Roger Quotes in Lethal Weapon 2 (1989)


Roger Quotes:

  • [Roger is sitting on a boobytrapped toilet]

    Roger: Why didn't they plant the bomb in Trish's stove?

    Riggs: Yeah. Think of all the needless suffering that could've ended there!

    [both laugh]

    Roger: I'm gonna die on a toilet, aren't I?

    Riggs: Guys like you don't die on toilets.

  • Capt. Murphy: Murtaugh, all that damage you caused downtown is comin' out of the department's budget!

    Roger: Fine. Pay it off in Krugerrands.

    Capt. Murphy: Don't make jokes, Murtaugh, make arrests!

  • Pegasus: It's an unmitigated disaster, English.

    Johnny English: I couldn't agree more, sir.

    Pegasus: Well, we need to get these jewels back, English, and fast. Now tell me about this assailant. Because when they searched the room later, there was no sign of him.

    Johnny English: Well, the man was clearly a professional. He must have escaped while the Queen was being sedated.

    Pegasus: But he's the only lead we've got, English. We have to find him. Now, come in. This is - This is Roger from Data Support. Please sit down. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. So tell us, what did this man look like?

    Johnny English: Um... Well... He was... big.

    Roger: Hair colour?

    Johnny English: Um... orange.

    Pegasus: Orange?

    Johnny English: Mmm. And curly. Well, frizzy, actually. Frizzy sort of thing.

    Roger: Frizzy.

    Johnny English: An eye patch. Broken nose. Very few teeth. Two, I would say at the most. And a scar on his cheek in the shape... of a banana.

    Roger: Which cheek?

    Johnny English: Both cheeks. They sort of met in the middle.

    Pegasus: Are you sure about this, English?

    [Pegasus shows him what Roger has done on his computer of the assailant Johnny had described and he gasps]

    Johnny English: Oh, yes, that's him. An uncanny resemblance. Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us.

  • Bob: We give you Elvis, we give you Dylan, we give you Hendrix, what do you give us? Johnny Hallyday!

    Roger: Don't get me started about Johnny Hallyday...

  • Bob: Why are the French so god-awfully bad at rock 'n' roll?

    Roger: What do you mean?

    Bob: I mean, look at it. We give you Elvis Presley, Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan. And you give us Johnny Hallyday.

  • Roger: Hey, you won, you lunatic.

    Bob: It's not about winning, Roger. It's about attitude. Win or lose, you gotta do 'em both with grace.

    Roger: You learn that in recovery?

    Bob: Change the things you can. Accept the things you can't. And learn the wisdom to know the difference.

    Roger: Ah, so, what's the difference between a run of luck and a casino heist?

  • Roger: Hey, this Blueheart's music is great, huh?

    Bo: Yeah, it's making me horny.

  • Roger: [Roger runs out of ammo in front of a crowd of zombies] It's empty! Looks like I've had it!

  • Roger: [Spotting a helicopter sitting in a nearby field] Look! Do you believe it?

    Patricia: Can you... can you fly one of those things?

    Ken: Till yesterday it was my job!

  • Roger: I didn't expect a...

    Joan: A woman? Why not a woman? Women are far more unscrupulous than men.

  • Roger: Why can't we fear the apocalypse like normal families?

  • Roger: Fools aren't born, Pongo; pretty girls make them in their spare time.

  • Roger: Do you want another cup of marriage, uh, tea?

  • Anita: [after believing Roger is taking Perdy, holding up her purse] Now, release my dog, or I'll hit you again!

    Roger: Your dog?

    Anita: Yes. That is my dog, will you let her go?

    Roger: Excuse me.

    [lifts Perdy's leg as Pongo hides his head, turns back to Anita]

    Roger: He's a she.

    Anita: [nods] Mm-hmm.

    Roger: [Pongo appears from behind Anita; miserably] Hello, Pongo.

    [Pongo whines]

  • Jack Merridew: Whats this dumbshit I hear about a monster? We're gonna have to send you back to kindergarten!

    Larry: I'm serious.

    Jack Merridew: Ok what kind of monster? Did it have fur and poison fangs, or long slimy tentacles?

    Larry: It growled and it came out of me and it's mouth, it was wet.

    Luke: Maybe it was a bear.

    Roger: Sounds more like a reptile.

    Jack Merridew: Sounds more like bullshit.

  • Jack Merridew: Rodge, you okay, man? That was some jump.

    Roger: I got him. Right up his ass.

    Sam, Twin #1Eric, Twin #2PabloAndy: Up the ass!

    Will: Come on, cut it out!

    Ralph: Stop it!

    Will: You dorks, it hurt!

    Sam, Twin #1: I know it hurt.

  • Roger: Look, Anita! Puppies everywhere!

    Anita: There must be a hundred of them!

    Nanny: One, two, three and four. Seven, eight, nine.

    Roger: Two more. Nine plus two is eleven.

    Nanny: Thirty Six over here!

    Roger: Thirty Six and eleven? That's forty seven.

    Anita: Fourteen. Eighteen, Rog.

    Roger: Uh, eh sixty five!

    Nanny: Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen!

    Anita: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Six more.

    Roger: Well, let's see, now. That's eighty four and fifteen plus two. A hundred and one!

    Anita: A hundred and one? My, where did they all come from?

    Roger: Oh ho, Pongo, you old rascal!

  • Cruella: When can the puppies leave their mother? Two weeks? Three weeks?

    Roger: Never.

    Cruella: What?

    Roger: W-w-we're n-not s-selling t-the puppies. N-n-not a sing - a single one. Do you understand?

    Cruella: Anita, is he serious? I really don't know Roger.

    Anita: Well Cruella, he seems...

    Cruella: Surely he must be joking!

    Roger: No, no, no. I-I-I mean it. You're-you're not getting one. N-n-not one. And that's - that's final!

    Cruella: Why, you horrid man! You - you - All right, keep the little beasts for all I care!

    [she rips up the cheque]

    Cruella: Do as you like with them! Drown them!

    [she walks up to Anita]

    Cruella: But I warn you, Anita, we're through. I'm through with all of you! I'll get even. Just wait. You'll be sorry! You fools! You - you idiots!

  • Roger: Oh, must be Cruella, your dearly devoted old schoolmate. Cruella De Vil. That's it!


    Roger: Cruella De Vil / Cruella De Vil / If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will.

    Anita: Oh, Roger!

    Roger: To see her is to take a sudden chill / Cruella, Cruella / She's like a spider waiting for the kill.

    Anita: Roger, she'll hear you.

    Roger: Look out for Cruella De Vil.

  • Roger: At first you think Cruella is a devil / But after time has worn away the shock / You come to realize / You've seen her kind of eyes / Watching you from underneath a rock.

    Anita: You're no help.

    Roger: This vampire bat, this inhuman beast / She ought to be locked up and never released / The world was such a wholesome place until / Cruella, Cruella De Vil.

  • Roger: [singing] Ti tum ti ta ti / Ta tum ti ta tum.


    Roger: Do you like my new song?

    Anita: Ta tum ti ta tum. Such clever lyrics.

