Puss in Boots Quotes in Puss in Boots (2011)

[from trailer]

Jack: I hate cats!

Puss in Boots: That's not what your mama said!

Ohhh Cat: Ooooooohhhhhh!

Puss in Boots: You have made the cat angry. You do not want to make the cat angry!

[from trailer]

[Puss jumps over a steeple, the tip scraping his tail]

Puss in Boots: [shaken] Holy frijoles...

[from trailer]

Jill: [dangles Puss over a canyon] Is it true a cat always lands on its feet?

Puss in Boots: No! That is just a rumour, spread by dogs!

[a man begins to strip to show Puss a tattoo of the golden eggs]

Puss in Boots: NO! Please, you have... shown enough.

Puss in Boots: Kitty? You are not as good as they say. You are better!

Puss in Boots: I will see you again, Kitty Softpaws!

Kitty Softpaws: Sooner than you think.

[Puss realizes that Kitty has his boots]

Puss in Boots: She is a bad kitty.

[from trailer]

[Puss in Boots removes his hat, cloak and sword]

Puss in Boots: All that I need, are the boots!

[from trailer]

Puss in Boots: My name would become legend...

[from trailer]

Puss in Boots: Fear me, if you dare!

[from trailer]

Puss in Boots: My thirst for adventure will never be quenched!

Puss in Boots: How *dare* you do the Litter Box at me?

Raoul: [taking an inventory of Puss in Boots' items before placing him in jail] ... one bottle of catnip!

Puss in Boots: It's for my glaucoma.

Kitty Softpaws: [In a calm voice] You owe me.

Puss in Boots: I owe you?

Kitty Softpaws: [starts to flirt with Puss] Uh-huh. You hit me in the head with a guitar.

Puss in Boots: I, uh, regret the guitar.

Kitty Softpaws: Okay, I forgive you.

[Of Humpty Dumpty]

Puss in Boots: I always knew you were good inside.

Humpty Dumpty: I'm not a person. I'm not a bird. I'm not even a food. I don't know what I am.

Puss in Boots: You are what you have always been: my brother.

Puss in Boots: Don't make the cat angry...

Crazy Woman: [beats up Puss] Chupacabra! Chupacabra! Chupacabra!

Puss in Boots: You are a crazy woman!

Humpty Dumpty: [hanging from a rope] You can't save us both!

Puss in Boots: Yes, I can!

Humpty Dumpty: Puss, you have to save the baby or the mother will kill everyone in San Ricardo.

Puss in Boots: I will not let you go!

Humpty Dumpty: I know you won't. I won't let you choose.

[lets go]

Shrek: Quick, tell a lie!

Pinocchio: What should I say?

Donkey: Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear!"

Pinocchio: I'm wearing ladies underwear.

Pinocchio: [silence]

Shrek: Are you?

Pinocchio: I most certainly am not!

Pinocchio: [nose extends]

Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are!

Pinocchio: I am not!

Pinocchio: [nose extends]

Puss-in-Boots: What kind?

Gingerbread Man: IT'S A THONG!

[after drinking a beauty potion]

Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different?

Puss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me.

Puss-in-Boots: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.

Shrek: Join the club. We got jackets.

Donkey: What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!

Shrek: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

Puss-in-Boots: [camera shows just Puss] I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.

Gingerbread Man: Shrek? Donkey?

Puss-in-Boots: [looks up to see fairy tale creatures above him] Too late.

Captain of the Guards: Catnip...

Puss-in-Boots: That's, uh, not mine...

Donkey: I mean, how good looking could this Prince Charming guy be anyway?

The Ugly Stepsister: Are you kiddin'? He's gorgeous! His face looks like it was carved by angels.

Puss-in-Boots: Hmmm... he sounds dreamy.

Puss-in-Boots: I hate Mondays.

Puss-in-Boots: [trying to convince Shrek not to neuter him] Please, no, por favor, por favor, please no, I implore you. I was doing it for my family! My mother she's sick and my father he lives off the garbage. The king offered me much money and I have a little brother...

Donkey: Pray for mercy, from Puss!

Puss-in-Boots: And Donkey!

[after Shrek, Donkey and Puss stumble upon a factory with multi-colored smokestacks]

Donkey: Oh, no! That's the old Keebler's place! Let's just walk away slowly.

Puss-in-Boots: That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She is the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom.

Shrek: So why don't we drop in for a spell? Ha, ha! Spell!

Puss-in-Boots: Pray for mercy from Puss... in boots.

Puss-in-Boots: Ah-ha-ha!...

[cough - hack - cough]

Puss-in-Boots: He he... Hairball.

