: Maybe you're gettin' your period.

Jennifer: [laughs] Yeah, maybe.

[last lines]

Ryan: [as the plane starts takeoff] One, two, three, four...

Jennifer: You should just try breathing. It'll help you relax.

Ryan: ...seven, eight.

Jennifer: Trust me?

[he looks at her, kisses her]

Hunter: Whadda they want?

Ryan: Who?

Hunter: They. Them. The chiquitas. You know, I'm bustin' my ass out there trying to fit into their little mold of what makes an interesting, sexy guy, and I can not figure out what they want.

Ryan: What do YOU want?

Hunter: Gee, I dunno. Get laid. Have fun. Have someone love me for who I am.

Ryan: Oh-ho. And, uh, who is that, exactly?

Hunter: You're... you're right. You are absolutely right. I mean, what... what's wrong with being from the country, huh? A simple kid raised on fresh eggs and good values who had to get up at the crack of dawn every morning with a three-legged dog named Lucky by his side to help his pa with the cattle.

Ryan: Hunter.

Hunter: Yeah?

Ryan: You're not from the country.

Hunter: Ah! Jeez, Ryan, wha... what do you want me to say? "Hi, my name is Steve. I grew up in the suburbs with two working parents, two sisters and a two-car garage. I have no real identity, nor do I have a clue what I'm doing or what I want to be. Wanna go out?"

Ryan: [pause] Your name is Steve?

Jennifer: Hey, did you guys read how the zoo animals tried to reorganize their cages in alphabetical order? Apparently the aardvark started it.

Ryan: That's right but the zebras, they... they vetoed it.

Hunter: [upon hearing Ryan and Betty broke up] Well, this is great news. Now you and me can hit the circuit.

Ryan: [correcting] You and I.

Hunter: Right.

Ryan: I don't think so.

Hunter: No, believe me, it's way easier with two of us. You see, you pretend to be my idiot cousin, and for the weekend, all of a sudden - I'm sensitive. You get drunk, start coming on too strong and I beat the shit out of you - I'm masculine.

Ryan: I don't think I'm ready for that.

Hunter: Well, we can trade off. You can hit me first.

Ryan: I think too many differences make relationships impossible.

Jennifer: Michael and I didn't agree on anything. Ever. That's what I loved about it. We fought, shouted, had sex. I mean, that's what I miss.

Ryan: That doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

Jennifer: Yeah, but what do you know about healthy relationships?

Ryan: Excuse me?

Jennifer: You should get back in the saddle.

Ryan: Ahh, no. I'm the kind of cowboy that doesn't like to ride.

Tiffani von der Sloot: If you think going out on a fake gay date will make me jealous, you're dumber than a flock of Palins.

Ryan: I don't wanna make you jealous, I just wanna piss you off!

Zack: You can say THAT again.

Ryan: Mind if I don't?

Tiffani von der Sloot: [watching Casey and Zack after locking them in a house together] Are they fucking yet?

Ryan: Not even close. Is this gonna work?

Tiffani von der Sloot: Trust me. It's science. If you leave two dicks together, eventually one of them's going to need sucking... like prison.

Casey: You're straight?

Ryan: We're just three dudes, havin' some fun, now PULL.

Ryan: I'm aware of how all this sounds and can well imagine the judgments you're forming, but if I'm really to explain this to you then I have no choice but to be... candid.

[sighs]

Ryan: Yes, it was a pickup. Plain and simple. And she was what one might call a granola cruncher. A hippy. And she was straight out of Central casting: the sandals, flamboyantly long hair, financial support from parents she reviled, and some professed membership in an apostrophe-heavy Eastern religion that I defy anyone to pronounce correctly. Look, I'll just bite the political bullet and confess that I classified her as a strictly one-night objective. And that my interest in her was due almost entirely to the fact that yes, she was pretty. She was sexually attractive. She was sexy. And it was really nothing more complicated or noble than that. And having had some prior dealings with the cruncher genus, I think the one-night proviso was due to the grim unimaginability of having to talk with her for more than one night. Whether or not you approve, I think we can assume you understand. And there's something-I mean, near contempt in the way that you can casually saunter over to her blanket and create the sense of connection that will allow you to pick her up. And you almost resent the fact that it's so goddamn easy. I mean, how exploited you feel that it is so easy to get this type to regard you as a kindred soul. You almost know what's going to be said before she even opens her mouth.