    Roger: Melody first, my dear, and then the lyrics. Hmmm?

  • Anita: Roger, I admit she's eccentric, but she isn't a thief!

    Roger: Well, she's still #1 suspect in my book!

    Anita: Well, she's been investigated by Scotland Yard. What more do you want?

    Roger: Oh, I don't know, darling. I don't know.

  • Anita: [as the soot covered Dalmatians barge into the Radcliffe house] What on earth?

    Roger: What's with the Labradors?

    Nanny: No, they're all covered in soot. Look, here's Lucky!

    Roger: [wipes off Pongo's face] Why, Pongo Boy, is that you? Oh-ho! Pongo! Pongo! It's Pongo!

    Anita: [wipes off Perdita's face] And Perdy! Oh, my darling!

    Nanny: [dusts off the puppies one by one] And Rolly, and Penny, and Freckles! Oh, ho, ho! They're all here!

    Roger: It's a miracle!

    Anita: Oh Rog, what a wonderful Christmas present!

  • Roger: We'll buy a big place in the country. We'll have a plantation. A Dalmatian plantation!

    Anita: Oh, Roger, that's truly an inspiration.

    Nanny: It'll be a sensation!


    Roger: We'll have a Dalmatian plantation. A Dalmatian plantation, I say.

  • Cruella: [over the phone] Oh, Anita, what a dreadful day. I just saw the papers. I couldn't believe it.

    Anita: Yes, Cruella, it was quite a shock.

    Roger: What does she want? Is she calling to confess?

    Anita: Roger, please!

    Roger: Oh, she's a sly one, she is!

  • Nanny: The puppies are here! The puppies are here!

    Roger: How many?

    Nanny: Eight.

    Roger: Eight?

    [Pongo barks]

    Roger: Pongo boy! Eight puppies!

    Nanny: Ten.

    Anita: Eleven!

    Nanny: Eleven!

    Roger: Eleven? Eleven puppies! Pongo, you old rascal!

    Nanny: Wait a minute now. Wait a minute... Thirteen! No, no, no, fourteen. Oh, fifteen!

    Roger: Fifteen?

    Nanny: [chuckles to Pongo] And the mother is doing fine, love.

    [Pongo walks around like he's drunk]

    Roger: Why, Pongo boy, that's marvelous! It's fabulous! What a litter!

    Nanny: [enters with a puppy under a blanket] Fourteen. Just fourteen. We lost one.

    [hands it to Roger]

    Nanny: Oh, the poor little thing.

    [the room goes silent]

    Roger: Oh, Pongo, boy, it's just one of those things. And yet... and yet I wonder...

    [Roger starts rubbing the puppy for a little while, until suddenly, it starts to move]

    Roger: Look, Pongo!

    [the puppy is alive]

    Roger: Anita! Nanny! Fifteen! We still have fifteen!

    Anita: Oh, the dear thing is alright!

    Roger: See? He's just as good as new!

    Anita: Can you imagine, Rog? Fifteen puppies!

  • Roger: LOOK! The beast!

  • Roger: [after killing a pig] Right up the arse!

  • Roger: If you don't want anyone reading your mind, keep it empty.

    Christopher Finn: Oh.

  • Roger: You have surrender the idea of winning.

    Christopher Finn: I'm not ready.

  • Roger: Tea anyone?

    Christopher Finn: Stop with this tea stuff.

  • David: It's a tough game, isn't it Roger?

    Roger: It's a bloodsport.

  • Sebastian: Folks, I'm a boy. I promise.

    Malcolm: Prove it.

    Sebastian: Okay.

    [pulls down his soccer shorts, everyone sees his privates]

    Roger: [His Dad in the audience] That's my boy.

    Eunice: Soccer is the world's favorite sport.

  • [Viola shows her bare boobs to prove she's a girl and earlier Sebastian showed his privates to prove he's a boy ]

    Roger: Is it just me or this soccer game have more nudity than most?

  • Peter: I'd be careful with those fat-free chips - they cause anal leakage.

    Roger: You cause anal leakage

    Peter: It says so on the bag.

    Roger: [reads the bag and spits chips out of his mouth] What kind of marketing braniac puts anal leakage on his product? How can they even sell that crap?

  • Roger: Come on, don't be gay in God's house! Gimme a good slap!

  • Peter: Here's to fifty years with the same woman.

    Roger: Dude, that's just depressing. She'll have saggy tits by then. She could tie 'em around her waist by then and use 'em as a belt... Or just tuck 'em in her socks.

  • Roger: What now, bitch?

  • Roger: Who's the lion now, bitch!

  • Lesher: Manila. Dr. P specifically said manila. This is off-white.

    Roger: Sorry.

    Lesher: Sorry doesn't make it manila.

  • Dr. P: Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know he's worthy of leading him.

    Roger: Well, you know what? I don't want to be a shepherd anymore!

    Dr. P: You're not the shepherd, DUMB ASS, I'm the shepherd! Its called an analogy, moron!

    Roger: Look, you dont understand. Everything was going so well between us.

    Dr. P: Well, clearly I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together.

  • Roger: You know what they are saying about you don't you? You've got funny in the head! A real bloody weirdo!

  • Roger: [Whispers] Who are all these freaks?

    Frank McGraw: Your most devoted fans.

  • Harold: Hey, it's great to have a new neighbor. Woman lived here before you was nuts. Biggest bitch under the sun. Just a senile old hag really. Wouldn't be surprised if someone just got fed up and offed her. Know what I mean?

    Roger: She was my aunt.

    Harold: Heart of gold though. Just uh, a saint really. And uh such a beautiful woman, for her age.

  • Roger: I beat you! And this Goddamn house!

  • Tanya: We should get together soon.

    Roger: Absolutely!

    Tanya: We're neighbors. We shouldn't be strangers.

    Roger: I couldn't agree more at any other time.

  • Skeleton Big Ben: Sucker!

    Roger: Big Ben?

    Skeleton Big Ben: [Sarcastically] No. It's your fairy godmother.

  • Aunt Elizabeth: It won Roger. It tricked me. I didn't think it could, but it did. It's going to trick you too, Roger. This house knows everything about you. Leave while you can!

    Roger: No!

  • Roger: Come on, Roger! Is that all you can do? You wimp!

  • Roger: [admitting that he framed the Tri-Lambs] OK. Maybe I did. What are you gonna do about it, Skolnick? You gonna make a little speech? It's not gonna do any good. Wanna know why? Because I'm strong and you're weak. Because I'm the type of guy that everybody here wants to be like, and you are pathetic. That's the way it is. That's the way it's always gonna be, and there's nothing you or your pencil-neck geek friends can do or say about it. Comprende, dickhead?

    Lewis Scolnick: You're right, Rog. There's nothing I can say about it.

    [his friends are stunned]

    Lewis Scolnick: But there's something I've got to do about it!

    [he punches Roger in the face, sending him into the pool]

  • Roger: There could be a nuclear war; there'd be nothing left but cockroaches and nerds.

  • Roger: You can't sell a product without first making people feel bad.

