Rod Quotes in Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013)

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Rod Quotes:

  • Rod: I don't know much about the movie business, but I know how to read and I like your story.

  • Will: We should've brought Jessica with us

    Rod: No she's dead. She was bitten by that zombie. We would've brought her, she would've affected all of us!

    Bill: Yeah Will, He's right.

  • Bill: Hey, we should go into that zoo. There maybe people in there?

    Rod: Wait, wait, wait... the last time we we took detours we went into that cemetery, and you remember what happened? We were attacked by those zombies. I'm not going through that again!

  • Rod: Lina, you're a beautiful woman. Audiences think you've got a voice to match. The studio's gotta keep their stars from looking ridiculous at any cost.

    Cosmo Brown: Nobody's got that much money.

  • Rod: You haven't pledged any sorority yet?

    Blonde College Girl: No.

    Rod: You should. Most frat guys won't go out with dormies. I'm the exception.

    Blonde College Girl: Say, you're on the swimming team, huh?

    Rod: Yep. Breaststroke.

  • Matthew: Y'know, I wonder why God equipped women with all the weapons for seduction.

    Rod: What do you mean?

    Matthew: Well, take the breast for example. You have the bosom, the areola, the nipple. I mean, those are three concentric circles. In other words, it's a bullseye! It's no wonder the breast is the target for all men.

    Rod: Wow. That's profound.

    Matthew: And men are grotesque. I'm not just talking about the little habits we have...

    [Rod starts cleaning his ears with his car keys]

    Matthew: ...like cleaning our ears with our car keys. I mean, we're grotesque to the core. I mean, look at the penis. The penis... it just looks like God had some left-over skin when he was making elbow, and He decided to slap it in our groin...

    Rod: Hey, get that outta here! It freaks me out, ok?

    Matthew: I mean, the penis is the first to shrivel when it's cold, it's the first to shrink in fear. The penis is a coward. It's a cowardly flap of left-over elbow flesh.

    Rod: Maybe you wouldn't think that way if you had a little of my Penile Power, baby!

    [laughs]

  • Rod: Man, take it easy, and if she's easy, take her twice.

  • Rod: Oh, yeah, nice from a far, but far from nice.

  • Rod: You're pathetic man. I mean you lose your virginity and you don't even get the girls name.

    Matthew: [pointing at the weight dangling between Rod's legs] What the hell is that?

    Rod: It's penile power man. I got it out of an ad in a magazine. I mean, it's going to help me increase my length and girth, all just by hanging weights from my cock, man. Check it out man. I'm up to five pounds.

  • Rod: But check it out, this penile power thing, it's going to help me you know, increase my libido, help me maintain a full, firm erection and it's gonna help me control my ejaculation baby, so I'm going to be going all night long.

  • Rod: You know, all you gotta do is find the matching bra to those panties and bam! Mystery solved!

    Matthew: That's not a half bad idea.

    Rod: Yeah.

  • Rod: What are you? A Wyllie E. Coyote super genius or something?

    Matthew: Yeah. Something like that.

    Rod: Wait, the Coyote never caught the Roadrunner.

  • Rod: [to Matthew] Do you have any suspects yet?

  • Rod: So what are you gonna do about this girl, huh?

    Matthew: You know what, she left these

    [handing Rod a pair of panties]

    Rod: Let me see them.

    [sniffs]

    Rod: I don't recognize this one.

    Matthew: Hey, give them back.

  • Rod: You're never gonna get in that virgin vault man. They don't let boys on the girl's side.

  • [Jem has been arrested by the police for possession of cannabis]

    Rod: They're not charging him.

    Annie: Why? Is it not illegal then?

    Rod: Well, cannabis is, but they tend not to worry too much about oregano.

  • Chris: How's Jem?

    Rod: He made a quiche on Tuesday. We've been stoned ever since.

  • Rod: Now get in that hall and sort out whatever went wrong with Annie.

    Chris: I don't know what to say to her.

    Rod: She's your oldest friend, Chris, you don't have to say anything.

  • Rod: I thought after your marvellous reorganisation all the order forms had to go on the bent nail.

  • Rod: They'll never go through with it.

  • [deleted scene]

    Rod: Where are you?

    Chris: You'll never guess where I've been all day.

    Rod: I know it's not Mrs Carter's bloody funeral.

    Chris: Fuck!

  • Rod: I can't find the order form.

    Chris: It's under the tin can where the bent nail used to be.

  • Vince: Told you I'd kick ass, Dad. What I really wanted to ask was, I, uh - I was wondering, could I get a raise?

    Rod: Out of the question.

    Vince: Why?

    Rod: I don't have the money.

    Vince: You got six billion dollars!

    Rod: Seven, but things are tight right now. Who the hell's making all this bloody noise? Who's there?

    [he opens the door and he sees no one]

    Vince: Okay, look. Uh, what about a-a small advance on my inheritance?

    Rod: What inheritance?

    Vince: Well...

    [nervous laugh]

    Vince: I-I'm your son! You have to leave me something.

