Rockhound Quotes in Armageddon (1998)


Rockhound Quotes:

  • Truman: So what's the verdict?

    Harry Stamper: They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.

    Truman: Such as?

    Harry Stamper: [riffles through sheets of paper] Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.

    Oscar: [shouting from balcony] Fifty-six tickets in seven states...

    Harry Stamper: [to Oscar] I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, you got it.

    Oscar: Okay.

    Harry Stamper: Uh, Noonan's got two women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like you to... bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?

    [pause, turns and shakes his head]

    Harry Stamper: Um, Bear would like to stay at the...

    [tries to read writing]

    Harry Stamper: "White horse"?

    [looks up at Bear]

    Bear: White, *House*. White House.

    Harry Stamper: White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that.

    Truman: Sure, I think we can, uh, take care of... some of that.

    Rockhound: [shouting from balcony] Harry!

    Harry Stamper: [motions back at Rockhound] Yeah one more thing, um... none of them wanna pay taxes again.


    Harry Stamper: Ever.

  • Rockhound: You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?

  • Colonel William Sharp: [In response to Rockhound riding the nuclear warhead] Get off... the nuclear... warhead.

    Rockhound: I was doing that guy from that movie, you know, Slim Pickens, where he rides it all the way in, the nuclear warhead.

    Colonel William Sharp: Now.

    Rockhound: Oh, you didn't see that one, huh?

  • Grace Stamper: First time I got my period, Rock had to take me into Tai-Pei for Tampax. And then he had to show me how to use them, Harry.

    [off Harry's stern look]

    Rockhound: Ho-ho. I ju- No I-I told her how to use it. I didn't show her, Harry.

  • Rockhound: What does that mean?

    Colonel William Sharp: It means we've got a busted ship.

    Rockhound: A busted ship? And I'm strapped in here? I had a great spot picked out there!

  • Rockhound: Yeah, I remember this one. It's where the, uh, the coyote sat his ass down in a slingshot then he strapped himself to an Acme rocket. Is that - is that what we're doin' here?

    Harry Stamper: [under his breath] Rockhound.

    Rockhound: No, no, really, because it didn't work out too well for the coyote, Harry.

    Harry Stamper: [talking over him] Hey, Rock. Knock it off.

    Truman: Well, actually, we have a lot better rockets than the coyote.

  • [Rockhound is duct taped down inside the spaceship to keep him out of trouble]

    Rockhound: Just tryin' to have some fun before I died!

  • Rockhound: We're in segment 202, lateral grid 9, site 15H32 - give or take a few yards. Captain America here blew the landing by 26 miles!

    Colonel William Sharp: How the hell do you know that?

    Rockhound: Because I'm a genius.

    Watts: The gauges will not read; they're all peaked like we're plugged into some magnetic field

    Rockhound: [sarcastically] Well, who on the spaceship wants to know why?

    Gruber, Munitions Specialist: By all means.

    Rockhound: The reason we were shooting for grid 8 was because thermographics indicated that grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite. Which means you landed us on a goddamn iron plate!

  • Watts: [showing a video] Neil Armstrong, 1969, bouncing on the moon. He's bouncing because there's less gravity up there than on Earth. This will be similar to the asteroid. So, watch it. Something gets launched off that asteroid with enough force, it's gonna keep on going, right into outer space.

    Oscar: [to Bear] What is the deal? Is it just me, or is Watts really hot?

    Bear: [nods] Yeah.

    Watts: So we have these new generation suits. With directional accelerant thrusters. You won't bounce like Neil Armstrong.

    [seeing that Bear is not paying attention]

    Watts: Bear!

    Bear: Yes?

    Watts: Do we have a problem?

    Bear: No.

    Watts: 'Cause I'm trying to describe to you how these DATs keep your ass on the ground, so that if I were to kick you in the balls, and you don't know how to work them, what happens to you?

    Bear: I float away.

    Watts: Yeah.

    Rockhound: When do we start training for THAT?

  • Rockhound: You wanna compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years.

  • Rockhound: God, I hate knowing everything.

  • Rockhound: Just wanted to feel the power between my legs, brother.

  • Rockhound: Guess what guys, it's time to embrace the horror! Look, we've got front row tickets to the end of the earth!

  • F.B.I. Agent: We have a national security matter.

    Rockhound: Good for you.

  • Harry Stamper: None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?

    Chick: 20 years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.

    Freddy Noonan: Guess I can't let you go up there alone.

    Bear: I'm with you.

    Oscar: Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.

    Rockhound: While I don't share *his* enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty!

    Harry Stamper: You all right, Max?

    Max: I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think.

    Harry Stamper: [to A.J] How about you?

    A.J.: I'm in.

    Harry Stamper: All right then. We go.

    Rockhound: I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?

  • Rockhound: Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, okay?

  • Rockhound: [after getting off the nuclear warhead] Hey Sharp! No nukes! No nukes! No nukes!

    Harry Stamper: [Harry turns to Sharp] You got any more bullets in that gun, Sharp?

