Rusty Quotes in Innerspace (1987)

Rusty: And give that 'crippled Tomcat' story a rest. We've all heard it!

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Oh, gosh, Rusty, you're right. 'Course, when MY moment of glory came, I didn't take a dump down the leg of MY flight suit!

Rusty: [to Thunder] If you only knew how many times I've dreamt of getting another shot at your ass.

Lasky: Has your father ever killed anyone?

Rusty: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.

Clark: Hey you can't prove that Russ.

Lasky: Rusty, may I call you Rusty? I had a bad experience on this ride once.

Rusty: What happened?

Lasky: I threw up.

Clark: I've spent the last 15 years of my life developing newer and better food additives. I guess I've missed an awful lot. At first, I didn't want to take this vacation. But, now I'm glad I did. It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time with you and... uh...

Rusty: Audrey.

Clark: Audrey, yeah.

Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath.

Clark: Rusty take care of Dinkums.

Rusty: Dad he bites.

Clark: Bite him back.

[Even though a Japanese plane is trying to strafe the heroes' boat, Pancho refuses to shoot at the pilots]

Rusty: What are you waiting for?

Pancho: I'm not firing until I see the slant of their eyes!

Burt Munro: So what are you doing in Vietnam?

Rusty: Umm, I'm involved in Operation Ranch Hand.

Burt Munro: What's that? Farming or something?

Rusty: Ah no, not exactly. We ah... we just started this program... we are spraying the jungle from the air with herbicides, so the enemy the Vietcong don't have any place to hide. Right... Agent Orange, we call this stuff.

Burt Munro, Rusty: [reading together from a series of roadside advert billboards] Your shaving brush... Has its day... It won't achieve... The modern way... BURMA SHAVE!

Burt Munro, Rusty: She doesn't kiss ya... Like she used to... Has she seen... Some smoother rooster... BURMA SHAVE!

Burt Munro, Rusty: These signs... We dedicate... To men... Who have... No date of late... BURMA SHAVE!

Burt Munro: Yeah, that's us. Well, you anyway.

[both laugh]

Rusty: But we should have this war done in about 6 months or so, that's what they keep telling us. Can't wait to get my ass out of there, to tell you the truth.

Burt Munro: Yeah, I remember the Great War in 1914. I was about your age. And that's what they kept telling everyone: "Soon be over." 20 million dead and 4 years later, it was still going on.

Rusty: [gazing at roadside neon-lit billboard of horseless cowboy with hip-slung gun] Look at that. Ooh, that's a cowboy and a half.

Rusty: Now, when you said you were gonna wear a cowboy hat, I didn't know how I'd feel about it.

Willard: And now that you've seen me in it, what's the verdict?

Rusty: I think you're sexier than socks on a rooster.

Willard: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Rusty: I mean it, stud.

Rusty: [trying to get Clark's attention] Dad?

Clark Griswold: In a minute Russ.

[talking to Cousin Eddie]

Clark Griswold: You see the promise of material possesions can often blind one to...

[Rusty taps Clark on the arm]

Clark Griswold: What is it, Russ?

Rusty: Those four cars over there... they're mine.

Clark Griswold: [surprised] What do you mean they're... they're yours?

Rusty: Yeah.

Clark Griswold: [suspiciously] Where did they come from, Russ?

Rusty: Well, four slot machines and I won four cars. You know, I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car.

Clark Griswold: I-I-I, okay, I think I get it. Give me the keys, please.

[Rusty hands Clark all the car keys]

Clark Griswold: Okay! Ellen you drive the red one,

[hands car keys to Ellen]

Clark Griswold: you take the white one,

[hands car keys to Audrey]

Clark Griswold: you take the Mustang,

[hands car keys to Rusty]

Clark Griswold: and I'll take that big, black thing over there. After you, Mr. Pappagiorgio!

Rusty: [about Las Vegas] Isn't there legalized prostitution?

Rusty: Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on mom!

Clark Griswold: It's all part of the act, Russ.

Rusty: So I says to him, I said "Get your own monkey!"

Mirage Reception Person: Welcome to the Mirage. May I have your credit card, please?

Clark Griswold: Yes, indeedy. Clark W. Griswold, four.

Mirage Reception Person: You know, we have an excellent dry cleaning service here, if you're so inclined.

Clark Griswold: Oh, uh? it's? it's a bbbirthmark.

