Rachel Phelps Quotes in Major League (1989)

Board Member 1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.

Charlie Donovan: Most of these guys never had a prime.

Rachel Phelps: The fact is we lost our two best players to free agency. We haven't won a pennant in over thirty-five years, we haven't placed higher than fourth in the last fifteen. Obviously it's time for some changes.

Board Member 2: This guy here is dead!

Rachel Phelps: Cross him off, then!

[a naked Lou Brown tries to take a bath, but the whirlpool is broken]

Lou Brown: I've had it with this nickel and dime stuff! I'm gonna get that bitch on the phone!

Rachel Phelps: [enters the locker room] You wanted to talk to the bitch?

Lou Brown: Yeah!

Rachel Phelps: Don't you think you oughta cover yourself with a towel first, Mr. Brown?

Lou Brown: We're out of towels, and I'm too old to go diving into lockers.

Rachel Phelps: I can take it if you can.

Lou Brown: Oh, this old body could use a soak...

Roger Dorn: Yeah, but you won't like it too much,'cuase it ain't working again.

Lou Brown: Dammit, I thought that they were gonna replace this thing!

Eddie Harris: [Coming in] Hey! there's no hot water in here!

Lou Brown: I've had it with this nickel and dime stuff! I want that bitch on the phone!

Rachel Phelps: [Coming in] You wanna talk to the bitch?

Lou Brown: Yeah.

Rachel Phelps: Shouldn't you cover yourself up with a towel, Mr. Brown?

Lou Brown: We're out of towels. And I'm too old to go diving into lockers.

Rachel Phelps: I can take it if you can.

Lou Brown: What happened to the new whirlpool we were supposed to get?

Rachel Phelps: Our budget has forced us to cut back on equipment.

Rachel Phelps: [Knocks on Vaughn's athletic cup]

Rachel Phelps: ooh, cups still work though. Guess you're gonna have to fix the old whirlpool.

Lou Brown: We've fixed it six times already! Now there's no hot water in the shower!

Rachel Phelps: The pipes in this building are old and rusty.

Lou Brown: How am I supposed to take care of my players with no hot water and no therapy equipment?

Rachel Phelps: Your players have to get a little tougher. What are they a bunch of pansies?

[while holding a pair of leopard briefs]

Rachel Phelps: [the rest of the team makes an obscene gesture behind her back]

Lou Brown: Over 162 games and even tough guys get strains... Sore arms... Muscle pulls...

Rachel Phelps: It's only temporary. If I can get anybody to watch this team none of this would be necessary.

Rachel Phelps: [walking out]

Rachel Phelps: You're lucky I can still afford to pay your salary.

Rachel Phelps: I think he'll fit right in with our team concept.

Charlie Donovan: That reminds me, I was going to ask you. What exactly *is* our team concept?

Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.

Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.

Rachel Phelps: [Charlie and Rachel are having a meeting about the team] Any ideas?

Charlie Donovan: On how we can get worse?

Rachel Phelps: Mmmmm...

Charlie Donovan: How about a series of fines for good play? Maybe a $30,000 bonus to the guy voted Least Valuable Player.

Rachel Phelps: Maybe the problem is... we're coddling these guys too much. Yeah!

[first lines]

Rachel Phelps: Good morning, gentlemen, and welcome to another season of Indians baseball.

Lou Brown: What happened to the new whirlpool we're supposed to get?

Rachel Phelps: We're having a few problems that have forced us to cut back on equipment.

[taps Vaughn's cup]

Rachel Phelps: Ooh! Cups still work, though. We simply have to fix the old whirlpool.

Lou Brown: Yep, that's 6 times already. Now there is no hot water in the shower.

Rachel Phelps: The pipes in this building are old and rusty.

[repeated line]

Rachel Phelps: Sit down, Charlie.

[first lines]

Harry Doyle: Hello everybody. Harry Doyle here, welcoming all you Wahoo maniacs to the year's first session of Tribe Talk. As you know, the Indians had a Cinderella season last year. Despite the fact that *toxic* owner Rachel Phelps wanted the team to lose so she could move it to Florida, the Indians won the American League East for the first time since divisional play began. Rachel's gone now, thank God, having sold the team to retired Indian third baseman Roger Dorn, after a long, hard fought series of negotiations.

[flashback to negotiations]

Roger Dorn: Mmmight be willing to go as high as a hundred.

Rachel Phelps: 120.

Roger Dorn: 120? Rachel, you just started at 110!

Rachel Phelps: 130!

Roger Dorn: Rachel, this isn't fair!

Rachel Phelps: 140!

Roger Dorn: [desperately begging] 130!

Rachel Phelps: 150!

Roger Dorn: [immediately gives in] We'll take it!

Rachel Phelps: Oooh, you're good Dorn.

Harry Doyle: [scene returns to radio show] Even with Dorn in the owner's box, the Indians are solid favorites to repeat in the East, and to go all the way to the World Series. And why not? Look at the lineup we have coming back. First of all, the Cuban Crusher, the voodoo man with a bad attitude, Pedro Cerrano. Even though his training methods were a little unusual, Pedro finished in the top five in homers, RBI's, slugging percentage and total baldness. Also back is centerfielder Willie May Hayes, who came out of nowhere to lead the league in great catches and stolen bases. We're told he starred in an action movie during the offseason, where he not only did his own stunts, but even his own acting. And don't forget about catcher and team leader Jake Taylor. Despite chronic knee problems he had a fine season, and beat out the bunt that drove in the run that won the division title. And finally one of the brightest young stars in the game today, Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn. Vaughn began the season in the uniform of the California Penal League and had some control problems early on. But with the help of a pair of black hornrims, he went on to set a Major League record for strikeouts in a season by an ex-carcy. All in all, things couldn't be looking better for the Tribe.