Rasputia Quotes in Norbit (2007)

Teen Attendant: Excuse me ma'am. We have a 300 lb weight limit.

Rasputia: I don't weigh no damn 300 lbs. I weigh 165! How YOU doin'?

[repeated line]

Rasputia: How you doing?

[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit]

Mr. Wong: WHALE HO!

Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?

Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!

Attendant: Excuse me.

Rasputia: What?

Attendant: Are you wearing bottoms?

Rasputia: [Gasps and looks appalled] Of course I'm wearing bottoms!

[lifts up her roll of belly fat covering her bathing suit bottom]

Attendant: [Looks questionably at her] All right.

Rasputia: [laughs when Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story on Deion, a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!

Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!

[Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]

Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.

Children: Daddy!

Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!

Rasputia: Who is that ho?

Ex-Wife #3: Luther? he told me he was gay!

Deion Hughes: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.

Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger!

Deion Hughes: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!

Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro.

Lord Have Mercy: Church!

Rasputia: Then who was eating the turkey ass?

Rasputia: [Rasputia gets into her car with Norbit and her chest keeps pressing the horn] God damm it, Norbit, how many times I got to tell you when you drive my car, don't adjust my seat?

Norbit: I haven't touched your seat.

Rasputia: Then why's it up so damn far?

Norbit: It looks like it's back as far as it goes, Rasputia.

Rasputia: No, you moved it! I can tell! Cuz look, when I inhale, my titty make the horn honk! See, listen!

[horn honks]

Rasputia: See that?

[horn honks again]

Rasputia: That ain't right!

[horn honks again]

Norbit: I hear it.

Rasputia: Uh huh, that scientifically proves that you adjusted my seat!

Norbit: That's not science.

Rasputia: It is and just let it go!

Norbit: It's not science.

Rasputia: I said 'let it go!'

Norbit: I'm just saying...

[Rasputia punches him in the face]

Rasputia: [growls] I said it was science, god damm it!

Rasputia: Go over and get another wine cooler. It's hot as hell out here. Don't you see I'm sweltering?

Norbit: Rasputia, you can't drink wine.

Rasputia: Why the hell not?

Norbit: You're with child.

Rasputia: With child? I ain't with no... Oh. Oh, that was... I had gas. I still got it.

Rasputia: [farts] There's your child. Now go get me something to drink.

Rasputia: [farts again] Twins!

Norbit: Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday...

Rasputia: Say Tuesday again you ain't gonna see Wednesday.

Rasputia: [after Norbit discovers Buster and Rasputia in bed] Norbit, Buster is a guest in our home! How dare you insinuate something like that?

Buster: Yeah, ORBIT! How dare you insinuate something such like that! You know, I am actually offended by your accu-si-sation!

Rasputia: What... the...? What just fell on my car?

Mr. Wong: Not what - who! Who just fell on your car? Ching chong ching chong!

Rasputia: Hell to the no!

Rasputia: [to Norbit as she's grabbing his head] I'm gonna rip your head off.

Big Jack: Rasputia?

Rasputia: What?

Big Jack: Car.

Rasputia: I don't give a damn 'bout no car. I'm ready to die!

Big Jack: [a car approaches head-on towards Big Jack's truck] Car!

[Rasputia let's go of Norbit; Norbit is yelling, sending him down a hill in the woods]

Rasputia: I'm ready to die! I'm ready to die!

Big Jack: I ain't gonna let you ruin Nipplopolis for me boy! Damn!

Rasputia: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die up in here. Drive the car, goddamnit!

[Norbit rides his bike towards the church when he's approached by Big Jack, Earl, and Rasputia]

Rasputia: Where the hell you goin', Norbit?

Norbit: [screams] None of your G.D. beeswax, Rasputia!

Rasputia: Look at you, you old stupid fool. You can't even ride a bike!

Norbit: Oh, yes I can, because Kate TAUGHT ME!

[Rasputia screams and grabs Norbit's neck]

Rasputia: [after seeing Norbit trying to go out, she yells at him] NORBIT!

Norbit: Oh! Rasputia! Good Morning, Rasputia! How are you this morning?

Rasputia: Where the hell you going?

Norbit: Oh, ummmm... I was just going to Raging Waters.

Preacher: [resumes the ceremony] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

Norbit: I object!

[congregation gasps and murmurs]

Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!

Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.

Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!

Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!

Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!

Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.

Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?

Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.

Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?

Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!

Rasputia: [after swearing in church] Oh pray bitch pray

Rasputia: [singing along with the radio] Don't you wish your girlfriend was as hot like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was a FREAK like me?

Rasputia: little miss skinny bitch gon be there?

Norbit: Oh you mean miss ling ling?

Rasputia: Now you know damn well i aint talkin bout no mis lang lang im talkin about mis thang thang from that picnic

Norbit: Miss thing thing from the picnic? i dont really remember her name. Oh wait i think i remember now! It was a ferign name. Something Russian?

Rasputia: Kate bitch!

Norbit: Oh yes Kate. Well you know i dont know if Kates going to be there.

Rasputia: Well im goin.

Norbit: No! I mean you dont like water parks Rasputia

Rasputia: Who dont like water parks i love, except you dont gotta get off the ride to go to the bathroom, how you doin!

Norbit: Great

Rasputia: [singing dontcha in her car] ooh look at the dog eyeballin me.

[turns onto sidewalk and starts chasing dog]

Norbit: Wait Rasputia what are you doin?

Rasputia: Shut up! Ooh i gotcha now puppy i gotcha now!

Norbit: Wait! No No! No!

[Floyd Whimpers]

Rasputia: [Rasputia blurts out an evil laugh] You know what that sound means, Bark! How *you* doin?

Norbit: Fliyd?

Rasputia: What is this Norbit?

Norbit: Some kind of weird, satanic potato art?

Rasputia: Umm umm. Whats this?

Norbit: Looks like the acid we used down at the quarry.

Rasputia: [stomps] Right! And this is miss pretty little things little face. And Norbit if you ever see her again, if you ever talk to her again, if you ever so much as think about the bitch again, this is what's gon happen to her.

[pours acid on potato and potato dissolves]

Rasputia: how YOU doin? Get the picture Norbit?