Prof. Robert O. Sutwell Quotes in Beach Party (1963)

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Marianne, this book will be my triumph.

Marianne: And you'll never get it though the mail. But hang on to the picture rights, I'm sure American International will snap it up in a minute.

Cappy: Just one thing, Professor, will you level with me? What's with the feather duster? The beard? You think it moves the chicks?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: No, it usually works the other way.

Cappy: I don't dig. You don't want to level with me?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: All right, I'll level with you. When I first started out at Harvard, I was the youngest professor at the university. I was so young that it was sickening. No one took me seriously. Every time when I opened my mouth to speak, my students laughed, the other professors laughed, even the janitors laughted. Well, I knew it couldn't go on for long before I would be fired by the dean who did not want a professor that his students didn't take seriously. So one day at lunch, I sat down in the student cafeteria and presented my problem to this old professor friend of mine. And without even glancing up from his soup, he said to me: "buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard." So you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor windowdressing.

Cappy: Amazing how our lives parallel. You have that, and I have this.

[points to the goatee on his chin]

Cappy: You know why I grew this? I got a dimple in my chin and I didn't want anyone mistaking me for Kirk Douglas.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas.

Cappy: See? It works.

Frankie: I want to talk to you about Delores. I'm Frankie.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Oh, hi, Frankie. I'm...

Frankie: I know who you are.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You do?

Frankie: You're the guy that's been cutting in on my time!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: No, please, just a moment I...

Frankie: You're brainwashing her with your beard!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Brainwashing her with my beard?

Frankie: Why else would she be crazy about someone like you?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Now that, I resent.

Frankie: I mean, you're an old man.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Now just a second. If you're so crazy about Dolores, why are you running around flirting with that Hungarian goulash?

Frankie: Because she's my girl.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Who? Goulash?

Frankie: No, Dolores!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Oh, I see now, yes! You're trying to make her jealous. Put her down. Typical Aborigine attitude. I suppose you'd like to drag her off on your surfboard by the roots of her hair.

Frankie: Yes, I would! I love her. Look, I know how you can love her too because she's lovable. But I'm telling you this: I am not gonna let any over aged fuzzy-face take away my girl! Not, if I have anything to do with it, and believe me Mister, I do! By the way, how are you fixed for blades?

Eric Von Zipper: Ah, Professor?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes, Mr. Von Zipper?

Eric Von Zipper: I wonder if we could talk for a minute?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You mean like palaver?

Eric Von Zipper: We could do that, too.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: [flying DeeDee in his plane] Dolores, this is a great little plane, it will do anything.

Dolores: Will it land?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: [helping DeeDee out of the plane] Will I see you tomorrow?

Dolores: Only if they allow me visitors.

Eric Von Zipper: Look, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!

J.D.: That's right, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Who are you?

J.D.: J.D.

Eric Von Zipper: That's short for "Juvenile Delinquent."