Russ Cargill Quotes in The Simpsons Movie (2007)


Russ Cargill Quotes:

  • Russ Cargill: Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.

    President Schwarzenegger: Ok, I pick 3!

    Russ Cargill: Try again.

    President Schwarzenegger: 1!

    Russ Cargill: Go higher.

    President Schwarzenegger: 5?

    Russ Cargill: Too high.

    President Schwarzenegger: 3?

    Russ Cargill: You already said 3.

    President Schwarzenegger: 6?

    Russ Cargill: There is no 6.

    President Schwarzenegger: 2?

    Russ Cargill: Double it.

    President Schwarzenegger: 4!

    Russ Cargill: As you wish, sir.

  • Russ Cargill: [enters the Oval Office] President Schawarzenegger.

    President Schwarzenegger: Ja. That is me.

    Russ Cargill: The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.

    President Schwarzenegger: Ach! Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.

    Russ Cargill: You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you've heard this one.

    [holds up cage with the mutant squirrel]

    President Schwarzenegger: [gasp] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!

    Russ Cargill: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful government agency. Why did I take the job? Because I'm just a rich guy who wants to kick some ass for good old Mother Earth. I want to give something back. Not the money, but something. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.

    [spreads the files on the President's desk]

    Russ Cargill: Each one will cause untold misery and...

    President Schwarzenegger: [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!

    Russ Cargill: Really? You don't want to read them first?

    President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!

  • Russ Cargill: [levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]

    Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.

    Homer Simpson: So, we meet at last, whoever you are.

    Russ Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun, I'm going to do both right now.

    Bart Simpson: Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!

    Russ Cargill: What treasure?

    Bart Simpson: Uhm, the treasure of Ima Wiener.

    Russ Cargill: I'm a wiener?

    [Homer and Bart laugh]

    Homer Simpson: Classic!

    Russ Cargill: Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.

    [Cargill aims the shotgun, right as he is about to fire a boulder falls on him KOing him, the camera pans up to show Maggie]

    Homer Simpson: Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!

    [Maggie winks and does a hand gun at Homer]

  • Russ Cargill: I want ten thousand tough guys, and I want ten thousand soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher.

  • Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!

    Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.

  • Russ Cargill: Springfield has become...

    Man: Woooo! Springfield!

    Russ Cargill: ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.

    Krusty the Clown: Drama queen!

  • Moe: What are you telling us, were trapped like rats?

    Russ Cargill: No, rats can't be trapped this easily, you're trapped like... carrots.

  • EPA Official: S-sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power...

    Russ Cargill: Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you!

  • Russ Cargill: Your government has realized that sealing you under this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore, we are commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle

    [crowd cheers]

    Russ Cargill: ... which involves killing you all.

  • Cletus: [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it?

    Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?

    Cletus: [Flattered] Oh, you.

  • Russ Cargill: My name is Russ Cargill and I'm the head of the EPA.

    Moe: The what?

    Russ Cargill: Environmental Protection Agency.

    Lenny: Come again?

    Russ Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV. Just listen.

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