Rose Schwartz Quotes in Soapdish (1991)

Montana Moorehead: [as Lori, Celeste, And Jeffrey kiss and make up] WAIT! Wait! But I'm carrying his child!

Jeffrey Anderson: [annoyed] I didn't sleep with her! Will somebody please believe me!

[Ariel and Rose enter as doctors]

Jeffrey Anderson: Doctor!

Ariel Maloney: A second opinion...

[Celeste mouths to Rose asking what she's doing]

Ariel Maloney: ...this is Dr. Frans Blau of the sex change clinic in Bethesda, Maryland.

Rose Schwartz: Thank you. Dr. Randall, after extensive investigations, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for you to have impregnated your nurse - Montana Moorehead - because before she came to our little clinic, she was... Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island. Hello!

[Rose opens the high school yearbook showing Montana's teenage boy photo]

Montana Moorehead: [shouts and runs off] NO! NO! NO!

Rose Schwartz: Actors don't like to play coma. They feel it limits their range.

David Barnes: I was under orders.

Celeste Talbert: So - was - Hitler! Oh, no, I don't mean Hitler, I mean the other guy, the other one.

David Barnes: Himmler.

Celeste Talbert: No, no, no.

David Barnes: Hess.

Rose Schwartz: Eichmann.

David Barnes: Eichmann.

Rose Schwartz: The guy was killed in an auto accident! I looked it up! He was driving in the Yukon, in a pink convertible, to visit his brother who's an ex-con named Frances, when a tractor trailer comes along and decapitates him. You know what that mean, it means he doesn't have a head. How am I suppose to write for a guy who doesn't have a head? He's got no lips, no vocal cords. What do you want me to do?

Rose Schwartz: I'm looking at crawdad butts, cover 'em up!

Edmund Edwards: She's been through hell, and we're her family. So in this crisis, we have to support her.

Rose Schwartz: Yeah.

Edmund Edwards: We have to love her.

Rose Schwartz: Mmm.

Edmund Edwards: We have to care about her.

Rose Schwartz: Mmm.

Edmund Edwards: And we have to milk it for every drop of publicity we can get.

Rose Schwartz: You know, I'd think you were acting, but you've never been this good.