Red Puckett Quotes in Hoodwinked! (2005)


Red Puckett Quotes:

  • Red Puckett: [Red encounters the Wolf, wearing a Granny mask and apron and using a falsetto voice] Who are you ?

    The Wolf: I'm your grandma.

    Red Puckett: Your face looks really weird, granny.

    The Wolf: I've been sick, I... uh...

    Red Puckett: Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.

    The Wolf: Plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done.

  • [Flippers has shown up uninvited]

    Chief Grizzly: Nicky Flippers? What are you doing here? This is *my* case!

    Nicky Flippers: Well, someone hibernated on the wrong side of the cave. I saw the lights, thought the circus was in town.

    [eyes the four detainees]

    Nicky Flippers: Now of course, I see I was right.

    Chief Grizzly: Well you're too late, Nicky, I've got this case wrapped up nice and tight.

    Nicky Flippers: Is that right?

    Chief Grizzly: Yeah.

    Red Puckett: They've got this all wrong, Mr. Flippers.

    [Flippers turns to Red]

    Nicky Flippers: Oh, I don't know. You look pretty dangerous to me. What's your name?

    Red Puckett: Red.

    Nicky Flippers: And why do they call you that?

    Red Puckett: Why do they call you "Flippers"?

    Nicky Flippers: [Cuts to Flippers on the dance floor at a disco club in a flashy white suit. As the crowd chants "Go Flippers!" in the background, he does a backflip and lands in a splitz] Uh, no reason.

    Red Puckett: They call me "Red" because of this red hood I wear.

    Nicky Flippers: What about when you're not wearing it?


    Red Puckett: I usually wear it.

  • [Red has just explained how she escaped the Wolf]

    Chief Grizzly: Yep, that settles it. We've got our bandit.

    Nicky Flippers: Ah, could be. I'd like to count my chickens after they hatch.

    Tommy: [oinks] Chickens?

    Red Puckett: You've gotta admit, a wolf stopping kids in the middle of the forest? That's pretty creepy!

    Nicky Flippers: Yes, right. But we don't arrest people for being creepy.

    Tommy: [on radio] Yeah Bruce, you know that guy we got in the tank?

    Bruce: Uh... the creepy one?

    Tommy: Yeah, better let him go.

    Nicky Flippers: [to Red] So you went on to Granny's?

    Red Puckett: I found an old trail up the north side of the mountain.

  • [Red crests a hill and finds herself at the edge of a meadow, and starts to hear music]

    Red Puckett: Hello?

    [sees that the music is coming from Japeth, singing on the porch of his shack; Red approaches him]

    Red Puckett: Hello.

    [Japeth continues yodeling and strumming on his banjo]

    Red Puckett: I'm looking for Granny Puckett's house?

    Japeth the Goat: [singing] Graaaaaaaanneeee Puckeeeet...

    Red Puckett: Could you stop singing for one moment?

    Japeth the Goat: [singing] No I can't, wish I could, but a mountain witch done put a spell on me, 37 years agoooooooo, and now I gotta sing every thing I saaaaaaaaayyyyyy...

    Red Puckett: Everything?

    Japeth the Goat: [speaking] That's right.

    Red Puckett: You just talked! Just now!

    Japeth the Goat: Oh, did I?


    Japeth the Goat: Did I? Dididididodadidididoooo...

    [Red turns and gives us a pissed off look]

  • [During her bike ride, Red stops for a family of bakers who are crossing the road, leaving behind their snack shack after being struck by the Bandit]

    Red Puckett: [voiceover] With the Goodie Bandit on the loose, recipes were becoming an endangered species. I decided to call Granny. If anyone knew what to do, she would.

    [Cuts to Granny knitting and talking on the phone]

    Granny Puckett: I don't know what to do. I'm just a tired old lady.

    [Her image is shrunk to a circle wipe, revealing Red using a payphone]

    Red Puckett: Your recipes are the most famous in the whole forest, Granny! What if they get swiped? It could wipe you out! Maybe I should bring you the recipe book, just for safekeeping.

    Granny Puckett: A trip up the mountain is too dangerous for a little girl.

    Red Puckett: I'm not so little anymore!

    Granny Puckett: Please, dear, you just keep the recipes there and everything will be fine.

    Red Puckett: But...

    Granny Puckett: I have to go now. My program's on. Kisses.

    [Blows air kisses and hangs up the phone]

  • [Grizzly has learned that the Wolf was trying to eat Red]

    Chief Grizzly: All right, get a muzzle on that guy.

    The Wolf: Hey, I can explain everything.

    Chief Grizzly: Well you can explain it to the judge.

    [turns to Red]

    Chief Grizzly: Shouldn't you be at school?

    Red Puckett: Shouldn't *I* have a lawyer?

  • [the Wolf is impersonating Granny with a plastic mask and apron]

    The Wolf: You got the loot?

    Red Puckett: Whoa, what big *hands* you have.

    The Wolf: Oh! All the better to scratch my back with.

    Red Puckett: And what big *ears* you have...

    The Wolf: [increasing in irritation] All the better to hear your... many criticisms. Old people just have big ears, dear.

    Red Puckett: And Granny... what big *eyes* you have!

    The Wolf: [exploding] Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?

    [leans in]

    The Wolf: You came here for a reason, didn't you? So tell old Granny what you've got in the basket.

    Red Puckett: Ugh! Granny! What bad breath you have!