Mirage Reception Person: Uh-huh. Now in order to get to your rooms, you're going to have to go this way through the casino, veer to the left. Take a sharp right at the first giant palm tree. You'll see a group of blackjack tables. Not baccarat, not craps, blackjack. Keep going, then wind around to your left. If you get to the pool, you've gone too far, back up and take another right. You'll see a bank of elevators. Those aren't your elevators, stay away from them. But keep going, you'll see another bank of elevators, the gold elevators, those are yours. Take them up to the tenth floor, take a right at the end of the hall and you'll find your room. Any questions?

Clark Griswold: Uh-uh-uh no not really. Russ!

Rusty: Yeah, dad.

Clark Griswold: Oh, there you are. Didja get that?

Pit Boss: [inspecting Rusty's fake ID / quizzing him on it] No, uh, corrective lenses tonight?

Rusty: No, I do not require them.

Rusty: Can't you just wrap me up in a blanket and roll me across the bed again?

Rusty: Your daddy didn't say, "If you work for Ms. Crock, you'll get ahead." He said if you work for Ms. Crock, you'll get head!

Rusty: Puffy is rough He is Tough and will kick your ass westside!

Rusty: Here, look. Got something for ya. The Codex Eroticon. A classic. Written like 1000 years ago. Makes the Kama Sutra look like Martha Stewart's prison notes. Ooh! You know what else I got? It's erotic comic books that I've been working on in conjunction with my memoirs.

Newmar: [reading the cover] "Uncensored and raw?"

Rusty: [reconsidering] You know what? The book'll do ya.

Newmar: I don't know about this.

Rusty: TAKE the Codex Eroticon, please! There's a legend that surrounds this hallowed tome, Newmar. They say that the moves contained within are so powerful that you can literally blow a chick's mind, turning her into some kind of raging nympho.

Newmar: Is that true?

Rusty: Well, that's what Tony told me at the Twat-A-Rama, and he would never lie to me.

Rusty: What's going on here? Is he going to kill your dad for you? Is that what you and him is about?

Katrina: I don't know what you're talking about. You're crazy.

Rusty: I'm crazy? You're having sex with a disabled!

Rusty: Have you heard of some fellas, who first came over to this country? You know what they found? They found a howling wilderness, with summers to hot, and winters freezing. Did they have insurance for their old age, for their crops, for their homes? They did not. They looked at the land and the forest and the rivers they looked at their wives, their kids, and their houses. Then they looked up at the sky and said thanks God, we'll take it from here. They were men!

[last minute tips to Linus]

Rusty: You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't, under any circumstances...

Livingston: [from another room] Rus?

Rusty: Yeah?

Livingston: Come look at this?

Rusty: Sure.

Danny: Ten oughta do it, don't you think?

Rusty: [Stares of in silence, not looking at Danny]

Danny: You think we need one more?

Rusty: [remains silent with his head leaning on top of his folded arms while hunched over on the bar]

Danny: You think we need one more.

Rusty: [remains silent with his head leaning on top of his folded arms on the bar]

Danny: All right, we'll get one more.

Rusty: [Blinks]

Rusty: You scared?

Linus: You suicidal?

Rusty: Only in the morning.

Reuben: [as Danny and Rusty are leaving Reuben's home after lunch] Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.

Danny: That was our pleasure.

Rusty: I'd never been to Belize.

Danny: Thirteen million and you drive this piece of shit cross country to pick me up?

Rusty: [sarcastically] Blew it all on the suit.

[while they are watching a dozen Chinese acrobats at a circus]

Danny: Which one is the amazing Yen?

Rusty: [intentionally being vague] He's the little Chinese guy.

Rusty: I need the reason. Don't say money. Why do this?

Danny: Why not do it?

[Rusty shakes his head]

Danny: Because yesterday I walked out of the joint after losing four years of my life and you're cold-decking "Teen Beat" cover boys.

[pause]

Danny: Because the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes, the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big, and then you take the house.

[another pause]

Rusty: Been practicing that speech, haven't you?

Danny: Little bit. Did I rush it? Felt like I rushed it.

Rusty: No, it was good, I liked it. "Teen Beat" thing was harsh.

Rusty: [on Danny walking out of prison in a loosened black-tie suit] I hope you were the Groom.

Danny: [on Rusty's attire for picking him up from prison] Ted Nugent called, he wants his shirt back.