Donkey: Oh, that is nasty!

Puss-in-Boots: Fear me, if you dare.

[the king enters Puss' room; it is dark, and only Puss' eyes and boots are visible]

Puss-in-Boots: Who dares enter my room?

King: Sorry - I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I was told that you are the one to handle an ogre problem.

Puss-in-Boots: You are told correct, but for this I charge a great deal of money.

King: Will this do?

[the king throws a bag full of money on the table; Puss opens it with his sword]

Puss-in-Boots: You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre.

Shrek: Puss, do you think you could get up there?

Puss-in-Boots: No prolema, boss - in one of my nine cat lives I was the great cat burglar Santiago de Compostela!

Blind Mouse: [muffled] Pardon me. Would you mind letting me go?

Shrek: What? Puss!

Puss-in-Boots: [spits Blind Mouse out] Sorry, boss.

[Puss is watching Shrek and Fiona]

Puss-in-Boots: Whatever happens... I must not cry. You cannot make me cry...

[breaks down sobbing]

Princess Fiona: Shrek?

Puss-in-Boots: For you, baby, I could be.

Puss-in-Boots: Today, I repay my debt...

[soldiers surround Puss as he slowly draws his weapon]

Puss-in-Boots: EN GARDE!

[Donkey collapses in a dead faint]

Puss-in-Boots: Hey, boss. Let's shave him.

Puss-in-Boots: [gets a look from Shrek and Donkey after agreeing Shrek should be a Prince Charming] Sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.

Puss-in-Boots: [to Shrek] I too was concocting this very same plan, already our minds are becoming one!

Puss-in-Boots: Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?

Shrek: Fiona's father paid you to do this?

Puss-in-Boots: The rich king? Sí.

Donkey: Man, you are a cat-tastrophe.

Puss in Boots: And you, are ri-donk-ulous.

[Both laugh]

Puss in Boots: Feed me, if you dare.

Shrek: [upon seeing the obese Puss] Puss, what happened to you? You got so fa...

[Puss gives a stinky look]

Shrek: fa... ncy!

Puss in Boots: Do I know you?

Shrek: Where's your hat? Where's your belt? Your wee little boots?

Puss in Boots: Boots? For a cat? Ha!

Shrek: But you're Puss in Boots.

Puss in Boots: Maybe once. But that is a name I have outgrown.

Shrek: That's not the only thing you've outgrown.

Puss in Boots: Hey! I may have let myself go a little since my retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life. I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase.

[a mouse runs up and drinks from Puss' bowl]

Puss in Boots: Eh. I'll get him later.

Shrek: I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happened?

Puss in Boots: Allow me to explain. When a man falls in love with a woman, he is overcome with powerful urges...

Shrek: I know how it happened! I just can't believe it.

Donkey: [to Puss] How does it happen?

Puss in Boots: [after switching bodies with Donkey] Ye haw.

Donkey: Oh, you'll learn to control that!

[Snickers]

Puss in Boots: How can you be a reciever of the wedgies, when you are clearly not a wearer of the underpants?

Donkey: Let's just say some things are better left unsaid.

Puss in Boots: If he were real, could I do this?

[Digs claws into Shrek's leg, Shrek tries to hold in his pain]

Shrek: Ah! Oww!

Donkey: Or this?

[Kicks Shrek's other leg, Shrek moans]

Shrek: If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful.

Donkey: Now watch this!

Shrek: [Restrains Donkey and Puss] That's quite enough, boys!

Puss in Boots: [after Shrek throws Donkey out the door] Some people just don't understand boundaries.

[Shrek then throws Puss out. Puss does his cat screech, then the eyes]

Donkey: [Donkey and Puss in Boots have switched bodies] I've been abra-cadabra'd into a Fancy Feasting second-rate sidekick!

Puss in Boots: At least you don't look like a bloated roadside piñata. You really need to go on a diet.

Donkey: And you really need to get yourself a pair of pants! I feel all exposed and nasty!

Puss in Boots: [Puss says to Shrek as the ship leaves] Well my friend, you are royally...

[loud horn blast]

Puss in Boots: [talking to a female kitten] It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life.

Female kitty cat: Meeaow.

Puss in Boots: [to several kitty cats] As are you... And, uh, you... And, oops, you... And I... err... I don't know you but I'd like to.

A bunch of female kitty cats: Meeaow.

Puss in Boots: I gotta go!

Puss in Boots: The Frog King is dead.

Puss in Boots: I don't know you, but I'd like to.

Artie: Did you say you were looking for Arthur?

Puss in Boots: That information is on a need to know basis.

Donkey: It's top secret. Hushity-hush.