Rachel Jansen Quotes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Rachel Jansen: [on the phone] Peter

Peter Bretter: Sarah?

Rachel Jansen: No, Rachel Jansen from the front desk whats going on up there, we're getting calls about a woman crying hysterically

Peter Bretter: Yeah, y'know,I hear it too, it sounds like she's having a tough time, I think its coming from the floor above me

Rachel Jansen: You're on the top floor.

Peter Bretter: I'll try to keep it down.

Aldous Snow: Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...

Peter Bretter: I told her that when she read the script

Aldous Snow: Yeah, you were the voice of reason, mate.

Peter Bretter: I tried to be, but she didn't listen.

Aldous Snow: Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders.

Peter Bretter: Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?

Aldous Snow: Right. That's it. The battle's over.

Peter Bretter: Yeah, we've won.

Aldous Snow: I hated it.

Sarah Marshall: Well, it's not for everyone, but it...

Peter Bretter: No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?

[Peter feigns death]

Aldous Snow: Right. I could never happen.

Sarah Marshall: It's a metaphor for addiction to technology.

Rachel Jansen: For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you.

Aldous Snow: It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

Dwayne the Bartender: I don't understand what there is to think about.

Rachel Jansen: Because, Dee... he...

Dwayne the Bartender: She licked the tip. That doesn't count.

Rachel Jansen: Of course it counts, he...

Dwayne the Bartender: He what? He refused a blow job from his ex-girlfriend mid blow job. Do you know what that's like for a man? It's called blue balls, Rachel. This guy's like Gandhi, but better; he likes puppets. I love puppets. I love Fraggle Rock. I love Lamb Chop. I love Elmo, Sesame Street, Burt and Ernie, Snuffleupagus? Fucks my shit UP.

Peter Bretter: Is she coming this way?

Rachel Jansen: Yep.

Peter Bretter: I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.

Rachel Jansen: Oh, come on, Peter. I can see your vagina from here!

Rachel Jansen: I can see your hoohah!

Rachel Jansen: [about his rock opera] Why Dracula?

Peter Bretter: Because he's a man like anyone else. He just wants to be loved. And every time he gets close to a human woman, he ends up smothering and killing her, which is a feeling I am familiar with.

Rachel Jansen: Why don't you press your feet up against the rock, and like shoot yourself off.

Peter Bretter: What, like a frog?

Rachel Jansen: I don't know Peter, just get off the fucking rock!

Peter Bretter: I love Hawaii.

Sarah Marshall: Yeah, it's nice, but I think for like a week, tops. Any more than that and I know that I'd go crazy, because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world.

Rachel Jansen: Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it's such a hard life.

Peter Bretter: [Trying to upstage Sarah] I'm not done yet!

Rachel Jansen: Shut up!

Peter Bretter: Okay.

Peter Bretter: [whispers] Are you sleeping?

Rachel Jansen: Not anymore.

Peter Bretter: I really enjoyed spending time with you

Rachel Jansen: Me too.

Rachel Jansen: You've got that magic newlywed dust all over you.

Rachel Jansen: I thought I told you to stay on your island!

Ray: The deal was off April 9th.

Rachel Jansen: Well the deal's back on!

Ray: You think you're the chief of this island! I'm the chief of this island!

Peter Bretter: I know his friend, let me handle it

Rachel Jansen: Fine.

Peter Bretter: Hey man you remember me?

Helpful Hawaiian Waiter: The cocktail guy

[He punches Peter]

Kemo: Ray what are you doing here?

[Ray backhands him, Kemo backhands him back]