Richard Nixon Quotes in Watchmen (2009)

Richard Nixon: Bold moves, Henry. That's what's needed right now. We can't let these fuckers think we're weak!

Henry Kissinger: [Incredulous] Yes. They must fear the madman Richard Nixon.

Black Dynamite: I should have known it was you all the time. I should have asked myself, 'Who's the man so wicked, so cruel, that he could serve smack to the orphanage, kill my brother Jimmy, and put out a drug to shrink black men's dicks?' Only one man. That's you, Tricky Dick! So I'm here to deliver you one presidential ass-whupping!

Richard Nixon: Black Dynamite, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for that...

[Nixon pulls his nunchucks out of a drawer and jumps on his desk]

Richard Nixon: Showtime, motherfucker! Fucking think you can fuck with me, Black Dynamite? Who the fuck would stop me, piece of shit?

[after the ghost of Abraham Lincoln knocks the gun off Richard Nixon's hand, Black Dynamite takes the president down with a foot sweep and pummels his face with a barrage of punches]

Black Dynamite: You had enough, Mr. President?

Richard Nixon: You'll never get away with this!

Black Dynamite: Watch me, you little insecure cracker. You think by shrinking our johnsons, it's gonna make your situation any better? That's your problem, Tricky Dick. You are paranoid. Like sending those two-bit crooks to Watergate. For what? For these?

[Black Dynamite throws some photographs of Nixon tied up and engaged in an S&M session]

Black Dynamite: Look at you. You lost it all, turkey.

Richard Nixon: Kill me.

Black Dynamite: Say what?

Richard Nixon: Kill me!

Black Dynamite: No. That's the easy way out for you. Now, unless you want the rest of this freaky shit to hit the news, I suggest you take good care of me and my people. Can you dig it?

[Nixon nods]

Black Dynamite: I said, can you dig it?

Richard Nixon: Yes, I, I can dig it!

Black Dynamite: I thought you could.

[Black Dynamite walks away]

[first lines]

Richard Nixon: There are *no* American combat forces in Laos.

Richard Nixon: I don't want to say anything negative about that Kennedy boy. I'm sure he's a real nice fellow. But do you really want that spoiled rich son-of-a-bitch fuck to be your next president?

[last lines including archive footage]

Warren Burger: Preserve, protect and defend the constitution of the United States,

Richard Nixon: Preserve and protect and defend the constitution of the United States,

Warren Burger: So help you God.

Richard Nixon: So help me God.

Richard Nixon: [Adrian has inserted his voice onto the press conference with Nixon] As I leave Vietnam today there will be no doubt in my mind that the Viet cong will be defeated. And this war will be won. It does involve as you have suggested give and take.

Adrian Cronauer: Well I really didn't make that suggestion, sir, I'm sorry.

Lt. Steven Hauk: Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?

Private Abersold: I don't know, sir.

Adrian Cronauer: Mr Nixon, thank you for that concise political commentary, but I think I'd rather delve into a more personal for the men in the field. How would you describe your testicles?

Richard Nixon: [Hauk turns to the radio in horror] That they're soft and they're very shallow and they serve no purpose.

Adrian Cronauer: So what are you saying, sir?

Richard Nixon: They lack the physical strength.

Lt. Steven Hauk: Oh, my God. Please don't do this to me.

Adrian Cronauer: How would you describe your sex life with your wife Pat?

Richard Nixon: It is unexciting sometimes.

Adrian Cronauer: Well, you can consider a sex change. There is an operation that can transform you into a female white dane or a very hell wung chihuaua. Mr. Nixon it is rumored that you have smoked marijuana. Are you planning to take some of the marijuana home back to the United States? How would you do that?

Richard Nixon: By plane. By helicopter and also by automobile.

[first lines]

Richard Nixon: Public enemy number one in the United States is drug abuse. In order to fight and defeat this enemy, it is necessary to wage a new, all-out offensive.

Gerald Ford: For nearly a year, I have been devoting increasing attention to a problem which strikes at the very heart of our national well-being: Drug abuse.

Jimmy Carter: I did not condone any drug abuse, and we'll do everything possible to reduce this serious threat to our society.

Ronald Reagan: Drugs are menacing our society. They're threatening our values and undercutting our institutions. They're killing our children. Thank you very much.

Nancy Reagan: ...and when it comes to drugs and alcohol, just say no.

[from trailer]

David Frost: Are you really saying the President can do something illegal?

Richard Nixon: I'm saying that when the President does it, it's *not* illegal!

David Frost: ...I'm sorry?

Richard Nixon: That's our tragedy, you and I Mr. Frost. No matter how high we get, they still look down at us.

David Frost: I really don't know what you're talking about.

Richard Nixon: Yes you do. Now come on. No matter how many awards or column inches are written about you, or how high the elected office is, it's still not enough. We still feel like the little man. The loser. They told us we were a hundred times, the smart asses in college, the high ups. The well-born. The people who's respect we really wanted. Really craved. And isn't that why we work so hard now, why we fight for every inch? Scrambling our way up in undignified fashion. If we're honest for a minute, if we reflect privately, just for a moment, if we allow ourselves a glimpse into that shadowy place we call our soul, isn't that why we're here? Now? The two of us. Looking for a way back into the sun. Into the limelight. Back onto the winner's podium. Because we can feel it slipping away. We were headed, both of us, for the dirt. The place the snobs always told us that we'd end up. Face in the dust, humiliated all the more for having tried. So pitifully hard. Well, to *hell with that*! We're not going to let that happen, either of us. We're going to show those bums, we're going to make 'em choke on our continued success. Our continued headlines! Our continued awards! And power! And glory! We are gonna make those mother fuckers *choke*!

