Rodney Quotes in Knight and Day (2010)

June Havens: [whispering to Rodney] He's the guy!

Rodney: [addressing Milner] I'm sorry. Who are you again?

June Havens: [whispering to Rodney louder] He's the guy!

Roy Miller: I'm the guy.

Rodney: You're the guy?

Roy Miller: I'm the guy!

Dodge Landon: Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!

Caesar: NO!

Rodney: [looks at Caesar while he pulls the tranq-gun back and softly] Oh, my God.

Buck: [looks at Caesar and softly] Oh-oh-oh.

Caesar: [grunts and looks at the other apes who are screeching] NO!

Buck: [grunts]

Caesar: NO!

[jumps and walks along the cages]

Caesar: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Dodge Landon: [groans]

Rodney: [gasping]

Mike Lowery: Rodney, I hear there's a boat on fire off the coast of Cuba.

Rodney: Don't you think we oughta break international waters to help them out?

Mike Lowery: [while sitting in a Black Hawk helicopter] That's my DAWG.

Rodney: [he's just shot a wax replica of Al Capone] Hey, Al. Al, wherever you are, don't hold it against me!

Rodney: She's one of us, Liz; just a bored little child of the jet-set.

Liz: This afternoon she looked about like the jet-set as some scrawny alley cat would next to one of my pure-bred Siamese kittens.

Rodney: What's so important about this chocolate anyway?

Vultor: Oooh, that's such a good question, Rodney. But tell me, do you like chocolate?

Rodney: Well, yeah, sure. I like an occasional munch.

Vultor: You and everyone else. The whole world craves chocolate. And he who controls chocolate controls *everything*!

Jeffrey Dahmer: You know what the cross was, don't you?

Rodney: Yeah, where Jesus died, right?

Jeffrey Dahmer: A torture device... used to kill criminals. So when you pray to it, it's like praying to an electric chair, or a guillotine.

Jeffrey Dahmer: I am a pervert. I'm an exhibitionist. I'm a masturbator. And a killer... like you.

Rodney: [scoffs] You see? You can't be honest one bit. You always have to bullshit.

Jeffrey Dahmer: So what happens when your cousin gets back?

Rodney: Well... well, we just gonna hang out here for a while until he get finished and then probably go out and, you know, party or something.

Jeffrey Dahmer: You, uh... d'ya wanna come back to my place and maybe have a few beers?

Rodney: [slowly contemplating] A'ight. Yeah. Okay. That's cool. Where you live?

Jeffrey Dahmer: I live right nearby.

Jeffrey Dahmer: You must be harboring a lot of anger inside.

Rodney: I'm not angry inside, all right?

Jeffrey Dahmer: I think you are. I think you act all sweet and innocent, but it's only to cover up how you wanna kill people.

Veronica Sawyer: What the fuck?

Rodney: Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.

Veronica Sawyer: Ew! That son of a bitch.

[Talking to himself in a mirror]

George Gergenblatt: This was your idea, George. It's a good idea, right? It's a good idea. Monogamy is sexual slavery. She got an exquisite pussy. Well, how 'bout my exquisite erection? Huh? Eva, what do you think? Do you like my exquisite erection? Do you like my erection selection? What do you think, Eva? Yeah? You gon' take it? You gon' take that dick? You gon' take that *dick*? I'm gon' pop off a piece of my dick! Oh, yeah, I'm fixins to fuck ya. I'm gon' fuck ya. I'm gon' get it all up in yo vag. Get it up in yo vag with my dick... with my dick! Gonna put it in with my dick! I gon' puts my dick in. I GON' PUTS MY DICK IN!

[Rodney walks in the room]

Rodney: 'Sup, man. You alright?

George Gergenblatt: Hey, man. What's up?

Rodney: Here we go. Thank you, acid.

Rodney: [on telephone] Hey, honey, feeling better?

Dr. John Dolittle: Who's this?

Rodney: I'll give you a hint: I'm cute, I'm furry, and I make five hundred babies a year!

Dr. John Dolittle: Rodney. Get back in your cage.

Rodney: What's up with that trap behind the fridge? You trying to kill me?

Dr. John Dolittle: Never mind that. Get your little furry ass back in your cage. Now. I don't want your droppings on... Bye-bye.

[to security guard]

Dr. John Dolittle: My son Rodney. Little hairy boy, sleeps in the cage. I have to keep him in the cage because he has hygiene problems.

Rodney: Ooh, man - you scared the crap out of me. See? There it is.

Rodney: [Rodney's cage is strapped to the top of John's Range-Rover, which is cruising down the highway] ... Come on, Doc! I'm getting whisker-whipped up here! Hey - this is cruel to animals!

Dr. John Dolittle: One more word, and I'm letting you out! I'll leave you in the wild! With the REAL animals! See how much talk you do when squirrels are kickin' your ass in!

