Princess Fiona Quotes in Shrek (2001)

Princess Fiona: Where are you going? The exit's over there!

Shrek: [going to save Donkey] Well, I have to save my ass.

Princess Fiona: [shocked] What kind of knight ARE you?

Shrek: One of a kind.

Princess Fiona: The sooner we get to Duloc, the better!

Donkey: Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful!

Princess Fiona: And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?

Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply.

[chortles]

Donkey: Yeah! Though there are those who think LITTLE of him!

[laughs]

Donkey: Hi, Princess!

Princess Fiona: It talks!

Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!

[Shrek is hit by an arrow]

Princess Fiona: Oh!... oh, this is all my fault...

Donkey: Why, what's wrong?

Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt!

Donkey: Shrek's hurt? Shrek's HURT? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!

Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay!

Donkey: You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich...?

Princess Fiona: [grabs Donkey] Donkey, calm down! If you want to help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns.

Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns! Okay, I got it! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!

Shrek: DONKEY!

Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns!

[runs off]

Shrek: What're the flowers for?

Princess Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.

Princess Fiona: [hears a roar] You didn't slay the dragon?

Shrek: It's on my to-do list, now come on!

Princess Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!

Shrek: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!

[They pass a skeleton of one of the unfortunate victims]

Princess Fiona: That's not the point...!

Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.

Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

Shrek: Princess, I was SENT to rescue you by Lord Farquad, okay? HE's the one that wants to marry you.

Princess Fiona: Well, why didn't he come to rescue me?

Shrek: Good question! You can ask him that when we get there...

Princess Fiona: But I'm supposed to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre a-a-and his PET!

Donkey: Well, so much for noble steed!

Shrek: Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier...

Princess Fiona: Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You tell Lord "Far-Quad" that if he wants to rescue me PROPERLY, I'll be waiting for him right here!

[sits down]

Shrek: Hey! I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy!

Princess Fiona: You wouldn't dare...!

[Shrek carries her off]

Shrek: You coming, Donkey?

Donkey: Yeah, I'm right behind you.

Merry Men: [singing] Ta da, da da da da - whoo!

Monsieur Hood: I steal from the rich and give to the needy...

Merry Man: He takes a wee percentage...

Monsieur Hood: But I'm not greedy - I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good!

Merry Men: What a guy, ha ha, Monsieur Hood!

Monsieur Hood: Break it down...

[Merry Men Irish step dance]

Monsieur Hood: I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid...

Merry Men: What he's basically saying is he likes to get...

Monsieur Hood: Paid!

Monsieur Hood: So, when an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad.

Merry Man: [joining in] That's bad, that's bad, that's bad!

Monsieur Hood: When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad!

Merry Men: He's mad, he's really, really mad!

Monsieur Hood: Now I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys, 'Cause I'm about to start...

[Fiona swoops in and kicks him - the music stops]

Princess Fiona: Man, that was annoying!

Princess Fiona: [after Shrek and Donkey rescue her] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.

Shrek: Uh, no...

Princess Fiona: Why not?

Shrek: I... have helmet hair.

Princess Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.

Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.

Princess Fiona: But... how will you kiss me?

Shrek: [bangs his head] What? That wasn't in the job description!

The Donkey: Maybe it's a perk!

Princess Fiona: No, it's destiny! You must know how it goes! The Knight rescues the Princess, and then they share true love's first kiss...

The Donkey: With Shrek? Whoa, whoa, whoa... you think, you think that Shrek is your true love?

Princess Fiona: Well, yes!

[Shrek and Donkey look at each other and burst into laughter]

Princess Fiona: What is so funny?

Shrek: Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right?

Donkey: Princess?... You look... uh... different.

Princess Fiona: [as ogre] I'm UGLY! Okay?

Donkey: Yeah! What was it, something you ate? I told Shrek those weedrats were a bad idea!

Princess Fiona: No. it's... it's been this way as long as I can remember.

Donkey: What d'you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before!

Princess Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down.

[looks at her reflection in a water barrel]

Princess Fiona: "By night one way, by day another / Thus shall be the norm / Till you receive true love's kiss / then, take love's true form."

Donkey: Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.

Princess Fiona: It's a spell! When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this, this horrible ugly beast! I was placed in the tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad before the sun sets, and he sees me... like this.

[starts sobbing]

Donkey: All right, all right, calm down. It's not so bad. You're not that ugly... well, you are. I ain't gonna lie, you ARE ugly. But you only look like this at night, Shrek's ugly 24/7!

Princess Fiona: But Donkey, I'm a princess! And this is not how a princess is supposed to look!

Donkey: How about you don't marry Farquaad?

Princess Fiona: I have to. Only the true love's kiss can break the spell.

Donkey: Well, you're kind of an ogre. And you and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common.

Princess Fiona: Shrek?

[Shrek and Fiona are having dinner on the last day of their journey]

Princess Fiona: Mmmm... This is good... mmm... this is really good... what is it?