Saul: I have a question, say we get into the cage, and through the security doors there and down the elevator we can't move, and past the guards with the guns, and into the vault we can't open...

Rusty: Without being seen by the cameras.

Danny: Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that.

Saul: Yeah well, say we do all that... uh... we're just supposed to walk out of there with $150,000,000 in cash on us, without getting stopped?

[pause as everyone turns to look at Danny]

Danny: [unconfidently and unenthusiastically] Yeah.

Saul: [nervously] Oh. Okay.

Danny: You gotta walk before you crawl.

Rusty: Reverse that.

Rusty: [in Rusty's car with Rusty driving] God, I'm bored!

Danny: You look bored.

Rusty: I am bored!

[long pause]

Rusty: How was the clink? You get the cookies I sent?

Danny: [sarcastically] Why do you think I came to see you first?

Reuben: [as Danny and Rusty are leaving Reuben's house after lunch] Give Dominic your addresses, I got some remaindered furniture I want to send you. Look, just out of curiosity, which three casinos did you geniuses decide to rob?

Rusty: The Bellagio...

Danny: The Bellagio, the Mirage, and the MGM Grand.

Reuben: [drops his fork] Those are Terry Benedict's casinos.

Danny: Is that right?

Rusty: That's right.

Reuben: You guys, what do you got against Terry Benedict?

Rusty: What do you have against him, that's the question?

Reuben: He torpedoed my casino, muscled me out. Now he's gonna blow it up next week to make way for some gaudy monstrosity. Don't think I don't know what you're doing.

Rusty: What are we doing, Reuben?

Reuben: If you're gonna steal from Terry Benedict, you'd better goddamn *know*. This sort of thing used to be civilized. You'd hit a guy, he'd whack you, done. But with Benedict... at the end of this, he'd *better* not know you're involved, not know your names or think you're dead, because he'll kill ya, and *then* he'll go to work on ya.

Danny: That's why we're going to have to be very careful. Very precise.

Rusty: Mmm, well-funded.

Reuben: Yeah. Ya gotta be *nuts*, too. And you're gonna need a crew as *nuts* as you are!

[pause]

Reuben: So who've you got in mind?

Rusty: [upset after having realizing Danny lied to him] Tell me this is not about her, or I am walking. I am walking off this job right now.

Danny: Who?

Rusty: Tess. Terry Benedict. Tell me this is not about screwing the guy who's screwing your wife.

Danny: Ex-wife.

Rusty: Tell me.

Danny: It's not about that.

[pause]

Danny: It's not entirely about that.

[Rusty turns away, furious]

Danny: Russ, do you remember what we said back when we first got into this business. We said we were gonna play the game...

Rusty, Danny: Like we had nothing to lose.

Danny: Well, I lost something... I lost someone. That's why I'm here.

[long pause]

Rusty: Okay, here's the problem ? we're stealing two things. And when push comes to shove, and you can't have both, which are you gonna choose? And remember - Tess does not split eleven ways!

Bartender: [over the noise in the background, inside the crowded club] How's the game going?

Rusty: Longest hour of my life.

Bartender: [not hearing him] What?

Rusty: I'm running away with your wife.

Bartender: Great!

[He grins and flashes Rusty a thumbs-up]

Rusty: [in an empty office after business hours] You'd need at least a dozen guys doing a combination of cons.

Danny: Like what, do you think?

Rusty: Off the top of my head, I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever.

[masquerading as an A.T.F. agent, Rusty shoves Basher against a police car, pretending to search him]

Rusty: [under his breath] Hey, Bash.

Basher: Hey, Russ.

Rusty: How fast can you put something together from what I just slipped you?

Basher: It's done.

[Rusty lifts up Basher, and they slowly leave the crime scene]

Basher: Hey, is Danny about?

Rusty: Yeah, he's waiting around the corner.

Basher: Oh, that's terrific! It will be nice working with proper villains again.

Rusty: [turns and shouts] Everybody down, now!

[they break into a run as explosions rock the crime scene]

Basher: Ha-ha-ha! They weren't expecting that shit!

Rusty: Nice work.

Basher: Oh, thank you.

Linus: [excited assuming the heist is going to be easy] Smash and grab job, huh?

Rusty: Slightly more complicated than that.

Linus: Well, yeah.

[last lines]

[Danny has just got out of jail]

Danny: Hi!

Tess: [in Rusty's car] Hi. We need to get Rusty a girl.

