Prison guard Quotes in The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Prison guard: [after accidentally throwing Dorleac off the cliff together with a supposedly dead body] We could have handled that a bit better.

[first lines]

Prison Guard: Turn around.

Ray Bradstone: Let me ask you some somethin, what's a guy fresh out of prison usually do first?

Prison Guard: Usually something stupid.

Ray Bradstone: Not this time my friend.

Prison Guard: I'll keep a light on for you.

Prison Guard: [First lines] Okay, Dolemite, the warden wants to see you.

Dolemite: Oh, shit. What the hell does that rat-soup-eatin' motherfucker want with me?

Prison Guard: Lunch time. The longer you wait the colder your lunch will get. Come on. Hey you turkey!

[the prison gaurd proceeds to Jake Frateli's cell where he finds him hanging from his cell wall with a note pinned to his shirt. Reading]

Prison Guard: You schmuck! Did you really think that I would be stupid enough to kill myself?

[Jake knocks out the prison gaurd]

[first lines]

Prison Guard: Lunchtime! The longer you animals bark, the colder your lunch gets. Come on, move it out. You too, down there! Hey, turkey!

Prison Guard: Hey! Those are the guys that stole our uniforms!

Prison Guard: They beat the shit out of us too!

Prison Guard: Yeah, can't you read? No parking!

Prison Guard: Hey, you can't park here!

Prison Guard: Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy: What?

Prison Guard: Your lawyer is here to see you.

Miss Piggy: Lawyer? I don't have a lawyer.

Prison Guard: Och, sure you do. Little green guy.

Miss Piggy: [short intake of breath] Kermie. Oh. No wonder he hasn't come by to see me. He had to finish law school.

Prison Guard: TWO MINUTES, PIG!

Prison Guard: This bird is guilty, Miss. Take my advice and keep out of it.

[last lines]

Prison Guard: Check your property. Sign, please.

Prison Guard: Welcome to Alcatraz.

Prison Guard: Is something burning?

Frank Morris: What? I don't smell nothing.

Prison Guard: It must be my imagination. Working nights really gets to you.

Frank Morris: You should try it from my side.

Wolf: When I get out, you're dead!

Prison Guard: You might be dead before you get out.

Prison Guard: [to Frank] Warden wants to see you.

Prison Guard: D-Block, Morris!

Frank Morris: But he came at me!

Prison Guard: I said, D-Block!

Prison Guard: Your painting privileges have been removed.

Doc: Why?

Prison Guard: I don't know.

Prison Guard: Do you like the Hole Wolf? Because you are going to rot in there for a long time.

Perry: When you hit the end of the rope... your muscles lose control. I'm afraid I'll mess myself.

Prison Guard: It's nothing to be ashamed of. They all do it.

[last lines]

Jack Abramoff: [on prison typewriter] I know it's a moonshot, but writing the letter to a former president who understands very well how the game is played, I hope you might see my point of view, and consider making an appeal to the right Democrats, who might find it useful to help me, so in turn, I can help all of you.

Prison Guard: Time's up Jack.

Jack Abramoff: Why? Because my name is Jack Abramoff, and I work out every day.

Jimmy Dworski: Half a day. Just a half a day. I'll make it up when I come back. I'll give you 2 weeks.

Warden Toolman: [Shakes head no as if struggling with the decision]

Jimmy Dworski: OK OK I'll give you 2 weeks solitary.

Warden Toolman: [Nods yes] No can do.

Jimmy Dworski: Aw, COME ON! Lighten up, will ya? This game is SO important to me. It REALLY is. Come on this is just a minimum security prison, for Christ's sake!

[Warden and guard look up as if offended]

Jimmy Dworski: I mean a MAXIMUM minimum security prison - it's a tough prison, though.

Warden Toolman: Take away his TV priveleges.

Jimmy Dworski: Aw, COME ON! You can't take away my TV! I GOTTA watch the game. Come on - please don't be an asshole, all right?

Warden Toolman: Did you call me an asshole?