Richard Nixon: I let them down. I let down my friends, I let down my country, and worst of all I let down our system of government, and the dreams of all those young people that ought to get into government but now they think; 'Oh it's all too corrupt and the rest'. Yeah... I let the American people down. And I'm gonna have to carry that burden with me for the rest of my life. My political life is over.

Richard Nixon: These men, Haldeman, Ehrlichman, I knew their families, I knew them since they were just kids. But you know, politically the pressure on me to let them go, that became overwhelming. So, I did it. I cut off one arm then I cut off the other and I'm not a good butcher. And I have always mantained what they were doing, what we were all doing was not criminal. Look, when you're in office you gotta do a lot of things sometimes that are not always in the strictest sense of the law, legal, but you do them because they're in the greater interest of the nation.

David Frost: Alright wait, wait just so I understand correctly, are you really saying that in certain situations the President can decide whether it's in the best interest of the nation and then do something illegal...

Richard Nixon: I'm saying that when the President does it, that means it's *not* illegal!

David Frost: I'm sorry?

[from trailer]

David Frost: Why didn't you burn the tapes?

Richard Nixon: I didn't want to take any questions on Watergate!

Richard Nixon: You know those parties of yours, the ones I read about in the newspapers. Do you actually enjoy those?

David Frost: Of course.

Richard Nixon: You have no idea how fortunate that makes you, liking people. Being liked. Having that facility. That lightness, that charm. I don't have it, I never did.

Richard Nixon: [after being told that one of the interview segments will be about "Nixon the man"] Nixon the man? As opposed to what? Nixon the horse?

Richard Nixon: Take my advice. You should marry that woman.

David Frost: Yes. Lovely, isn't she?

Richard Nixon: More important than that, she comes from Monaco. They pay no taxes there.

[from trailer]

Richard Nixon: Why would I want to talk to David Frost?

Swifty Lazar: I've got half a million dollars.

Richard Nixon: Really?

Richard Nixon: Whenever I have had my doubts I remembered the construction worker in Philadelphia because he came up to me and he said 'Sir I got only one criticism of that Cambodia thing; if you'd gone in earlier you might've captured the gun that killed my boy three months ago'. So you're asking me do I regret going into Cambodia?... No, I don't. You know what, I wish I'd gone in sooner. And harder!

Richard Nixon: [Watching Frost head for his car] You mean to say he just paid me two hundred grand for a visit?

Jack Brennan: Yeah.

Richard Nixon: Huh. If I'd known that I would invited him for tea.

Richard Nixon: [Reston swore to Zelnick earlier he would never shake Nixon's hand] Pleasure to meet you.

[Offers Reston his hand]

James Reston, Jr.: [after a pause, he shakily extends his own hand] Mr. President...

Bob Zelnick: [after Nixon leaves] Oh that was devastating, I don't think he's ever going to get over that.

James Reston, Jr.: Fuck off.

Richard Nixon: [Frost is signing a cheque] I hope that isn't coming out of your own pocket.

David Frost: [Gives a quick smile] I wish my pockets were that deep.

Richard Nixon: I shall be your fiercest adversary. I shall come at you with everything I got, because the limelight can only shine on one of us. And for the other, it'll be the wilderness, with nothing and no one for company but those voices ringing in our head.

Richard Nixon: I wouldn't want to be a Russian leader. They never know when they're being taped.

Richard Nixon: We're not gonna let that happen! We're gonna make 'em choke!

David Frost: [Picking up the phone, thinking it's room service] I'll have a cheeseburger.

Richard Nixon: [drunk] Mmm. That sounds good. I used to love cheeseburgers, but Dr. Lundgren made me give them up. He switched me to cottage cheese and pineapple instead. He calls them my Hawaiian burgers, but they don't taste like burgers at all. They taste like Styrofoam.

Richard Nixon: David, did I really call you that night?

David Frost: Yes.

Richard Nixon: Did we discuss anything important?

David Frost: Cheeseburgers.

Richard Nixon: Cheeseburgers?

David Frost: Goodbye, sir.

Richard Nixon: [a few seconds before the cameras begin to roll] Did you have a pleasant evening last night?

David Frost: Yes, thank you.

Richard Nixon: Did you do any fornicating?

Richard Nixon: [Prior to the second interview] Ah, the great inquisitor.

David Frost: More like a trusted confidante.

Richard Nixon: Please excuse my golf outfit. It's the official uniform of the retired.

Richard Nixon: I am America. I'm a winner who lost every battle, up to and including the war. I am *not* the American nightmare. I am the American Dream. Period. That's why the system works. Because I am the system. *Period.*

Richard Nixon: You, ladies and gentlemen of the American jury, shall look at the face that is under the mask, that is -

[stumbles]

Richard Nixon: that is under the mask!

Richard Nixon: My wife does not wear a fur coat. My wife wears a good Republican cloth coat. And my dog Checkers, well he...

[first lines]

Richard Nixon: Testing, one, two, three, four.

Richard Nixon: Secret honor, public shame...