Roddy Quotes in Flushed Away (2006)

Rita: Tell me about yourself, Roddy.

Roddy: Well, there's not much to tell.

Rita: You know everything about me, warts and all. I don't even know what you do.

Roddy: I'm... I'm in a boy band.

Rita: What?

Roddy: Yeah. Yeah, I'm the posh one.

Roddy: Whatever's going on, I assure you, I'm not involved. I'm just an innocent bystander.

Spike: Rita, Rita, Rita.

[laughs]

Spike: Thought you could give us the slip?

[Slips and falls]

Spike: What are you looking at? Keep still! Come on, then! Right! Who have we got here?

Whitey: I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.

Roddy: [hanging on to Rita's belt as it starts to break] No, no don't break! There are things I want to do, sights I want to see.

[belt breaks; Rita's pants drop]

Roddy: That wasn't on the list.

Roddy: And who might you be, little chap?

Shocky: They call me Shocky.

Roddy: Why do they call you that?

Shocky: [Shocks Roddy with a battery] Shocky!

Roddy: Ohh! Yes, got it.

Spike: Blimy, it's cold.

Whitey: That's why I wore me mittens.

Spike: Wha... Hitmen don't wear mittens! Take them off! You're embarrasing me!

Whitey: It's all right for you. You've got little hands. They don't freeze as much.

Rita: What are you, some kind of rat boomerang? Give me back my ruby!

Roddy: I haven't got your ruby!

[the ruby falls on his hand]

Roddy: Okay. Well, now I've got your ruby.

Roddy: Will you please tell these people I'm not involved in this?

Rita: Fine. All right, all right, listen up. This gentleman, he's not from around here.

Roddy: Thank you.

Rita: Just look how nicely he's dressed.

Roddy: Ah, thank you.

Rita: And why? Because he's an international jewel thief!

Roddy: Precisely... What? No, no!

Rita: This is quite tasty.

Roddy: Thanks. I don't think it's too bad, considering I only had an apple, four raisins and a box of rice.

Rita: Rice?

Slug: [singing] What's that urge from deep inside? / The need to hurl won't be denied / That isn't rice, that's maggots you're eating.

Maggots: Larva, larva, larva...

Roddy: Well. That explains why it all ran to one side when I put salt in it.

Rita: It's impossible!

Roddy: /ENGLAND/ is winning! ANYTHING'S possible!

Spike: Any last requests?

Roddy: Yes. Could you fly, quite suddenly, off the boat, screaming like a girl?

Spike: What?

[Is jerked off the boat by a cord]

Spike: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Roddy is using a cell phone as a shield as Rita throws crayons at him; the crayons dial a number]

Take Out: Ha Chin Chinese takeout.

Roddy: Yes, I'm being attacked by a madwoman! She's got crayons!

Take Out: One chicken chow mein. With wonton?

Roddy: No, crayons!

Take Out: No wonton! You want rice? Fried or white?

Roddy: Fried. No, wait!

Take Out: You want wonton or what?

Roddy: Cancel that order.

Shocky: They call me shocky.

Roddy: Now why do they call you that?

Roddy: When the cat's away, the mice will play!

Rita: Real!

Roddy: Fake.

Rita: Real!

Roddy: Fake.

Rita: [sighs] Real.

Roddy: Fake.

Rita: REAL!

Roddy: [singing] Ice cold Rita / Never did I meet a / Girl who's half so cruel / I offered her a jewel / But she left me stuck / Stranded on a duck / What a shoddy thing to do to Roddy... Me! / That's Roddy St. James of Kensington.

Slug: Poor, poor Roddy / Flushed down his own potty / Rita, can't you find it in your heart... to help him?

Roddy: How mean can one rat be? / Ice cold Rita / Won't you be sweeter to me?

Roddy: [Showing Sid the toilet] After a hard day navigating the sewer pipes, there's nothing better than relaxing in a Jacuzzi whirlpool bath.

Pegleg: So you're from up top, huh?

Roddy: Yes.

Pegleg: I know someone who might be able to help you, might. The captain of the Jammy Dodger.

Goldfish: I know where it is!

Sid: You were going to flush me down the loo!

Roddy: No, no, no! It's a big jacuzzi, the deluxe model!

Sid: Well then, you won't mind if I get the bubbles going, will ya?

Roddy: No, not the lever! Have mercy! No! No! I can't swim!

Sid: Bon voyage, me old cream cracker. Hold your nose.

Roddy: No, no, no! You can't do this!

Sid: You were going to try and flush me? Let's see how you like it!

Roddy: Roddy St. James saves the day.

Roddy: Maybe I can make it up to you?

Rita: Get stuffed.

Roddy: [Roddy and Rita are running from the thugs] Rita could we please go a little faster.

Rita: We don't have too.

Rita: [hits a button] Go go purple custard.

Gil Hicks: Something's going on here. Where's Mr. Svenning?

Roddy: [enters] Mr. Svenning has come down with a sudden case of depheria.

[looks down at the two guys on the floor]

Roddy: What happened to these two?

Jay: The homeboys got a case of the mad munchies!

Gil Hicks: [points to T.S] Hey, Roddy Roddy, isn't this the guy that Svenning had arrested?

