Ruby Quotes in On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

James Bond: Now, when we authorize a coat of arms, it can include all sorts of funny things: crescent moons, portcullis, beasts, cochons, rampants, bars, bezants.

Nancy: Please, what is bezants?

James Bond: Gold balls. I brought a book on the subject with me. There's a picture of my own coat of arms, actually - which includes four of them. If you'd care to see them.

Ruby: I'd love to!

Ruby: Delicious! I used to hate chicken. Used to make me break out. It was all over. You'd be surprised where.

Ruby: Bad cop! No donut.

Ruby: Every piece of this is man's bullshit. They call this war "a cloud over the land" but they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say "Shit, it's rainin'!"

Ada: I can talk about farming in Latin. I can read French. I can lace up a corset, God knows. I can name the principal rivers in Europe, just don't ask me to name one stream in this county! I can embroider but I can't darn! I can arrange cut flowers but I can't grow them! If a thing has a function, if I might *do* something with it, then it wasn't considered suitable!

Ruby: ...Why?

Ada: Ruby, you can ask 'why' about pretty much everything to do with me! This fence is about the first thing that I've ever done that might produce an actual result.

[Ruby has just walked in on Inman and Ada talking by the campfire]

Ruby: Number one - shut this door, it's freezing. Number two - shut that door, it's freezing. I'm laying on my back, with my fingers poked in my ears trying to shut out who's got a bag of diamonds and who's carrying a tray. If you want to get three feet up a bull's ass, listen to what sweethearts whisper to each other. Now, if you're going to wimble wimble all night, I'm going to sleep in with him.

[she stomps into her father's hut]

Ruby: I despise a floggin' rooster.

Ruby: [On discussing the war's origin] Every piece of this is man's bullshit. They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Shit, it's raining!'

Ruby: Let's put him in a pot.

Ruby: If I cry one tear for my daddy I stole it off a crocodile.

Ruby: My daddy - he'd walk forty miles for liquor but not forty inches for kindness.

Ruby: We got something for you.

Ada: For all your kindness. Coffee and pie.

Ruby: That's real coffee. It ain't chicory and dirt.

Sally: Thank you both. Ruby, I look forward to this. We all do. Esco and me.

Ruby: [grinning at Ada] She made it.

Ada: I made it.

Sally: Good God in Heaven.

Ruby: I'm still alive!

Ruby: [to her father] Just so you know - you're not eating inside. Number one: they hang people round here for taking in deserters. Number two: even if they gave out prizes you'd still eat outside.

Ruby: Unbelieveable. Stobrod Thewes!

Stobrod: Ruby?

[Ruby runs up to him and kicks him, then turns to Ada]

Ruby: That's my daddy!

[storms off]

Ruby: [to Ada] Am I hard to hear? 'Cause you keep repeatin' everything.

Ruby: [about her father] Oh, he's so full of manure, that man! We could lay him in the dirt and grow another one just like him.

Ruby: This world won't stand long. God won't let it stand this way long.

Ruby: [when Ada comes back with Inman] Congratulations. I'll send you out with a shot gun a lot more.

Stobrod: I wrote several tunes with you in mind - Ruby this, Ruby that, Ruby with the eyes that sparkle.

Ruby: Hey, let's agree. You beat me, you abandoned me, you ignored me, and yet you beat me some more. And all that's better than Ruby with eyes that sparkle.

Ruby: Ain't no man better than me. On account of there's no man around here that ain't old, or full o' mischief.

Ruby: [to Ada] So, you have never wrapped your legs around this Inman?

[Ada hits her]

Ruby: Have you been shot?

Inman: Not lately.

Ruby: Old lady Swanger says you need help. Here I am.

Ruby: [yelling] Ada? Ada? You up?

Ada: Yes. It's still dark.

Ruby: Tell that to the cows. It's late!

Ada: I have to eat something.

Ruby: Then you have to wake up earlier. What's that?

Ada: A novel.

Ruby: You want to carry a book, carry one you can write in.

Ruby: [to Ada] We got our own story. Called Black Cove Farm: a catastrophe. I can spell it, too. Learned it the same place you did, in the school room. One of the first words they taught me. "Ruby Thewes, you are a c-a-t-a-s-t-r-o-p-h-e!"

Ruby: What kind of name's Georgia?

Ada: It's where he's from, it's not his name.

Ruby: I know that's meant to be the ugliest state under the heavens.

Ada: What do you care what his name is?

Ruby: I hope that Georgia boy's been seeing to the animals.

