Rand Quotes in PCU (1994)

Rand: I scheme and plan for MONTHS and it gets screwed up because YOU can't control the students! NEVER send a woman to do a man's job!

President Garcia-Thompson: You cocky, pointy-nosed little Reaganite! If you hadn't provoked them, we wouldn't BE in this mess!

Rand: Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to TALL BITCH! What is your fault? THIS IS!

[turns on Droz]

Rand: Hey, poor boy! Go and have all your parties with all your new friends! I can see it now, Andrews. You and all the knee-jerk, bleeding-heart liberals, sipping tea and playing patty-cake. And those useless hippie pot-heads, those commie-pinko leftists. The bunny huggers, the pillow biters...

Droz: Whoa! Whoa! Which ones are the pillow biters again?

Rand: The BUTT-PIRATES! And those beastly man-haters, tell those chicks to shave their pits then call me! And those goddamn whiny crybaby minorities, you can keep them all!

[Rand realizes that Droz had a microphone close by and that the sign lady has been signing everything he said]

Droz: [to the students] Rand McPherson, everybody. And don't forget the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30 show. Enjoy the veal!

[the students then go after Rand]

Bantam: America's greatest president.

Rand: It's me, Rand. Open up.

Bantam: America's greatest president.

Rand: Damn it. "Who is Ronald Reagan?"

Bantam: A casual shoe for yachting.

Rand: What are you trying to figure out, B.D.? Who could I be? "What is a blucher?"

Bantam: They killed Jesus Christ.

Rand: "Who are the Jews?" Open up, sucko.

Rand: Everyone, I have some good news. First of all...

[looks at Carter]

Rand: You're an idiot, don't you ever make me wait outside the door again!

Connor: [walks up to Rand on the stairs with Topher] What'cha doin'?

Rand: Workin' on a poem.

Topher: Fag.

Rand: Chicks love poetry you dumbass. They think it's romantic. No wonder you never get any.

Topher: [looks at Connor] He's got a point.

Rand: You guys know a word that rhymes with "bonner"?

Rand: My question is, does the chemical make-up between two human mammals make up our personal involvement a moot point?

Sarah McCaulley: Of course, it's all chemical to start with. It's all just signals to communicate with these bodies we live in, but true love is incredible, all consuming.

Rand: No I totally agree with you, all consuming. BUt so is the lust, I mean is it possibly rooted in physiology rather then

[hand quotes]

Rand: our hearts?

Sarah McCaulley: Have you ever been in love?

Rand: No, but I've seen it. My parents totally crazy about each other.

Sarah McCaulley: Then why are you such a cynic?

Rand: Well I've also seen it disappear all together as it were never there at all.

Rand: These are my fat pills actually, I grew up fat. Seriously, my parents they never stopped me from having a second helping of whatever so I kind of blew up from there.

Rand: The doctor diagnosed me with hyperthyroidis, prescribed this drug Syntac. Right after I started taking it, I started feeling like I had more energy, I started swimming and stuff,by Junior year in high school I was pretty much normal.

Sarah McCaulley: I've read somewhere lately that they've been doing a lot of placebo work with thyroid problems?

Rand: This is definitely not a placebo.

Sarah McCaulley: How do you know? Let me guess... you got a feeling?

Rand: That's very funny I didn't know you were a comedian!

Rand: You cold?

Sarah McCaulley: No, what are you feeling? Are you all squishy inside or is this just some phermones thing that's kicking in?

Rand: Well it's obviously your pheromones...

Sarah McCaulley: My pheromones?

Rand: Yeah, your epocrine glads produce most of them. I sense them through smell. Especially when we kiss.

Sarah McCaulley: What else are you feeling?

Rand: Biologically, my ribonasal organ and my hypothalamas are kicking in the hormones right now.

Sarah McCaulley: What hormones?

Rand: Testosterone, big time.

Sarah McCaulley: Okay, shut up now.

[making out]

Rand: Now the neurotransmitters are filling with dopamine. That's the pleasure drug that our body produces. It creates a high, it's addicting.

Sarah McCaulley: [stops kissing] That all you're feeling? Is it anything else to you?

Rand: It's a little hard to tell right now...

Sarah McCaulley: I'm serious.

Rand: I'm serious too.

Sarah McCaulley: What puts us above the level of being animals?

Rand: Our intelligence.

Sarah McCaulley: It's not love? Oh it's not love to you.

Rand: Sarah, I told you what was going on inside me. Is that love? I don't know.

Sarah McCaulley: That's cool Rand. I've got some holes to fill and I'm not sure intelligence is the answer.

Sarah McCaulley: So tell me, why'd that art gallery freak you out so much? You don't have to tell me. Here

[hands him the wood stick]

Rand: What's this? A talking stick? Oh, oh I see. So I can join the generation of emasulated males given permission to talk about their feelings? Sorry, it's a joke.

Johnson: [both ride bikes with a marathon] Hey, Sarah was looking for you last night.

Rand: She was?

Johnson: What's up with you two?

Rand: I'm not sure. It doesn't make an sense.

Johnson: What do you mean? Why do we have to make sense of everything?

Johnson: Yeah it's nice to know when some low pressure system pushes moisture laid in the air over a heated land mass and that we need a fucking umbrella to get to work

Johnson: Hey man, rain used to be with the gods of thunder cried.

Sarah McCaulley: Rand, I'm not using this as an excuse I honestly don't know have the shit I do. Sometimes until it's done.

Sarah McCaulley: It's like I'm on auto-pilot. I land in places I shouldn't.

Rand: You really know how to make a guy feel confident.

Rand: No one will ever live up to what you and Sam had.

Sarah McCaulley: Why?

Rand: I think you're judging people on the wrong scale.

Sarah McCaulley: Why can't it be like that?

Rand: [ponders] ... you're only born perfect?

Sarah McCaulley: ...and it's all downhill from there. Why me Rand?

Rand: What do you mean?

Rand: Why am I not some chemical reaction that will run out on you one day, what makes me special?

Sarah McCaulley: I don't know.

[last lines]

Sarah McCaulley: Morning, sleepyhead.

Rand: I was dreaming of you.

Sarah McCaulley: You were?

Rand: [laughs] Yes, I was singing to you in my dream.

Sarah McCaulley: Singing? What song?

Rand: That Bob Dylan Song? 'Sara'?

Sarah McCaulley: [laughs] I'd love to hear it!

Rand: Oh, no.

Sarah McCaulley: Koy-Koy needs to sing.

Rand: I don't think so.

Sarah McCaulley: Koy-Koy doesn't sing, he doesn't get any Kiki.

Rand: [laughs] I'm not gonna sing.

Sarah McCaulley: Sing!

Rand: [singing] ... Sarah, Sarah, whatever made you change your mind?

Sarah McCaulley, Rand: [Both singing] Sarah, Sarah, so easy to look at, so hard to define.

Rand: [Pointing a gun at Tim] Don't worry, they'll dedicate a ward in the psych department to you, you sick fuck.

Tim: This isn't going to work! You can't shoot me, you morons! It has to look like a suicide!

Chris: [Feigns shock] Oh, fuck! He's right!

[Rand and Chris push Tim off the cliff]