Principal Quotes in The Incredibles (2004)

Principal: Thank you for coming in, Mrs. Parr.

Helen: What is this about? Has Dash done something wrong?

Bernie Kropp: He's a disruptive influence and he openly mocks me in front of the class.

Dash: He says.

Bernie Kropp: Look, I know it's you! He puts thumbtacks on my stool.

Helen: You saw him do this?

Bernie Kropp: Well, not really... No, actually not.

Helen: Oh. Then how do you know it was him?

Bernie Kropp: I hid a camera. And this time I got him.

[Plays tape]

Bernie Kropp: See? See? What, you don't see it?

[rewinds tape]

Bernie Kropp: He moves! Right there! Wait, wait... Right *there*! Right as I'm sitting down! I don't know, I don't know how he does it, but-but there's no tack on my stool before he moves, and after he moves, there's a tack! Coincidence? I think not!

Principal: Uh, Bernie...

Bernie Kropp: Don't "Bernie" me! This little rat is guilty!

Principal: You and your son can go now, Mrs. Parr.

Bernie Kropp: You're letting him go *again*? He's guilty! You can see it in his smug little face. Guilty, I say! Guilty! Guilty!

Poker Guy #1: Yeah, Gus Matthews was easily the biggest bully in Brookdale!

Principal: Well, you weren't the nicest kid in school either, Steven.

[knocks off Steven's wig]

Poker Guy #1: [runs off crying] I HATE EVERYBODY!

Principal: What a baby.

Michael Corben: [receives his diploma] Sir, I just wanna tell you this has been the best four years of my life.

Principal: Don't overwhelm yourself. The best is yet to come.

[Michael opens his diploma to find that he had an incomplete French credit]

Michael Corben: [shocked] Oh, no!

Principal: You know as well as I do these tests are meant to screen out the smart kids, and keep the rest as dumb as possible.

Cooper: You're ruling my son out for college now? The kid's fifteen.

Principal: Tom's score simply isn't high enough.

Cooper: What's your waistline? 32? With, what, a 33 inseam?

Principal: I'm not sure I see what you're getting at.

Cooper: You're telling me it takes two numbers to measure your own ass but only one to measure my son's future?

Principal: We didn't run out of planes and television sets. We ran out of food.

Principal: [going over the violations Despereaux committed at school] February 1, didn't cower. February 2, didn't cower. Didn't cower. Didn't cower. Won't scurry. Ah! Here's one.

[He pulls out a note book with a child's drawing of a cat]

Principal: He drew pictures of cats on his notebook.

Lester: [flinching away from the drawing] No cats!

Antoinette: [dismayed] I can't imagine.

Principal: I'm afraid so...

[stiffly]

Principal: He named it "Fluffy!"

Lester, Antoinette: [they both moan in dismay]

Principal: [to Despereaux] Oh, Despereaux... There are so many wonderful things to be afraid of when you just learn to know how scary they are.

Mrs. Gump: Remember what I told you, Forrest. You're no different than anybody else is. Did you hear what I said, Forrest? You're the same as everybody else. You are no different.

Principal: Your boy's... different, Miz Gump. His IQ's 75.

Mrs. Gump: Well, we're all different, Mr. Hancock. There must be something that can be done?

Principal: Is there a Mr. Gump, Miz Gump?

Mrs. Gump: He's on vacation.

Principal: [after Mrs. Gump had been entertaining him] Your momma sure does care about your education, son.

Principal: [Forrest remains quiet] You don't say much do you?

Young Forrest Gump: [imitates the noises he has just heard] eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Principal: Mr. Madison, the Industrial Revolution changed the face of the modern novel forever. Discuss, citing specific examples.

[Billy clears his throat several times]

Billy Madison: Uh... Okay. The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called "The Puppy Who Lost His Way." The world was changing, and the puppy was getting... bigger.

[Later]

Billy Madison: So, you see, the puppy was like industry. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy - "society" - knew where to find 'em. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.

[Long pause]

Billy Madison: Knibb High football rules!

[the crowd erupts into cheers]

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.

Pauline Fleming: Now... it seems we were in a similar position on Monday when I thoughtfully suggested we get everybody together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring. But no. You took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of "Let's Laugh at the Hippie."

Counselor Paul Hyde: Pauline...

Principal: Shut up, Paul. Now I've seen a lot of bullshit. Angel dust. Switchblades. Sexually perverse photography exibits involving tennis rackets. But this suicide thing... guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength. Well, we're gonna just write off today. And on Friday she can hold her little "Love-In" or... whatever. Whatever.

Principal: If you give off signals that you don't want to belong, people will make sure that you don't.

Principal: Now, why would you call his mother a garden tool?

Principal: I think I speak for the entire faculty when I say... your son was an absolute joy.

Carson Phillips: Oh, kiss my embalmed ass.

Principal: I found out that you've been kicked out of two schools, that you've faked famous paintings, and that you've changed your name and appearance four times. AND you claim to be Rembrandt's great-great-great-great grandson.

Sergio: I am a great teacher. I am a great artist. I am a great-great-great-GREAT GRANDSON! Paris, Milano, Veroncia!

Principal: Ah, these boys. They came to me with this wild, impossible dream: To beat Rockville High. They needed a coach. I gave them you. That, sort of, MAKES you a coach, doesn't it? You know, it could be, Edward, that coaching has nothing to do with sports at all.

Ed Branish: I'm sorry. I understand the problem, but don't ask me to go on with this.

Principal: I'm not asking you, Ed. I'm giving you the wrestling team as an official assignment. I want twelve wrestlers ready for Orem a week from Friday. End of discussion. I suggest you find yourself someone that can wrestler for you at 185.

[last lines]

Principal: Why do you want to study carpenter's profession?

Allar: I like wood.

Principal: Mr. White, you're late!

Richie: I had to take a piss.

Principal: WHAT did you say?

Richie: I mean... I had to urinate.

Principal: Sit *down*!

Principal: Well?

Joyce Sordino: Oh for the love of gGd, open your mouth Melinda.

Jack Sordino: This is childish honey.

Joyce Sordino: I don't know why she's doing this to us.

Guidance Counselor: We're not ganging up on you. We're here to help.

Principal: Let's start with grades. This isn't what we expected of you Melissa.

Jack Sordino: Melinda!

Principal: Last year you were a straight-B student. No behavioral problems, few absences. What do you have to say?

Joyce Sordino: She's mute. She's mute! She not saying *anything*.

Guidance Counselor: I think that we need to explore the family dynamics at play.

Jack Sordino: All I know is that last year I had a sweet loving little girl and now she's flushing her grades down the toilet? What have you folks done to her? Huh? I play golf with the school board president. Did you know that?

Joyce Sordino: Nobody cares who you know, Jack.

Jack Sordino: Did you know that?

Joyce Sordino: Nobody cares.

Guidance Counselor: Can I just remind everyone that we need to one: reassure, two: stay open and three: don't judge.

Joyce Sordino: How old are you?

Principal: For these kids life is a fight to stay alive, and a hustle to make ends meet.

Principal: Keep talking. Give me a reason to kick your butt out of my school. Give me one.

[In the principal's office]

Principal: To tell you the truth Amelia Jean...

A.J.: A.J.

Principal: To tell you the truth A.J. I've never had a student defend herself from a teacher before.

Principal: [to concerned teachers] Alright, there appears to be an event happening. Central Park was just hit by what seems to be a terrorist attack. They're not clear on the scale yet. It's some kind of airborne chemical toxin that's been released in and around the park. They said to watch for warning signs. The first stage is confused speech. The second stage is physical disorientation, loss of direction. The third stage... is fatal.