Professor Keenbean Quotes in Ri¢hie Ri¢h (1994)

Professor Keenbean: [spraying his latest invention on a test dummy] Now, THIS makes any fabric instantly impervious. Dirt proof, stain proof, water proof, and...

[calls out assistant with a gun]

Professor Keenbean: Sherman!

[Sherman nods, as they go behind the glass wall behind, Sherman fires at the dummy who remains unharmed. As they reenter, Keenbean picks out a bullet that is still hot]

Professor Keenbean: Ouch! And bullet proof! It's still not perfected yet! It's hell on the dry-cleaning bill.

Richie Rich: No kidding.

Professor Keenbean: Hey! Need a new bed pan? I know I do!

Professor Keenbean: [introducing his latest invention] This baby is the ultimate corrosive. I call it - DON'T TOUCH IT! - I call it "hydrochloricdioxynucleocarbonium". Well, the name needs work. But it'll eat through a Buick! OR -...

Richie Rich: Prison bars.

Professor Keenbean: Exactly.

Professor Keenbean: [taped to a chair] AAAH!

[Ferguson rams Keenbean into wall and starts choking him]

Van Dough: [eating Keenbean's sandwich] Come on, Professor, play nice. You think I'm enjoying this?

Professor Keenbean: [gagging] Yesss.

Professor Keenbean: [while biting into a large deli meat roll] My inventions!

Professor Keenbean: Here in the basement of the Rich Manor, future stockholders are looking at the 21st century answer to the problem of waste management. Professor Keenbean here, with Rich Industry's latest breakthrough: the Sub-Atomic Molecular Re-Organizer!

[behind him, two tandem hopper cages full of garbage slowly advance towards a huge machine]

Professor Keenbean: Useless garbage is broken down into its basic molecular components, which are then recombined to form a whole range of useful new products, from bedpans to bowling balls! Hey, need a new bedpan? I know I do!

[types "bedpan" into a computer]

Professor Keenbean: It's quick, it's easy, and in no time at all... you've taken 50 lbs of yesterday's garbage and transformed it into a beautiful new bed... bowling ball!

[the machine begins ejecting bowling balls, one after another]