Roy Knable Quotes in Stay Tuned (1992)

Executioner: Any last requests?

Roy Knable: Yeah, how about the long version of 'Stairway to Heaven'?

Executioner: I'm afraid zat is not where you are going.

[Helen and Roy Knable get sucked out of the HVTV dish and land in their backyard - the Knables' neighbor's dog is in their yard]

Roy Knable: Whoever left the gate open is grounded for a week.

[the dog runs toward the Knables and then get sucked into the HVTV dish]

Roy Knable: Check that. Whoever left the gate open gets double their allowance.

[Roy Knable is in a black-and-white detective movie]

Roy Knable: [while Roy reads his card] Roy Knable, private dick. Well, better than being a public dick.

Roy Knable: Holy Shatner!

[as cartoon mice]

Roy Knable: Boy, this is strange!

Helen Knable: Strange? I'm an animated rodent wearing high-heel running shoes. The word "strange" is somehow lacking.

[as a cartoon mouse, Roy is trapped in a donut while Robocat is shooting at him]

Roy Knable: My doctor was right. Doughnuts will be the death of me.

[Hooded men are about to carry Roy Knable to the guillotine]

Roy Knable: Hi, fellas, I loved you in Star Wars.

One of those soldiers: Mon cherie, you inflame me.

Roy Knable: [in a woman's voice] I never kiss on the first date.

One of those soldiers: Eh?

Roy Knable: Naughty boy.

[hits the solder in the chest]

Helen Knable: This has been a kick fellas, but we gotta go.

The other of those soldiers: No, No! Come back here, sweetheart.

Roy Knable: [Woman's voice] Hey you keep your hands off her!

One of those soldiers: [Noticing Roy's fake wig] You hair is so beautiful. May I have a lock of it?

Roy Knable: [Solder pulls wig off Roy; Roy gasps] Why don't you keep the whole thing?

[Roy Knable, played by John Ritter, arrives on the set of Three's Company. The theme from Three's Company is being played, and Janet and Crissy open the door and enter the set]

Three's Company Spoof, Three's Company Spoof: [together] Where have you been?

Roy Knable: [looking towards the camera] Aaaaaahhhh!

Spike: Wait a sec... you don't get it, do you? Without me, you don't get out of here.

Roy Knable: Sorry, Spike, you're cancelled!

[Roy and Helen Knable are cartoon mice]

Roy Knable: For a mouse, you, um, look pretty sexy.

Helen Knable: Too bad you didn't like the way I looked when I was human.

Roy Knable: I always did.

Helen Knable: News to me.

[Robocat covers up a conduit with a metal plate]

Roy Knable: This is one clever pussy.

[Roy Knable is about to go back into HVTV to rescue Helen Knable]

Roy Knable: [to Diane and Darryl Knable] Now I want you both to stay inside. You just make sure those doughnuts are ready. I'm going to be very hungry when I get back.

[Darryl Knable transmits his voice through the HVTV dish to the set of Off With His Head]

Darryl Knable: Dad, can you hear me?

Roy Knable: Darryl? My God!

One of the infidels: God?

Helen Knable: Yes! It's... God!

[Roy Knable arrives inside a castle]

Spike: My, my. Now you'll never get back to Kansas.

[Roy looks behind him and sees that his remote is shattered into pieces]

Spike: [raising his sword] En garde.

[Roy gets a wooden stick]

Spike: Oh, no sword. Have to talk to that prop man.

[breaks the stick]

Spike: Right about now, your wife is probably catching that train... right between the eyes. And you let it happen.

Darryl Knable: [hurling one of Roy's swords towards the HVTV dish] Here it comes, Dad!

[the sword gets sucked in the dish]

Spike: I've taken loads of souls... and none more pathetic than yours, Roy. Say good night, Gracie.

Roy Knable: [catching his sword tossed by Darryl] Not yet.

[he starts dueling with Spike]

Roy Knable: You see, I was captain of my junior college fencing team. All right. Co-captain.

[Helen Knable and Roy Knable, who in turn is holding a remote, are about to get hit by a train]

Helen Knable: Roy, what do you do when you want the TV to go away? You turn it...

Helen Knable, Roy Knable: [together] Off!

[At Knable Fencing Academy, Roy Knable and one of his students practice fencing with each other]

Roy Knable: Who on earth taught you that?

That student: Uh, I saw it on TV somewhere. Some old movie.

Roy Knable: Take my advice, kiddo. Don't watch too much TV. It can get you into trouble.

[as cartoon mice, Helen threatens to leave Roy]

Roy Knable: Where are you going to go, your cartoon mother's house?

Spike: [on the set of HV One (News)] This just in... Helen Knable has been kidnapped and taken to Channel 1. We take you there live.

Helen Knable: [tied to a wagon on railroad tracks] Roy, I don't know where you are, but get your butt back here!

Spike: Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband won't lift a finger to save her. Isn't that right, Roy?

Roy Knable: No.

Helen Knable: Let me get this straight. We've been sucked into some kind of TV world?

Roy Knable: Are you saying that that salesman was...

Crowley: Mr. Spike - Mephistopheles of the cathode ray, big brother to the ungrateful dead.

[Helen and Roy Knable, are cornered by one of the wolves]

Roy Knable: Jump.

Helen Knable: Jump?

Roy Knable: Wherever it leads can't be any worse than this! Go!

[Helen jumps into that conduit. Roy tries to jump there as well, but he doesn't fit through that hole. He makes that hole bigger, and wolves approach him. Roy finally falls through that conduit before the wolves could get him]

Roy Knable: [falling] Yeow!

[Roy lands in a cartoon, as a cartoon mouse]

Roy Knable: Umph!

Helen Knable: [also as a cartoon mouse] Couldn't be any worse, huh, Roy?

Roy Knable: Helen? Oh, my god!

[he looks at and holds up his tail]

Roy Knable: We're cartoons.

Helen Knable: How can you even think of eating doughnuts at a time like this?

Roy Knable: What should I do, look for some oat bran? I'm starved.

[in a cartoon]

Roy Knable: [to Helen Knable] At least we're safe here. No one ever dies in cartoons, right?

[Roy Knable, as a cartoon mouse, has an idea of handling Robocat]

Roy Knable: This will put a permanent crease in his shorts.

[Roy Knable, as a cartoon mouse, is about to leave the cartoon through a conduit]

Roy Knable: [to viewers] Deeb-a-deeb-a-deeb - that's all folks.

Roy Knable: You creeps!

Duane: Uh-oh. Extreme close-up on Mr. Knable.

Duane, Garf: [together] Oh!