Principal Kelban Quotes in Summer School (1987)


Principal Kelban Quotes:

  • Principal Kelban: Field trips to the beach, drinking on the beach, a bed in your classroom, a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1... quite a summer, Mr. Shoop.

    Shoop: I tried to keep it interesting.

    Phil Gills: I have his dismissal ready for your signature, sir.

    Principal Kelban: Before I sign anything, I understand there are some people waiting to speak on Mr. Shoop's behalf.

    Shoop: Really?

    Principal Kelban: Come in.

    [opens the door to Shoop's students and their parents and guardians]

    Phil Gills: Mr. Kelban, you're not actually going to listen to these delinquents?

    Principal Kelban: No, I'm going to listen to their parents. I'm Principal Kelban. Is there a spokesperson here?

    Mr. Gremp: I guess I am. I'm Howard Gremp.

    Principal Kelban: You're Chainsaw's father. Interesting boy.

    Mr. Gremp: No, you can say it. He's a lunatic.

    Chainsaw: Dad...

    Mr. Gremp: Six weeks ago, I thought he had the IQ of a salad bar. His only interest in life was to make people sick. If my mother came to dinner, he would give the dog a third eye or an extra leg. Because of him, we stopped having kids. You can imagine the feeling when I saw him studying. The wife and I almost burst into tears.

    Mrs. Frazier: David was doing his homework, too.

    Mr. Gremp: It makes sense, they share the same brain.

    Mrs. Green: Not only did Mr. Shoop get my daughter to read, he taught her to drive.

    Mr. Winchester: He showed Kevin there's more to life than football. I'm not sure I agree, but it's possible.

  • Shoop: Denise: no previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38.

    Mrs. Green: Honey, that's terrific!

    Denise: We'll get 'em next time.

    Shoop: Kevin, from a 48 to a 75!

    Kevin Winchester: Yeah, I'm back on the team!

    [Kevin and his did share football shouts and hug]

    Shoop: Chainsaw: last score was a 6, this time: 59. Monster comeback! And Dave: from a 26 to a 70.

    Dave: I passed!

    Anna-Maria Mazarelli: You made it!

    Chainsaw: You passed? You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me?

    Dave: It was an accident. I'll take it again, I can fail, I know it.

    Shoop: Pam went from a 53 to an 82.

    Pam: Was that the highest?

    Shoop: Well, almost. That guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. You all worked hard and improved.

    Phil Gills: And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. The point here is that we are here to discuss Mr. Shoop's flagrant violation of school policies.

    Principal Kelban: Hold it, Gills. According to my numbers, the average scores have increased from 28 to 63. That's 125% improvement. Now that's teaching. Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.

  • Phil Gills: This man should not be teaching. The proof is right here in these test results. Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop. Passing is 70; average score here was 63. They failed.

    Shoop: [looks at the results] That is not true, Mr. Gills.

    Alan Eakian: You mean we passed?

    Shoop: No, not all of you, but that's not what's important here. Larry went from an 18 to a 51!

    Mrs. Kazimias: If I'd only seen you strip a week sooner.

    Shoop: Rhonda: from a 29 to a 43 and she gave birth.

    Mrs. Altobello: Isn't childbirth grounds for a makeup test?

    Principal Kelban: It always has been.

    Chainsaw: This woman thing never fails.

    Shoop: Eakian: a 51 to a 74.

    Alan Eakian: I passed! I am an Eakian, Grams!

    Dave: All right, Eaker!

Browse more character quotes from Summer School (1987)