    Nick: Why not?

    Roger: Because it's a substitution game. You have to remind them that they're missing something from their lives. Everyone's missing something, right?

    Nick: I guess.

    Roger: Trust me. And when they're feeling sufficiently incomplete, you convince them your product is the only thing that can fill the void. So instead of taking steps to deal with their lives, instead of working to root out the real reason for their misery, they go out and buy a stupid looking pair of cargo pants.

  • Roger: I could tell you that what you think of as your personality is nothing but a collection of Vanity Fair articles. I could tell you your choice of sexual partners this evening was decided months ago by some account executive at Young & Rubicam. I could tell you that given a week to study your father and the ways in which he ignores you I could come up with a schtick you'd be helpless to resist. Helpless.

  • Roger: You drink that drink! Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. What do you think, you're going to sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel?

  • [Advice to some high school losers]

    Roger: In ten years, you won't even remember what this place looks like. Trust me.

  • Roger: Do you think women have a clue what goes on up here? What do they think, it's all stock quotes, drill bit sizes? They don't know shit! Let's keep it that way.

  • Roger: [about young men having control over young girls] Control? Look at your face!

  • Roger: That's just spastic enough to be charming.

  • Roger: Sex is everywhere!

  • Roger: Girls... Young women...

  • Roger: Have you met my nephew? His name is Jesus.

  • Roger: I gotta get home, look for work. As we speak, consumers everywhere need reminding of just how fat and unattractive they are.

  • Roger: If you feel compelled to contribute to the pathetic, heartbreaking predictability of it all, by all means...

  • Roger: Natural selection, now that is a principle of nature, selection, something has to lose, something has to be defeated in order for something else to be selected

  • Roger: Remember, angle of incidence equals angle of reflectives. In other words, if you can see them, they can see you. So be alert.

  • Donna: Is there any species that just has one gender... that doesn't have male-female?

    Roger: Starfish for one.

    Donovan: Next time I see a starfish, I'm gonna tell him to go fuck himself.

  • Roger: Why give into a slump? Let's go down swinging.

    Nick: Yes. Like Michael Jordan.

    Roger: Right. That's the wrong sport, but I like your enthusiasm.

  • Nick: I'll see you at the next funeral.

    Roger: Why? Who's sick?

    Nick: [lost] What? I'm kidding.

    Roger: Me too.

  • Roger: I hope 1944 turns out well. They pass so quickly. Where do they all go?

    Biff Baxter: So quickly. Then we get old. And we never knew what any of it was about.

  • Roger: Just because my grandfather didn't rape the environment and exploit the workers doesn't make me a peasant. And it's not that he didn't want to rape the environment and exploit the workers, I'm sure he did. It's just that as a barber, he didn't have that much opportunity.

  • Roger: You'll have to do it.

    Edwina Cutwater: Do what?

    Roger: You know, take it out.

    Edwina Cutwater: Take what out?

    Roger: The little fireman.

    Edwina Cutwater: The little fireman?

    Roger: You know, my penis.

    Edwina Cutwater: How dare you say penis to a dead person.

  • Roger: You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?

  • Edwina Cutwater: Guess what I'm going to do?

    Roger: What?

    Edwina Cutwater: I'm going to come back from the dead.

    Roger: Aaahhhh. And what makes you think you can do that?

    Edwina Cutwater: Because I'm rich.

  • Peggy Schuyler: Roger, you go to court tomorrow, we're through.

    Roger: If I don't, your father will have my balls.

    Peggy Schuyler: Then it's either me or your balls. You can't have both.

  • Roger: [to Edwina Cutwater] You know, it's just like a dead person to say something like that.

  • Tyrone Wattell: Roger, exactly how do you plan pulling this off?

    Roger: Beats the heck out of me.

    Tyrone Wattell: Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.

  • Edwina Cutwater: Just tell him what happened. I'm sure he'll believe you.

    Roger: (thinks) What, are you kidding? I don't even believe it. If I tell him, he'll definitely have me put away.

  • Roger: What the hell are you doing in there?

    Edwina Cutwater: Oh God, don't you guys get enough laughs up there? What have I ever done to you?

  • Roger: You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.

  • Roger: (in church) You really know how to pack them in.

  • Roger: Alright. First, loosen your GRIP.

  • Edwina Cutwater: You know, you don't have to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts.

    Roger: Great, just what I've always wanted.

  • Edwina Cutwater: Well I don't see why you're getting so upset about all this.

    Roger: Because I want my body back. And I want my freedom and my privacy. And most of all, I'd like to be able to take a leak without being fondled.

    Edwina Cutwater: You may find this hard to believe, but 'fondling you' while you make pee-pee is not my idea of a good time.

  • Roger: Is everyone here bananas?

  • Roger: I'm talking to a *bucket*.

  • Edwina Cutwater: Hmm, we seem to have mutual control over our body.

    Roger: OUR body? This is my body! I'm not sharing my body with anyone!

    Hardhat: [overhears] Everybody's gonna be real disappointed.

  • Terry Hoskins: [Roger and Terry start to have sex and she lowers his underwear] Roger, what's wrong?

    Roger: What?

    Terry Hoskins: Don't I excite you?

    Roger: Edwina, what are you doing?

    Edwina Cutwater: I'm thinking of very old nuns.

    Roger: Please don't do this to me!

    Terry Hoskins: Roger, don't you want me?

    Roger: [Bolts from the bed] Oh, God! Now she's thinking of dead kittens!

  • Peggy Schuyler: By the way, I never liked your dog. And I think jazz is stupid! And I faked all of those orgasms. Ah! Ah! Oh! Yes! Sound familiar?

    Roger: Yeah? Well I faked mine too!

  • Philip Shayne: Why would she go away with someone like that?

    Roger: Who knows? He's a man and she's a woman.

    Philip Shayne: That's the most dangerous combination to turn loose in a motel.

  • Cathy Timberlake: Look, he doesn't love me. He just feels sorry for me.

    Roger: Doesn't love you? He's compared you to the plague!

  • Cathy Timberlake: How would you feel? Here I am, he practically runs me down and then drives right away! And doesn't have the decency to apologise himself. Furthermore I have a job interview and have to go like this. He doesn't care.

    Roger: Ohhh...

    Cathy Timberlake: You know what I'd like to do?

    Roger: Throw the money in his face?

    Cathy Timberlake: Exactly! I'd like to throw that money right in his face.

    Roger: Would you?

    Cathy Timberlake: Yes, I would.

    Roger: I've waited seven years for this moment. You come with me!

  • Roger: Good morning, good morning. It's a great day out.

    Philip Shayne: God, you're very happy, Roger. You'd better check that with Dr. Gruber, it might be something serious.

    Roger: I had a wonderful night's rest. You know the trouble I have sleeping? Well, I've solved it. Just before you go to bed you put three tranquilizers in a jigger of brandy and you drink it. You still can't sleep but you're so relaxed that you don't worry about it. It was exhilarating.

    Philip Shayne: Fancy that. And some people just go to sleep and never know what they're missing.

