Rochester Quotes in The Final Countdown (1980)

Rochester: [radio episode of The Jack Benny Program] Boss, it's no use. I've tried and tried and I can't get Carmichael to go to sleep.

Jack Benny: Rochester, that poor bear's just got to go to sleep. He's supposed to have been in hibernation over ten days ago.

Commander Dan Thurman: [in disbelief] Jack Benny?

Rochester: Huh-huh!

Jack Benny: Where's he now?

Rochester: Sitting up in bed reading Esquire.

[audience laughter]

Jack Benny: Esquire? Well, take it away from him.

Rochester: Oh, come now, boss. He's been around!

Jane Eyre: I have lived a full life here. I have not been trampled on. I have not been petrified. I have not been excluded from every glimpse that is bright. I have known you, Mr. Rochester and it strikes me with anguish to be torn from you.

Rochester: Then why must you leave?

Jane Eyre: Because of your wife.

Rochester: I have no wife.

Jane Eyre: But your are to be married.

Rochester: Jane, you must stay.

Jane Eyre: And become nothing to you?...

[near tears]

Jane Eyre: Am I a machine with out feelings? Do you think that because I am poor, plain, obscure, and little that I am souless and heartless? I have as much soul as you and full as much heart. And if God had possessed me with beauty and wealth, I could make it as hard for you to leave me as I to leave you... I'm not speaking to you through mortal flesh. It is my spirit that addresses your spirit, as it passes throguh the grave and stood at God's feet equal. As we are.

Rochester: [taking her hand] As we are.

Jane Eyre: [trying to pull away] I am a free human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you.

Rochester: Than let you will decide your destiny. I offer you my hand, my heart. Jane, I ask you too pass through life at my side. You are my equal, my likeness... Will you marry me?

Jane Eyre: Are you mocking me?

Rochester: Do you doubt me?

Jane Eyre: Entirely.

Rochester: I know you; you're thinking. Talking is of no use, you're thinking how to act.

Jane Eyre: All has changed sir. I must leave you.

Rochester: No. No. Jane do you love me.

[Jane nods]

Rochester: Then the essential things are the same. Be my wife.

Jane Eyre: You have a wife.

Rochester: I pledge you my honor, my fidelity...

Jane Eyre: You cannot.

Rochester: ...my love until death do us part.

Jane Eyre: What of truth?

Rochester: I would have told you the truth.

Jane Eyre: You are deceitful sir.

Rochester: I was wrong to deceive you. I see that now, it was cowardly. I should have appealed to your spirit as I do now. Bertha Antoinette Mason, she was wanted by my father for her fortune. I hardly spoke with her before the wedding. I lived with her for 4 years. Her temper ripened, her vices sprang up, violent and unchaste. Only cruelty would check her and I'd not use cruelty. I was chained to her for life Jane. Not even the law could free me. Have you ever set foot in a mad house Jane?

Jane Eyre: No sir.

Rochester: The inmates are caged and baited like beasts. I spared her that at least. Jane?

Jane Eyre: Yes I pity you sir.

Rochester: Who would you offend by living with me? Who would care?

Jane Eyre: I would.

Rochester: You would rather drive me to madness than break some mere human law.

Jane Eyre: I must respect myself.

Rochester: Listen to me. Listen. I could bend you with my finger and my thumb. A mere reed you feel in my hands. But whatever I do with this cage, I cannot get at you, and it is your soul that I want. Why can't you come of your own free will?

Jane Eyre: God help me.

[last lines]

Rochester: [sightless] Who's there?

Jane Eyre: [takes his hand]

Rochester: This hand.

[touching her face]

Rochester: Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre.

Jane Eyre: Edward, I am come back to you... Fairfax Rochester with nothing to say?

Rochester: You're altogether a human being Jane.

Jane Eyre: I conscientiously believe so.

Rochester: [passionate kiss] I dream.

Jane Eyre: Awaken then.

[they embrace]

Rochester: [sitting on the steps] This spring, I came home heart sore and soul withered. Then I met a gentle stranger whose society revives me. With her, I feel like I could live again in a higher, purer way.

[looking at Jane]

Rochester: Tell me... Am I justified in over leaping an obstacle of custom to obtain her?