[sighs]

Ryan: Okay, so now there we are in my apartment, and she begins going on about her religious views. Her obscure denomination's views on energy fields and connections between souls via what she kept calling "focus." And in response to some sort of prompt or association, she begins to relate this anecdote. And in the anecdote, there she is: hitchhiking. Well she said she knew she made a mistake the moment she got in the car. Her explanation was that she didn't actually feel any energy field until she shut the car door and they were moving... at which point it was too late. And she wasn't melodramatic about it, but she described herself as literally paralyzed with terror. It was something about his eyes. She said she knew instantly in the depths of her soul that this man's intentions were to brutally rape, torture, and kill her. And that by the time the psychotic had exited into a secluded area and actually said what his true intentions were, she wasn't the least bit surprised because she knew that she was going to be just another grisly discovery for some amateur botanist or scout troupe a few days later-unless she could focus her way into a soul connection that would prevent this man from murdering her. I mean to focus intently on this psychotic as an ensouled and beautiful-albeit tormented-person in his own right, rather than merely as a threat to her. And I'm well aware that what she is about to describe is nothing more than a variant of the stale, old love-will-conquer-all... but for the moment, just bracket your contempt and try to see what she actually has the courage and conviction to really attempt here. Because imagine what it must have felt like for her. For anyone. Contemplate just how little-kid-level scared you would be and that this psychotic could bring you to this point simply by wishing it. And now here she is in the car, and she's realizing that she's in for the biggest struggle of her spiritual life. She stares directly into the psychopath's right eye and wills herself to keep her gaze on him directly at all times. And the effects of her focus... she says that when she was able to hold her focus, this psychopath behind the wheel would gradually stop ranting and become tensely silent. And she wills herself not to weep or plead, but merely to use focus as an opportunity to empathize. And this was my first hint of sadness in listening to the anecdote as I found myself admiring certain qualities in her story that were the same qualities I had been contemptuous of when I first picked her up in the park! And then he asked her to get out of the car and lie prone on the ground. And she doesn't hesitate or beg. She was experiencing a whole new depth of focus so that she could hear the tick of the cooling car, bees, birds. Imagine the temptation to despair in the sound of carefree birds only yards from where you lay breathing in the weeds. And in this heightened state, she said she could feel the psychotic realizing the truth of the situation at the same time she did. And when he came over to her and turned her over, he was crying. And she claimed it took no effort of will to hold him as he wept... as he raped her. She just stared into his eyes lovingly the entire time. She stayed where he left her all day in the gravel, weeping, and giving thanks to her religious principles. She wept out of gratitude she says. Well I don't mind telling you, I had begun to cry at this story's climax. Not loudly, but I did. She had learned more about love that day with the sex offender than any other stage of her spiritual journey. And I realized in that moment that I had never loved anyone before. She had addressed the psychotic's core weakness. The terror of a soul-exposing connection with another human being. Nor is any of this all that different than a man sizing up an attractive girl at a concert and pushing all the right buttons to induce her to come home with him. And lighting her cigarettes and engaging in an hour of post-coital chitchat. Seemingly very intent and close. But what he really wants to do is give her a special disconnected telephone number and never contact her again. And that the reason for this cold and victimizing behavior is that the very connection he had worked so hard to make her feel terrifies him.

[pauses]

Ryan: Do you see how open I'm being with you here? Well I know I'm not telling you anything you haven't already decided you know. I can see you forming judgments with that chilly smile. You're not the only one who can read people you know. And you know what? It's because of her influence that I am more sad for you than pissed off. Because the impact of this story was profound and I'm not even going to begin to describe it to you. Can you imagine how any of this felt? To look at her sandals across the room on the floor and remember what I had thought of them only hours before. And I'd say her name and she'd say "What?" and I'd say her name again. Well I'm not embarrassed-I don't care how this sounds to you now. I mean, can you see how I could not just let her go after this? I just-I grabbed onto her skirt and I begged her not to leave. And then I watched her gently close the door and walk off barefoot down the hall. And never seeing her again. But it didn't matter that she was fluffy or not terribly bright! Nothing else mattered! She had all of my attention-I had fallen in love with her! I believed that she could save me. Well I'm aware of how all this sounds, I can see that look on your face. I know you. And I know what you're thinking. So ask it. Ask it now, this is your chance. "I believed she could save me" I said. Ask it now. Say something! I stand here naked before you. Judge me, you bitch. You happy now? You all worn out? Well be happy because I don't care. I knew she could and I knew I loved. End of story.

