Ritchie Quotes in Bewitched (2005)

Ritchie: Will you stop it? You're being the mayor of Pussytown!

Jack Wyatt: I don't want to be the mayor of Pussytown!

Ritchie: I want you to get out there and be the sheriff of Ballsville!

Ritchie: That's it. You're fired.

Isabel Bigelow: Doesn't matter... I quit! Yeah, so you better call my agent.

Jim Fields: You don't have an agent.

Isabel Bigelow: Then call my cable man!

Jack Wyatt: [reading a comment on his performance] I'm a tool?

Ritchie: Yeah, but a good tool. Like a jack-saw!

Strop: I am gonna fuck your hairless arse all the way back to China.

Wee Willy: He will. I've seen it. Butter is your friend.

Strop: You speak English?

Ritchie: I'm from Otaki.

Strop: No shit. We got a place here in New Zealand sounds just like that.

Ritchie: All right. What do you want me to tell you? Get a fuckin' divorce, then.

Vinny: Divorce is fuckin' evil, Ritchie. You got some fuckin' really bad advice.

Ritchie: Evil spelled backwards is live.

Vinny: You're a corny fuck, you know that?

Vinny: I fuckin' thought I was gonna stop cheatin' when I got married, you know. I thought so! And now I'm just fuckin' cheatin' a lot more than I ever did. But I thought- you know, I thought the man up there understood. I thought he under- would fuckin' understand...

Ritchie: God has nothing to do with this, Vin!

Vinny: Oh come, Ritchie, yes he does. Yes, he does.

Ritchie: Vinny! You fuckin' traitor! What the fuck are you doin'?

Ritchie: [British accent] You ain't Bruce Lee. Stop kicking Woodstock.

Anthony: Yeah, they suck really good. Just like you, Ruby.

Ritchie: Come on. Relax.

Ruby: Yeah, I learned from your mother, dick.

Anthony: You gonna let your sister talk that way to me?

Brian: She's my half-sister.

Ritchie: Come on. Get lost.

Ritchie: [English accent] It's all in the at-titude.

Ruby: [mimicking] In the at-tit-ude...

Anthony: Hey, Ritch, why buy the cow when everybody else is gettin' the milk and steaks for free?

Ritchie: I like the cow.

Ritchie: Since when does your hairstyle determine whether or not you're a fuckin' killer?

Ritchie: Where are you goin'?

Ruby: I'm gonna go.

Ritchie: I didn't say to go.

Ruby: Well, you didn't exactly say you wanted me to stay.

Ritchie: [quietly] Stay.

Anthony: What the hell happened to you? Look at this freak!

Joey T: Nice outfit. Where'd you get it? Off the dead?

Anthony: I thought vampires only came out at night?

Ritchie: Yeah, except on leap year. What's happening guys?

Joey T: Don't give us that "What's happening guys" bullsh*t. You come back to the neighborhood lookin' like a f*ckin' freak - soundin' like a British fag and we're supposed to be okay with that?

Ritchie: You're f*ckin' right. How's your wife and kid JT?

Joey T: I got divorced - I moved back in with my mother.

Ruby: Hey, I like the new look. What are you - punk?

Ritchie: Yeah, you should come and see me sometime. Maybe check out the band.

Vinny: Now, don't tell nobody. It's between you and me. Its bad enough that I ball her, right, but, then some sick side of me had to drive her right past the spot where we was stickin' it up her cousin's ass, you know. Oh sh*t, and that's where I saw the dead bodies, right there. You know what, God spared me. He spared me, man. Cause its a f*ckin' omen. I'm serious! He f*ckin' let me go. You know, what the f*ck could this mean? It means somethin'. What do you think it means?

Ritchie: I don't know, what do you think it means?

Vinny: I think God's tellin' me I'm gonna burn in hell if I don't stop cheatin'.

Vinny: God is tellin' me you shouldn't be doin' these things with your wife. That's what he's tellin' me.

Ritchie: What things?

Vinny: Oh, come on, don't be stupid. You know.

Ritchie: What?

Vinny: No butt f*cking, sixty-nine, doggy style. That's the message God it saying: You gotta cut that sh*t out. You gotta cut it out; otherwise, I'm not gonna spare you the next time. That's what God is telling me.

Ritchie: Hey, Ruby, how you been?

Ruby: You know, I copped that Who's Next album. I was thinkin' about you.

Ritchie: Its great, right. F*ckin', those guys are like the godfathers of punk. You know that? You know that song, Baba O'Riley? Its my favorite song. You know who wrote that?

Ruby: Engelbert Humperdick? What? You don't think I know? Come on, I know. Pete Townsend.

Ritchie: How'd you know that?

Ruby: What? I read the album credits. I mean the only thing I don't get is why those four guys, you know, pissin' on a big rock?

Ritchie: Nigga you're worried about Roscoe. You better be worried about your momz.

Ritchie: Oh, you gonna mess with them critters yo?

Ritchie: Eleanor, help me! I gotta pee!