Ray Zalinsky Quotes in Tommy Boy (1995)

[after Tommy has rubbed air freshener on himself]

Ray Zalinsky: Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid?

Tommy: Sir, it's an taxicab air freshener.

Ray Zalinsky: Good, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out.

Ray Zalinsky: Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."

Ray Zalinsky: [after a car crashes into a wall during a crash test] God, I love that.

Paul: Wait a minute, fat boy. You lost your shares to the bank. You don't even have a right to be here!

Michelle: Gee, it's funny you should bring that up, 'cause I'm not sure that you have the right to be here.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Whoa, what have we got here? Oh, my God, it's a Police Report.

Ray Zalinsky: What's all this about?

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Let's see. "Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish aka Beverly Burns". Richard, how could Beverly be married to Paul and my dad at the same time? Interesting!

Richard Hayden: Yes. Provocative.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: What I think it means is your marriage to my dad was never legal.

Michelle: Which also means that Beverly's shares still belong to Tommy.

Ray Zalinsky: What the American public doesn't know is what makes them the American public.

Paul: That's it! I'm not gonna take this.

Richard Hayden: Uh, uh! It's not over yet, Lee Harvey.

Michelle: Let's see... warrants outstanding: New Mexico-Mail Fraud. Colorado-Wire Fraud. And coming soon to Ohio, Computer Fraud.

[Paul makes as if to say something, then makes a break for the door]

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [shouts] Get him!

Ray Zalinsky: Don't let him leave the complex, Marty.

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [Paul runs into the Zalinsky auto testing center] Hey, you forgot your wife!

Paul: Screw you! Screw all of you!

[trips over the lever that starts the crash test; car drives fast]

Paul: Not good.

Ray Zalinsky: Hit the brakes!

Paul: [screaming; car stops abruptly, sends Paul flying into a chair; a huge test bag drops down and smashes his testicles] Aaahh! Ohhh!

Richard Hayden: Ooh! That will ruin his weekend.

[Tommy has a fake bomb strapped to himself]

Nicole Taylor, Action 8 News: Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.

Ray Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid, or something?

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Ha ha ha, why?

Ray Zalinsky: Truth is, I make car parts for the American working man because I'm a hell of a salesman and he doesn't know any better. Well, son, since you're no longer a shareholder, this is where I leave you. Don't feel bad. This chain of events was set in motion a long time ago, and you and bald-headed friend, you did what you could and that's commendable. Marty, have Security see these boys out.

Marty, Zalinsky's Aide: Yes, sir.

Ray Zalinsky: Mrs. Callahan.

[greets Beverly and Paul; Paul waves "goodbye"]

Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [in shock] What's my family doing in there?