    Philip Shayne: That's what I like about you, Roger. No matter what calamity befalls your fellow man you're still able to laugh about it.

  • Roger: It upsets you, doesn't it? The puppet master ran across a puppet who won't perform and then cuts all his strings. She's become a symbol of hope to all of us who sold out for that touch of mink.

    Philip Shayne: Roger!

    Roger: You give us good salaries, paid vacations, insurance. You take away our problems and act like you've done us a favor. Well, you haven't, and some day there'll be an uprising, and the masses will regain the misery they're entitled to! Neurotics of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your psychiatrist!

    Philip Shayne: Roger, I flew miles to a tropical paradise to drink hot milk and butter. I spent half the night playing gin rummy with a bookie. Not a memorable evening. If you don't leave now, I'll raise your salary!

    Roger: [bitterly] You're sadistic enough to do that!

  • [Roger enters Philip's office in rags]

    Philip Shayne: What happened?

    Roger: I was knocked down two flights of stairs and then viciously attacked by a dog in a taxi. This has been the most satisfying day of my life.

  • Roger: [upon seeing his school blown up by a German rocket earlier in the morning of the first day of the new school year] Thank you, Adolf!

  • [first lines]

    Roger: Have you played around with the head?

  • Roger: You can't kill me now! I'm gonna cum!

  • Roger: I look like Ricky Martin's asshole.

    Zack: You need a lot more blood for that.

  • Andrew: Oh, the fucking underground song! What a piece of shit! Who wrote that?

    Roger: Guilty.

    Andrew: I've always loved that song.

  • Roger: Ben, please. Play with the tractor that cost Daddy £40, not the box it came in.

  • Mary Charleston: Ben's fine.

    Andrew: [In a blind, drunken stupour] Oh, can't you let one fucking hour go by without ringing the fucking baby sitter?

    Roger: She's concerned about our child, Andrew! No need to be aggressive.

    Andrew: [Sneers] Was that Roger the jingle writer? Did she speak?

    [Snickers drunkenly]

    Roger: I'd rather be Roger the jingle writer than Andrew the miserable bastard! I've never understood you. You'd like to think it was Hollywood but you were like this ten years ago.

    Andrew: Like what?

    Roger: Self-loathing!

  • [the gang are discussing a cabaret performance in Bradford]

    Peter: We went on after the Fabulous Poodles!

    Brian, Sarah's Escort: The Fabulous Poodles! Now there was a band! Whatever happened to them?

    Maggie: I don't know, but we were on after them, and Peter was in the middle of his opening monologue when someone threw a glass, and Peter said...

    Roger: [Imitating Peter] If that happens again, we're going straight home!

    [a short pause is followed by the gang pretending to throw glasses at Roger]

  • Roger: Just one of those audience that enjoy it later, you know. They'll get home and think 'yes, I rather enjoyed it'.

    Andrew: Oh will they? Well should we give them our individual telephone numbers then?

    Peter: [Sarcastic] I for one should expect dozens of phone calls that said I looked bored shitless throughout the evening, that in reflection, Roger was right! I had a fantastic time!

    Roger: You two are so cynical.

    Andrew: I think we should hire a lawyer and sue that audience!

  • Roger: Could somebody please pass the Mrs. Dash? She might be hiding with Mr. Dash.

    Kristin: Oh, we don't know if there is a Mr. Dash, Dad. Maybe things didn't go too well after their wedding or something.

    Scott: Well, maybe Mr. Dash had some things on his mind, and things that he has to take care of.

    Kristin: I just wonder if Mr. and Mrs. Dash didn't go on a honeymoon and then after that, stop communicating.

    Scott: Maybe Mrs. Dash should stop feeling sorry for herself.

    Kristin: I think that Mrs. Dash is trying really hard and maybe feels under-appreciated.

    Scott: [raising voice slightly] Maybe Mrs. Dash should remember she's not the only spice in the spice rack.

  • Roger: [reminiscing about Lumpy] Boy looked like he was a lot of fun.

    Scott: He was a lot of fun, Roger. He wasn't a boy though. He was a man.

    Kristin: Of course he was a man.

    Scott: No, no, no. He was a real man. Just because he drank a little too much, and quit law school and he got fired from his job, it doesn't make him less of a man. 'Cause he was a man, Kris.

    Kristin: Okay. We understand and we know you're upset...

    Scott: [shouting] You asked me to pee sitting down!

    Kristin: I thought it would be a nice compromise.

    Scott: You wanted me to carry a purse, for Christ's sake.

    Kristin: Why would he carry a purse?

    Kristin: [raising voice] It was a man bag! And I was only pointing out that some men have found it efficient. They are in Europe mostly but...

    Scott: We don't live in Europe. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean. Lumpy kept it real. He was a man.

  • Mark Loftmore: [Realises he has poured vinegar, not water, over the hole the vulture has gored in Roger's chest] Ooh! Sorry!

    Roger: Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound...

  • Claudette: Caught me at a bad time, kid. I'm in.

    Roger: So am I.

    Claudette: Nobody enters my dressing room uninvited! What the hell do you think that star means?

    Roger: You're Jewish?

  • Billy: Jeepers Mr. H, you sure we're doing the right thing here?

    Roger: Ah take it easy kid. Look how long have we known each other anyway?

    Billy: Um, six days...

    Roger: Esactly. There's a bond there.

  • Roger: Er, where are we going Max?

    Max Applewhite: To Heaven, Roger. We're going to Heaven.

  • Roger: You would find it much more easier to kill me than her.

    Max Applewhite: You're right, I would find it much more easier to kill you than her.

  • Roger: We need to break the glass! Use your gun!

    [Jasper throws his gun at the door]

  • Roger: [at the typewriter] So, he kisses the moose, and then...

    Son Writer: And then he says what?

    Father Writer: 'Oy, I kissed a moose.'

  • Billy: [dressed like Carmen Miranda, Roger pulls Billy into closet] Well, I'm busy, but I guess I can spare a few minutes.

    Roger: [Billy leans in to kiss Roger, then Roger slaps him] It's me, you chowderhead!

  • Roger: [Carlos just revealed Michael's plans for lapband surgery] Carlos, shut the fuck up!

    Carlos: So of course you know. You can't tell me that you, of all people, approve of this.

    Roger: No, I don't. But it's not my decision, nor is it yours.

  • Roger: You remember Tyler?

    Ted: Yeah, I lost ten bucks on the kid. So, what are ya, babysitting?

    Roger: Tyler and I are together, so just watch the fucking attitude!

  • Roger: If I think I'm an asshole, I imagine the feeling is mutual.

    Tyler: When are you going to stop caring about what other people think?

    Roger: Kid, what other people think is all I see.

    Tyler: Then close your eyes for once.

  • Michael: How long have we been friends?

    Roger: That would be since the Mesozoic era.

    Michael: Uh uh. When Pangea broke apart, and I've never seen you act like this. I think you have feelings for someone, but it ain't the Spaniard.

    Roger: Michael, please don't psychoanalyze me.