Ada: I thought you were thinking on him!

Ruby: I was not. I was thinking on swollen udders- and before you say same difference.

Ada: I'm not saying nothing!

Ruby: Miss lovey-dovey!

Ruby: The sign says "Shoot me"

Ruby: Most people our age are a pain in the ass.

Bernie: Most people our age are *dead*.

Ruby: You know, when you want to, you can sure do a good impression of an old fart.

Ruby: Lizzy, I'm not crying because you're mean. I just can't imagine how incredibly painful it must be to be you.

Elizabeth: That article... it was just wish fulfillment. I was writing about how I wanted things to be. And the way people talking about it, the way you talked about it, it made it seem real.

Ruby: Well maybe it can be.

Elizabeth: No, it was just a dream I held onto for way too long.

Elizabeth: You don't understand. You don't understand, it was an accident.

Ruby: An accident? You call that a fucking accident?

Elizabeth: It was, uh, it was sort of, you know...

Ruby: Come on, what?

Elizabeth: An accidental blowjob?

[at the airport]

Ruby: [arrives and sees Katie and Toby are travelling too] What's this, a school outing?

Rosie Dunne: I couldn't leave her behind and wherever Katie goes, Toby goes.

Ruby: [to Katie and Toby] Oh, are you two an item now?

Katie (12 yrs): [unisone with Toby] No way! We are friends,.

Toby (12 yrs): [unisone with Katie] No way! We are friends.

Ruby: [rolling her eyes] God give us strength.

Rosie Dunne: If I'd told him, he'd never have left and his whole life would have been ruined too. I mean, what's the point?

Ruby: How noble. I'd have forced the bastard to stay.

Rosie Dunne: Oh, no, no. He's not the dad. That's just some other loser.

Ruby: You are turning out to be a lot more interesting than you look.

Ruby: [to Rosie] It is so great having you as a friend. I mean, everytime something goes wrong in my life, all I've got to do is look at yours and it puts everything into perspective.

Robby Ray Stewart: You aren't up to your matchmaking again are you?

Ruby: Me? No, never.

Ruby: [fighting Viola for the nut-tainted gravy] I think you dislocated my vagina.

Ruby: Fix your hair. You look like a damn cockatoo.

Viola Fields: [Leaning on car] That little bitch. Come on Ruby. Lets go to the beach and drink wine.

Ruby: [Grunts while putting in luggage]

Viola Fields: Whats wrong Ruby?

Ruby: You know exactly what!

[Picks up luggage]

Ruby: Move

Viola Fields: Ruby, whats wrong?

Ruby: I am sick! I am sick, sick, sick of your shit! And when im not sick, i'm tired! I am sick and tired!

Viola Fields: What are you trying to say?

Ruby: [closes trunk] Damn you and your luggage!

[rushes to car]

Viola Fields: [rushes to car] Ruby? Ruby? Ruby, your not going to leave me like everyone else, are you?

Ruby: Of course not! You old slut!

Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini: And about the holidays...

Viola Fields: Are you gonna keep me away?

Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini: You must be present for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, school play, clarinet recital, and soccer game in our kids' lives. I want you to love them, and spoil them and teach them things that Kevin and I can't. Like how to throw a right hook for example. I want you there, Viola. I do, up front and center. From this point i will not negotiate.

Ruby: Damn, that girl can give a nice little speech!

Viola Fields: I cannot believe she compared me to Gertrude!

Ruby: I know. Now that's just wrong.

Viola Fields: Thank You.

Ruby: You are far worse. I don't recall Gertrude ever trying to poison you. And I'm pretty sure she wore black to your wedding.

Viola Fields: Black. Yeah, she said she was in mourning. I just want my son to be happy.

Ruby: Whatever made you think he wasn't?

Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini: Where's your bridesmaid dress?

Viola Fields: Oh, I gave it to Ruby's daughter, she works at Hooters, she was thrilled.

Ruby: [listening from outside door] I have a daughter?

Viola Fields: [Ruby and Viola arguing at the car] What's wrong with you?

Ruby: I am sick. I am sick, sick, sick of your shit. And when I'm not sick, I'm tired. I am sick and tired!

Viola Fields: [after asking the question about what the pop star likes to do for fun] Do you ever read a newspaper?

Ruby: [in control room] Newspaper? Viola, the girl got stars on her nipples.

Pop Star: [Laughs while talking] I dont have much time for that.