Rodney: Fine, then I'll just sing!

[proceeds to sing Bob Dylan's "Blowin' In the Wind," way out of tune]

Rodney: ..."The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind..."

Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP!

[turns the radio way up]

Rodney: [singing] ... This guinea pig is blowin' in the wind!

Dr. John Dolittle: I can't hear you! I'm groovin'!

Rodney: ...Why do they call me "guinea pig," anyway? I'm not Italian, and I'm not pork...!

Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP, I SAID!

Maya Dolittle: Grandpa, did Daddy learn how to be bossy from you?

Archer Dolittle: He certainly didn't learn it from his mother, God rest her soul.

[John's Range-Rover drives up, with Rodney's cage strapped to the roof]

Maya Dolittle: Daddy, what's Rodney doing on the roof?

Dr. John Dolittle: I thought the fresh air would do him good.

Rodney: Lunatic! Crazy man! Psycho!

Dr. John Dolittle: [looks at Rodney murderously] ... Daddy, we still got those BB guns I used to play with when I was little?

Pig: [Various animals are pouring into John's apartment] ... Good evening, Doctor.

Dr. John Dolittle: ...No. You're gonna have to take your fat ass back out.

Penguin: Oh, my God. What a zoo.

Pig: Hmm, obviously not a kosher establishment.

Rooster: Where are the chicks? Ooh! I'm cool.

Pig: [belches] ... Very well-appointed sty.

Dr. John Dolittle: What's going on? What is all this?

Owl: I don't know. You know, tell a friend. Ha ha.

Lucky: Looks like they need to talk to a doctor, Doc.

Sheep: Our butts hurt.

Dr. John Dolittle: Okay. Let's do this. And watch your droppings.

Rodney: Tonight, this is the house of love! East Coast! West Coast! Let's unite! Is Brooklyn in the house...?

Dr. John Dolittle: ...You're suffering from obsessive-compulsive behavior...

Compulsive Dog: [bouncing like a pogo stick] Throw the ball!

Dr. John Dolittle: When you want the ball, think about something else...

Compulsive Dog: Don't say anything more! Throw the ball!

Dr. John Dolittle: You need to relax your mind...

Compulsive Dog: You're the person. You throw the ball. I'm the dog. I get it. Simple as that. I swear, I'll pee on your carpet. Please, please, please, throw the ball. Shut up and throw the ball. Am I alone here? Am I all by myself? Am I in ANOTHER UNIVERSE?

Lucky: THROW THE DAMN BALL!

[John resignedly does so]

Compulsive Dog: He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I'll get it! I'll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball...!

Rodney: [to John] ... You can't save 'em all, Hasselhoff.

Baby Gator: [just hatched, looks at Rodney] Mama?

Rodney: Mama, I'm not ya mama.

Baby Gator: [to Lucky] Mama?

Lucky: Oh, no, don't look at me... Well, there was this one time I got drunk in the Everglades...

Rodney: Somebody get the license plate number. I have just been violated!

Woman: Need some help?

Dr. John Dolittle: Oh, no, I'm - we're - we're fine. I'm just stretching my legs a little here.

Rodney: Ask her if she's got any lettuce.

Dr. John Dolittle: Shut your mouth. Shut your furry little mouth right now!

Rodney: [after Dr. Dolittle hears him talk for the first time] Okay, let's chill. Let's just chill.

Dr. John Dolittle: I'm not gonna chill.

Rodney: You gonna chill.

[Dr. Dolittle grabs his cage and removes it from the car]

Rodney: Uh, what are you doing, switching sides?

Rodney: Don't fix your life so that you're left alone right when you come to the middle of it.

Rodney: Clearly, the no-talent who directed this hoped to transform the world's greatest love story into a Calvin Klein commercial. The man should be shot.

Romeo & Juliet Director: Mr. Fraser.

Rodney: Yes.

Romeo & Juliet Director: I'm the director.

Rodney: Ah!

[Director punches Rodney in the face]

Rodney: I'm ashamed of my heterosexuality!

Amy: Was it threatening?

Jen: Yeah, it hovered over me while I was peeing!

Rodney: I'd hover over you peeing... While you were peeing...

Rodney: So, you're smoking herb with not one but two hot naked hippie chicks all day? You should have called me you asshole!

Clay: Are you pissed?

Rodney: No, Clay, I'm not pissed. You just don't know what it's like for an old faggot like me to hear that straight boys wanna be gay. Believe me, it's a beautiful thing. It's what we fought for all our lives. It's the happiest day of my life. I may cry.

Joe Joe: I want my daddy.

Yvette: I know.

Rodney: [From Background] Fuck your punk-ass daddy!

Yvette: I do too baby.

Rodney: Jody? Nigga, you Jody? Vette ain't here, cuz. Come to get your son? Come get his muthafuckin' ass. I ain't trying to be his daddy no way.

