Professor Jules Hilbert Quotes in Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

Professor Jules Hilbert: No, why did you change the book?

Kay Eiffel: Lots of reasons. I realized I just couldn't do it.

Professor Jules Hilbert: Because he's real?

Kay Eiffel: Because it's a book about a man who doesn't know he's about to die and then dies. But if the man does know he's going to die and dies anyway, dies willingly, knowing he could stop it, then... I mean, isn't that the type of man you want to keep alive?

Harold Crick: Ten seconds ago you said you wouldn't help me.

Professor Jules Hilbert: It's been a very revealing ten seconds, Harold.

Professor Jules Hilbert: Aren't you relieved to know you're not a Golem?

Harold Crick: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a Golem.

Professor Jules Hilbert: Good.

[silence]

Professor Jules Hilbert: [sighs] Do you have magical powers?

Harold Crick: [crying] You're asking me to knowingly face my death?

Professor Jules Hilbert: Yes.

Harold Crick: Really?

Professor Jules Hilbert: Yes.

Professor Jules Hilbert: No one wants to die, Harold, but unfortunately we do. Harold, you will die someday, sometime. Heart failure at the bank. Choke on a mint. Some long, drawn-out disease you contracted on vacation. You will die. You will absolutely die. Even if you avoid this death, another will find you and I guarantee that it won't be nearly as poetic or meaningful as what she's written.

Professor Jules Hilbert: [walking to pool] Some plots are moved forward by external events and crises. Others are moved forward by the characters themselves. If I go through that door, the plot continues. The story of me through the door. If I stay here the plot can't move forward, the story ends. Also if I stay here, I'm late.

Harold Crick: You have to understand that this isn't a philosophy or a literary theory or a story to me. It's my life.

Professor Jules Hilbert: Absolutely. So just go make it the one you've always wanted.

Professor Jules Hilbert: The last thing to determine conclusively is whether you're in a comedy or a tragedy.To quote Italo Calvino, "The ultimate meaning to which all stories refer has two faces: the continuity of life, the inevitability of death." Tragedy, you die. Comedy, you get hitched.

Harold Crick: What do these questions have to do with anything?

Professor Jules Hilbert: Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's monster, or a golem. Hmm? Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?

Harold Crick: Yes, I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.

Professor Jules Hilbert: You dislike your work?

Harold Crick: Yes.

Professor Jules Hilbert: Well, not the most insightful voice in the world, is it? First thing on the list of what Americans say they hate: work; second, traffic; third, missing socks. See what I'm saying?

Professor Jules Hilbert: Meeting an insurance agent the day your policy runs out is coincidence. Getting a letter from the emperor saying he's visiting is plot. Having your apartment eaten by a wrecking ball... is something else entirely. Harold, you don't control your fate.