Ryan: I'd kill myself right now, but I'd probably end up in Hell, and that would be redundant.

Barry: Well, at least you'd be among friends.

[When answering a letter from a woman about facial hair]

Ryan: Dear 'Adolf', if a guy wants to munch hair, he'll know where to find it.

Ryan: [writing as Cindy] The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.

Ryan: Is she available?

Iris: Business or Pleasure?

Ryan: Business.

Iris: Serious- or Monkey-?

Ryan: None of your-.

Eddie 'Gonzo' Gilman: Gonzo Gilman with The Courier. What're your hopes and fears for the new year?

Ryan: I hoped that you'd get out of my face and, uh... I fear that you will not.

Scott: You guys are shit-faced.

Ryan: [drunk] How dare... you.

Mary: That is silly. I am sober as a fucking judge.

Mary: Scott! We have a contract.

Ryan: Don't make me put a Breathalyzer on that phone.

Mary: God damn it, Scott! No one wants to see it work out between you and Leslie more than Ryan and I. You are screwing it up!

Scott: What am I screwing up?

Ryan: You asked her to move in after two dates.

Mary: Two!

Ryan: Come on, man! Couldn't scare her away any faster if you told her if you were a Nazi sympathizer who's into fondling puppy balls!

Mary: Or a chronic masturbater!

[Mary grabs Ryan's groin]

Scott: Mary, come on!

Mary: Come on, what? Want me to act like it's no big deal that my man's at half-mast? It is a big deal!

Scott: We're just having some guy time, all right? He'll just keep it in his pants.

Ryan: [high-pitch voice] Uh-huh.

Scott: I promise.

Ryan: And, um, if it's any consolation as you can see, I am completely flaccid now.

Scott: We all are, Ryan. We all are.

Ryan: Friends don't let friends talk to exes drunk.

Matt: If this old bed could talk, huh? You do remember all that stuff, right?

Ryan: What were we thinking, huh?

Ryan: What if I'm not stuck. What if I like workin' outside? What if I like knowing the people I see on the street and goin' to the same church I grew up in? How do you know this isn't what I want my life to be?

Matt: Because of all those nights we spent talking about getting out, all of those things you said. That's how I know.

Ryan: People change, Matt. You sure did. You come back here like you've got it all figured out, but do you? What about all that shit you said, like you'd always have my back, we'd always be tight, you'd always be there. Was that only supposed to be when we were fucking?

[after showing Ryan the tape of Hellboy and Glauren having sex]

Ryan: I'm gonna rip Hellboy a new asshole.

Valo: No, I think Hellboy ripped Glauren a new asshole.

Valo: Yo, what was it like though, bein' in jail for the first time? Was it good?

Ryan: Just drop it.

Valo: Did you meet any new friends?

Ryan: Just drop it, alright?

Ryan: [halfheartedly throws bottle]

Valo: That was the most pussified attempt I have ever seen.

Glauren: What do you mean no? You said you'd do anything for me the other night!

Ryan: I think I was drunk... and rather stupid. So no. And fuck off.

Glauren: Me fuck off?

Ryan: FUCK OFF!

Glauren: Fuck you!

[slaps Valo]

Valo: You've got a fucking rhinoceros on your chest! What the hell did you do?

Ryan: I just got a tattoo...

Valo: It looks ri-Goddamn-diculous!

Valo: When was the last time you beat off?

Ryan: ...What?

Valo: When was the last time you beat off?

Glauren: I get all the free games I want. What can you offer me?

Ryan: I don't know how I can compete with free games, but how about my UTTER DEVOTION to you?

Glauren: That's so overrated.

Marilyn: Ix-nay on the Ookie-may.

Ryan: Okay-way.

Patrick: [sarcastically, feigning seriousness] I'm not sure your code is secure.

