Rocket Raccoon Quotes in Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

[Groot grows a cocoon of branches to cover his friends]

Rocket Raccoon: No, Groot! You'll die! Why are you doing this? Why?

[Groot uses a thin branch to wipe away Rocket's tears]

Groot: We are Groot.

Groot: I am Groot.

Peter Quill: Well that's just as fascinating as the first 89 times you told me that. What is wrong with Giving Tree here?

Rocket Raccoon: Well he don't know talkin' good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to "I" and "am" and "Groot," exclusively in that order.

Peter Quill: Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud.

Rocket Raccoon: But Quill, beating Ronan... it can't be done. You're asking us to die.

Peter Quill: Yeah... I guess I am.

[pause]

Gamora: [stands up] Quill, I have lived most of my life surrounded my enemies. I will be grateful to die among my friends.

Drax the Destroyer: [stands up] You're an honorable man, Quill. I will fight beside you. And in the end, I will see my wife and daughter.

Groot: [stands up] I am Groot.

Rocket Raccoon: Aww, what the hell, I don't got that long a lifespan anyway...

[stands up]

Rocket Raccoon: Well now I'm standing. Happy? We're all standing now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.

Peter Quill: I have a plan.

Rocket Raccoon: You've got a plan? Okay, first of all, you're copying me from when I said I had a plan.

Peter Quill: I'm not copying you, I have a plan, that's not that unique of a thing to say.

Rocket Raccoon: And secondly, I don't think you even have a plan.

Peter Quill: I have part of a plan.

Drax the Destroyer: What percentage of a plan do you have?

Gamora: You don't get to ask questions after the nonsense you pulled on Knowhere!

Drax the Destroyer: I just saved Quill!

Peter Quill: We've already established that you destroying the ship I'm on is not saving me!

Drax the Destroyer: When did we establish that?

Peter Quill: Like three seconds ago!

Drax the Destroyer: Well I wasn't listening then, I was thinking of something else...

Rocket Raccoon: She's right, you don't get an opinion... What percentage?

Peter Quill: I dunno... Twelve percent?

Rocket Raccoon: Twelve percent?

[starts laughing]

Peter Quill: That's a fake laugh.

Rocket Raccoon: It's real!

Peter Quill: Totally fake!

Rocket Raccoon: That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life because THAT IS NOT A PLAN!

Gamora: It's barely a concept.

Peter Quill: [to Gamora] You're taking their side?

Groot: I am Groot.

Rocket Raccoon: So what, "It's better than eleven percent!" What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Peter Quill: [to Groot] Thank you Groot, thank you. See? Groot's the only one of you who has a clue.

Groot: [Groot begins to chew on a leaf protruding from his shoulder]

Rocket Raccoon: [about Drax] His people are completely literal. Metaphors go over his head.

Drax the Destroyer: *Nothing* goes over my head...! My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.

Rocket Raccoon: If we're gonna get outta here, we gonna need to get into that watch tower, and to do that, I'm gonna need a few things. The guards wear security bands to control their ins and outs. I need one.

Gamora: Leave it to me.

Rocket Raccoon: That dude there. I need his prosthetic leg.

Peter Quill: His leg?

Rocket Raccoon: Yeah. God knows I don't need the rest of him. Look at him. He's useless.

Peter Quill: ...All right.

Rocket Raccoon: And finally, on the wall back there is a black panel. Blinky yellow light. You see it?

Peter Quill: Yeah.

Rocket Raccoon: There's a quarnex battery behind it. Purplish box. Green wires. To get into that watch tower, I definitely need it.

Gamora: How are we supposed to do that?

Rocket Raccoon: Well, supposedly, these bald bodies find you attractive, so maybe you could work out some sort of trade.

[Groot starts walking toward the panel]

Gamora: You must be joking.

Rocket Raccoon: No, I really heard they find you attractive.

Peter Quill: Look. It's 20 feet up in the air and it's in the middle of the most heavily guarded part of the prison. It's impossible to get up there without being seen.

Rocket Raccoon: I got one plan, and that plan requires this frickin' quarnex battery, so FIGURE IT OUT!

[Groot removes the panel, which hits a passing inmate on the head and knocks him out]

Rocket Raccoon: Can I get back to it? Thanks.

[Drax spots Groot trying to remove the battery]

Rocket Raccoon: Now, this is important. Once the battery is removed, everything is gonna slam into emergency mode. Once we have it, we gotta move quickly, so you definitely need to get that last.

