Professor Fate Quotes in The Great Race (1965)

[repeated line]

Professor Fate: Push the button, Max!

Professor Fate: Leslie escaped?

General: With a small friar.

Professor Fate: Leslie escaped with a chicken?

Professor Fate: What's next?

Max: Car number five, the engine falls out!

Professor Fate: Car number five! Ha ha ha ha!... Er, Max, we're number five.

Max: Rise and shine, Professor.

Professor Fate: You rise! You shine!

Cowboy: He's lucky Texas Jack ain't around... he'd gun that dude for sure!

Professor Fate: Pardon me, Mr. Pahd-nuh, who is this Texas Jack?

Cowboy: WHO'S TEXAS JACK?

Professor Fate: Who?

Cowboy: The roughest, toughest gunslinger in these parts... Lilly's his girl!

Professor Fate: Whoo, hoo, hoo... Lilly's his girl.

Max: Terrific...

Professor Fate: [having beaten Leslie] I am king! I am THE King!

[sees Leslie and Maggie kissing]

Professor Fate: No, I'm not!

Max: What?

Professor Fate: I didn't beat him, he let me win! I can't win this way! I can only win one way, MY way! He let me win!

[angrily climbs on Leslie's car]

Professor Fate: You cheated! Cheated! I hate you! I refuse to accept! I won't win any way but my way! You've ruined my reputation, do you hear? You I hate! You and your hair that's always combed, your suit that's always white, your car that's always clean! I refuse to accept! I challenge you to another race!

Leslie: Get off my hood!

[crowd cheers]

Professor Fate: Another race!

Professor Fate: What is the word for "friends"?

Maggie DuBois: Professor...

Professor Fate: Shut up!

Max: I don't know the language.

Professor Fate: Well, get the dictionary!

Max: Dictionary. Right.

[Max flips through the pages]

Max: I got it, I got it.

Professor Fate: What is it, what is it?

Max: [frowns] I can't pronounce it.

[Fate grabs the dictionary]

Professor Fate: Very simple. Dru... Druz...

Maggie DuBois: Druzya.

Professor Fate: Druzya...

[Fate and Max stare at Maggie]

Maggie DuBois: I speak, read, and write French... Russian... and Arabic.

[On a melting iceberg]

Max: We gotta do something.

Professor Fate: Oh, don't worry. Before this iceberg melts and we drown like rats, we're going to do plenty.

Max: Yeah? What?

Professor Fate: We're gonna starve!

Max: Red sky. Gonna be a storm.

Professor Fate: What are you babbling about?

Max: Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning.

Professor Fate: Why, you simple-headed gherkin, do you know the chances of a storm in this part of the world at this time of the year?

Max: No, what?

Professor Fate: Hundred to one.

[a great thunderclap; it begins to pour rain]

Max: Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning!

Professor Fate: Why you idiot!

Professor Fate: She's his Achilles heel, she's our ace in the hole - she must not be left behind!

Professor Fate: The eternal struggle takes time, Max.

Professor Fate: [after a disaterously failed stunt] I'd like to see the great Leslie try THAT!

Professor Fate: What'd I tell you? I said she'd win the race for us, the bubble-headed vixen!

[repeated line]

Professor Fate: [shouts] Maaaax!

[Fate's car is met by a group of austere villagers]

Max: You give 'em beads, that makes 'em friendly.

Professor Fate: Obviously, they don't know who I am.

[Fate stands up]

Professor Fate: I AM PROFESSOR FATE!

[the crowd is silent. Fate slinks back into his seat]

Max: Wanna try the beads?

Professor Fate: Sh-sh-sh-sh-shut up!

Professor Fate: The world is mine!

Max: The world is ours!

Max: [stumbling about in a blinding snowstorm] Professor, where are you?

Professor Fate: Behind the rock!

Max: Behind which rock?

[trips over Professor Fate]

Professor Fate: This rock, you idiot!

Professor Fate: Thieves, brigands and cut-throats of all nations may hound us... but we are ready for them... we shall blast them into Kingdom Come.

Professor Fate: [after another failed stunt] Well, there's another one Leslie can try on for size!

Professor Fate: [inside Leslie's car with Max] My apologies, there's a polar bear in our car.

Leslie: If you don't leave this car immediately, I shall personally feed you to the bear!