Jimmy Dworski: [to guard] Did I say "asshole"? I didn't call him an asshole, did I?

Prison Guard: Yep.

Warden Toolman: Take away everyone's TV priveleges, and let them know whose fault it is. NO ONE is gonna watch the game!

Jimmy Dworski: No - you can't... You can't!

Warden Toolman: NO ONE!

Jimmy Dworski: I didn't mean to call you an asshole - that's not what I meant! I meant assWIPE! You're an assWIPE!

[to guards]

Jimmy Dworski: And you - you LOOK like an asshole! And you look like another asshole!

Prison Guard: [to Harry] Now move along, before I arrest you and the bird.

[first lines]

Tommy: [to Christy's picture] I can't believe you died.

Prison Guard: Zelda, time to go.

Prisoner Question Machine: Please an-swer yes or no: Do you have a-ny chil-dren?

[the men press their buttons, but the Professor looks puzzled]

Prisoner Question Machine: Someone hasn't pressed his but-ton! Someone hasn't pressed his but-ton!

Prison Guard: What's the idea here, buddy?

Fred the Professor: These machines are silly!

Prison Guard: What's the big deal? You just press "yes" or "no".

Fred the Professor: Yes, but suppose my answer is "maybe"...

Oliver: We're not going to the mess hall. We're not going to eat.

Prison Guard: You're not going to eat?

Stanley: No, we're on a hunger strike.

Oliver: Imfatically.

Prison Guard: What? You're going to pass up that nice, big roast turkey with chestnut dressing, and sweet potatoes Southern style, great big pans of hot biscuits, strawberry shortcake smothered in whipped cream, sprinkled with powdered sugar, with a nice, big maraschino cherry on the top of it. Course, followed by a nice, big slice of ice cold watermelon and a big, black cigar.

Stanley: Any nuts?

Prison Guard: All you can eat of 'em.

Stanley: How about postponing the strike until tomorrow?

Oliver: Well... But not one minute after tomorrow.

Prison Guard: Come on, fall in!

Stanley: [later; Stan sees their meal of gruel] Hey! What about that turkey dinner?

Prison Guard: [shouts] Sit down, you!

Warden: [seeing Stan and Ollie for the first time]

[sadly]

Warden: My, my, and still they come. Let us begin with a perfect understanding. I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here. Keep one thing in mind, it all depends on you yourselves just how you're going to fare during your stay here. Never forget that this is a prison, and in a prison, all the rules must be obeyed. Discipline is the one thing that must be observed. If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay. If you're not, if you break the rules, then it will be just plain hell on Earth. Do you understand?

Stanley: Yes, sir.

[tooth buzzes]

Warden: [begins to go ballistic] Wha...!

Oliver: It was his tooth...

Warden: [shouts] Shut up, you! Put them in cell 14!

Prison Guard: But not in with The Tiger, sir.

Warden: [shouts] Put them in Cell 14! Get them out of here before I lose my temper!! Talking to the warden like that! A fine piece business. Convicts talking to the warden.

[shouts]

Warden: Why, I'll take those men, I'll break them! I'll put them in Cell 14. I don't care who's in there! What I'll do with them.

Stanley: [after getting their prison pictures taken] If they turn out good, can I have one?

Prison Guard: Come on, get out of here!

Prison Guard: Clowning, eh?

Prison Guard: We captured the Tiger and his gang. We got them right away. We caught them down by the old... quarry. And we took them without a shot. But, well, it's those two new fish. They got away. We lost sight of them. Why, they disappeared as if the earth had completely swallowed them.

Warden: Don't worry about those two babes in the woods. Use the bloodhounds. Those hounds never fail. Why they'll trail them so straight, it will be a cinch. Those hounds are ferocious. They're killers! Ha ha ha ha, I'd like to see their faces when they see those hounds. Now hop to it.

Prison Guard: [placing the boys in solitary confinement] This is your suite.

Stanley: Have you got the time?

[Stan is shoved inside the hole and the door is locked]

Stanley: Ollie?