Rusty: [jokingly] There's a women's prison down the road.

Danny: [noticing Tess is wearing her wedding ring] You said that you sold this.

Tess: I said that.

Danny: Liar.

Tess: Thief.

[they kiss]

[discussing possible candidates for their crew]

Danny: Phil Turenteen...

Rusty: Dead.

Danny: No shit. On the job?

Rusty: Skin cancer.

Danny: D'you send flowers?

Rusty: Dated his wife for a while.

Danny: [over the radio] Livingston, we're set.

Rusty: [over the radio] Livingston, we're set.

Livingston: [over the radio] Basher, we're set.

Basher: [over the radio] Hang on a minute chief.

Livingston: [over the radio] We don't have a minute, Yen's gonna suffocate.

Basher: [preparing to detonate the pinch] Well, then you'd better leave off bothering me, don't you think?

Rusty: [at the race track] Saul, you're the best there is. You're in Cooperstown. What do you want?

Saul: Nothing. I've got a duplex now, wall-to-wall, goldfish. I'm seeing a nice lady who works the "Unmentionables" counter at Macy's. I've changed.

Rusty: Guys like us don't change, Saul. We either stay sharp or we get sloppy, we don't change.

Topher Grace: [while walking through the hallways of a club] Hey Rus, let me ask you a question. Are you incorporated? Well, if not you should really think about it cos I was talking to my manager...

Rusty: Bernie?

Topher Grace: No, not Bernie, my business manager. You know what? They're both named Bernie. Anyway, he was saying that because what we do here is kind of like research for a future like gig or whatever I can totally make it a tax write off. The only thing is I'd have to pay you by check.

[Rusty stops and looks at him]

Topher Grace: Or we could stick to cash

[Rusty nods]

Topher Grace: You know what? Yeah, let's just stick to cash.

Topher Grace: [during the celebrity card game] Mr Ocean, what do you do for a living? If you don't mind me asking.

Danny: Why would I mind you asking? Two cards. I just got out of prison.

Topher Grace: Really?

Joshua Jackson: Well why were you in prison?

Danny: I stole things.

Shane West: You stole things? Like jewels?

Rusty: Incan matrimonial headmasks.

Shane West: Any money in those? Incan matrimonial

Danny: Headmasks. There's some.

Rusty: Don't let him fool you, there's boatloads. If you can move them. I'll take one. But you can't.

Danny: My fence seemed confident enough.

Rusty: Dealing in cash you don't need a fence.

Danny: [referring to Rusty] Some people lack vision.

Rusty: [sarcastically] Probably everybody in cell block E

Rusty: [impersonating a doctor, referring to Saul pretending to be dead] I'm sorry. He's gone.

Virgil Malloy: [as he and Turk enter, impersonating paramedics] Man, I told you to run.

Turk Malloy: Don't do that.

Virgil Malloy: What, I didn't tell you to run?

Saul: [at the race track] I saw you at the paddock... before the second race, outside the men's room when I placed my bet.

Saul: I saw you before you even got up this morning.

Rusty: How you been, Saul?

Saul: Never Better.

Rusty: What's with the orange?

Saul: My doctor says I need vitamins.

Rusty: So why don't you take vitamins?

Saul: [sarcastically] You come here to give me a physical?

Danny: [watching the monitors] Why do they always paint hallways that color?

Rusty: They say taupe is very soothing.

Danny: We'll need Saul.

Rusty: He won't do it. He got out of the game a year ago.

Danny: Get religion?

Rusty: Ulcers.

Danny: ...You could ask him.

Rusty: Hey, I could ask him.

Terry: [over the phone] All right. Now I have complied with your every request, would you agree?

Rusty: I would.

Terry: Good, 'cause now I have one of my own. Run and hide, asshole. Run and hide. If you should be picked up next week buying a hundred-thousand dollar sports car in Newport Beach, I am going to be supremely disappointed. Because I want my people to find you, and when they do, rest assured we are not going to hand you over to the police. So my advice to you again is this: run and hide. That is all that I ask.

Rusty: 'Wonder what Rueben'll say.

Reuben: [Cut to Rueben] YOU'RE OUTTA YOUR GODDAMN MINDS!

Linus: The last guy they caught cheating in here? Benedict not only sent him up for 10 years, he had the bank seize his house and then he bankrupted...