Viola Fields: So what you're saying is that you dont know whats going on in the world. And yet you've sold over

[looks down at card]

Viola Fields: 39 million albums. CD'S. And millions of kids listen to your lyrics. "If you wanna know me, look inside my make-up bag". Your influicing an entire population of kids who wont know how to think straight. Or how to vote for a president. Or understand the significance of Roe vs Wade.

Pop Star: Oh!

[laughs]

Pop Star: I don't support boxing as a sport. I think it's to violent.

Viola Fields: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Throws herself on pop star]

Ruby: Charlie's face will blow up like a balloon!

Viola Fields: Good, then it will match the rest of her body.

Viola Fields: That slut is practically throwing herself on him!

Ruby: I don't blame her, that boy's one fine piece of ass!

Ruby: [to Kevin] You're bringing a girl home... now? She's just got off from the funny farm!

Ruby: I am sick. I am sick, sick, sick of your shit.And when I'm not sick, I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. Now get the car, you old slut.

[Viola has a hissy fit]

Ruby: [departing with the champagne] Gonna need something stronger than this.

Viola Fields: [Walks out of institution] Ruby, oh my dearest friend. I've missed you so much.

Ruby: Well good. They still got you medicated.

[last lines]

Ruby: [Ruby and Viola walking up stairs into house. Viola still holding the wedding bouquet that she caught] And take off that damn dress. You look like a giant peach cobbler. You makin' me hungry... Come on, weathergirl. I'll buy you a box of wine.

[Viola almost belly laughing at Ruby's joke, walks into house, off screen. Ruby turns around to close the doors and opens her mouth so it appears Viola's laughter is coming from her mouth. Laughter echoes away as Ruby closes her mouth, rolls her eyes, and shakes her head. Ruby closes the doors. With the click of the doors shutting, the screen goes black]

Ruby: You wanna take this outside?

Viola Fields: Ruby, Ruby. Everybody knows that when a woman marries a man she marries his mother, too. What if I drive her crazy?

Ruby: Ok, now you're foaming at the mouth.

Josh: I had this boss when I was living in New York and he said, "Let's hustle people. It's already tomorrow in Hong Kong". And that phrase really stuck with me because it's so fast paced here, it really is already tomorrow.

Ruby: Guess what?

Josh: What?

Ruby: It's still yesterday in L.A.

Josh: You got a pretty good style. What's stopping you?

Ruby: Thanks... Student loans, rents, the need to eat on a regular basis.

Josh: Eating is highly overrated.

Ruby: Coming from a guy who probably has caviar for breakfast.

Josh: No.I have cocaine for breakfast. Caviar is like a late-afternoon snacks.

Josh: I am working on a novel right now.

Ruby: Oh. So you're novelist?

Josh: I think you have to finish the book before you call yourself a novelist, but kind of...

Ruby: So what is it called?

Josh: Do you really wanna know?

Ruby: I keep asking you questions because I love to hear the sounds of my voice.

Josh: You're kind of sassy. You know that?

Ruby: It's so weird watching you speak Chinese.

Josh: It's weird watching you speak English.

Ruby: Do you ever get writer's block?

Josh: I read somewhere that if you're blocked, it just means you're writing about the wrong things.

Ruby: Okay. It looks like someone's being Google quotes about writer's block instead of actually writing.

Josh: Busted.

Ruby: I've always been intrigued with expats.

Josh: Yeah?

Ruby: Yeah. I mean, they always gave the impression that living abroad is so glamorous. But when my grandparents immigrated to the States from Hong Kong, their journey is anything but glamorous.

Josh: You see that?

Ruby: Yeah?

Josh: That's my office right there.

Ruby: It almost makes it worth being a banker.

Josh: All those lights on in the offices. It's 11:00 in a Friday night. Those are all people working. It isn't as glamorous as it looks.

Ruby: Guess not.

Ruby: Cash up front or Ruby walks.

Ruby: Take me outside, I want to see my family.

Ruby: Religion goes out of favor in 2033 when science discovers the gene that regulates fear.

Sam Deed: [Ruby is relating to her therapist what Sam said about love and time and we cut to witness it] Your heart is like a clock measuring time and one's emotional state determines the flow of time. It speeds it up or slows it down.

Ruby: So, time is a personal thing?

Sam Deed: Yes. Sure.

Ruby: Time is an emotional thing. That's what you're saying?

Ruby: Yeah, yeah, sure. Don't bad things always seem to last longer than good ones? But good things seem to just fly by... like the best times in life.

Ruby: Yeah...

Sam Deed: Like what?

Ruby: Like...

Sam Deed: Like falling in love.