Roddy: Why yes it is. All right Quint, I don't know how you got back in here, but we're postponing the start of the show until I call Mr. Svenning. You've brought down the fire, well now you've got it! Security!

Brodie: Hey, Roddy!

[Brody puches Roddy out]

Security Guard: [enters] Somebody call security? What happened here?

Brodie: Oh, these two guys got stonned and knocked this guy out. I think he needs medical attention.

Gil Hicks: That's not what happ...

[Brody stomps on Gil's foot, silencing him]

T.S. Quint: Yeah, could you get him and these two guys out of here? The show's about to start.

Security Guard: Whatever.

Brodie: [to Gil] Look asshole, just go out there with us and behave, and you'll be just fine.

[to Jay]

Brodie: Jay, when Tricia shows up here with a video tape, you give it to Silent Bob.

Jay: Check. Say, where is that tubby bitch?

[Duncan talks with Susanna. Owen and Roddy see him, and are impressed. Owen talkes via the PA system]

Owen: Please report to the Administrative Offices International. Duncan, please report to the Administrative Offices International. I have to announce it over the PA as my voice won't carry that far. My throat suffered major damage during an intense make-out session with Lewis' mom. She has a forked tongue and a touch of the herpes.

Lewis: [annoyed] I don't have a mom. I have two dads. In your face.

Owen: Hurry, hurry.

Duncan: [to Sussanna] Hold on a second.

[Susanna nods. Duncan approaches Owen and Roddy]

Owen: Please. Hurry up. This is pressing, pressing. Urgent. I can't tell you how pressing. You can't fathom how pressing. How's it going? What's up? Did you need something?

Duncan: No.

Owen: Who's that, big guy?

Duncan: Just a girl.

[Owen and Roddy chuckle]

Roddy: You stallion, you!

Duncan: I don't know. She's older than me.

[Owen and Roddy are even more impressed]

Roddy: So... what are you doing over here talking to us and not over there, sealing the deal with that cougar?

Duncan: [smiles] Well, maybe, Roddy, if you guys hadn't called me over here...

Owen, Roddy: [chuckle] Oooo!

[Duncan returns to Susanna]

Owen: [talks on the PA system] Return to your lady friend. Duncan, please return to your lady friend. Please let her know that this conversation was entirely about her. In other news, this is very awkward for you.

Roddy: Fact is... we're not dog-killers. What's the worst thing we actually achieved? Kidnapping a pot plant. There's our fatal flaw. At heart, we're nice guys.

Roddy: All right. Settle down, you lot. Settle down. William Wordsworth. Wordsworth was, of course, the first of the Romantics to use a MacBook Pro.

Roddy: [Addressing his class] ... which is why Shakespeare never left New York again. Okay, um, chapter 21. Uh, read it or... be punished.

Roddy: [Answering his phone] Yo.

Tom Duval: [On the phone] He's only gone and changed the ending.

Roddy: [Over the phone] Wow. All you did was change her title, and she thought you were a complete wanker.

Roddy: [Addressing his class] That's "Juan Kerr." He was a 19th century South American revolutionary.

Roddy: [to Nicola] Right, you ready? Go on. Just do it.

[Calling out to his students]

Roddy: Okay, pay attention, class. Pay attention!

Nicola Ball: [to the students] Jane Lockhart, of course, follows Charlotte Brontë as only the second writer in English to design and build her own hovercraft.

Roddy: [Over-enunciating] Hovercraft. H-O-V-E-R-C-R-A-F-T.

Roddy: [to Nicola] See? They believe anything you tell them.

[first lines]

Tom Duval: Roddy! School...

Roddy: [walks in partly dressed] Morning.

Tom Duval: Being happy, she is unable to finish her latest miserable novel.

[walking together]

Tom Duval: So, in order to help her, the selfless publisher embarks on a course of action - to return her to the fragile mental state in which she wrote her highly profitable debut.

Roddy: You want to make Jane Lockhart's life a misery so she'll finish writing her book? That's seriously messed up. Do they teach you this stuff in France?

Tom Duval: We study a broad curriculum. So, how do we make someone completely totally miserable?

Roddy: Why are you asking me? I've dedicated the last ten years to encouraging young minds, planting hope and aspiration...

[suddenly distracted by a student]

Roddy: Benson, put it away! Stand in the corner! Face to the wall! Little shite.

[back to Tom]

Roddy: ... Okay, maybe I have some experience in the field...

[last lines]

Roddy: [grading papers] This is really pathetic. Who is this? Jimmy Miller. Should I know him? One hundred pages of the bullshit. One hundred pages.

[looking through the stack]

Roddy: I'm not even going to read his. Caitlin doesn't turn up most of the time. Hasn't even put his name on the front cover. Who is this meant to be? Well I can tell by his handwriting it's Paul's. If Paul thinks he can just draw pictures and I'll know what he's trying to say, he's got another thing coming. They're all the same, aren't they? Shona Westwood. What does she want? There's nothing in this, is there? Hasn't even bothered to do it.

Vivian Miller: Jesus, Roddy, what the hell?

Roddy: That's how my mother used to greet me.

Roddy: A toy to end all toys.