Jane Eyre: There's an obstacle?

Rochester: A mere conventional impediment.

Jane Eyre: But what can it be? If you cherish an affection, sir than fortune alone cannot impede you.

Rochester: Yes.

Jane Eyre: And if the lady is of noble stock and has indicated that she may reciprocate.

Rochester: [bewildered] Jane, of whom do you think I speak?

Jane Eyre: Of Ms. Ingram.

Rochester: [rising to his feet] I am asking what Jane Eyre would do yo secure my happiness.

Jane Eyre: I would do anything for you, sir. Anything that was right.

Rochester: ...You transfix me quite. I feel I can speak to you now of my lovely one. If you've met her and know her. She's a rare one, isn't she? Fresh and healthy, without soil or taint. I'm sure she'd regenerate me with a vengeance.

Rochester: I offer you my hand, my heart. Jane, I ask you to pass through life at my side. You are my equal and my likeness. Will you marry me?

Jane Eyre: Are you mocking me?

Rochester: You doubt me.

Jane Eyre: Entirely.

Rochester: What is it? Jane Eyre with nothing to say?

Jane Eyre: Everything seems unreal.

Rochester: I am real enough.

Jane Eyre: You, sir, are the most phantom-like of all.

Rochester: [to Jane] I knew you would do me good in some way. I saw it in your eyes when I first beheld you.

Rochester: I can see in you the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage, a vivid, restless, captive. Were it but free, it would soar, cloud high.

Rochester: I'm asking what Jane Eyre would do to secure my happiness.

Jane Eyre: I would do anything for you, sir. Anything that was right.

Rochester: [to Jane] Although you are not pretty any more than I am handsome, I must say, it becomes you.

Rochester: From whence do you hail? What's your tale of woe?

Jane Eyre: Pardon?

Rochester: All governesses have a tale of woe. What's yours?

Jane Eyre: I was brought up by my aunt, Mrs. Reed of Gateshead, in a house even finer than this. I then attended Lowood school where I received an education as good as I could hope for. I have no tale of woe, sir.

Rochester: Where are your parents?

Jane Eyre: Dead.

Rochester: Do you remember them?

Jane Eyre: No.

Rochester: And why are you not with Mrs. Reed of Gateshead now?

Jane Eyre: She cast me off, sir.

Rochester: Why?

Jane Eyre: Because I was burdensome and she disliked me.

Rochester: [Incredulous] No tale of woe?

Rochester: [after Jane and Mr. Rochester have put out a fire that was set to his bed] Say nothing about this. You are no talking fool.

Jane Eyre: But...

Rochester: I'll account for the state of affairs. Say nothing.

Jane Eyre: Yes, sir.

Rochester: Is that how you would leave me? Jane, fire is a horrible death. You've saved my life. Don't walk past me as if we were strangers.

Jane Eyre: What am I to do, then?

[Rochester offers his hand, which she hesitates before taking. He covers her hand with his and draws closer]

Rochester: I have a pleasure in owing you my life.

Jane Eyre: There is no debt.

Rochester: I knew you would do me good in some way. I saw it in your eyes when I first beheld you. Their expression did not strike my very inmost being so for nothing. People talk of natural sympathies. You...

Jane Eyre: Good night then, sir.

Rochester: You will leave me, then.

Jane Eyre: I am cold.

Rochester: Go.

[first lines]

Rochester: Allow me to be frank at the commencement. You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. Don't. It is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats. Gentlemen. Do not despair, I am up for that as well. And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I have had my say. But later when you shag - and later you will shag, I shall expect it of you and I will know if you have let me down - I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel how it was for me, how it is for me and ponder. 'Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining, livelong moment. That is it. That is my prologue, nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty, you were not expecting that I hope. I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester and I do not want you to like me.

Rochester: All men would be cowards if they only had the courage.

Rochester: This is your first season on the London stage?

Elizabeth Barry: It is, my lord.

Rochester: Mrs. Barry, you must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories: The stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time. The envious, never.

Rochester: Did you miss me?

Jane: I missed the money.

Rochester: Good. I don't like a whore with sentiment.