Ruby: [Dreamy look in her eyes and tone in her voice] Yeah...

[Suddenly she jerks]

Ruby: Oh, my God! I'm late for work. I totally spaced.

Sam Deed: See what I mean?

Ruby: [Ruby looks at him with mixed emotions and not quite knowing what to say. She then narrates:] That was the morning we first met.

[We see her sweetly wave goodbye to him]

Sam Deed: I'm different.

Ruby: You're gay! You're a Jew for Jesus? It's that tattoo. It's a cult. You're in a cult. You're a Branch Davidian? You're a Survivalist?

Sam Deed: No!

Ruby: You're a pimp and Chrystie Delancey's one of your sluts!

Sam Deed: I am not a pimp!

[Ruby is expanding to her therapist about how they first met. She narrates as we watch them met on a park bench - which is ommited here]

Ruby: What was it about him? What was it about him? Maybe it was his manner. He seemed gentle. But I didn't think I'd see him again.

[Her narration continues as we watch and hear her doing affirmations in the bathroom mirror: "I... recognize... that my own needs are important! I am willing to find a balance between my own needs and my concern for others." She then exits her building to find Sam outside waiting for her with the book she left at the park]

Ruby: He was one of those guys you meet for a moment, but that lodge themselves in your brain forever. Better for fantasizing about than actually sleeping with. Better as mysteries. Because we all know what happens when you take away the mystery.

[first lines]

Ruby: Murder? Oh God, Sam, murder?

Sam Deed: It wasn't me.

Ruby: Nobody could understand this, Sam, it's too much. It's too much.

Sam Deed: I think it would be easier if I told you a little at a time. It would sink in a little at a time.

Ruby: Sink in a little at a time? You... you just dropped an emotional anvil on my head. Look at me, I'm flat as a pancake.

Sam Deed: I'm not from Dubuque.

Ruby: Okay, you're not from Dubuque. So where are you from then?

Sam Deed: Dubuque.

Ruby: [screams]

Sam Deed: I'm not from Dubuque in the way you think I'm from Dubuque.

Ruby: Well, how many ways can you be from Dubuque?

Sam Deed: I'm not from *your* Dubuque.

Ruby: My Dubuque? Since when is Dubuque mine. I've never even been to Ohio!

Sam Deed: Iowa.

Ruby: Whatever!

Sam Deed: Look, I'm just saying that my Dubuque is different from your Dubuque.

Ruby: How?

Sam Deed: It doesn't exist.

Ruby: You just said it's in Io-ho.

Sam Deed: Iowa!

Ruby: So *your* Dubuque doesn't exist.

Sam Deed: Yet.

Ruby: Yet?

Sam Deed: Yet!

Ruby: Yet?

Sam Deed: Yet!

Ruby: So when will your Dubuque exist?

Sam Deed: ...2470 AD. That's in 471 years - from now.

Sam Deed: When you back-travel, ya know, you go back centuries, ya know like that. The mind is a little slower. It tries to catch up, but then it gets confused and kinda throws itself into reverse, ya know? The causality of events flips and time flows backwards. But you shouldn't worry about it, okay? Because most people, they adjust in a few months.

Ruby: Most?

Sam Deed: Yeah. Well, ya know, for some people this gets worse until everything is in reverse all the time. Ya know, they live in a reverse world in their head until they die. Well no, die is the wrong word - until they re-enter their mother's... ya know.

Ruby: I learned about his past by asking about my future.

Lillian Weaver: [Ruby has just knocked on her mom's door after the major blow-up with Sam] Honey?

Ruby: [Obviously greatly upset and on the verge of tears] Mother.

Lillian Weaver: What? What is it?

Ruby: [Brief cut to Katherine Hepburn movie playing on the TV where she's saying: "I come from such a different world, and I'm not going to be here long." Then a cut to Ruby sitting with her Mom on her bed along with her little dog, Marvin] Where's Dad?

Lillian Weaver: Where do you think? He's at the office as usual.

[Ruby sniffs and looks down trying to avoid crying]

Lillian Weaver: What is it?

Ruby: I had a happy childhood, right?

Lillian Weaver: We tried.

Ruby: So... why am I so fucked up? Why are my relationships so fucked up?

Lillian Weaver: Because you care, my love.

Ruby: I care too much.

Lillian Weaver: You can't care too much.

Ruby: I fall in love too easily.

Lillian Weaver: There are a lot worse things that could be wrong with you. Believe me. And I bet you Sam would agree with me. Hmmm?