    Michael: Hey, I am your oldest friend. If I don't psychoanalyze you, who's gonna do it?

  • Roger: [after Simon interrupts them at a tender moment] Please tell me you know this child.

    Tyler: No, I can't say that I do. Feel free to kill him.

  • Luke: I'm going to find out who they really are.

    Roger: A hot alien with snake tits?

  • Roger: With you it's all about cameras, conspiracies and alien girls from hooter planet!

  • Roger: [alternative DVD scene] You think Melody knows I'm a virgin?

    Luke: Why do you care?

    Roger: I just do.

    Luke: My grandfather use to say you worry less about what people think of you once you realize how little they do.

  • Roger: You think Melody knows I'm a virgin?

    Luke: Actually, yeah.

  • Roger: [in the dorm laundry room, pulls out two beer cans from his laundry basket] Oh, yeah, a cerveza?

    Luke: I got to slow down man, OK?

    Roger: You can slow down when you're dead.

    [hands Luke a beer]

    Roger: Oh, yeah.

    [cracks the beer open and takes a swig]

  • Constance: I wasn't supposed to have feelings about this.

    Roger: About what?

    Constance: About you. I've never met anyone like you Roger.

    Roger: You say it like it's a bad thing.

    Constance: It is... because everything you said about Lilly and I. It's true.

  • Roger: Let me tell you something. Anybody who graduates from Melrose Avenue certainly won't make it at the network.

  • Roger: I tell you anybody who graduates from the Moonrise night school on Melrose Avenue is certainly not going to make it at the network!

  • Marilyn Munster: [trying to get out of a Ferrari GT Spider without revealing too much leg] A girl has trouble getting out of these things...

    Roger: Yes, I think the Italians designed them that way.

  • Roger: I say, I say, you must tell me something. Did you just see a hideous giant with a ghastly green face?

    Herbert: I see them all the time, friend, all the time.

  • Roger: That's la conga.

    Stephanie: La conga. Come on, everybody do la conga.

  • Jules: You, flock of seagulls, you know why we're here? Why don't you tell my man Vincent where you got the shit hid at?

    Marvin: It's over th...

    Jules: I don't remember askin' you a Goddamn thing! You were saying?

    Roger: It's in the cupboard.

    [Vincent starts looking in the upper cupboard]

    Roger: No, no, the one by your kn-knees.

    Jules: We happy?

    [Vincent continues staring at the briefcase's contents]

    Jules: Vincent! We happy?

    Vincent: Yeah, we happy.

    Brett: I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. I got yours, Vincent, right? But I didn't get yours...

    Jules: My name's Pitt. And your ass ain't talkin' your way out of this shit.

    Brett: No, no, I just want you to know... I just want you to know how sorry we are that things got so fucked up with us and Mr. Wallace. We got into this thing with the best intentions and I never...

    Jules: [Jules shoots the man on the couch] I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

    Brett: What?

    Jules: What country are you from?

    Brett: What? What? Wh - ?

    Jules: "What" ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in What?

    Brett: What?

    Jules: English, motherfucker, do you speak it?

    Brett: Yes! Yes!

    Jules: Then you know what I'm sayin'!

    Brett: Yes!

    Jules: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!

    Brett: What?

    Jules: Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!

  • Roger: [in his home] Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'

    Jake Hoyt: That's messed up. That wasn't funny.

    Alonzo Harris: Then why are you cackling like a jackal?

    Jake Hoyt: I dunno.

    Roger: Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.

  • Roger: [in his home] You figure that joke out, you'll figure the streets out.

    Alonzo Harris: There ain't nothing to figure out, that's just some senseless bullshit. Don't listen to him.

    Jake Hoyt: You know, I already figured 'em out.

    Alonzo Harris: Really?

    Roger: You already figured the streets out.

    Jake Hoyt: It's all about smiles and cries.

    Alonzo Harris: Put the drink down, man, the motherfuckers out of his mind.

    Roger: Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya.

    Jake Hoyt: Yeah. You gotta control your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can take that away from you.

  • Alonzo Harris: I had lunch with the Wise Men today. They say you gotta render unto Caesar.

    Roger: [in his home] Fuckin' vampires want my pension!

  • Alonzo Harris: [Explaining his orders to raid Roger's house] There's nothing I can do about it, you know, I'm just a lowly civil servant.

    Roger: Ehhh, you're their bitch!

  • Roger: Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt... Strong Saftey. North High. I follow all the good players.

  • Wayne Gale: [after Mickey Knox takes over] Where's Roger?

    Roger: [pops out] I'm right here!

    Wayne Gale: Where's Scotty?

    Roger: He's hit- I-I think he's dead.

  • [First lines]

    Roger: Rule #1: Make sure you know everything about those you visit. 2: Never spend more than 10 minutes. Every extra minute increases the chance of someone returning home unexpectedly. 3: Do not leave DNA traces. 4: Don't waste time getting an expensive reproduction. Even a simple forgery will go unnoticed for weeks. 5: Sooner or later, one of two things will happen. You find a work of art so valuable that you never need to worry again, or... you'll get caught.

  • [Last lines]

    Roger: My name is Roger Brown. I'm 5'6" tall, and you know what? That's more than enough.

  • Roger: Without us, you go to jail. You go to jail forever.

  • Roger: Locks are like pretty ladies. You need to practise to know them.

  • Roger: When did we start selling paint?

    Alex: Today.

  • Roger: Well the weather reports wrong.

    Alex: They have instruments for this: thermometers, barometer, tons of other crap. You have an arthritic knee.

  • [first lines]

    MarkAngelMaureenRogerCollinsBenjamin Coffin IIIMimi: Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love... seasons of love.

  • Collins: In honor of the death of Bohemia, an improtu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocorder, while accompanying herself on the electric chello, which she ain't never studied.

    Roger: And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

    Mark: Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sound of iced tea being stirred. And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.

    Roger: [picks up a guitar and plays]

    Mark: That doesn't remind us of Musetta's Waltz.

    Collins: Angel Dumont Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accomanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.

    Angel: And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist, including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the MIT virtural reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words:

    All: Actual reality! Act up! Fight AIDS!

  • Roger: How do you start a fire when there's nothing to burn, and it feels like something's stuck in your flue?

    Mark: How can you generate heat when you can't feel your feet...

    RogerMark: And they're turning blue?

    Mark: [setting one of his old scripts alight] You light up a mean blaze...

    Roger: [adding one of his old posters] With posters...

    Mark: And screenplays!

    RogerMark: How we gonna pay, how we gonna pay, how we gonna pay... last year's rent!

  • Roger: [Sung] I know, this something is... here goes.

    Mimi: [Sung] Here goes.

    Roger: [Sung] Guess so, it's starting to... who knows?

    Mimi: [Sung] Who knows?

    MimiRoger: [Sung] Who knows where, who goes there? / Who knows... here goes / Trusting desire, starting to learn... / Walking through fire, without a burn / Clinging a shoulder, a leap begins / Stinging and older, asleep on pins / So here... we... go... / Now we...

    Roger: [Sung] Oh no.