    [the Wolf takes off the mask; Red screams and backs away]

    Red Puckett: You again! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?

    The Wolf: Settle down, little girl.

    Red Puckett: Hi-yah!

    [Gets into kung-fu stance]

    The Wolf: Save it, Red fu. You've been dodging me all day, you might as well just give up.

    [Grabs a fireplace poker and corners her]

    Red Puckett: Ha! You crazy Wolf! What have you done with Granny?

    The Wolf: I'm taking Granny down and you're next.

    [Granny bursts out of the closet, bound and gagged]

    Red Puckett: Granny!

    [Kirk bursts through the window, holding a pickaxe]

  • Granny: [Granny has just revealed that she is an extreme sports athlete] Honey, don't look at your granny like that.

    Red Puckett: I'm sorry, I thought you were Triple G! Or are you the Bandit?


    Det. Bill Stork: Awkward!

    [awkwardly side slips his way out of the room]

    Granny: You're being ridiculous, Red.

    Red Puckett: *I'm* being ridiculous? You're off living... La Vida Loca, risking your life for some dumb thrills! And I'm supposed to stay home and be your happy little delivery girl?

    Tommy: I, have a...

    Nicky Flippers: Coffee break, anyone?

    Chief Grizzly: Uh, yeah.

    Det. Bill Stork: Whose got my keys?

    Raccoon Jerry: You think Granny would mind if I went through her garbage?

    Chief Grizzly: Excuse us.

    [Everyone except Red and Granny files out of the room]

    Granny: I thought you were happy.

    Red Puckett: Open your eyes. I've never even been outside of the forest. Don't you think I'd want more than that?

    Granny: Of course you do. You're a Puckett.

    Red Puckett: [sighs] I don't know what that means anymore.

  • [Red is in a treehouse, reading a magazine; a woodpecker flies up]

    Woodpecker: Watcha readin', Red?

    [sees the magazine's cover]

    Woodpecker: "Far Away Places"? Are you going somewhere far away?

    Red Puckett: No. The world is too dangerous for me!

    [throws the magazine over the side. It falls, and lands on the windshield of a passing sports car]

    Passing motorist: Ahh! Can't see! Danger! Turn into the skid!

    [Swerves violently all over the road; the scene cuts back to Red as the sounds of screeching tires are heard, followed by a loud crash that shakes a tree in the distance]

    Passing motorist: I'm okay! I'll walk it off!

    Woodpecker: You can't go away. Who's gonna ride the goody bike?

    Red Puckett: If I had wings like you, I'd fly all the way past that mountain, and the next one and the next one, but I can't. I am just a kid.

    Woodpecker: I'm just a woodpecker.

    [a window is shattered and Red flinches]

  • [Red uses the phone in Japeth's shack]

    Red Puckett: Granny?

    Granny: Huh, who's that?

    Red Puckett: It's Red. I'm on my way over to see...

    Granny: Oh, my dear, I-I'm not prepared. I've got to... put down fresh doilies! Ugh!

    [slips on something]

    Red Puckett: Granny! Granny! What's wrong?

    Granny: Gotta go, munchkin. Bonsai!

    [the call is disconnected]

    Red Puckett: Oh, no!

    [hangs up the phone and turns around to Japeth]

    Red Puckett: Mr. Goat, my Granny's in trouble! I've got to find a way around the mountain, fast!

    Japeth the Goat: [singing] Well you came to the right goat!

    [pops out his rocking horns]

    Red Puckett: Oh, good. More singing.

    [Japeth begins singing "Be Prepared"]

  • [Dolph and Boingo get off the tram at the top terminal]

    Dolph: I don't like it. The cops are all over the place.

    Boingo: Forget about the cops! We've got everything we need right here!

    Dolph: What about the old lady? She's alive. She'll be back.

    Boingo: You just don't get it, do you, Dolph? I'm done! I'm done dancing for the man - The Muffin Man! And Granny! They can both take a hike! I'm never gonna answer to anyone ever again!

    [Boingo bursts out wailing, then cackles, then cries, all in a matter of seconds, then immediately sobers up]

    Boingo: Oh! I just love my job!

    [He and Dolph start walking down the loading ramp]

    Boingo: You see how it works, Dolph? You prioritize, you set your goals, you write a mission statement. You ask yourself, "Where do I see me in five years?"

    Red Puckett: How about behind bars?

    [Boingo turns around and sees Red standing at the bottom of the ramp, glaring at him]

    Boingo: [surprised] Red! Oh! Hey, Red! What are you- you've spoiled the surprise!

    Red Puckett: You're the bandit!


    Boingo: Surprise!

  • [while Red is riding her bike, Boingo spots her]

    Boingo: Hey, Red!

    [hops into her bike basket as she passes]

    Boingo: Ohh, nice outfit! Always red with you. You must be in autumn.

    Red Puckett: Hey, Boingo. Aren't you helping the Muffin Man today?

    Boingo: [glum] Na, he closed up shop. Someone stole all his recipes last night, and now I'm out of a job.

    Red Puckett: Oh, geez, Boingo, I'm really sorry. Are you still working the cable car?

    Boingo: Yeah, yeah I am but it's not as fun as making goodies all day.

    Red Puckett: Would a carrot crumpet make you feel better?

    [hands him one]

    Boingo: [brightening] Oh boy! Oh boy! Thanks, Red, I can always count on you to deliver, you little rascal... devil!

    Red Puckett: Yeah, well, the woods don't go 'round by themselves.

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