Ronnie Shields Quotes in Role Models (2008)

[from trailer]

Ronnie Shields: Suck it, "Reindeer Games"!

Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck.

Ronnie Shields: You white, then you Ben Affleck.

Wheeler: You *are* white.

Danny: That's true, I am white.

Danny: Pick us up in two hours.

Ronnie Shields: Fuck you, Miss Daisy.

[from trailer]

Wheeler: [sits down] What up, Ronnie?

Ronnie Shields: I don't wanna take my pants off!

Wheeler: [stunned] What?

Danny: God dammit Ronnie!

Ronnie Shields: What? Because I'm black you think I did it?

Danny: No, because you did it is why I think you did it.

[Ronnie jumps on tent pole]

Danny: Let me tell you something, I am not your big, but I'll hit you. I will hit a child. I've never done that before, but I will punch you in the face.

Ronnie Shields: Let's dance, Ben Affleck!

Ronnie Shields: I don't wanna take my pants off.

Wheeler: What? Whoa... Whoa.

Gayle Sweeny: Alright Ronnie, that's enough.

Ronnie Shields: Bitch tried to grab my joint.

Gayle Sweeny: Language, Ronnie.

Ronnie Shields: My language is English, and this mother fucker tried to grab on my hangdown.

Wheeler: I got my own hangdown to touch, kid

Ronnie Shields: Honky ass wanted a handful of my balls.

Wheeler: Honky... that's racist.

Ronnie Shields: Damn, she got some boobies on her.

Wheeler: You sure are a fan of the boobies, kid.

Ronnie Shields: Oh yeah. Sometimes I call myself "The Booby Watcher". I even have my own comic book. "The Adventures of The Booby Watcher".

Wheeler: Okay. You know, I have a theory about boobies.

Ronnie Shields: Really?

Wheeler: Oh yeah. You see, there are as many women as there are men in this world.

Ronnie Shields: True dat, true dat.

Wheeler: And every woman has two boobs, for the most part. So there are twice as many boobs as there are men. We're outnumbered and it's overwhelming. We're powerless, and we have to accept it.

Ronnie Shields: I like yo' take on boobies. And I like boobies.

Wheeler: Kid, you got a lot to learn.

Ronnie Shields: I know what I'm doin'.

Wheeler: Oh really? So you don't realize you've just committed one of the most common rookie boob-watching errors?

Ronnie Shields: What you mean?

Wheeler: Never stare at the boobies, kid. Once you get caught, the game's over.

Ronnie Shields: But how?

Wheeler: It's called training. You know, being aware without drawing attention. You don't think I've noticed those 34 C's in the camouflage tank top setting up a tent directly to the left of us? Or how about those twin cannons hiking up a mountain ridge 50 yards due west? Or the ridge itself? Round mounds of grass shaped like...

Ronnie Shields: Boobies!

Wheeler: Don't look over there. Look here. Focus... You'll get it.

Gayle Sweeny: Did Wheeler ever expose himself to you?

Ronnie Shields: Hell, no!

Ronnie Shields: We are butt suck, chipmunk ass butt! We got ass butt, oh yo ass butt!

Wheeler: Come sit on, sit down! Please! Danny?

Danny: I like Ronnie's version better. I like how it invokes the concept of "ass" and "butt".

Ronnie Shields: [Ronnie sees a "KISS" pinball machine] Who are these clowns?

Wheeler: KISS? You don't know who KISS is?

Ronnie Shields: No, never heard of them. They look like idiots to me.

Wheeler: No, no, no, dude, these are four of the smartest guys who ever lived. They're these Jewish guys who grew up in New York, and they put on guitars and makeup to get girls, and all their songs are about fucking.

Ronnie Shields: I'm listening.

Wheeler: ["Love Gun" starts playing on the stereo] Seriously, this song is called "Love Gun" and it's about Paul Stanley's dick and how this girl's gonna get some of his dick

Ronnie Shields: Cool. I didn't know Jews could sing like that.

Wheeler: No, no, they couldn't at the time. That's why they had to dress like clowns.

Ronnie Shields: This got them girls?

Wheeler: Get this: they've been getting pussy non-stop for 30 years. They're probably fucking right now and they're old dudes! They put makeup on and it's all good!

Ronnie Shields: No, shit!

Wheeler: [singing] You pulled the trigger on my love gun! See Ronnie, his dick is the gun!

Ronnie Shields: You're my PIC, Wheeler.

Wheeler: What's a PIC?

Ronnie Shields: Partner in crime. You're my PIC. Just don't cock-block me tonight.

Ronnie Shields: Honky wanted a fistful of my balls!

Augie Farks: Would you like to come in and see my turtle?

Danny: I'm fine.

Ronnie Shields: Of course he has turtle.

Wheeler: I don't have crabs! What have you been telling these kids?

Ronnie Shields: That you have crabs.

Ronnie Shields: Chicken wings, chicken wings, hot dogs and baloney, Chicken and macaroni, Chillin' with my homies, Chicken wings, Chicken wings