Reverend Walter Goodfellow Quotes in Keeping Mum (2005)

[the housekeeper's trunk, which has arrived before her, has a nametag reading "Grace"]

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Do you think it's a sign?

Gloria Goodfellow: No. I think it's a trunk.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: The title for this evening's opening address is Cod's Mysterious Ways. God! God! God's Mysterious Ways

[calms down]

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: . I'm sure Cod *have* mysterious ways, but it's the mysterious ways of God I want to talk about tonight. Cod will just have to wait for their own convention.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: [at the convention] And when I'm asked why vicars always answer a question by posing another question, I always reply 'well why shouldn't we?'

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Was that a brassiere over Holly's shoulder this morning?

Gloria Goodfellow: You're half a day behind the rest of us you know. And it's called a bra nowadays.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: But why did she have it over her shoulder?

Gloria Goodfellow: [sighs] She was doing the laundry.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: So. They made love in every room in the house did they? Lilian and Brian? And they went round twice. I think we've got some catching up to do.

Gloria Goodfellow: No. I must see to Mrs Parker.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Oh gosh. Do you need me?

Gloria Goodfellow: No, no. It's just the flower arranging committee.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Dear God. I swear that committee will be the death of her.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: [mid-sermon] ... which reminds me of the time an Englishman, Irishmen, Scotsman, a Vicar, a Rabbi and a Priest all go into a bar and the barman looks up and says 'Is this a joke?'.

Gloria Goodfellow: Petey? Petey? Walter?

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Ah, Gloria. This is Bob and Ted from the waterboard, we're just discussing the...

Gloria Goodfellow: Walter, where's Petey?

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Oh Lord! Mrs Calloway called about her crisis of faith. She was on the verge of losing it.

Gloria Goodfellow: I know the bloody feeling.

Bob: [discussing the problem of the pond] So there's really just the one option.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Yes, there's, um, just the one option.

Gloria Goodfellow: Which is?

Bob: Drain it.

Gloria Goodfellow: Drain it.

[pauses]

Gloria Goodfellow: Shall I put the kettle on?

Grace Hawkins: Have you thought about sex?

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: What?

Grace Hawkins: The Bible. It's full of sex, haven't you noticed? Song of Solomon?

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Ah yes, but that's a song between a devout man and God.

Grace Hawkins: No. It's about sex. You read it again vicar.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: It's sort of as we feared. The pond. Algae.

Holly Goodfellow: The Devil's in the details, Dad.

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Could we not say that word on a Sunday?

Holly Goodfellow: What? Dad?

Reverend Walter Goodfellow: [referring to the pond] They say it'll get worse if it's not dealt with.

Gloria Goodfellow: [under her breath] A lot of things will get worse if they're not dealt with.