Ruby: [She thinks about that for a moment and laughs] Sam was scared of Marvin.

Lillian Weaver: [laughing and incredulous] No! Marvin? Little Marvin? The foot licker?

Ruby: [Both look at Marvin sitting by Lillian's foot who then dutifully gives it a few licks. Cut scene to Sam getting very drunk in a bar and then proceeding on his misadventure with Sunil, the cab driver. We overhear Ruby tell her Mom more about Sam:] Sam is like... How can I even describe him? He's like two people in one. Sometimes he's like an incredible genius. Then he's also really clueless sometimes, like a child. And he can be really fierce. But he's also really soft. And he can be really romantic... and chivalrous. But the thing is, he's really caring. More than me. More than what I can... give back to him. I just don't know if I know what love is. It's not fair.

Lillian Weaver: Fair? Who ever told you that relationships were fair? Relationships are not fair. They're... battles. They're battles for supremacy.

Ruby: What?

Lillian Weaver: Honey, do you have any idea how many years I had to live with your father's drinking? Do you realize what a battle that was?

Ruby: I know, Mom. And that's why you helped him quit, because it wasn't fair.

Lillian Weaver: October the 15th, 1988. That was it. That was the day he stopped. Boy, I remember that day like it's yesterday. It was a Tuesday and he hasn't had a drop since.

Ruby: Because you made it happen.

Lillian Weaver: That's it. And now every day's a struggle.

[Ruby starts to object]

Lillian Weaver: Sweetheart... since Daddy's stopped drinking... we have... lost our spark. I know that's it wrong of me to say it, but... I miss your father the way he was.

Ruby: But Mom, he's... an alcoholic.

Lillian Weaver: And I was a classic codependent. I know that. Until I forced myself to stop caring about him. Until I forced him to deal with his own problems. Guess what? He did. And he got better. And I guess you could say now, that our relationship is more fair. There's just one slight casualty. The passion is gone.

[Both are at the brink of bawling]

Lillian Weaver: My love, my beautiful daughter. You give so much. You care so deeply. But you're so busy trying to fix the problem that you forget to enjoy the moments of happiness that you have. And your father and I, we had our moments. We loved... our happiness. When we had it, we... relished it. And that's what you must do. You must got to him... and you must tell him, Honey. You tell him how you feel. And... you... enjoy... each other for what you can give to each other now. Believe me, it won't last forever.

Gretchen: So why did the "gene dupes" ban it? Back travel?

Ruby: Uh, well, brain drain, apparently. Too many anachronists were disappearing into the past. They banned it in 2467, except for the terminally ill.

Gretchen: That's fun, isn't it? Playing along?

Ruby: Yeah, I mean, he's a freak, but he tells a good story!

Gretchen: Oh, I'll bet he does!

Quentin: Look at the two drag queens!

Ruby: It's us, stupid!

Quentin: I might go back to my foster family.

Ruby: Go ahead.

Quentin: They're dead.

Quentin: Hi. I'm Quentin from Montargis.

Ruby: Why not tell him who I am too?

Quentin: Oh sorry. He's Ruby from Puteaux.

Ruby: Farout...

Ruby: [Quentin is eating the laxative jelly] Don't eat that, you'll shit everywhere.

Ruby: Let her sleep

[looking at Katia]

Quentin: We cant stay up all night

Ruby: Tais-toi!

Quentin: [moves behind counter and makes cow noise]

Katia: Someone there!

Ruby: [to Quentin] Asshole

Quentin: Sorry

Ruby: Liar

Katia: Who is it?

Ruby: [gets up from behind counter and walks towards Katia] Don't be afraid I'm wounded im hiding here.

[Katia goes to run]

Ruby: Ok run but your safe here

Quentin: [Quentin pops out from behind counter] Hi, I'm Quentin from Montargis

Ruby: [to Katia as she runs away] Wait!

[to Quentin]

Ruby: You idiot!

Quentin: Me?

Ruby: You scared her!

Quentin: I just introduced myself

Ruby: A huge moron pops out

[impersonating Quentin]

Ruby: Hi, I'm Quentin from Montargis, it scared her!

Quentin: Really? Usually people react well

Colonel Sanders: [Serving a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken] Your majesty, may I serve you?

Markevitch: Thank you, very much.

Colonel Sanders: Thank you. Madame, a particular pick?

Ruby: [Points] Voila!

Ruby: Wow! How excited Yakov will be. Oh, eh, Fritz! Tell Yakov the Phynx is here. Yakov is our son. He loves American music. He's a regular nut!