Rochester: If god wants men to have faith, why does he not make us more disposed to believe?

Priest: Most men are so disposed.

Rochester: But not me.

Nobleman: This fellow is my servant. He has just filched two shillings from my coat pocket.

Rochester: A thief and a rogue.

Nobleman: My lord, you express it.

Rochester: Haven't quite got the hang of the reign yet, have you?

Nobleman: I will not employ a thief.

Rochester: Then I will.

[to Alcock]

Rochester: How much was your master paying you?

Alcock: Six shillings a week, sir.

Rochester: [Swinging back to the nobleman] Who talks of thieving?

Molly Luscombe: My lord, Alice Twoumy has sent word. Her child is sick and she shan't come.

Rochester: What was to be her role?

Molly Luscombe: She was playing "Little Clitoris."

Rochester: Of course. Alcock! This is your moment. You will stand in for her.

Alcock: No, my lord.

Rochester: I beg your pardon?

Alcock: I'm Alcock. "Little Clitoris" is beyond my range.

Rochester: But life is not a succession of urgent "nows". It's a listless trickle of "why should I's".

Rochester: How old are you, Mr Downs?

Billy Downs: Eighteen, my lord.

Rochester: Young man, you will die of this company. Do not laugh, I'm serious.

Rochester: And yet you do not draw the moral of the incident.

Billy Downs: Which is?

Rochester: That any experiment of interest in life will be carried out at your own expense. Mark it well.

Rochester: When I wake in the country, I dream of being in London. When I get here, it's full of people like you.

Rochester: Well freeze my piss if the royal finger ain't beckoning me. How exciting.

Rochester: I don't mean to upset people, but I must speak my mind. For what's in my mind is far more interesting than what's outside my mind.

Alcock: Makes you impossible to live with, though. You see?

Rochester: Did I once praise you for your blunt manner?

Alcock: It was your reason for employing me.

Rochester: It could as easy be your grounds for dismissal.

Rochester: [of his play] The entire piece has been devised with the French in mind. In France, fornication in the streets with total strangers is *compulsory*.

Rochester: I shall never forgive you for teaching me how to love life.

[last lines]

Rochester: So here he lies at the last. The deathbed convert. The pious debauchee. Could not dance a half measure, could I? Give me wine, I drain the dregs and toss the empty bottle at the world. Show me our Lord Jesus in agony and I mount the cross and steal his nails for my own palms. There I go, shuffling from the world. My dribble fresh upon the bible. I look upon a pinhead and I see angels dancing. Well? Do you like me now? Do you like me now? Do you like me now? Do you like me... now?

King Charles II: I handed you a chance to show your shining talent and what do you give me in return? A pornographic representation of a royal court where the men only deal in buggery and the women's sole object of interest is the dildo!

Rochester: A monument to your reign!

Jane: Give you your first London spurt of the summer.

Rochester: I brought the wife with me.

Jane: Bit of a waste shooting good jism up the lawful.

Rochester: What is your name?

Alcock: Alcock.

George Etherege: Like master, like servant.

King Charles II: Your father spirited me out of England when my life was at stake, so I looked after him and after you.

Rochester: You put me in the Tower.

King Charles II: And I let you out. The time has come for you to pay your dues. People listen to you, Johnny. If you took your seat in the Lords, you could make great speeches that would influence events. Anyone can oppose, it's fun to be against things, but there comes a time when you have to start being for things as well.

Rochester: I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me here in the theatre.

Elizabeth Barry: You are spoken of as a man with a stomach for life.

Rochester: I am the cynic of our golden age. This bounteous dish, which our great Charles and our great God have more or less in equal measure placed before us, sets my teeth permanently on edge. Life has no purpose. It is everywhere undone by arbitrariness. I do this and it matters not a jot if I do the opposite. But in the playhouse every action, good or bad, has it's consequences. Drop a handkerchief and it will return to smother you. The theatre is my drug. And my illness is so far advanced that my physic must be of the highest quality.

Elizabeth Barry: My lord, on these conditions, I endeavour to do what you want.

Rochester: That would not be appropriate for a man of breeding.

[Throws food at his mother]

Rochester: If you had ever loved a man, you would say that speech with regret because you would fear the loss of him.