    Rod: Why?

    Vince: 'Cause you... you screwed up my whole childhood!

    Rod: How could I have? I wasn't even there.

  • Rod: Christ!

    Vince: What?

    Rod: That's a biggest goddamn spider I ever saw.

    Vince: That's what's probably making the bleeting noise.

    Rod: I don't like spiders. Kill it.

  • [singing to the tune of Poison's "Every Rose Has It's Thorn"]

    Rod: Kevin sits silently still in the dead of the day, wondering if he finds that girl that just walked away. Was it something he said, or something he did? Did the words not come out right? He didn't try to get the digits, he didn't try, but I guess that's they say why they say, Kevin crapped out on his own, but his friends would have helped him all along.

    [speaking]

    Rod: That poor bonehead.

  • Frank: That's the point. I love both of them - the good and the bad.

    Rod: And the ugly.

  • Frank: She's a con man

    Rod: So?

    Frank: That's bad

    Rod: Mate, your hair is bad. This, this is exciting.

  • Frank: Maybe she was kidnapped.

    Rod: Maybe she just... left. Life's a bitch.

    Frank: I know.

    Rod: And life has a lot of sisters.

  • Frank: She's a con man.

    Rod: And?

    Frank: It's bad!

    Rod: No, Frank, your hair... is bad. She is exciting. No, no... she's beyond exciting. She's... she's international. Get out there, conquer it.

    Frank: I can't.

    Rod: Why not?

    Frank: I'm a librarian.

    Rod: Frank, you're clinging to the past. You haven't even got one. You just... stayed in.

    [Frank begins narrating during a montage]

    Frank: He was right. That's all I did. I stayed in. Read books. Until I met her. And what had I done? I panicked. I'd thrown it away. In one month with her... I'd been kidnapped... we'd made 5 million quid from a psychopath. I was alive, electrified by raw, painful, horrible, glorious life. I was in love with 2 women. And that was fine... because both of them were her.

    [Frank is now talking to Rod while driving]

    Frank: That's the thing, I don't just love the girl with the brown eyes who laid beside me by the sea. I love the girl with the blue eyes as well. The one in London.

    Rod: What was her name?

    Frank: Miranda! That's the point! I love both of them. The good and the bad.

    Rod: And the ugly.

  • Rod: Sorry it took so long. I had to see a man about a mantra.

  • Rod: [Assuming a martial arts stance] Put down the pickle. We come in peace.

    Gerry: You have GOT to be joking!

  • Tamara: Don't tell me you'd rather go to football.

    Rod: Well, I am male.

  • Tamara's Father: [Rod meets his girlfriend's parents] Tell me more about the air conditioning, Rodney. I'm fascinated.

    Rod: Air conditioning?

    Tamara's Father: You told me you run an air conditioning firm.

    Rod: Oh, we have a few vans out on jobs most of the time. Yeah, sure it's always busier in the summer, of course. Nothing like a soaring temperature to help the work, you know what I mean? Anyway, most of the time I just sit around the office waiting for the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I love the money the job pays. But my real passion lies in kicking people's fucking heads in at football. See, I got to channel it somewhere. As you can probably tell by my bulging stomach, I don't participate in too many sporting activities. And I don't do drugs. Well, that's not entirely true, but not a lot. So I got to have my release in something, and a good fucking fight seems like the best way. Wouldn't you agree? Maybe not. At least I wouldn't be walking around like you lot, fucking horrible cunts with sticks shoved up your asses trying to pretend your little suburban nightmare's all right. Then again, I suppose it just depends which way you look at it.

  • Rod: Let's get out of here Bill, there's six Stoke fans staring right at us.

    Billy Bright: Right, which one's staring at me.

    Rod: The one with the hat on. Please don't start Bill.

    Billy Bright: [pointing at fan] Right see you you cunt, I'll cut you first.

  • Banjo: He's square baby. Really square.

    Rod: Look, you just keep trying to put that square peg in a round hole and everything'll be FINE!

  • Rod: Three-on-one is not much fun.

  • Ramsey: Where's Becky?

    Rod: She's taking a shit. Nathalie is watching her back.

  • Rod: Man, that was a good movie! An Inconvenient Truth!

    Rick: That is it, I'm getting myself a car that's environmentally friendly.

  • Rod: Hey, look! There's an old guy on the bridge!

  • Rod: Oh, lovers on the moon.

    Nathalie: Yeah.

  • RodWaitress: [first lines]

    Rod: Hi.

    Waitress: Hi.

    Waitress: Here's the menu.

    Rod: Thank you.

    Waitress: I'll be right back with you.

  • Nathalie: I think you're the one.

    Rod: Are you sure?

  • Nathalie: [on the phone with Rod] Yeah, it was nice meeting you.

    Rod: So, how's your day?

    Nathalie: My day's going well, how's yours?

    Rod: Great. I made a big sale today.

    Nathalie: Good, fantastic!

    Rod: Thanks.

    Nathalie: I closed a big job offer today at Victoria's Secret.

