Raymond Paine Quotes in The Night They Raided Minsky's (1968)

Raymond Paine: Ha, ha, ha, ha, you've met a girl. Ah, Chick, my boy, when it comes to girls you have three qualities that are far worse than being short and funny-looking. You have the curse of the three D's: you are decent, devoted and dependable. Good qualities in a dog, disastrous in a man. Women like bastards.

Chick Williams: No wonder they *love* you.

Raymond Paine: Yes, I'm a BFC - Bastard First Class.

Rachel Schpitendavel: I'm some handy for dancing.

Raymond Paine: I'll bet. Hey, ummm, what kind of dancing are you handy for?

Rachel Schpitendavel: I dance stories from the Bible.

Raymond Paine: From the Bible?

Professor Spats: It's a book civilians read on Sundays.

Rachel Schpitendavel: [about Raymond's apartment] My, how warm and how small it is.

Raymond Paine: [laughing] Yeah, so small, I have to go out into the hall to change my mind.

Chick Williams: [Raymond and Chick enter the Deli] Raymond, this is stupid. May I have your attention please.

Raymond Paine: Louder.

Chick Williams: May I have your attention please. Announcing the presence, in your midst, of America's number one straight man, top personality in Burlesque, the inimitable... Raymond Paine.

Raymond Paine: [prompting Chick] Applause, applause.

Raymond Paine: [Chick applauds, alone] Ah, thank you, friends. Thank you, and may I say, your sincerity is exceeded only by your vulgarity. Hi ya, Billy. Hello, Mr Minsky.

Billy Minsky: [Raymond and Chick sit down at Billy and Louis Minsky's table] Look, I pay you to be funny, not nauseating. That was nauseating.

Chick Williams: I'm sorry, Billy, I just lost a bet.

Chick Williams: [Haggling with junk dealer Fliegelmann over a prop snake they need for the show] He's got one snake left. Six bucks.

Raymond Paine: [preoccupied with Rachel] Great, let's take it. He can send it to the theater.

Chick Williams: [bargaining light-heartedly] I think six is too much. You're too high, Fliegelmann, I will not pay it.

Raymond Paine: You tell him, Chick.

Mr. Flegelman: I get six for them all the time.

Chick Williams: It's not worth more than four. Down the street, I saw it for three.

Mr. Flegelman: Well, so, go buy it down the street.

Chick Williams: I would, but they're all out.

Mr. Flegelman: If I was all out, you could have it for two. Heh, heh. Here, I'll tell you what I'll do. Five.

Chick Williams: Four.

Mr. Flegelman: Look at the workmanship. Ten days it takes to make such a snake.

Chick Williams: Ten days! It only took six days to make the world!

Mr. Flegelman: But look at the way this is made. Is that seam perfect?

Chick Williams: The seam's perfect.

Mr. Flegelman: And look at the world!

Rachel Schpitendavel: [Raymond is moving fast to seduce Rachel before he has to go on stage again] One thing I wish only. But then it is asking too much.

Raymond Paine: What?

Rachel Schpitendavel: I dreamed that the first time, there would be a sign to tell me it is right.

Raymond Paine: A sign?

Rachel Schpitendavel: From Him. A sign. The Lord moves in wondrous ways.

Raymond Paine: Yeah, well, uh, why do you want to talk about things like that? We're not here to pray.

[Rachel stiffens, and pulls away]

Raymond Paine: Hey, look, I've heard of everything, but a man and a woman with normal desires hanging around waiting for a sign...

Rachel Schpitendavel: Did I say to wait? Did I?

Raymond Paine: No. But you've got that stained-glass look in your eye.