Elizabeth Barry: And supposing I have loved?

Rochester: Then show me in the speech.

Rochester: I am come to train you... in your acting.

Elizabeth Barry: So you said when we first met, but your reputation being what it is, I thought you meant something different.

Rochester: I have, I hope, many reputations.

Rochester: Ah, to die onstage at the hands of a beautiful woman.

Elizabeth Barry: I am no such!

Rochester: I love London. Everyone catches its generous spirit so quickly.

Rochester: "And wit was his vain frivolous pretence of pleasing others, at his own expense."

Rochester: You are one of life's understudies!

Harris: [calls to him onstage] My lord!

Rochester: I asked for no interruption.

Harris: My suit is one of the utmost urgency: the stage direction at the end of this scene requires, in my opinion, some authorial exposition.

Rochester: It seems straightforward enough.

Harris: Yes, um,

[reading from the script]

Harris: "Then dance six naked men and women, the men doing obedience to the women's cunts, kissing and touching them often, the women in like manner to the men's pricks, kissing and dandling their cods and then fall to fucking, after which the women sigh and the men look simple and so sneak off." The end of the second act.

Rochester: A strong scene, an eminently playable scene, and though I say it myself, a climactic one.

Harris: And w-will the kind of equipment that that young lady has in her hand

[a large wooden dildo]

Harris: be available for gentlemen for... strapping around the middle for the execution of this scene?

Rochester: I had not envisioned you to be so encumbered; I feel this scene should be given... in the flesh.

Harris: And will we give... two performances on the day?

Rochester: No, Mr. Harris.

Harris: [relieved] I am glad to hear that from the author.

Rochester: With the dress rehearsal, the court performance and the public showing, I envisage three.

Harris: Right; I don't know if you've met my regular understudy, Mr. Lightman, he's a most dependable fellow.

Rochester: Sir, you have the honour of playing *my* understudy.

Harris: [cross] Well, I shall take this opportunity to withdraw from the engagement.

[he leaves]

Rochester: [calls after him angrily] You are one of *life's* understudies!

Rochester: I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me in theater.

Rochester: [to Billy Downs] I told you.

King Charles II: Johnny, you finally did something for me.

Rochester: I didn't do it for you, I did it for me.

Rochester: Ink! Ink! Bring me ink!

[Alcock brings him wine]

Rochester: Not drink, lump! Ink!

Countess: [contemptuously] Anyone can drink.

Rochester: Not many can match my determination.

Rochester: I never wanted you for a mistress, Lizzy. I wanted you for my wife.

Rochester: Oh, written a new play has he? All those afternoons pretending to slope of and roger his mistress, like a decent chap, he was lurking in his rooms poking away at a play. That is disgusting, George.

King Charles II: Give me a major work of literature and I'll give you 500 guineas.

Rochester: When would you like it? Friday?

Rochester: I am nature. you are art. Let us see how we compare.

Rochester: The theatre is my drug, and my illness is so far advanced that my physic must be of the highest quality.

Rochester: There is spirit in her.

Jane: When a gent sees the spirit, and not the eyes or the tits, then a gent is in trouble.

King Charles II: I can't get money out of Louis unless I dissolve Parliament, and I can't get money out of Parliament unless I fight Louis.

Rochester: Well, choose.

King Charles II: I need money from both of them.

Elizabeth Malet: You abducted me in a coach like this when I was still a virgin heiress.

Rochester: And did you like abduction?

Elizabeth Malet: Passionately.

Elizabeth Malet: Is the fault mine? If I were a better wife would you not need the whorehouse and the inn?

Rochester: Every man needs the whorehouse and the inn.

Bob Temple: Use a little imagination, Rochester. What would you order if you wanted to make an impression?

Rochester: How about fish and chips and a couple of bottles of gin?

Bob Temple: Rochester, you never ask a titled lady for her phone number. We just had lunch.

Rochester: Man, that's like readin' one page and throwin' away the book.

[Jack is soaked]

Rochester: Is it rainin' outside?

Jack Benny: No, Rochester, I was eating a grapefruit and it got out of control.

[last lines]

Rochester: Goodbye, Mr. Chips.