    Rod: Wow, congratulations! I think you'll look great in those lingerie.

  • Rod: [pumps his fists in the air] Woo hoo!

    Ramsey: What's with all the noise?

    Rod: Caught the big fish.

    Ramsey: Yeah? How big was the sale?

    Rod: One million dollars.

    Ramsey: Awesome, man!

    [He and Rod high-five each other]

  • Rod: You should have a back-up pan

    [sic]

  • Robert Perkins: Guys, this is revolutionary green tech. Contingent upon agreement on our term sheets, we're gonna fund you.

    Rod: Awesome!

  • Nathalie: Uh, what do you like to do for fun?

    Rod: Watch football. Especially the 49ers. Also, part-times

    [sic]

    Rod: Eagles fan. Aaaand a little exercise. Tennis. How 'bout you?

  • Nathalie: [bending down to look at some dead birds on the beach] Look at these birds! I wonder how they died like that!

    Rod: Stop, don't touch it! It may be infectious!

  • Lewis Denton: Hey! Put the fucking bat down.

    Jerry: What?

    Lewis Denton: You almost clocked Mya in the head.

    [Jerry laughs and continues to swing the bat]

    Lewis Denton: Put the fucking bat down now.

    Jerry: Dude, it's not hurting anybody.

    Rod: Just put the bat down.

    Jerry: No, man. I can't watch the game, I'm going to swing the bat, alright?

    Lewis Denton: [grabbing the bat] I told you to put it down. Sit.

    Jerry: What's the matter with you?

    Lewis Denton: You could hurt somebody.

    Jerry: Why are you looking at me like that? Stop it.

    Lewis Denton: You almost fucking killed my wife. Sit down.

    Jerry: Dude, what is wrong with you?

    Lewis Denton: You almost fucked my wife!

  • Rod: Did you kill anybody last night?

    [Mya shakes her head]

    Rod: How am I supposed to know? Tell me. Wait, where did you go? Where were you?

    Mya Denton: [slowly] I hid in the apartment across the hall.

    [Rod unties Mya]

    Rod: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I couldn't trust anybody. I went looking for you. I couldn't find shit. Everybody's either dead, dying, or completely flipped. Mad. Crazy.

    Mya Denton: Why did Lewis hurt Jerry?

    Rod: Hurt? Jerry's dead, lady. Lewis got it. Fucking snapped. I couldn't get any sense into him. I got his bat, knocked him out, I taped him up so that he couldn't hurt anybody else. I had no choice. Then I saw the hallway. I've never seen anything like that. One out of two people just started killing each other. They just decided to kill people! I mean, what do I do? I've never killed anybody before. What do I do? I'm not going to fuck around. What do I do?

  • Rod: Do you have the crazy?

  • Rod: I pull the fire alarm. I don't know why. Maybe somebody will come. Maybe they won't. Maybe they're screwed up too. So I fight my way to the roof; gotta see the big picture. One's gotta know, I have to know, right? And I see it in the streets, all of Terminus. It's happening everywhere. People going crazy in their head all over. At first, it's just murder. The crazy you know kill anybody, everybody, each other, indiscriminate. It looks like chaos. But then I realize they're thinking. Then I get really scared because it's rational. They know what they're doing. I mean, they think it makes sense, but it doesn't make any sense. It's different for everybody. Let me tell you, they are going to fucking murder the world. And I'm thinking they all gotta die. I mean, but I can't kill them all. I'm thinking that there's too many. Maybe I'll run, but run where? Thinking... then I get hit in the head.

    [turns head to show wound]

    Rod: Is this bad?

    Mya Denton: You'll be fine.

    Rod: Fucker has a hammer. I have a hammer going through my head! So I smash his face... and I realize he's not crazy. He thinks I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. He's hurt really bad, so I finish him. I taped up twelve people last night. All of them had been killed by morning... all but Lewis. What do I do?

  • Rod: I don't have the crazy.

  • Rod: The fuck you want?

    Clark: Can you hear me?

    Rod: Got a smoke?

    Clark: I don't smoke.

    Ben: Ask him about the girl.

    Rod: You want to know about the girl, give me a c-c-cigarette.

    Clark: He wants a cigarette.

    Ben: What? You're kidding me? You got to be fucking kidding me.

  • Rod: I've been waiting for you.

    Heather: How long have you been here?

    Rod: Not long... Five thousand years.

    Heather: Okay, that's long.

  • Heather: Rod, this is a bad idea.

    Rod: What is?

    Heather: This! taking my parents car. They're gonna kill me when they find out.

    Rod: They're not gonna find.

  • Rod: I beat your father's head in with a crowbar, the one that's in the car. And your fucking bitch of a mother threw coffee on me, so I bashed her head in too. That's it.

    [Pause]

    Rod: Hey!

    Heather: Get off me!

    [Screams]

  • Ruth Wendorf: Go to hell.

    Rod: Oh, I intend to.

  • Rod: Fucking birds; flapping everywhere.

Browse more character quotes from Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013)

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Characters on Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013)