Russell Ziskey Quotes in Stripes (1981)

Recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.

John Winger: Convicted? No.

Russell Ziskey: Never convicted.

John Winger: C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like going into Wisconsin.

Russell Ziskey: Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!

Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals?

John Winger: [John and Russell look at each other] You mean, like, flaming, or...

Recruiter: Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.

Russell Ziskey: No, we're not homosexual, but we are *willing to learn*.

John Winger: Yeah, would they send us someplace special?

Recruiter: I guess that's "no" on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph...

Russell Ziskey: You could join a monastery.

John Winger: Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?

Russell Ziskey: Never.

John Winger: So much for the monastery.

Russell Ziskey: John, do you think I'm officer material?

John Winger: God, I'm worried about you.

Russell Ziskey: Come on! I'm in good shape, I'm walking tall, I'm looking good. First weekend in Europe.

John Winger: Yeah. We're spending it in an airplane hangar... guarding a truck!

Russell Ziskey: We've got each other.

Russell Ziskey: I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.

Russell Ziskey: [trying to teach the platoon to march] C'mon, rhythm! Hut, 2, 3, 4. Black guys help the white guys...

John Winger: Come on. Let's take the truck.

[John stares at Russell. Russell looks away from the manual to John, then up to the EM-50]

Russell Ziskey: Nooo.

John Winger: Oh yeah.

Russell Ziskey: Nooo.

John Winger: Oh-ho, yeah.

Russell Ziskey: No, no.

John Winger: Oh-oh...

Russell Ziskey: No.

John Winger: ...yeah, yeah...

Russell Ziskey: No.

John Winger: ...yeah, yeah...

Russell Ziskey: No.

John Winger: ...yeah, yeah.

Russell Ziskey: No, John. No.

John Winger: I'll drive.

Russell Ziskey: Okay.

[when Russell is teaching English class]

Russell Ziskey: Okay, I know you're anxious to jump right in and start speaking English, but there's a couple of things I need to know first, because I've never done this before. So, how many of you would say you speak English fairly well, but with some difficulties?

[pause]

Russell Ziskey: A little English?

[a man raises his hand]

Russell Ziskey: Yes? You speak some English?

Man learning English: Son of bitch. Shit.

Class: [in unison] Son of bitch. Shit.

Russell Ziskey: [while Winger is doing push ups for the bet with Ziskey] I think you're ready for the Special Olympics...

Stella Hansen: Okay, guys, you're home. Get out.

Russell Ziskey: You're not gonna report this or anything, are you?

Stella Hansen: I'm gonna treat it like a UFO sighting. I saw something, but I'm not quite sure what it was.

Russell Ziskey: Thank You.

John Winger: I've had an interesting morning. In the last two hours I've lost my job, my apartment, my car, and my girlfriend.

Russell Ziskey: You still have your health.

Russell Ziskey: [Russell has just accosted John, who is trying to sneak off the base in the middle of the night... Russell has John on the ground] Where do you think you're going? Are you going AWOL? Are you going AWOL?

John Winger: No, I'm deserting.

Russell Ziskey: You idiot! You desert now, it's a federal offense!

John Winger: I'll take my chances with the feds!

Russell Ziskey: You're not going anywhere!

[pulls him up and throws him up against a tank]

Russell Ziskey: You listen to me! You're gonna finish basic training! You're gonna keep your mouth shut, and you're gonna do everything he tells you! You know why?

John Winger: [innocently] Why?

Russell Ziskey: Because you talked me into this, you idiot! It was your idea!

John Winger: I didn't talk you into this. You NEEDED this.

Russell Ziskey: [drags John back to the ground] I'm gonna kill you, damn you! Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, Goddamnit!

[MPs Stella and Louise pull up in their jeep]

Russell Ziskey: [after Winger pulls a gun on border guards] Do the words "act of war" mean anything to you?

John Winger: I have... a plan.

Russell Ziskey: Great! Custer had a plan, too.