    Mimi: [Sung] I know.

    Roger: [Sung] Oh no.

    MimiRoger: [Sung] Who knows where, who goes there? / Here goes... / Here goes... / Here goes... / Here goes... / Here goes... / Here goes...

    [They kiss]

  • Roger: Zoom in on my empty wallet.

    Mark: Touché.

  • Mark: [sings] There is no future. There is no past.

    Roger: [sings] Thank God this moment's not the last.

    RogerMimi: [sings] There's only us... there's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

  • Roger: [sung] You look familiar.

    Mimi: [sung] Like your dead girlfriend?

    Roger: [sung] Only when you smile, but I'm sure I've seen you somwhere else.

    Mimi: [sung] Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club? That's where I work. I dance.

    Roger: [sung] Yes! They used to tie you up.

    Mimi: [sung] It's a living.

    Roger: [sung] I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs.

  • Mark: How do you document real life when real life's getting more like fiction each day? Headlines, breadlines blow my mind, and now this deadline - eviction or pay... rent!

    Roger: How do you write a song when the chords sound wrong, though they once sounded right and rare? When the notes are sour, where is the power you once had to ignite the air?

    Mark: We're hungry and frozen...

    Roger: Some life that we've chosen!

    MarkRoger: How we gonna pay, how we gonna pay, how we gonna pay... last year's rent!

  • Roger: [sung, to Mimi] You were the song all along, and before the song dies... I should tell you, I should tell you... I have always loved you. You can see it in my eyes... Mimi!

  • Roger: We got power.

    Mark: Oh. Merry Christmas.

  • Mimi: [sung] The heart may freeze or it can burn. The pain will ease if I can learn... there is no future. There is no past. I live this moment as my last! There's only us... there's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road... mo other way. No day but today...

    Roger: [sung] Excuse me, if I'm off track. But if you're so wise, then tell me, why do you need smack? Take your needle... take your fancy prayer. And don't forget, get the moonlight out of your hair. Long ago you might've lit up my heart. But the fire's dead, and ain't ever ever gonna start! Another time, another place. The words would only rhyme... we'd be in outer space. It'd be another song, we'd sing another way. You wanna prove me wrong? Come back another day... another day!

  • All: [sung] No other road / No other way / No day but today

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] I can't control / My destiny

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] Will I lose my dignity / Will someone care

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] I trust my soul / My only goal / Is just to be

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] Will I wake tomorrow / From this nightmare

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] Without you / The hand gropes

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] There's only now / There's only here

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] The ear hears / The pulse beats

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] Give in to love / Or live in fear

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] Life goes on / But I'm gone

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] No other path / No other way

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] 'Cause I die / Without you / I die without you

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] No day but today / No day but today

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] I die without you / I die without you

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] No day but today / No day but today

    MimiJoanneMaureen: [sung] I die without you / I die without you

    MarkRogerCollinsAngelBenjamin Coffin III: [sung] No day but today / No day but today

    All: [sung] NO DAY BUT TODAY!

  • Roger: Cold hands

    Mimi: Yours too. Big. Like my father's. Do you wanna dance?

    Roger: With you?

    Mimi: No - with my father

    Roger: I'm Roger

    Mimi: They call me... They call me... Mimi

  • Mimi: [on hands and knees to find her drugs] They say I have the best ass below 14th street. Is it true?

    Roger: What?

    Mimi: You're staring again.

    Roger: Oh no. I mean, you do have a nice, I mean...

  • MarkRoger: [answering machine] Speak.

  • MarkRoger: I don't own emotion, I rent.

  • Mark: Angel... I hear you, I hear it, I see it-I see it, my film!

    Roger: [staggered with Mark] Mimi... I see you, I see it, I hear it-I hear it, my song!

    Mark: Alexi, Mark. Call me a hypocrite, I need to finish my own film!

    Roger: [staggered with Mark] One song glory... Mimi, your eyes!

    Mark: I quit!

    MarkRoger: Dying in America!

  • Joanne: Didn't give an inch, when I gave a mile!

    Mark: Come on!

    Mimi: I gave a mile!

    Roger: Gave a mile to who?

  • Roger: [sung, when the dripping candle wax burns Mimi] Oh the wax. It's...

    Mimi: Dripping. I like it between my...

    Roger: [interrupting] Fingers! I figured. Oh well, goodnight!

  • Mark: How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart? It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out till you're torn apart - rent!

    MarkTenantsRoger: How can you connect in an age where strangers, landlords, lovers, your own blood cells betray? What binds the fabric together when the raging, shifting winds of change keep ripping away?

    Benjamin Coffin III: Draw a line in the sand and then make your stand...

    Roger: Use your camera to spar!

    Mark: Use your guitar!

    MarkTenantsRoger: When they act tough, you call their bluff. We're not gonna pay... we're not gonna pay... We're not gonna pay... last year's rent! This year's rent! Next year's rent! Rent, rent, rent, re-ent, rent! We're not gonna pay rent! Cause everything is rent!

  • Angel: Today for you, tomorrow for me!

    Tom: And you should hear her beat.

    Roger: You earned this on the street?

    Angel: It was my lucky day today on Avenue A when the lady in the limousine drove my way - she said, "Darling, be a dear - haven't slept in a year! I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear! This akita - Evita - just won't shut up! I believe if you play nonstop that pup will breathe its very last high-strung breath. I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death!"

  • Benjamin Coffin III: [about Maureen] Still dating her?

    Mark: Last month I was dumped.

    Benjamin Coffin III: She's got a new man?

    Mark: Well, no.

    Benjamin Coffin III: What's his name?

    MarkRoger: Joanne.

  • JoanneCollinsMarkAngelMimiMaureenRogerBenjamin Coffin III: All Its time now to sing out, though the story never ends. Lets celebrate remember the year of the life of friends. Remember the love.

    Joanne: You got to, you got to remember the love.

    CollinsMarkAngelMimiMaureenRogerBenjamin Coffin III: Remember the love.

    Joanne: You know that love us a gift from up above.

    CollinsMarkAngelMimiMaureenRogerBenjamin Coffin III: Remember the love.

    Joanne: Share love, give love, spread love.

  • CollinsMarkRogerAngelAliPaulStevePam: [sung] Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow, from this nightmare?

  • Mark's Dad: [on the answering machine] Listen, Mark, I'm sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you. I say "se la vie", let her be a Lesbian!

    Roger: [snickers loudly]

    Mark's Dad: She doesn't know what she's missing! Happy Holidays!

    [hangs up]

  • Life Cafe Waiter: [sung] So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad, three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platters, and one pasta with meatless balls.

    Roger: Ugh!

    Collins: It tastes the same.

    Mimi: If you close your eyes!

  • CollinsMarkMaureenRogerMimiJoanne: No day but today!

  • Angel: New York City.

    Mark: Uh-huh.

    Angel: Center of the universe.

    Collins: Sang it, girl!

    Angel: Times are shitty, but I'm pretty sure they can't get worse.

    Roger: I hear that.

    Angel: It's a comfort to know, when you're singing the hit-the-road blues...