Oliver: What?

Stanley: I wonder how long we're going to be in here.

Oliver: Oh, about two months I guess.

Stanley: Gee, that's a month apiece.

Prison Guard: What about your books?

Max Cady: Already read 'em.

Prison guard: Tell me something sister, what is nun doing in a place like this. Shouldn't you be teaching children? Didn't you know what this man has done? How he killed them kids?

Sister Helen Prejean: What he was involved with was evil. I don't condone it. I just don't see the sense of killing people to say that killing people's wrong.

Prison guard: You know what the Bible say, 'An eye for an eye'.

Sister Helen Prejean: You know what else the Bible ask for death as a punishment? For adultery, prostitution, homosexuality, trespass upon sacred grounds, profane in a sabbath and contempt to parents.

Prison guard: I ain't gonna get no Bible quote from no nun cause I'm gonna lose.

Prison guard: Do you have any last words, Poncelet?

Matthew Poncelet: Yes, I do.

[pauses]

Matthew Poncelet: Mr. Delacroix, I don't wanna leave this world with any hate in my heart. I ask your forgiveness for what I done. It was a terrible thing I done, taking your son away from you.

Clyde Percy: [Softly to his wife] How about us?

Matthew Poncelet: Mr. and Mrs. Percy, I hope my death gives you some relief.

Prison Guard: They lie, you know?

Steve Everett: Who's that?

Prison Guard: Prisoners. That's what they do. Every word they say is a lie.

Steve Everett: Well, everyone lies, pal. I'm just here to write it down.

Prison guard: If you don't open the gates and let 'em out, they're gonna kill all the guards beginning with Wallace.

Warden: I'll see 'em in Hell first. Let 'em have it!

Matron: [as prison guard reads writ of execution] All right, read it here. Can't you read it to yourself?

Prison guard: I guess I could do that. Maybe if I just mumbled it would be all right.

Matron: Mumble and be damned.

[Mrs Ryan takes a cake to her imprisoned son. The guard destroys it while checking it]

Mrs. Ryan: Oh, look what you are doing, ruining my cake. It isn't for you anyway.

Prison Guard: Sometimes people put guns in cakes.

Mrs. Ryan: How stupid! Who could eat a cake with a gun in it!

Court Doctor: [repeatedly] Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Prisoner: Yes, sir.

Court Doctor: OK for work.

Court Doctor: [arriving at Tyrone's place in the line] Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Tyrone: [nods, whispering] Yes.

Prison Guard: [hits Tyrone in the face] Say "sir!" God damn New York dope fiend niggers. Learn some manners!

Court Doctor: Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Tyrone: [insulted] Yes, sir.

Court Doctor: OK for work.

[moving to Harry]

Court Doctor: Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Prison Guard: He says he's got something wrong with his arm.

[the doctor grabs Harry's arm and exposes the wound, causing him to scream in pain]

Court Doctor: I don't think he'll be puttin' any more dope in that arm.

Prison Guard: Smells worse than he do.

Court Doctor: Better get him over to the hospital. I don't expect he'll live out the week.

[last lines]

Eva: Why?

Kevin: I used to think I knew. Now I'm not so sure.

[pause]

Prison guard: Time's up.

Prison Guard: [First line; Gekko is being released from prison and his belongings are being returned to him] A silk handkerchief. A tie. A watch. A ring. A gold money clip, without money... and a mobile phone.

[the phone is a 1980s brick-size phone]

Prison Guard: [Repeated line] Walk!

Prison Guard: Let's hear you! What are your requests and complaints?

A.L.: I want to see a party official.

Prison Guard: Identify yourself!

A.L.: Undersecretary of...

Prison Guard: You're nobody! What's your number? Number! You're 3325. We'll be back when you know that. Walk!

Clayton Drumm: How 'bout my drink now?

Prison guard: You know what you're gonna be tomorrow, grease ball? A big hunk 'o dead meat, and little headline.

Clayton Drumm: That's better than a big bag of shit every day.