[after Jody left]

Rodney: I can't *believe* this muthafucka had the audacity to come to *my* muthafuckin' house, after he done *talked* shit to me when I was locked up, *fucked* my bitch, had a baby by her. Man, get the heat, cuz. Fuck this nigga.

Rodney: Hello? Hello? Yvette?

Jody: Naw, nigga, this ain't no motherfuckin' Yvette!

Rodney: Put Yvette on the phone, nigga!

Jody: What? This my phone, nigga! Don't call my house no more!

Rodney: How the *fuck* is that yo' house, nigga? You don't even live there. Is this Jody? The Jody that got my boo pregnant and can't take care of his responsibilities as a muthafuckin' man? Livin' at yo' mamma house? Walking around the streets like a little ass boy? Nigga, you's a *bitch*!

Jody: What? Yo' ass in jail! You can't say nothin' about me and mine, homeboy. Look, don't call my *fuckin'* house no more! My girl ain't feeling you. It's not happening, cuz! Concentrate on not dropping the soap, you bitch-ass nigga!

Rodney: *Fuck* you, cuz!

[hangs up]

Jody: I want a block on my motherfucking phone tomorrow, Yvette.

Yvette: All right, Jody, damn!

Jody: Stupid ass.

Yvette: You stupid.

Jody: All on the phone spreading my business out there. He on the other end talking 'bout "Yeah, I know you live with yo' mamma." I don't wanna hear that shit!

Joe Joe: I hate you.

Rodney: I hate you too little nigga, you ain't my son.

Rodney: [about to be killed] Shoot me you punk motherfucker! I done seen everything, except Christ anyway. motherfuckers. *Shoot me*! Shoot me!

Rodney: Mornin', scrub. Built yourself a little fort? I don't give a fuck about your fort.

[Kicks fort of pillows]

Joe Joe: I hate you!

Rodney: I hate you too lil nigga. You ain't my son.

Rodney: What's happening, baby? I'm home. Damn, what you got to eat in this motherfucker? Shit, I'm hungry as FUCK!

Ronald 'Strike' Dunham: [In Rodney's car; Rodney gives him crap about abandoning his post to be questioned by Klein] Aw, man. Fuck you, Rodney.

Rodney: [silently pulls over to the shoulder] Excuse me?

[punches Strike in the stomach]

Rodney: Who the *fuck* are you talking to like that? Are you out of your motherfucking mind?

[pulls Strike down on his lap]

Rodney: Huh? You think I'm one of these crew-niggas sitting on the project?

[punches him again]

Rodney: BENCH, motherfucker!

[grabs a gun from the backseat and sticks it in his mouth]

Rodney: Open yo mouth, nigga. Now you feel that? I'll put this gun in yo bad-breaf-smellin' mouth and I will pull the trigger. And I will splatter what little motherfuckin' brains you got all over the Corinthian leather interior of my car! And this my wife's brand new car, so you know I don't give a fuck. You understand me? *Do you understand me, bitch?*

[Strike nods]

Rodney: And let me tell you something else... if I ever hear about you talking to that "homocide" one more time, that Rocco motherfucker - I mean, I don't care if it's the light of day - if I hear my name coming up in this at all and I heard it was from *you*, then I'm gonna kill you. I mean you are 187 on the strength, you understand me? *Do you understand me?*

[Strike complies]

Rodney: Word is bond.

[takes the gun out of his mouth and pushes him off]

Rodney: Now get yo motherfuckin' ass out my car.

Rodney: [sigh] If God created anything better than crack cocaine he kept that shit for hisself.

Rodney: Rocco Klein... Rocco Klein, you know, I've always wanted to ask you... you Italian, you a jew? I mean, what are you? You can't make up your mind?

Det. Rocco Klein: Me?

Rodney: Yeah, you.

Det. Rocco Klein: I'm from the lost black tribe of Israel, the Yos.

Rodney: Errol told me you talked to the homicide cop. How'd that go?

Ronald 'Strike' Dunham: It was a-ight.

Rodney: 'A-ight' or 'all right'?

Ronald 'Strike' Dunham: It was a-ight. All right?

Bonnie: I know, the auction's in full wing... going, going, gawn.

Rodney: It's a tough break being left stranded like this. Why, we're paupers!

Bonnie: [laughs] Well, there's no use crying about it. Buck up! Put on your spurs and gauntlets and give the world a battle.

Bonnie: [she gently, playfully punches his chin] Swat 'em in the eye.

Rodney: Yeah? Just how?

Bonnie: Go to work. I'm not afraid.

Rodney: [sarcastically] You? Why, what could you do? Open up a tea shoppie? "Bonnie Jordan's orange pekoe blend." Go to it.

[last lines]

Rodney: I'm all messed up, I'll kill you for what you did to me bitch

Rodney: My pa, he doesn't like strangers coming around... says it upsets the chickens.