    Angel: That anywhere else you could possibly go after New York would be


    Angel: a pleasure cruise!

    Collins: Now you're talkin'!

  • Roger: I once was born to be bad. I used to shiver like that...

    Mimi: I have no heat. I told you...

    Roger: I used to sweat.

    Mimi: I got a cold.

    Roger: Uh-huh. I used to be a junkie...

    Mimi: But now and then, I like to...

    Roger: Uh-huh.

    Mimi: ...feel good.

  • Lestat: A London goth. It's funny. I would have pegged you for a Talamascan.

    Jesse: Maybe in another light.

    LA Groupie: I'm an Episcopalian!

    Roger: And I'm a friggin' Buddhist. Uh, Lestat...

    Lestat: Roger, would you take our little Episcopalian back to church?

  • London Groupie: I heard that Lestat keeps all his girls in his cellar, and it's really nice and they give you food and cable and weed.

    London Groupie: Oh, please.

    London Groupie: That's what I heard. But you have to let him suck you on your neck whenever he wants.

    London Groupie: Doesn't sound too bad. I've done worse.

    London Groupie: I'll say.

    Roger: This way, girls.

  • Sherlock Holmes: I've decided to write the story down; as it was, not as John made it. Get it right, before I die.

    Roger: You're not going to die.

    Sherlock Holmes: I'm 93.

    Roger: I had a great-uncle who lived to be 102.

    Sherlock Holmes: Well done. That seals my fate. What are the odds that you would know two men who would live that long?

    Roger: Well, I didn't actually know him.

    [Holmes laughs]

  • [Holmes and Roger tend to some bees]

    Roger: You ever been bitten?

    Sherlock Holmes: Stung! Bees don't have teeth!

    [Mrs Munro appears]

    Mrs. Munro: You ever been bitten?

    Sherlock Holmes: No. I have never been bit.

  • [Holmes explains a series of deductions about his last client]

    Roger: But all that just told you he was married. How did you know he'd come to see you about his wife?

    Sherlock Holmes: [smiles] Because when you're a detective, and a man comes to see you, it's usually about his wife.

  • [last lines]

    Roger: [explaining to his mother the same way Mr. Holmes explained to him] The queen runs the colony. Drones service the queen. The workers do the work.

    Mrs. Munro: Isn't it true...

  • Roger: She wants me to be a bootblack!

    Mrs. Munro: Roger!

    Roger: She wants me to do what she does!

    Mrs. Munro: There's no shame in what I do!

    Roger: You complain enough about it! Always going on about how hard things are.

    [to Holmes]

    Roger: She can barely read!

    [Mrs. Munro storms out of the room]

    Sherlock Holmes: Go after her. Apologize for saying things that were meant to hurt. You were cruel! If you don't apologize, you will regret it.

    Roger: People always say that.

    Sherlock Holmes: Because it's true.

    Roger: Do *you* regret anything?

    Sherlock Holmes: [with feeling] So much.

  • Roger: I shouldn't have said what I said.

    Mrs. Munro: Lesson there, then. Don't say everything you think.

  • Roger: All I'm sayin is that there's a lot to think about here. So just do that. Think about it.

    Danny: Look man, I'm not gonna miss out on something that could be great just cause it might also be hard.

  • Roger: It's from Danny.

    Ariana: What is it?

    Roger: It's Love.

  • Roger: What's one thing you could always use more of?

  • [Roger was almost bitten by a zombie, and has snapped]

    Roger: Bastards, you bastards! We got 'em, didn't we? We got this, man! We got this by the ass!

  • Peter: Roger, get your head together, we got a lot of work to do.

    Roger: Number two.

    Peter: You all right?

    Roger: Perfect, baby. Perfect.

  • Roger: Jesus, it's everywhere.

  • Roger: [over the radio while driving trucks] Hey, too tall, too slow, two, come back!

    Peter: You look my size when you're sitting in a truck.

    Roger: What I want to know is how we got to be in the same force with you being so large and all?

    Peter: Well, they told me it was a midget force, and they needed somebody to look up to. Hey, where's Flyboy? What's his twenty?

    Roger: He's probably up on the roof... with Flygirl!

  • Roger: Hey, man, we can't carry all this shit.

    [Peter wheels a gardening cart up with all of their supplies]

    Roger: Oh, I see, we're just gonna wheel right by 'em, right?

    Peter: We're gonna try, brother. We ain't doin' this for the exercise, so we might as well try to get what we can.

    Roger: No way this is gonna happen.

  • [coming upon the mall]

    Stephen: What the hell is it?

    Roger: It looks like a shopping center, one of those big, indoor malls

  • Roger: Come on, Martinez.

    Wooley: Yeah, Martinez! Show your greasy little Puerto Rican ass so I can blow it right off!

    [Cocks his gun]

    Wooley: Blow ALL their asses off! Low-life bastards! Blow ALL their low-life little Puerto Rican and Nigger asses right off!

  • [about to run a gauntlet of zombies]

    Roger: Whad'ya think? Bag it or try for it?

    Peter: You game?

    Roger: I need lighter fluid.

    Peter: You got it.

  • [looking in a Civil Defense carton]

    Francine Parker: Spam!

    Roger: You bring a can opener?

    Francine Parker: No, I guess I didn't

    Roger: Then don't knock it, it's got it's own key.

  • Roger: You'll take care of me when I go, won't you, Peter?

    Peter: Just rest, man. Save your strength.

    Roger: I don't want to be walkin' around... like THAT!... Peter... PETER?

    Peter: I'm here, man!

    Roger: Don't do it until you are sure I *am* coming back! I'm gonna try... not to... I'm gonna try... not to... come back. I'm gonna try... not to...

  • Roger: One-stop shopping: everything you need, right at your fingertips.

  • [Roger and Rico point their guns at each other, at point blank range]

    Roger: Hold it!

    [Rico breaks and begins to run away]

    Roger: Don't go out there!

    [Rico is shot and screams as he falls off the tenement rooftop]

  • Peter: We're gonna have a hell of a time getting back.

    Roger: We've just got to wait a little longer before we move.

    Peter: No, there's always a chance of some of them staying up on the balcony.

    Roger: We can handle that. We can break right through them.

    Peter: If any of them see us or hear us, they'll just follow us on up. It's no good.

    Roger: We sure as hell can outrun 'em. We can load up with what we've got and get the hell out of here.

    Peter: I've been thinking... maybe we've got a good thing going here. Maybe we shouldn't be in such a hurry to leave.

    Roger: Oh, man.

    Peter: If we could get back up there without them catching on, we could hole up for a while, at least long enough to catch a breath, check out the radio, see what's happening.

    Stephen: There's some kind of passageway over the top the stores. I don't know if it's just heating ducts or some kind of access. I saw it on the map.

    Peter: Upstairs. Let's go.

  • Stephen: We've got to find more fuel. Maybe closer to Cleveland.

    Roger: No. We've got to stay out of the big cities. If they're anything like Philly, we may never get out alive.

    Peter: We may never get out of any place alive. We almost didn't get out of here.