  • Colonel William Sharp: It takes two people to fly this thing. Either we all stay and die, or you guys draw straws.

    Rockhound: I say we all stay and die.

    [pause, everyone looks at Rockhound]

    Rockhound: But that's me.

    AJ: I'll draw. Let's draw.

    Harry: Nobody's gonna draw straws. I'll stay and take care of it.

    Chick: Well, I can't live with that sort of thing.

    Lev Andropov: Nobody asked you if you could live with it, all right?

    Lev Andropov: Bullshit! No way I will let you volunteer for this, so I can go back to my home country like the man who did not volunteer! No way!

    Bear: Hey man, let's draw, and let's see who's gonna stay up here and dance.

    Rockhound: Hey guys? I-I know you guys think I'm crazy right now but, I would really like this responsibility.

    Harry: All right. All right.

    Rockhound: I can do it!

    Harry: Let's just draw straws and get it over with. Come on.

    Chick: I ain't drawin' against you, Harry.

    Harry: Well, I'm gonna draw against you Chick, so you better just go ahead and do it.

    [They draw straws]

    Chick: Just gimme this thing.

    Lev Andropov: [Lev looks at the straw he has drawn] Is this good, or bad?

    [A.J. has drawn the short straw]

    AJ: Oh man. Well, we all gotta die right? I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world.

  • Max: Something's wrong.

    Rockhound: Yeah, it's all wrong, man. We shouldn't even be up here.

  • Rockhound: [after stepping onto the asteroid] This place is like Dr. Seuss's worst nightmare!

  • [getting arrested by a policeman after a strip club brawl]

    Rockhound: You are SO messin' with national security right now, man! You are FIRED tomorrow morning, I'm tellin' ya! I'll get the CIA and the FBI, you'll be workin' security at Toys R' Us!

  • Rockhound: It's a god damn Greek tragedy!

  • Rockhound: Hey, guys, remember: we're, we're heroes now. So that incident with me and the gun on the asteroid... Let's keep that under wraps, all right !

  • Chick: I never told anybody this before, but I hate flyin'. So it would be an awful shame to die now.

    Rockhound: That's easy for you to say. I owe 100 grand to a fat-ass loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds.

    Chick: Boy, that's bad.

  • Rockhound: Wow. Got a great view of the Earth from here. Too bad we'll never set foot on her again.

  • Rockhound: Harry, this is illegal man.

    Harry Stamper: I'm temporarily insane, Rock, it's all right.

  • Rockhound: [leafing through the Rorschach inkblots] Woman with large breasts... woman with medium breasts...

  • [military guys are talking to Harry]

    Rockhound: Harry!

    Harry Stamper: What?

    Rockhound: Man, I swear to God, she never told me her age.

    Harry Stamper: It's all right, relax. It's about me.

    Rockhound: Oh.

    [to military guys]

    Rockhound: Forget it!

  • Rockhound: Okay, Cyclops Lady's starting to bug me.

  • Rockhound: [still looking through Rorschach inkblots; to the male psychologist] This one looks like you... *with* breasts.

  • Rockhound: Hey, guys, remember, we're, we're heroes now. So that incident with me and the gun on the asteroid... Let's keep that under wraps, all right ?

  • Rockhound: We are staying or going, staying or going. Come on, pick up your minds!

  • Rockhound: Come on. We're stayin', we're goin'. We're stayin', we're goin'. Make up your minds.

  • Vinnie the loanshark: This is a pretty big loan. Why don't you count the cash?

    Rockhound: Nah, this feels like a hundred grand to me.

    Vinnie the loanshark: I'm giving you this for 60%, I hope you know what you're doing, because I'll bust your head with a sledgehammer.

    Rockhound: [grinning] You'll get your money back!

    Vinnie the loanshark: You don't look too healthy, you're not gonna die on me are you?

    Rockhound: Let's just say no more than you are.


    Rockhound: Thanks Vic!

  • Rockhound: This is so much fun, it's freaky!

  • Rockhound: Well it's about time, I haven't thrown up in about an hour.

  • Rockhound: Wow, this is a goddamn Greek tragedy.

  • Colonel William Sharp: Houston, we have no fire,

    Rockhound: What's that mean?

    Colonel William Sharp: It means we got a busted ship.

    Rockhound: A busted ship? And I'm strapped in here. I had a great spot picked out there.

  • Rockhound: Hey, guys, remember: We're heroes now. So that incident with me and the gun on the asteroid, let's keep that under wraps, all right ?

  • Biker Customer: [Seeing Rockhound and the rest of the gang with all of the women] Who the hell do you think you guys are? You're hoggin' all the action.

    Freddy Noonan: Hey pinhead, why don't you go find your own party.

    Biker Customer: Why don't you share the wealth, pal.

    Rockhound: [Tosses the biker a 100 dollar bill] Here, you can buy yourself a neck.

    Max: Hey, Mr. Clean.

    [the Biker grabs Rockhound by the shirt and Max hits the biker over the head with a glass bottle and a fight ensues]

Browse more character quotes from Armageddon (1998)