Ryan: Don't look.

Marilyn: It's a surprise.

Patrick: [rolls eyes] Well, it can't be any worse than the last one.

Ryan: [in unison with Marilyn] Karaoke!

Marilyn: [flicks switch to turn on machine] Do!

Patrick: Hm. Wrong again.

Ryan: [with echo] Do you karaoke?

Patrick: I don't do that.

[with echo]

Patrick: So that's a no.

Ryan: If you play with fire... you're bound to get fucked!

Adm. Tennant: [Exiting engine room] I've never seen anything like it in my whole life!

Ryan: We keep it running, sir.

Adm. Tennant: Yeah, Yeah, you can also hang upside-down with your belt from a doorknob and kick the transom open with your feet, but I don't recommend it Chief.

Ryan: The first phase is hallucinogenic... the second phase is glandular... and the third phase is AHH, GAWD !

Ryan: Mommy, where's daddy?

Cop: Could you step out of the car? Were you trying to signal me with your headlights?

Terry: I can't say anything now

Cop: Don't move

Ryan: [On the phone] We hit pay dirt. The gal in question is Yvonne LeDoux, a bur-le-q queen workin' out of the Bijou Theater, but that's not all. She's also the widow of the late Benny McBride'

Lt. Jim Cordell: Benny's wife, huh?

Ryan: You should see her workin' clothes Imagine a dish like this married to a mug like Benny McBride... the naked and the dead.

Lt. Jim Cordell: Very funny.

[from trailer]

Ryan: The prisons we end up in are always of our own making. I thought I'd set myself free once... but I'd just swapped one prison for another.

[from trailer]

Ryan: Ten men had to pay for what they did. I've killed seven. That leaves three more.

Dr. Doremus - Coroner: [about the dead Archer Coe] There couldn't have been much of a struggle. His hair isn't even mussed.

Ryan: [Sardonically] Somebody must have blackjacked him and then combed his hair.

Ryan: Suicide?

Dr. Doremus - Coroner: All I know is he's dead, and there's still too many people in the world.

Philo Vance: [Sniffing the aroma of the lipstick from the back of his hand] Gardenia, I should say. Definitely common. Do you know anything about lipstick, Ryan?

Ryan: [Taking offence] What do you think I am?

Philo Vance: Hmmm... I'll let you know.

Ryan: [Annoyed, as Vance is leaving] Okay, wise guy, you're not out of the woods yet!

Philo Vance: You're right, Ryan.

Philo Vance: [Approaching Grassi's table as he is eating] Signor Grassi?

Eduardo Grassi: [Looking up] Yes.

Philo Vance: The same Signor Grassi who distinguished himself in the Ethiopian campaign?

Eduardo Grassi: The same.

Philo Vance: I hope you'll pardon the intrusion. My name is Philo Vance.

Eduardo Grassi: Oh, uh, won't you join me? I've heard of you too.

Philo Vance: Have you also heard that Mr. Archer Coe, whose airplane designs you've tried to buy for your government has been murdered?

Eduardo Grassi: [Shocked] Murdered?

Ryan: Yes, stabbed in the back! And the dagger's been a favorite Latin weapon since Nero played with matches!

Ryan: [as they are entering the front doo] By the way, Philo, how was the weiner schnitzel over there?

Philo Vance: Hmmm, mostly bread and water!

Philo Vance: [Finding no knife hole in the robe Coe was apparently stabbed in] This complicates things a bit.

Ryan: Hunh?

Philo Vance: You still think it was suicide?

Ryan: It's clear he couldn't have slugged, shot, and stabbed himself... particularly in the back.

Terence Fletcher: Nieman, you lost the fucking part.

Andrew: No, I didn't! You can't fucking do this to me!

Terence Fletcher: CAN'T?

Andrew: Yeah!

Terence Fletcher: When did you become a fucking expert on what I can or cannot do, you fucking weepy willow shitsack?

Andrew: I earned that part.

Terence Fletcher: You never earned anything. God, you are a self-righteous prick. The only reason you are a core is because you misplaced a folder. The only reason you're in studio band to begin with is because I told you EXACTLY what I'd be asking for in Nassau! Am I wrong?

