Recruiter Quotes in Deadpool (2016)

Recruiter: What if I told you we can cure your cancer? And what's more, give you abilities most mean only dream of?

Wade Wilson: I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y.

Recruiter: Mr. Wilson.

Wade Wilson: How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van.

Recruiter: Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's. You finally hit "fuck it."

Wade Wilson: Just promise you'll do right by me. So I can do right by someone else.

Recruiter: Of course.

Wade Wilson: And please don't make the super-suit green. Or animated.

Deadpool: 41 confirmed kills. Now it's 80. About to be 90.

Recruiter: Mr. Wilson?

Deadpool: Ding-ding.

Recruiter: You're looking very alive.

Deadpool: Ha! Only on the outside!

Recruiter: This is not going to end well for me, is it?

Deadpool: This is not gonna end well for you, no. Where's your boss?

Recruiter: I can tell you exactly...

Deadpool: Oh, you tell me. But first... You might wanna look way for this. Now this little piggy went to...

[pushes the camera away and the Recruiter screams]

Recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.

John Winger: Convicted? No.

Russell Ziskey: Never convicted.

Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals?

John Winger: [John and Russell look at each other] You mean, like, flaming, or...

Recruiter: Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.

Russell Ziskey: No, we're not homosexual, but we are *willing to learn*.

John Winger: Yeah, would they send us someplace special?

Recruiter: I guess that's "no" on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph...

[last lines]

Recruiter: [after Johnnie has brought back The General] Occupation?

Johnnie Gray: Soldier!

Alan Shepard: Sounds dangerous

Recruiter: It is! Extremely dangerous!

Alan Shepard: Count me in!

[smiles]

Recruiter: Funding. That's what makes your ships go up. I'll tell you something, and you guys too: No bucks, no Buck Rodgers.

Liaison Man: You mean for this "space race", you don't want our best pilots?

Recruiter: I didn't say that. We want the best pilots that we can get.

Chuck Yeager: [NASA recruiters are talking to test pilots] You need lab rabbits.

Recruiter: Sorry, I didn't get that.

Chuck Yeager: I said you need lab rabbits to curl up in your damn capsule. With its heart going "pitter-patter". And a wire up the kazook. I don't hold with it.

Scott Crossfield: I don't either. You want a pilot to become a balistic missile. And then splash down - possibly get lost at sea.

Pancho Barnes: See, some peckerwood's gotta get the thing up. And some peckerwood's gotta land the son of a bitch. And that "peckerwood" is called a "pilot".

[during job interview]

Recruiter: Well, I see your hobbies include "drinkin', smokin' weed, and all kinds of ill shit."