Remo Williams Quotes in Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985)

Remo Williams: Chiun, you're incredible!

Chiun: No! I am better than that.

Remo Williams: How old are you? I mean really, you are old, now aren't you?

Chiun: For an apricot, yes. For a head of lettuce, even more so. For a mountain, I have not even begun in years. For a man, I am just right.

Remo Williams: I've got a job to do.

Chiun: Remo!

[whispers in Remo's ear]

Chiun: Do not embarrass us.

Remo Williams: I won't... Little Father.

Chiun: It would be better for you to eat this can than what is inside of it. Why must everything in this country be coated with monositi-... monosoti...

Remo Williams: Monosodium glutamate. You can't even say it.

Chiun: I can say "rat droppings." That does not mean I want to eat them.

New York City traffic control cop: Excuse me. What are you doin' to that boy?

Remo Williams: Oh, uh, unnecessary use of the horn, officer.

New York City traffic control cop: Well, I'll be unnecessary use of my nightstick on your thick skull if you don't let him go.

Remo Williams: Whatever happened to police courtesy and that kind of stuff, huh?

New York City traffic control cop: We save that bullshit for the Upper East Side.

Remo Williams: You know, Chiun, there are times when I really like you.

Chiun: Of course. I am Chiun.

Remo Williams: And there are times when I could really kill you.

Chiun: Good! We will practice that after dinner.

Remo Williams: Are you hurt?

Chiun: No. When you approach middle age, there is a tendency toward bruising, my son.

Remo Williams: What? What did you call me?

Chiun: I called you a clumsy oaf. You drive like a monkey in heat.

Remo Williams: You know, Chiun, you're a real pain in the ass.

Chiun: That is because it is the shortest route to your brain!

[Chiun pulls the trigger on a revolver, click, click, click]

Remo Williams: You used the other four yesterday.

Chiun: [Chiun fires a round nearly hitting Remo in the head] I reloaded.

Conn MacCleary: We've done some work on you.

Remo Williams: [starts to look under his sheets]

Conn MacCleary: Just your face.

Remo Williams: You better have a damn good reason!

Conn MacCleary: We did. You're ugly.

Remo Williams: Hey MacCleary, can you dodge bullets?

Conn MacCleary: Only if they come real slow.

[Remo dangles from a car on the Wonder Wheel]

Remo Williams: Jesus!

Chiun: Concentrate! This is NO time for prayer!

Conn MacCleary: All I can promise you is terror for breakfast, pressure for lunch, and aggravation for sleep. Your vacations will be two minutes when you're not looking over your shoulder, and if you live to draw a pension, it'll be a miracle.

Remo Williams: Are there any disadvantages?

Conn MacCleary: Hell, I'm lucky I've lasted *this* long.

Remo Williams: Do you always talk like a Chinese fortune cookie?

[Outraged, Chiun strikes Remo in his solar plexus. Remo stumbles to the window, partially paralyzed, and in pain]

Chiun: Chinese! *Korean* is the most perfect creature ever to sanctify the earth with the imprint of its foot.

Remo Williams: [Remo hears Chiun singing a song in Korean] Is it painful?

Chiun: I was singing an old Korean love song.

Remo Williams: It's a wonder the race isn't extinct.