Markevitch: To tell the truth, at first I thought you Phynx were maybe another trick of Col. Rostinov.

Ray Chippeway - The Phynx: You don't groove so good with the Colonel?

Ruby: Oh, well he's an absolute square!

Markevitch: She misses America.

Ruby: Albania - now, what's it got? This place is crawling with Commies!

Yakov: [to the Phynx] Slip me some skin, Gunga Din.

Ruby: Our son is Commissar of the Rock-n-Rollers Appreciation Society of Albania.

Yakov: Bend an ear, smooth crooners, now you're here. What can we do for you?

Ruby: Oh, Fritz, our guests are arriving.

Fritz Feld: Miss Maureen O'Sullivan and Mr. Pat O'Brien. Miss Marilyn Maxwell and General George Jessell. Mr. Johnny Weissmuller, Miss Cass Daley, and Mr. Joe Louis. Mr. Leo Gorcey and Mr. Huntz Hall. Mr. Xavier Cugat - and his orchestra. Miss Ruby Keeler, Miss Dorothy Lamour and Mr. Rudy Vallee. Edgar Bergen, Mr. Charlie McCarthy, Miss Patty Andrews, and Mr. Louis Hayward. The Lone Ranger and Mr. Tonto. Mr. Busby Berkeley - and his original Gold Diggers!

Anthony: Yeah, they suck really good. Just like you, Ruby.

Ritchie: Come on. Relax.

Ruby: Yeah, I learned from your mother, dick.

Anthony: You gonna let your sister talk that way to me?

Brian: She's my half-sister.

Ritchie: Come on. Get lost.

Ritchie: [English accent] It's all in the at-titude.

Ruby: [mimicking] In the at-tit-ude...

Ruby: Congratulations! You just realized you were married.

Ruby: I mean, I'm smart, I'm young, I'm pretty, you know...

Vinny: Yeah, well, you got two out of three right there.

Ruby: Shut up.

Ritchie: Where are you goin'?

Ruby: I'm gonna go.

Ritchie: I didn't say to go.

Ruby: Well, you didn't exactly say you wanted me to stay.

Ritchie: [quietly] Stay.

Dionna: I know he loves me, but, eh, I think I disappoint him.

Ruby: So, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to tell you how to fuck your husband?

Ruby: Go ahead. Blonde me.

Ron: What about our weekend in the Catskills? I've already paid for the room!

Ruby: Well, then you can go there and you can jerk off. Cause that's what you are - a real f*ckin' jerk off!

Ron: F*ck you, you dago wop skank!

Brian: Twat did you say? I cunt hear.

Anthony: I have an in-f*ck-tion in my ear. What did you you say?

Ruby: Don't you assholes ever grow up! What the f*ck is your problem?

Ruby: Hey, I like the new look. What are you - punk?

Ritchie: Yeah, you should come and see me sometime. Maybe check out the band.

Ritchie: Hey, Ruby, how you been?

Ruby: You know, I copped that Who's Next album. I was thinkin' about you.

Ritchie: Its great, right. F*ckin', those guys are like the godfathers of punk. You know that? You know that song, Baba O'Riley? Its my favorite song. You know who wrote that?

Ruby: Engelbert Humperdick? What? You don't think I know? Come on, I know. Pete Townsend.

Ritchie: How'd you know that?

Ruby: What? I read the album credits. I mean the only thing I don't get is why those four guys, you know, pissin' on a big rock?

Vinny: We got to come down. Where? What's it called? How do you spell that? CBGB?

Ruby: CBGB. You never heard of it? Its on the Bowery, in the city.

Vinny: Oh, CB-GB.

Ruby: What's the matter? You look like you've been on a hayride with Dracula.

Ruby: Say, where did you go last night? I stood in front of that cigar store so long they took me for an Indian!

Ruby: Your customer's idea of delicious and yours don't agree.

Skeets: [Reading movie poster] Coming: John Barrymore, The Mad Genius. I wonder what he's mad about.

Ruby: You know what I think? I think he's copying Fredric March more and more every day. Don't you think so? He's my favorite though, except Joe E. Brown.

Ruby: [to Skeets] C'mom. I feel like bein' bored, and you can do the job better than anyone I know.

Ruby: [to Sue] I wish I could meet some big Spaniard with a lot of money. You know, I'm getting to the point where I ain't as particular as I used to be. I'll marry any guy that's got a collar and shirt, and if it comes to a pinch, marry him without the shirt.

Ruby: You can't quarrel with a lapdog.

