Rafe Guttman Quotes in Bordello of Blood (1996)

Rafe Guttman: You're reminding me why being married to you drove me to the brink of homosexuality.

[talking to a she-vampire]

Rafe Guttman: I'd rather Crazy Glue my dick to the bullet train than fuck you.

Zeke: Step outside!

Rafe Guttman: Sorry, Zeke - I'm just not in the mood for a blowjob.

Rafe Guttman: I feel like I'm in a bad episode of Tales From The Crypt!

[On the phone with his ex-wife]

Rafe Guttman: I gotta go. Fuck you.

[hangs up]

[Zeke's shot knocks a beer onto a girl]

Rafe Guttman: Six pack in the side cleavage!

[Rafe is trying to gain access to the whorehouse, which is disguised as a funeral home]

Rafe Guttman: I'm here for the, um, Cunningham wake.

McCutheon: I'm afraid the wake is closed tonight. Come back tomorrow.

Rafe Guttman: I, uh, really must pay my respects right now.

McCutheon: Then I suggest you come back TOMORROW.

Rafe Guttman: Maybe you don't understand me. I'm feeling excruciatingly SAD.

McCutheon: I'm so sorry.

Rafe Guttman: And if I don't grieve right now - maybe even grieve two or three times - I'm going to go out of my mind, okay?

McCutheon: Then I suggest you go mourn somewhere in private - with a box of tissues!

Rafe Guttman: I'm not going to tell you those aren't the Breasts of the Century, but I'm just not digging the owner, so why don't you put those away; you're just not my type.

Rafe Guttman: Ah, the girls! Let them eat a guy named "Cake."

Tamara: Guess where you just landed, lover?

Rafe Guttman: Larry Flynt's id?

[seeing a televangelist's glitzy chapel]

Rafe Guttman: Nice place, Katherine. Kind of like Superman's dad's place on Krypton.

Rafe Guttman: Sorry Katherine, but that wasn't your brother anymore.

Caleb: Wrong! I'll always be your brother, sis.

Rafe Guttman: Katherine, run from your brother.

[a vampire bursts into flames after being squirted with Holy water]

Rafe Guttman: Cha-Ching!