    Roger: We're getting out of here fine. As long as there's not too many of those things around, we can handle them easy.

    Peter: Yeah, well it wasn't one of those things that nearly blew me away.

    Roger: We gotta stay in the sticks! There's bound to be more of those little private airports upstate.

    Stephen: There's the locks along the Allgheny. There's several fuel-pumping stations there, state- and private-owned.

    Roger: No, those are probably still manned. We don't need those hassles either.

    Stephen: They're just out after scavengers and looters.

    Peter: Oh, you got papers for this limousine?

    Stephen: I've got GON I.D., and so does Fran.

    Peter: Right, and we're up here doing traffic reports! Wake up, sucker! We're thieves and we're bad guys. That's exactly what we are. We gotta find our own way.

  • [Roger and Peter are startled by the Old Priest]

    Old Priest: Señores, please to let me pass.

    Roger: Let's get him to the med unit.

    Old Priest: No, no, please. Just let me pass. I go up to seventh floor to find my sister; just let me pass. The people of 107 will do what you wish now.

  • [Roger is in the basement, vomiting]

    Peter: You ain't just in here by yourself, boy!

    [Roger aims his gun at Peter]

    Peter: You was in Wooley's unit, wasn't you?

    [Peter cocks his gun]

    Roger: I didn't see nothing. I didn't see how he died.

    [They lower their guns]

  • Roger: What's the problem, officer?

    Officer at Police Dock: We caught your friends here stealing company gasoline.

    Roger: What do you mean, friends?

    Stephen: They know, Rog. They're running too.

    Officer at Police Dock: Now it would be crazy to start shooting at each other.

    Roger: It sure would.

  • [after avoiding a bunch of the zombies]

    Roger: Well, we're in, but how the hell are we gonna get back?

    Peter: Who the hell cares! Let's go shopping!

    Roger: Watches! Watches!

    Peter: Wait a minute, man. Let's just get the stuff we need. I'll get a television and a radio.

    Roger: Ooohh, ooohh, lighter fluid! And chocolate. Chocolate!

    [he runs down a clothing aisle]

    Roger: Hey, how about a mink coat?

  • Roger: Peter, where are you?

    Peter: I'm right here, man.

    Roger: Hey, we did it, didn't we? We whipped 'em, didn't we?

    Peter: That's right, man.

    Roger: Didn't we... Didn't we whip 'em?

    Peter: We sure did, buddy.

    Roger: We whipped 'em and we got it ALL!

  • Roger: Aww, God! Oh, Jesus Christ!

    Peter: What is it?

    Roger: My bag! I left my goddamn bag in the other truck!

    Peter: [stops driving the truck] All right, trooper, you better screw your head on.

    Roger: [hyped tone] Yeah, yeah, yeah; c'mon, c'mon c'mon, let's go!

    Peter: [grabbing him by the collar] I mean it! Now you're not just playin' with your life, you're playin' with mine! Now... are you straight?

    Roger: [subdued tone] Yeah.

  • Roger: [to Peter] Man, a lot of people are running... I could run... I could run, tonight. A friend of mine, he's got this helicopter. He does traffic reports for GON. He asked me to come with him. Do you think it's right to run?

  • [coming across a Zombie storage room]

    Roger: Why did these people keep them here?

    Peter: 'Cause they still believe there's respect in dying.

  • Roger: You better get some sleep, too.

    Peter: I been thinkin'. There's an awful lot of stuff down there that we could use.

    Roger: I know it.

    Peter: It's a big place, but they're pretty spread out down there. I think we can outrun 'em.

    Roger: Hit and run?

    Peter: Hit and run.

    Francine Parker: You're crazy!

    Roger: This place could be a gold mine. We've got to at least check it out.

  • [referring to Frannie]

    Peter: She looks sick.

    Roger: Come on, wouldn't you be?

    Peter: No, man, I mean she really looks ill.

    Stephen: She's pregnant.

    Roger: [nervously] Hey, maybe we should get moving.

    Peter: We can handle it.

    Roger: Yeah, but what if she needs a doctor...?

    Peter: [interrupting] We can handle it! It doesn't change a thing.

    [to Stephen]

    Peter: Do you want to get rid of it?

    Stephen: [shocked] *What*?

    Peter: Do you want to abort it? It's not too late, and I know how.

  • Peter: Somebody better sit watch all the time.

    Roger: [points to the boarded up door] They'll never get through there.

    Peter: Enough of them will. And it's not just those things we have to worry about. That chopper up there could give us away if somebody comes messin' around.

    Roger: And what are they gonna do? Land another pilot to fly it out? They're not gonna mess with a little bird like that, they've got enough on their hands.

  • Roger: It's Christmastime down there, buddy!

    Peter: Fat city, brother! How we gonna work it?

    Roger: If we can get into one of the department stores up top, they'll have their own escalators inside.

    Peter: Let's go check those keys.

  • Officer at Police Dock: Hey! Ya got any cigarettes?

    Roger: Any of you guys got cigarettes?

    [Francine shakes her head]

    Roger: No, I'm sorry.

    Stephen: Where you headed?

    Officer at Police Dock: Down river. We got an idea maybe we can make it to the island!

    Stephen: What Island?

    Officer at Police Dock: Any island. What about you? Where are you headed?

    Stephen: Straight up.

  • Jeff: [with makeshift Ouija] I got a good question! Can it tell us what color panties Lisa's wearing?

    Roger: Come on, Jeff... everybody knows that!

    Lisa: [sarcastic laugh] Up yours, darling.

    Jeff: Alright! Wait, wait. I got it. I got a great question. It's great! Alright, is... anyone in this room... going to be dead before next year...

    Susan Baxter: No! No. Don't ask questions like that.

  • Roger: I'm a Roger. Rogers don't back down.

  • Roger: I beg pardon, sir. Do you ever dream of girls?

    Larry Day: [laughs] No, when I dream, it's usually about horses.

    Roger: Technically, much safer, sir.

  • Roger: There's a vast difference, sir, between the art of making money and the art of making... a lady.

  • Roger: Come this way, my man. I'll show you what's what.

    Electrician: [believing that he had witnessed Larry and Roger in a romantic clinch] I ain't your man, and I what's what!

  • Roger: Well, if I may say so, sir, the cave man is a piker compared to the primitive beasts wandering through the forest in search of their mates.

  • Larry Day: Well, hasta manana!

    Roger: Yes! You do and you'll tend to it yourself.

  • Roger: I'm ugly.

    Brandi: No, you have nice eyes.


    Brandi: You want me to make you pretty?

    Roger: Yes, yes.

    Brandi: Everybody wants to be pretty.

    [Brandi applies lipstick to Roger's lips then holds up a compact mirror]

    Brandi: Now you're beautiful.

  • Roger: I hope Kitty Lane remembers me. I knew her when she was waiting at the Campus Inn.

    May: Really? I wonder how it feels to be notorious? Seems like fun to me.

  • Roger: Did I score guys?

Browse more character quotes from Lethal Weapon 2 (1989)