Mrs. Weebles, the Housekeeper: [serving a barbecued sausage] The root of evil.

Madge Mudge: You said it. Lots of evil has come out of the sea - the whirl for instance.

Mrs. Weebles, the Housekeeper: Liquor is the root; crime the stem and branches.

Ruby: [disrespectfully] And what's the fruit?

Muggles: Hello temptress.

Ruby: Temptress? You read that in a comic book.

Magician: Who's on top?

Ruby: Until Cowboy gets back, I'm driving the car.

Johnnie: [Dancing tango] Yes, I've been humble since our last meeting which I want to apologize for.

Ruby: You don't have to do that; I was being pushy, when I don't even know you.

Johnnie: [Pulls her close] Do you want to?

Ruby: I don't know if you like the same kind of movies I like.

Brian: Alright, what kind of movies you like?

Ruby: Indie ones... foreign ones.

Brian: Movies where brother's gotta read?

Ruby: [chuckles] Yes, those.

[Last lines]

Ruby: [narrating the letter] Derek, where are you now? For all these years, the answer was easy and clear. You were with me. Now, it's all unclear. We are somewhere in between. In between the forgotten and the foreseen, in a middle place. It scares me. Everyone around me is here, caught within each other. Mom and Rosie are here caught by expectations of what should be, by shame of what is, by dreams of what they wanted and what will never really be. I don't want to be caught. I see options in front of me, other roads I could travel and yet, I am still here. I don't know which way to go. There are no easy answers anymore and only one thing is clear my love, we are long lost. We are long awaited. The past has disappeared and the future, it doesn't exist till we get there. Where are you? It's a question that I now pose, to myself. I ask, unsure of the answer. There are no easy answers anymore. But I'll keep asking anyway. And I'll let you know what I find. Love, Ruby.

Ruby: What do you want me to say?

Ruth: Maybe my expectations are so low at this point, I'll accept anything from you.

Ruby: Men are just begging to be lied to... so I lie. They don't fall in love with me; they never trouble to know me; they just fall in love. And they're cheated by their own imaginations.

Isaacson: Interesting viewpoint.

Ruby: It's the truth! If I can have everything I want, money, pleasure, admiration, just by a little harmless lying, I'd be a fool not to lie, wouldn't I?

Gigi: [while looking at herself and applying lipstick in a bathroom mirror in a club] God, I love this color on me.

Ruby: Red rum.

Gigi: What?

Ruby: That's what it's called. They say women are more likely to buy a lipstick if it's named after food or sex. Just think about it. Black honey, plum passion, peachy keen.

Gigi: [Sucking on her finger and looking at herself in the mirror] Pink pussy.

Ruby: Am I staring?

Jesse: A little.

Ruby: Sorry... you just have such beautiful skin. I'm Ruby by the way. Do you have a name or you want me to guess?

Jesse: Jesse.

Ruby: Jesse. And you just get to LA Jesse?

Jesse: How'd you know?

Ruby: You've got that look. Oh don't worry honey, that whole deer in the headlights thing is exactly what they want.

Ruby: She has that... thing.

Ruby: You should be in the movies, Mr. Leland.

Leland: Why do you say that?

Ruby: You register jealousy so perfectly.

Ruby: You wouldn't be a bad looking dame, if it wasn't for your face.

Eddie: You think you're a smart dame, don't ya?

Ruby: Well, I'm out here, and you're in there.

[referring to jail]

Gypsy: Tell your blonde friend I didn't have to steal anything from Eddie Hall. It ain't two weeks ago, he sent me ten bucks for Christmas. You all know that. I guess that's a bit of news for a certain somebody.

Ruby: He was tossin' ten-dollar bills to *all* the tramps at Christmas!

Gypsy: Did you get yours? Or, did he give you the gate?

Eddie: You know all the answers, don't ya?

Ruby: Sure, to dumb questions.

Ruby: [to Eddie] Even your smile's crooked.

Eddie: Here, I'll show you the bedroom.

Ruby: You can send me a picture of it.

Lily Mae Crippen: I'm a New Gospelite. My Papa's a preacher.

Ruby: Yeah? Well, if he's a preacher, I should think he could get you out of here.

Lily Mae Crippen: Oh, but he don't wanna get me out. He put me in!

Sadie: Lily Mae used to pass around the plate at Papa's church.

Bertha: And that ain't all.

Lily Mae Crippen: Oh, hush your mouth. I didn't run around with the Navy.

Bertha: What's wrong with the Navy?