Shrek: A weed rat, cooked rotisserie style!

Princess Fiona: No kidding... Oh, this is delicious!

Shrek: Well, they're also great in stews. Now I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weedrat stew!

[They both look over at the kingdom of Duloc]

Princess Fiona: I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night...

Shrek: Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime... I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you: swamp toad soup, fish-eye tartar, you name it!

Princess Fiona: I'd like that...

[he sucks up a weedrat tail, and awkwardly laughs. She smiles back at him, and their eyes meet. In the background, a love ballad, "You Belong To Me," plays]

Shrek: Um... Princess?

Princess Fiona: Yes... Shrek?

Shrek: I... um... I was wondering... are you... um... are you going to eat that?

[he makes a gesture of frustration when she isn't looking. She places the weedrat in his hand, and they lean towards each other... ]

[Shrek burps in front of Donkey and Fiona]

The Donkey: Shrek!

Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.

The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.

[Fiona burps louder]

Princess Fiona: Thanks.

The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.

[Fiona notices it's sunset]

Princess Fiona: [uneasy] Shouldn't we stop to make camp?

Shrek: No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.

Princess Fiona: But, there's... ROBBERS, in the woods!

Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is definitely starting to sound good!

Shrek: Hey, come on, I'm scarier than anything we're gonna meet in this forest...

Princess Fiona: [in Shrek's face] Find me somewhere to make camp NOW!

Princess Fiona: Shrek? I'm... I'm worried about Donkey, he doesn't look so good...

Donkey: What you talking about? I feel fine!

Princess Fiona: Well, that's what they always say, and then, and then, and then next thing you know you're on your back!

[Donkey leers at Fiona]

Princess Fiona: ...Dead!

Princess Fiona: Well, when one lives alone, one has to learns these things in case there's...

[points]

Princess Fiona: There's an arrow in your butt!

Shrek: What?

[looks at arrow]

Shrek: Oh, would you look at that?

Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?

[Fiona looks at herself, and sees she is still an ogre]

Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

Shrek: But you are beautiful.

Donkey: I was hoping this would be a happy ending...

[Shrek and Fiona kiss]

Donkey: Okay, so here's another question: Say there's a woman who digs you, right, but you really don't like her THAT quick - now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that?

Princess Fiona: Just tell her she's not your true love!

Princess Fiona: You're an ogre...

Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?

Princess Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh... this is wrong. This is all wrong! It's not supposed to be an ogre!

[Shrek rescues Fiona]

Princess Fiona: What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.

Shrek: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?

Princess Fiona: [nods] Mmmh-hmm

Princess Fiona: I wanted to show you before...

[turns into an ogre]

Shrek: Well... er... THAT explains a lot.

Lord Farquaad: [revolted] It's disgusting!

The Donkey: Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark.

Princess Fiona: Why... yes!

The Donkey: Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

Princess Fiona: Fare thee well, ogre.

[leaves with Farquaad]

Shrek: Um... Fiona?

Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek?

Shrek: I... I love you.

Princess Fiona: Really?

Shrek: Really, really!

Princess Fiona: Mmmm... I love you too.

[they kiss. Thalonius writes "Awwww" on a cue card for the audience. Fiona floats up in the air and her enchantment breaks in a blaze of light... ]

King: Who on earth are they?

Queen: I think that's our little girl!

King: That's not little, that's a really big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?

Queen: Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...

Shrek: Happy now? We came, we saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches!

Princess Fiona: But they're my parents!

Shrek: Hello, they locked you in a tower!

Princess Fiona: Hey, that was for my own...

King: Good! Now's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.

Queen: Harold! We have to be...

Shrek: Quick, while they're not looking, we can make a run for it!

Princess Fiona: Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be...

King: A disaster! There's no way...

Princess Fiona: You can do this.

Shrek: But I really...

King: Really...

Queen: Really...

Shrek: Don't...

Princess Fiona: Want...

Queen: To...

Shrek: Be...

King: He-ere.

[Shrek, Fiona, Fiona's Mom and Dad and Donkey are arguing at the table]

Queen: Harold!

Princess Fiona: Shrek!

Shrek: Fiona...

King: Fiona!

Princess Fiona: Mom!

Queen: Harold!

Donkey: [happily] Donkey!

Princess Fiona: I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.

[Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]

Princess Fiona: Oh, Dad...

Queen: Harold...

Pinocchio: Is he... oh...

[there's a "ribbit"]

Gingerbread Man: He croaked...

[Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]

Queen: ...Harold?

Princess Fiona: ...Dad?

King: [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...

Donkey: [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!

Shrek: Donkey!

King: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?

[Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]

Queen: Harold...

King: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...

Queen: [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...

King: [Donkey sits at the table] No, no! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!

Princess Fiona: Dad, it's alright, it's alright. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon.

Donkey: Yup, that's me, the noble steed. Hey waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?

Princess Fiona: Is that glitter on your lips?

