Rudge Quotes in The History Boys (2006)

[at a mock interview for entrance to an Oxford college]

Tom Irwin: Um, Rudge...

Mrs. Lintott: Now. How do you define history Mr. Rudge?

Rudge: Can I speak freely, Miss? Without being hit?

Mrs. Lintott: I will protect you.

Rudge: How do I define history? It's just one fuckin' thing after another.

[raucous laughter from the other students, but the interview board is appalled]

Mrs. Lintott: I see. And why do you want to come to Christ Church?

Rudge: It's the one I thought I might get into.

Rudge: I did all the other stuff like Stalin was a sweetie and Wilfred Owen was a wuss.

Headmaster: Ah, Irwin! Splendid news!

[pops the cork of a bottle of champagne]

Headmaster: Splendid news! Posner a scholarship! Dakin an exhibition! And places for everybody else!

[cops a feel of Fiona's bum]

Headmaster: It's... it's more then one could have ever hoped for! Irwin you are to be congratulated! A remarkable achievement! Oh and, you too, you too Dorothy of course, you, ah, laid the foundation.

Mrs. Lintott: Not Rudge headmaster.

Headmaster: Not Rudge. Oh, dear.

Tom Irwin: He said nothing, the others have all had letters.

Headmaster: There's always an outside chance. It's a pity, it would have been good to have a clean swoop.

[Rudge appears at the door, but only seen by Mrs. Lintott]

Headmaster: Still as I've said all along, you can't polish a turd.

Mrs. Lintott: [Rudge leaves and Mrs. Lintott takes after him down the hallway] Rudge!

[Rudge stops and turns around]

Mrs. Lintott: You haven't heard from Oxford?

[Rudge shakes his head]

Mrs. Lintott: Perhaps you'll hear tomorrow.

Rudge: Why should I? They told me when I was there.

Mrs. Lintott: I'm sorry.

Rudge: What for? I got in.

Mrs. Lintott: How come?

Rudge: How come they told me, or how come they took a thick sod like me?... I had family connections.

Mrs. Lintott: [incredulously] Somebody in your family went to Christ Church?

Rudge: In a manner of speaking, my Dad, before he got married he was a college servant there. This old, parson, who just been sitting there most of the interview, suddenly said was I related to Bill Rudge who was a scout in staircase seven in the ninety-fifties. So, said he was my Dad, and they said I was the kind of candidate they were looking for. Mind you I did do the other stuff, like Stalin was a sweetie and Wilfred Owen was a wuss. They said I was plainly someone who thought for himself, and exactly what the college rugger team needed.

Mrs. Lintott: Are you not pleased?

Rudge: It's not like winning a match.

[watching Mackay testing the curry in the prison kitchens]

Fletcher: Course, he sees 'imself as an authority on curry, he does, on account of where he was stationed in the army.

Rudge: Where? India?

Fletcher: No, Bradford.

Mr Beal: What you in for?

Rudge: Two years.

Mr Beal: I didn't mean time, I meant offence.

Oakes: None taken.

[Fletcher and Rudge are on their way to the kitchens when another inmate passes by]

Fletcher: Watch out for 'im. 'Es the mad butcher of Slade prison.

Rudge: What did he do?

Fletcher: Fiddle the VAT on his sausages.

Fletcher: Cheer up, might never 'appen.

Rudge: Already 'as, I'm 'ere ain't I?

Fletcher: Now look. Whatever you're in 'ere for you did it didn't ya?

Rudge: Banged to rights? Yeah!

Fletcher: Yeah. Just like me. If we 'adn't have been caught we'd have been Jack the lad wouldn't we? But no. We was. We was collared, so don't bleat. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Rudge: Who was that fellow on the landing?

Fletcher: Who? Him? Harry Grout. He runs this prison.

Rudge: I thought that was the governor's job.

Fletcher: No only officially sonny. Next time you meet him bow, curtsy or lick his boots if he asks, all right?

Fletcher: Here you are lad. Shovel it.

Rudge: Shovel what?

Fletcher: Shovel that.

Rudge: Shovel it where?

Fletcher: From here to there.

Rudge: Why?

Fletcher: Why? Ah, if only we knew that sonny, but we don't do we. Ours not to reason why, ours but to clean the sty. Wordsworth.