Gypsy: Who are you?

Ruby: I'm the Queen of Sheba!

Eddie: Say, this is a man's bathrobe.

Ruby: You don't say. Ain't you the bright little thing!

Eddie: You were satisfied with the split the last time.

Ruby: It was coming to me. You had a bath and I did your laundry.

Eddie: That crack calls for a drink!

Ruby: What is it? Scotland or Brooklyn?

Eddie: A little of both.

Ruby: I'll take a chance.

[Takes a drink]

Ruby: I think I will take off this coat.

Eddie: You're not sore on account of that dame, are you? She don't mean a thing to me.

Ruby: The both of you both don't mean anything to me.

Eddie: Get your hat and coat on.

Ruby: Where we going?

Eddie: To Burl Hall, for a marriage license. Any objections?

Ruby: [smiling] No.

Ruby: Wait a minute. I got two rules I always stick to when I'm out visitin': keep away from couches - and - stay on your feet.

Lily Mae Crippen: What ya in here for?

Ruby: My chauffeur went through a traffic light, then he talked back to the cop.

Lily Mae Crippen: Aww, you're foolin'

Eddie: Say, why'd you do all this for me?

Ruby: I don't know. I guess I'm a little bit crazy.

Amy, Ruby's neighbor: Have you got a little gin you could spare?

Ruby: Sure.

Amy, Ruby's neighbor: Terry always says make the best gin in Brooklyn!

Eddie: Now listen, sweet pea, how 'bout you and me gettin' together tonight, huh?

Ruby: Well, I like your nerve!

Eddie: That ain't all you're gonna like. Wait till you see how I grow on ya.

Ruby: Yeah, I can imagine, just like a carbuncle.

Eddie: Don't be so hard to get!

Ruby: Say, what makes you think you can juggle me around?

Eddie: Say, wait a minute. You know it seems silly to play this for a two dollar and a quarter check. Let's make it for the check and ten dollars.

Al: You're on. But, I warn ya, I'm always lucky.

Ruby: I have a feeling that you won't be this time.

Ruby: What do you get off, clippin' my friend like that for ten dollars?

Eddie: Hey, now wait a minute. No squawks. Here's your half.

Ruby: You've turned into a regular Santi Claus, ain't ya?

Eddie: What's a matter?

Ruby: I don't have to go around cuttin' up my friend's dough with you. Anything he's got, belongs to me.

Eddie: Oh, yeah. Well, in that case you won't need this five.

Ruby: [Grabs it out of his hand] I'll keep it.

[Stuffs it in her cleavage]

Ruby: In case of another bank holiday.

Ruby: [while dancing with Eddie] Tell that arm of yours to behave.

Ruby: Who was that girl?

Slim: Her name is Gypsy Angecon. Heh, funny name, eh?

Ruby: Has Eddie known her very long?

Slim: He don't know any of 'em very long. You know Eddie, hit-n-run. I mean with a dame like that!

Ruby: Sure, I know what you mean.

Slim: You don't need to worry about her any more. She was pinched last night - after we left here.

Ruby: She was? Gee, I'm sorry to hear that.

Slim: She licked up a little too much bathroom gin and started to take off her clothes in the street. Heh, she always does that when she gets a few drinks in her.

Ruby: That guy's been bothering me for over month, wanting to come up here. I told him I lived with my brother to try to stop him. But, he just won't stay put.

Eddie: Must be your personality, sweet meat.

Ruby: I'd like to smack that crooked smile right off your face!

Ruby: Edward Huntington Hall. Gee, you got a swell middle name.

Eddie: It's my old lady's.

Sadie: What difference does it make why she's in here? The question is what right have they to put her in here? Or you? Or you? Or me? We haven't done anything those society debutantes don't do! But, you ever hear of society girls being sent up? No! It's the system!

Bertha: She's a communist.

Sadie: I am not. I'm a socialist!

Ruby: What's the difference?

Bertha: That's a question she loves you to ask. Now, you are in for it.

Sadie: Now, the difference is...

Ruby: Save your breath, sister. I don't care what the difference is. I'm a Democrat.

Sadie: There's Gypsy now.

Ruby: Who?

Gypsy: Well, well, well, look who's here! Hah! Is this a laugh!

Bertha: Well, that's the new girl. Do you know her?

Gypsy: Do I know her? I'll tell the world I know her. She's the Queen of Sheba.

Bertha: What?

Gypsy: What's the matter, Queenie? Did our boyfriend kick you off your throne?

Ruby: I'll try anything once!