Andrew: Yeah, yeah. I'm in studio band because I'm the best player...

Ryan: [interrupts] Hey, why don't you just back off, bro?

Andrew: Hey, you know, fuck off, Johnny Utah! Turn my pages, bitch!

Terence Fletcher: Hey, I can cut you any fucking time I want.

Andrew: You would've cut me by now.

Terence Fletcher: Try me, you fucking weasel!

Ryan: Don't worry about Fletcher. He's more bark than bite.

Ryan: People don't notice all the secrets around them. Even though they're right in front of them, just hiding, waiting to be found.

Elissa: Dawn? What are you doing up that early?

Ryan: I sit out back and I write stuff. Like stories. You know, it's easy. I don't know, it's like - it's like at time of the day, because everyone's still asleep, all the best thoughts haven't been taken yet.

Ryan: I want you Elissa... but I need Carrie Anne.

Jon: I'm going to Palm Springs this weekend and uh, well, why don't you come?

Ryan: Aren't you going with Billy?

Jon: No.

Ryan: You mean, me and Gina?

Jon: No. Just... huh... me and you.

Ryan: Well... Sure. Why not? But... why wait?

Jon: Exactly.

Ryan: Let's do it now.

Jon: Yeah?

Ryan: Yeah. Suck me off, right now. Right here. Now. In the office.

Jon: Yeah?

Ryan: Yeah. C'mon! Get to work. Fuckin' put it in your mouth.

Jon: Seriously?

Ryan: Seriously. C'mon, I need to get off, make it hard. This is what you want? Suck me off right now. You know you want it.

Ryan: Don't worry, baby. It'll be alright. It'll be okay.

Travis: Name me one thing I've ever been wrong about!

Ryan: ...thinks for a moment... My sister?

Travis: ...pause... Yeah, that was bad...

Ryan: [voice heard as Brent is walking away] So he did the same thing to this Emily girl?

Jess: Yeah.

Ryan: Well, you have to tell the cops.

Jess: I can't. Emily trusted me not to say anything. I mean, she hasn't even told her parents that she's coming forward.

[Ryan shakes his head and she comes to the other side of the bed]

Ryan: Well, when are you meeting with her?

[turns to meet her face to face and sits on the bed and she leans on his lap]

Jess: Tomorrow.

Ryan: Okay. I'm going with you.

Jess: [resolute, caressing Ryan's side of his face and neck ] No. She wants me to come alone.

Ryan: I don't... think that's a good idea.

Jess: It'll be fine. And we're finally gonna get him.

[intense music as they look at each other]

Joshua: Man, you got a mean left hook.

Ryan: Ooo. Sorry about that. Hey, you know, your shots were pretty good, too. I was feelin' that the next day.

Ryan: So, what're you doin' here?

Joshua: I just... I love hangin' out with old people.

Jessica: [Jessica wants Ryan's brother Roman out of her house] When are we getting our house back?

Ryan: Everybody is always giving Roman a raw deal. He's my brother, I'm not going to do that.

Jessica: I know you don't see it, but he scares me.

Ryan: That's great. You actually believe that?

Ron: I don't believe it I know it.

Ryan: You can't know something if it's a choice.

Ron: Where did you learn that college bullshit, from your philosophy professor?

Ryan: I'm just saying people don't need certain things even though they might think they do.

Ron: How the fuck would you know what people need? Who pays your tuition? Huh? Who pays your fucking rent?

Ryan: Mom and Dad.

Ron: You're a little fucking infant, in diapers, you fucking bitch! Why don't you come and talk to me when the naïveté wears off!

Ryan: I don't want to be in your dumb clubhouse anyway. I'm gonna build my own.

Darren: You do that.

Nick: Yeah you do that.

Darren: And take all your stupid girls with you!

Darren: Yeah, we don't want any stupid girls in our clubhouse.

Barbara: Look at all the things he did to us. We need to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Barbara: What are you a lemming?

Jake: No!

Ryan: Then prove it!

Barbara: I'll even give you a head start.

Ryan: [from trailer] No, that's not creepy at all.

Nikki: Welcome to Texas, motherfucker!

[Nikki then shoots at Leatherface through the barn door and the chainsawing stops]

Ryan: Did you hit him?