[Groot removes the battery, setting off the alarms]

Rocket Raccoon: Or we could just get it first and improvise.

Gamora: I'll get the armband.

Peter Quill: Leg.

Rocket Raccoon: Fine, but I can't promise when all of this is over I'm not going to kill every last one of you jerks.

Peter Quill: See, this is exactly why none of you have any friends!

Rocket Raccoon: That's for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons.

Gamora: No one's blowing up moons.

Rocket Raccoon: You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.

Gamora: And Quill, your ship is filthy.

Gamora: [She walks away]

Peter Quill: Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Rocket Raccoon: You got issues, Quill.

Peter Quill: [talks with the rest of the Guardians in private when they are all in doubt] When I look around, you know what I see? Losers.

[Everyone looks at him]

Peter Quill: I mean like, folks who have lost stuff. And we have, man, we have, all of us. Homes, and our families, normal lives. And you think life takes more than it gives, but not today. Today it's giving us something. It is giving us a chance.

Rocket Raccoon: To do what?

Peter Quill: To give a shit. And I am not gonna stand by and watch as billions of lives are being wiped out.

Rocket Raccoon: He thinks I'm some stupid thing! He does!

[points to Drax]

Rocket Raccoon: Well, I didn't ask to get made!

Rocket Raccoon: I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some little monster!

[begins to cry]

Groot: I am Groot.

Rocket Raccoon: Asleep for the danger, awake for the money, as per frickin' usual.

Rocket Raccoon: Why would you want to save the galaxy?

Peter Quill: Because I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!

Peter Quill: I can't believe I got taken down by a raccoon...

Rocket Raccoon: Raccoon? What's a raccoon?

Peter Quill: You are! I've seen many of them, like you, on Earth!

Rocket Raccoon: Ain't no thing like me, except me!

Rocket Raccoon: We're the fricking Guardians of the Galaxy!

Gamora: [talks to Drax] You don't get opinions after that nonsense you pulled on Knowhere.

Drax the Destroyer: I just saved Quill!

Peter Quill: We've already established that blowing up the ship I'm on isn't saving me.

Drax the Destroyer: When did we establish that?

Peter Quill: Like three seconds ago!

Drax the Destroyer: Well I wasn't listening then, I was thinking about something else.

Rocket Raccoon: She's right; you don't get opinions.

Star-Lord: Here you go.

[Quill presents the prosthetic leg Rocket requested]

Rocket Raccoon: Oh, I was just kidding about the leg. I just need these two things.

Star-Lord: What?

Rocket Raccoon: [laughing] No, I thought it'd be funny! Was it funny? No, wait, what'd he look like hopping around?

Star-Lord: I had to transfer him 30,000 units!

Rocket Raccoon: [chittering laughter]

Rocket Raccoon: Quit smiling, ya idiot, you're suppose to be professional.

Rocket Raccoon: I live for the simple things... like how much this is going to hurt!

[zaps Quill, who falls down yelling]

Rocket Raccoon: Yeah, writhe, little man.

Rocket Raccoon: He called me "vermin"!

[points to Drax]

Rocket Raccoon: She called me "rodent"!

[points to Gamora]

Rocket Raccoon: Let's see if you can laugh after five or six good shots in your freakin' face!

Rocket Raccoon: [jumps on Groot who is fighting the sentry bots] You idiot! How am I supposed to fight these things without my stuff?

Drax the Destroyer: Creepy little beast!

[throws to Rocket a machine gun]

Rocket Raccoon: Oh yeah!

Rocket Raccoon: [scans a small child] Look at this thing. It thinks it's so cool. It's not cool to ask for help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle!

[a brawl takes place between Drax and Rocket]

Drax the Destroyer: This vermin speaks of affairs he knows nothing about!

Rocket Raccoon: That is true!

Drax the Destroyer: He has no respect!

Rocket Raccoon: That is also true! Keep callin' me vermin tough guy, you just want to laugh at me like everyone else!

Peter Quill: Rocket, you're drunk, all right? No one's laughing at you.

Rocket Raccoon: [points at Drax] He thinks I'm some stupid thing! He does!

[starts to cry]

Rocket Raccoon: Well, I didn't ask to get made! I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some little monster!

Peter Quill: Rocket, no one's calling you a monster...

Rocket Raccoon: He called me vermin! She called me rodent! Let's see if you can laugh after five or six good shots in your freakin' face!

[draws a gun]

Peter Quill: No no no! Four billion units! Rocket, come on man, suck it up for one more lousy night and we're rich.