Rusty, Linus: -his brother-in-law's tractor dealership.

Rusty: Yeah, I heard.

[Yen slides down into the hole in the cart]

Rusty: [intentionally irritating him but jokingly] Amazing. You okay? You want something to read, a magazine or something?

[Yen's hand pops out of the hole, giving Rusty the finger]

Rusty: Okay.

Rusty: Saul, turn that off, will you?

Saul: [in fake accent] I'll turn it off when I'm ready to...

Rusty: Saul!

Saul: [normal voice] It's off, it's off!

[teaching poker to young Hollywood actors]

Rusty: Shane, you've got three pairs. You can't have six cards! You can't have six cards in a five-card game!

[teaching poker to young actors]

Rusty: Barry, your turn.

Barry Watson: Uh... four.

Rusty: You don't want four. You want to fold.

Barry Watson: I do? Is that a good thing?

Rusty: [takes Barry's cards and turns them down] you're done

Rusty: [Danny comes out of jail] "I hope you were the groom..."

Danny: [looking at Rusty's shirt] "Ted Nugent called, he wants his shirt back..."

Rusty: [in disguise wearing a wig and glasses] Did someone call for a doctor?

[On the phone]

Terry: Who the hell is this?

Rusty: The man who's robbing you!

Rusty: [finalizing their plans to rob three casinos] The Bellagio and the Mirage. These are Terry Benedict's places.

Danny: Yes they are. You think he'll mind?

Rusty: [sarcastically] More than somewhat.

Shane West: Hit me.

Rusty: It's not blackjack.

Explosives Cop: That's all you used in the event, nothin' else?

Basher: Hang on, are you accusing me of boobytrapping?

Explosives Cop: Well, how about it?

Rusty: [masquerading as an ATF agent] Booby traps aren't Mr. Tarr's style. Isn't that right, "Basher"?

[shows a badge]

Rusty: Peck, ATF. Let me venture a guess, simple g form mainliner, backwound, quick fuse with a drag under 20 feet? Yea... let me ask you somethin else did you search this scumbag for booby traps, on his person? I mean really search, not just for weapons?

[cop shakes head no]

Rusty: Stand back.

[shoves Basher against cop car]

Basher: Oy. here we go

Rusty: Go find Griggs, tell him I need to see him.

Explosives Cop: Who?

Rusty: Just find him, will ya?

Rusty: My first wife was the second cook at a third-rate joint on 4th Street.

Rusty: What is wrong about getting a little psyched over Ren? He's *cute*! He's from out of town, and *don't* tell me that doesn't curl your toes, Ariel, I know you too well. You want out of here so bad you probably memorize bus schedules.

Willard: Hey, I came with this girl.

Fat Cowboy: Well it doesn't look like you're leaving with her.

Willard: Hey, I guess you didn't hear me the first time.

Rusty: Willard, no fights, you don't even know this guy.

Fat Cowboy: Why don't you just flake off, huh?

Rusty: But you could learn to love me, darling.

Louis Jarvis: I can't afford the lesson!

Pansy: Oh Rusty, here I am, all dressed up and no place to go. Nobody loves me. Oh, why was I ever born?

Rusty: Well, everybody makes mistakes.

Denny: Come on.

Rusty: I don't have any cash.

Denny: There's an ATM in the lobby. Come on, porn-star, I want you up my ass so bad. Come on.

Rusty: Come on. You don't see ME kissin' some other guy that I don't know.

Denny: Look, I might be yours, but you don't own me. You got that?

Patsy: What's it like being gay?

Rusty: It's cool.

Rusty: A blonde, muscular guy doesn't exactly have a hard time in this town. Who ARE you?

Denny: It's kind of a big question for breakfast, don't you think?

Rusty: I know that I like houses because they can't reject me, and I know that sex isn't love - but it can be a handy substitute.

Daniel: So, this is like our lesbian moment, right?

Rusty: Oh, definitely. Yeah. Get the U-haul.

[Dude shoots at the feet of Skinny, who is unarmed]

Wild Bill Hickok: Rusty, you can finish shoeing my horse.

Rusty: What's the matter? Tired?

Wild Bill Hickok: No, but if you can't take care of Dude, you can shoe my horse while I look after him.

[Bill walks towards the sound of gunfire]

Rusty: Bill, you forgot your guns!

Wild Bill Hickok: I won't need 'em, Rusty. I'm a peaceable man.