Prince Charming: Mmm, cherry flavored. Want a taste?

Princess Fiona: They just want to give us their blessing.

Shrek: Oh, great! Now I need their blessing?

Princess Fiona: Well, if you want to be part of this family, yes.

Shrek: Who said I want to be part of this family?

Princess Fiona: Uh... you did? When you married me?

Shrek: Well, there's some fine print for ya.

Princess Fiona: Shrek?

Puss-in-Boots: For you, baby, I could be.

Queen: So, Fiona. Tell us about where you live.

Princess Fiona: Well, Shrek owns his own land. Don't you, honey?

Shrek: Yes. It's in an... enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies...

Donkey: What?

[laughs]

Donkey: I know you ain't talking about the swamp.

Shrek: Donkey!

King: An ogre from a swamp. How original.

Queen: I guess that will be a fine place to raise the children.

[both Shrek and the King choke; Shrek coughs up his spoon]

Shrek: It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it?

King: Indeed! I just started eating.

[King Harold turns up with two cups of tea - the one for Fiona filed with love potion... ]

King: Darling? Ah, I thought I might find you here - how about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball...

Princess Fiona: I'm not going.

King: B-b-but the whole kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage!

Princess Fiona: There's just one problem - that's not my husband. I mean, look at him!

[they both watch Charming, showing off in front of everyone]

King: Yes, he is a bit different, but people do change for the ones they love - you'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother...

Princess Fiona: *Change*? He's completely lost his mind!

King: Darling, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance - I mean, you might find you like this new Shrek...

Princess Fiona: But it's the *old* one I fell in love with, Dad - I'd give anything to have him back...

[she reaches for her tea... ]

King: [taking her cup] Darling, that's mine! Decaf... otherwise I'm up all night!

[Fiona drinks the normal cup of tea]

Princess Fiona: You're acting like a... a...

Shrek: Go on, say it.

Princess Fiona: Like an ogre!

Shrek: Well, guess what? Whether your parents like it or not, I *am* an ogre!

[roars at the dog to shut it up]

Shrek: And guess what, princess? That's not about to change.

Princess Fiona: I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that.

[she leaves]

Donkey: That's real smooth, Shrek. "I'm an ogre! Arrr!"

King: So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...

Shrek: Ogres! Yes!

Queen: Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?

King: Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young!

Princess Fiona: Dad!

Shrek: Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in a tower!

Princess Fiona: Shrek, please!

King: I only did that because I love her!

Shrek: Oh, aye! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!

Queen: Harold!

Princess Fiona: Shrek!

Shrek: Fiona!

King: Fiona!

Princess Fiona: Mom!

Princess Fiona: Harold!

Donkey: Donkey!

[last lines]

Shrek: You know, I always thought I'd rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.

Princess Fiona: You did.

Shrek: No. It was you who rescued me.

Princess Fiona: And when the smoke clears... Wait, what's this?

Cookie: That's my chimichanga stand.

Princess Fiona: Um, no, Cookie. We won't be needing that.

Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y'all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, OK? Now go and finish your little speech.

[Shrek stormed out of the party and Fiona follows him outside]

Princess Fiona: Unbelievable!

Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers are...

Princess Fiona: I'm not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I'm talking about you! Is this really how you want to remember the kids' first birthday?

Shrek: Oh great, so this is all my fault!

Princess Fiona: Yes! But, you know what? Let's talk about this after the party at home.

Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? STEP RIGHT UP! SEE THE DANCING OGRE! DON'T WORRY, HE WON'T BITE! I used to be an ogre. Now, I'm just a jolly green joke!

Princess Fiona: Okay okay, maybe you're not the ogre you used to be, but maybe that's not such a bad thing!

Shrek: Ah, I wouldn't expect you to understand. It's not like you're a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace.

Princess Fiona: And the other half locked away in a tower!

Shrek: [sigh] Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when the villagers were afraid of me and I can take a mudbath in peace. When I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it. Back when the world made sense!

Princess Fiona: You mean back before you rescued me from the dragon's keep?

Shrek: Exactly!

Princess Fiona: [looks at Shrek in shock] Shrek. You have three beautiful children. A wife who loves you. Friends who adore you. You have everything! Why is it that the only person who can't see that is you?

[Fiona goes back inside for the party]

Shrek: That's just great!

[walks away]

Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!

[Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space]

Princess Fiona: What are you doing?

Sleeping Beauty: [Snaps awake] Waiting to be rescued.

[falls back asleep]

Queen Lillian: [smashes wall with her head]

Princess Fiona: Mom?

Queen Lillian: What? You didn't think you inherited your fighting skills from your father?

Princess Fiona: [after learning that Rapunzel is dating Prince Charming] Rapunzel! How could you?

Rapunzel: Jealous, much?

Shrek: Good morning.

Princess Fiona: Good morning. Ooh, morning breath.

Shrek: Yeah. Isn't it wonderful?