Rocket Raccoon: Fine, but I can't promise when all of this is over I'm not going to kill every last one of you jerks.

Peter Quill: See, this is exactly why none of you have any friends!

[scans Stan Lee]

Rocket Raccoon: Where's your wife, you old codger?

Rocket Raccoon: [lands with his minepod on Knowhere next to Groot and Drax] Idiot, they're all idiots. Quill just got himself captured.

[yells at Drax]

Rocket Raccoon: None of this would've happened if you hadn't tried to take on an frickin' army!

Drax the Destroyer: You're right. I was a fool. All that anger. All that rage. It just covered my loss.

[Drax shamefully looks onto the ground]

Rocket Raccoon: [Rocket dumbly stares at Drax for a few seconds, then mocks him] "Aww, boo-hoo. My wife and child are dead."

[Groot gasps at Rocket's mockery]

Rocket Raccoon: I don't care if it's mean. Everybody's got dead people! But it makes no excuse to letting everyone else around get killed along the way!

Rocket Raccoon: This one here is our booty!

Rocket Raccoon: YOU'RE... MAKING... ME... BEAT... UP... GRASS!

Peter Quill: What are you doing?

Drax the Destroyer: This vermin speaks of affairs he knows nothing about!

Rocket Raccoon: That is true!

Drax the Destroyer: He has no respect!

Rocket Raccoon: That is also true!

Rocket Raccoon: [Rocket is scooping around with his goggles and spots Peter Quill] Okay, let's see how bad does someone want ya. Forty-thousand units? Groot, we're gonna be rich!

[Groot drinks from a fountain and doesn't pay attention]

Rocket Raccoon: Oh my...

Rocket Raccoon: There's one more thing we need to complete the plan: that guy's eye!

[points at a Ravager with a cybernetic eye]

Peter Quill: No, no, no, we don't need that guy's eye!

Rocket Raccoon: No, seriously, I need it!

[snickers, and tries to hide it]

Rocket Raccoon: It's important to me...

Rocket Raccoon: [Rocket and Star-Lord are escaping in mine pods with Necrocrafts after them] We don't have any weapons!

Peter Quill: These are mine pods, they're nearly indestructible.

Rocket Raccoon: Not against Necroblasters they're not!

Peter Quill: That's not what I'm saying.

Rocket Raccoon: ...Oh.

[Rocket starts to ram the Necrocrafts]

Rocket Raccoon: You killed Groot!

[attacks Ronan]

Drax the Destroyer: I recognize this animal. We'd roast them over a flame pit as children. Their flesh was quite delicious.

Rocket Raccoon: Not helping!

Groot: I am Groot!

Rocket Raccoon: I know they're the only friends we've ever had!

Rocket Raccoon: [scans an Xandarian citizen] Can you believe they call us criminals when he's assaulting us with that haircut?

Rocket Raccoon: Move to the watchtower!

Peter Quill: That was a pretty good plan.

Rocket Raccoon: That is also true!

Rocket Raccoon: Keep callin' me vermin tough guy!

Rocket Raccoon: You just want to laugh at me like everyone else!

Peter Quill: I look around and you know what I see? Losers!... But life's giving us a chance.

Drax the Destroyer: To do what?

Peter Quill: Something good, something bad... a bit of both.

Rocket Raccoon: Aw, what the hell, I don't got that long a lifespan anyway...

Peter Quill: A lot of people has been trying to kill me over the years. I'm not going to be brought down by a tree and a talking raccoon.

Rocket Raccoon: Hold up! What's a raccoon?

Peter Quill: What's a raccoon? You stupid.

Rocket Raccoon: Ain't no thing like me, except me!

Rocket Raccoon: Let's get something clear! This one here is our booty. You wanna get to him, you go through us... or, more accurately, we go through you!

Rocket Raccoon: [over radio] Attention, idiots. The lunatic on top of this craft is holding a Hadron Enforcer, a weapon of my own design.

Yondu Udonta: What the hell?

Rocket Raccoon: If you don't hand over our companions now, he's gonna tear your ship a new one. A very *big* new one.

Peter Quill: Oh you wanna talk about senseless? How about trying to save us by blowing us up?

Rocket Raccoon: We were only gonna blow you up if they didn't turn you over.

Peter Quill: And how on earth were they gonna turn us over when you only gave them a count of five?

Rocket Raccoon: Well we didn't have time to work out the minutiae of the plan.

Rocket Raccoon: That is true!