Rumson Quotes in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Rumson: She's picked up a bad case of the respectabilities. And in just a few days from now, that poor woman's going to be burnin' up in a fever of virtue. And then LOOK OUT.

Pardner: Why?

Rumson: Pardner, it's been my experience that there ain't nothin' more ruthless and treacherous than a genuine good woman.

Pardner: Where I come from, Mr. Rumson, we're cautious of strangers who talk in an easy manner.

Rumson: Oh. You've got me down as some kind of low scuff from New Orleans, hm? Sell you patent medicine with one hand, pinch your purse with the other?

Pardner: Matter of fact, that's kind of what I was thinkin'.

Rumson: As a matter of fact, Pardner, you're right. But I ain't yet sunk to horse stealin'. Oh, I've salted claims, yeah. And I've sold whiskey to Injuns. And once a man in Walla Walla come at me with a gun and I killed him. I can't think of one commandment I ain't shattered regular. I never did fancy my mother and father, let alone respect 'em or honor 'em. And I have coveted my neighbor's wife - whenever I had a neighbor and he had a wife, mm, mmm! And I gamble and I cheat at cards, but there's one thing I do not do. I ain't never gulled a pardner. The one sacred thing, even to low scuff like me, is a man's pardner.

Rumson: I'm an ex-citizen of nowhere, and sometimes I get mighty homesick.

Mr. Fenty: Horton, how did that bottle get in your pocket? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING HARD LIQUOR?

Horton: Well, since this afternoon. I know you don't approve, Pop, but believe me, until you've had a good cigar and a shot of whiskey, you're missing the second and third best things in life.

Rumson: Horton!

Pardner: Where'd you take him, Ben?

Elizabeth: Damn you, Ben Rumson. What are you going to teach this boy next? How to cheat at cards, or just physical education with one of Willie's floozies?

Horton: That's the best one, Pop!

Rumson: Horton!

Elizabeth: Is that what you did today, Ben?

Rumson: That's what *he* did today, Elizabeth! I tell you, that boy's got a talent for dissipation that is absolutely unique!

[Horton beams]

Rumson: You show me in them commandments where it says a woman cain't have two husbands.

Pardner: There AIN'T no commandment like that.

Pardner: What happens when you get in a fight?

Rumson: Well, if four of anything come at me at one time, you might lend a fist. Up until that I can pretty well take care of myself.

[the saloon starts collapsing]

Rumson: Let's get out of here, I think this place is drunk!

Rumson: Hey, Willie, were's the future father of our country?

'Rotten Luck'Willie: Oh, he'll be along as soon as his parents go to sleep.

Rumson: Could you tell him that I want to see him?

'Rotten Luck'Willie: Leave your room door open at wait your turn like everyone else.