Nikki: I don't know.

Ryan: Did you hit him!

Nikki: I don't know!

[Ryan sees headlights heading towards the barn door]

Ryan: Something's coming back up. Back up! Back up, Nikki!

[Nikki yells when the van rams through the door]

Heather Miller: Get in!

Ryan: It's Heather!

Nikki: [while changing tops] So do you know anything about this place?

Heather Miller: Just the address.

Carl: We're just heading out, right?

Ryan: That's the deal.

Ryan: Do you hear what I'm saying man? We're being hunted!

[from outside the caravan the next morning]

Ashley: [yells] Brett! Brett!

Ryan: [groans] Oh my fucking... gosh.

Ashley: Brett!

[Ryan walks outside the caravan]

Ryan: Ashley.

Ashley: Brett!

Ryan: Ashley, honey. Do me a favour, shut the fuck up!

Ashley: I can't find Brett.

Ryan: It's way too early for this.

Abi: What'd you mean you can't find Brett?

Ashley: I woke up this morning and the door was open and I can't find Brett

Ryan: Is he taking a shit.

[Abi laughs]

Ashley: [yells] Brett!

Ryan: Oh my God.

Abi: Stop yelling!

Ryan: Make her stop!

Ashley: Move! We need to go, we need to go find him!

Ryan: [impersonates Ashley] We need to go, we need to go find him!

Abi: He's probably at the campsite.

Ashley: Then let's go!

Ryan: [impersonates Ashley] Then let's go!

Ashley: Shut up!

Ryan: [impersonates Ashley] Shut up!

Tiffany: I've got Sissy's blood all over me.

Ryan: Well... the shower works...

Ryan: Pretty cool house!

Tiffany: Yeah, if you're in Amityville.

Ryan: I've been taking these pills for four years and I'm still not addicted.

Ryan: I'm trying to see where you're coming from. I really am. But I can't get my head that far up your ass.

Ryan: So I know bullfighting is part of your culture and everything but have you ever thought about... I don't know, baseball? You know, a bat, a ball.

Adela: A bat, a ball. A sword, a cap. Both are great traditions where men dress up in tights to impress women.

Ryan: I think we need to rethink whatever we think we thought.

Ryan: If you're going to follow somebody, youngster, do a better job of it. This world is full of nervous characters. They'd shoot you in the back first, and then introduce themselves.

Ryan: My gun.

[Warden retrieves Ryan's gun]

Ryan: Thank you... Now, the bullets.

Prison Warden: The bullets?

Ryan: Twenty seven. Fifteen years ago, you put 'em in one of those bottom drawers there.

Prison Warden: Twenty seven. You have a good memory.

Ryan: Well, sometimes its not difficult. I still had six in my gun and 21 in my belt. If they hadn't double- crossed me, the count had been a little bit different.

Ryan: Somebody tries to shoot me in the back, I defend myself.

Sheriff: You defend yourself almost too well, mister. They're both dead as doornails.

Ryan: They came in the window. It wasn't to wish me pleasant dreams.

Ryan: Two lessons, my son. First, watch behind you. Second, count your shots - four bullets for one man, that's a waste.

Ryan: [Sees Bill buried to his neck] You had to get here ahead of me didn't you?

[One of Wolcott's henchmen appears from his hiding, only to be swiftly gunned down by Ryan]

Ryan: Idiot. Are you on your way in or out of that hole? You remind me of a groundhog that couldn't make up its mind.

[last lines]

Ryan: Good luck, son.

Ryan: We both got an old account to settle with the same people. Only I want to take first crack at 'em.

Bill: We could go on together.

Ryan: No, son, you got too much hate in you. Sooner or later, that's gonna get you in trouble.

Bill: Hate is hate. There's no two ways...

Ryan: Somebody once wrote that revenge is a dish that has to be eaten cold. As hot as you are, you're liable to end with indigestion. No, I'm going on alone.

Ryan: Watch out for these things.

[tosses Cavanaugh back his Derringer]

Ryan: We wouldn't want you to get hurt... Not yet.

Bill: I can pay for the information, with his five hundred.

Ryan: He's worth more than that to me. Fifteen thousand. So I suggest you keep your distance. 'Cause if you don't, I might get MAD.