Prince John Quotes in Robin Hood (2010)

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Prince John Quotes:

  • Eleanor of Aquitaine: Milking a dried udder get's you nothing but kicked off the milking stool!

    Prince John: Mother, spare me your farmyard memories, you have none and I don't understand them.

  • Prince John: [sarcastically] Would every man have a castle?

    Robin Longstride: In England, every man's home *is* his castle.

  • Prince John: [Robin has delivered John the crown, disguised as Robert Loxley]

    Prince John: Did you say from Nottingham?

    [Robin nods]

    Prince John: Your father Sir Walter owes taxes to the crown, my crown; tell him its bloody expensive running a country and everyone must pay their way

  • Prince John: Henceforth I declare you to be an outlaw.

  • Prince John: Ho, varlets, bring Sir Robin food! Such insolence must support a healthy appetite!

  • Robin Hood: I'll organize revolt, exact a death for a death, and I'll never rest until every Saxon in this shire can stand up free men and strike a blow for Richard and England.

    Prince John: Are you finished?

    Robin Hood: I'm only just beginning. From this night forward I'll use every means in my power to fight you!

  • High Sheriff of Nottingham: I hope our little golden hook will catch the fish.

    Prince John: You hope?

    High Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh it will... if he's here.

    Prince John: If he's not we'll stick your head upon the target and shoot at that.

  • Prince John: Any objections to the new tax, from our Saxon friends?

  • Sir Guy of Gisbourne: Let me ram those words down his throat your highness!

    Prince John: No... later. Let him spout for the moment.

  • Prince John: It's no good pining for my brother Richard, he won't be back!

  • Prince John: I will not have Saxon mock Norman, and I will have my money.

  • Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?

    Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.

    [referring to the then recent blockbuster Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which Kevin Costner played the role with an American accent]

  • Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?

    Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.

    Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?

    Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."

    Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!

  • King Richard: [taking Prince John's crown] You are no longer worthy to wear this sacred symbol of authority.

    Prince John: Oh please have mercy on me, brother. It wasn't my fault. I got some really bad advice from Rottingham.

    Crowd: [coughs] Bullshit! Bullshit!

    King Richard: Brother, you have surrounded your given name with a foul stench!

    [to the crowd]

    King Richard: From this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as... johns!

    Crowd: [cheers]

    Prince John: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

    King Richard: Take him away! Put him in the Tower of London! Make him part of the tour.

  • Sheriff of Rottingham: King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!

    Robin HoodMaid Marian: What?

    Sheriff of Rottingham: I mean, don't you know it's illegal to kill a wild pig in the king's forest?

    Robin Hood: Is it not also illegal to sit on the king's throne and usurp his power in his absence?

    [crowd gasps]

    Prince John: Careful Robin, you go too far.

  • Sheriff of Rottingham: Sire, I have news!

    Prince John: And what sort of news do you have? It's not bad news, is it? You know I can't take bad news. The day started out so good. I had a good night's sleep, I had a good B.M. I don't want to hear any bad news. So, what kind of news is it?

    Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, to be perfectly frank, it's bad.

    Prince John: [shouts] I knew it! I knew it would be bad news. Wait, I have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the *bad* news in a *good* way, it wouldn't sound so bad.

    Sheriff of Rottingham: [thinking] The bad news in a good way. Yes, I can do that. The bad news in a good way. Well, here it goes.

    [hysterically]

    Sheriff of Rottingham: W-wait till you hear this! I just saw Robin of Locksley, he's back from the crusades.

    [laughs]

    Sheriff of Rottingham: You know, he just beat the *crap* out of me and my men.

    [laughs]

    Sheriff of Rottingham: He hates you and he loves your brother, Richard!

    [laughs]

    Sheriff of Rottingham: And...

    [laughs]

    Sheriff of Rottingham: ... he wants to see you hanged!

    [laughs]

    Sheriff of Rottingham: We, we're in a lot of trouble!

    [laughs and snorts loudly]

    Prince John: [furious] What, are you crazy? Why are you laughing? This is terrible news!

  • Sheriff of Rottingham: Wasn't your... didn't your mole used to be on the other side?

    Prince John: I have a MOLE?

  • Sheriff of Rottingham: This is a stealth catapult, we've been working on it secretly for months. It can hurl one of these heavy boulders undetected, over a hundred yards, completely destroying anything in its path.

    Prince John: Wow! How's it work?

    Sheriff of Rottingham: It's rather simple. You get one of these heavy boulders, put it here where I'm sitting, and then pull on that lever.

    Prince John: Like this?

    [John pulls the lever and flings Mervin into the air]

    Sheriff of Rottingham: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

    Latrine: [praying by her bed in her boudoir] Oh dear Lord, if you see fit to send me my one true love...

    [the Sheriff crashes through the roof and lands on the bed]

    Latrine: [looks up and grins] Thank you!

    [starts to climb on top of the Sheriff]

    Latrine: Oh my god! Oh my god!

    Sheriff of Rottingham: [struggles] No! No! I have a headache!

    [runs away]

    Latrine: OH BUGGER!

    [breaks the fourth wall]

    Latrine: I was *that* close! I touched it.

  • Sheriff of Rottingham: The old man is Loxley.

    Prince John: Are you sure? He looks like Mark Twain.

  • Sheriff of Rottingham: Struckey has loxed again.

    Prince John: What?

    Sheriff of Rottingham: Loxley has struck again.

  • Prince John: Tell everyone that when the day is out we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we're gonna have a lot of fun, huh?

  • Maid Marian: Wait!

    Sheriff of Rottingham: What for?

    Maid Marian: If you promise not to kill Robin, I shall do the most disgusting thing that I can think of.

    Prince John: Oooohhh.

    Sheriff of Rottingham: Oh? And what's that?

    Maid Marian: I shall marry you.

    Sheriff of Rottingham: What? You'll be mine? You'll give yourself to me every night? And sometimes, right after lunch?

    Maid Marian: Yes, but only my body. You can never have my heart, my mind, or my soul!

    Sheriff of Rottingham: Oh, oh yes! I respect that.

  • Prince John: Save me, save me! Hurt them, hurt them!

    Sheriff of Rottingham: Right! Save them, save them, hurt you, hurt you! I've got it!

  • Prince John: Send word to one and all, and all and one... that's a little redundant, isn't it?

    Herald: WHAT?

    Prince John: Shut up!

  • Prince John: What can you tell me about Robin of Loxley?

    Latrine: Robin of Loxley? Robin of Loxley? Hmm, let me see.

    [starts cooking up a potion in her cauldron]

    Latrine: Raven's egg! Blood of a hen! A little more blood, yes! Eyeballs of a crocodile! Testicles of a newt! I bet he's a transsexual now! Robin of Loxley is handsome and brave. He seeks to regain his family's honor. Little sod could be trouble.

    Prince John: Are you certain?

    Latrine: Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch! Me, I'm just your cook.

    [serves contents of the cauldron]

    Latrine: Here, eat that.

  • Prince John: I hope's it worth the NOISE!

  • Sheriff of Rottingham: [after Robin has fired his shot, hitting the bullseye dead center] Don't worry, Dirty Ezio still has another shot.

    Prince John: But he hit the very center of the bullseye... schmuck!

  • Little John: [as Sir Reginald] Ah, milord, the esteemed royal sovereign of the realm. The head man himself. You're beautiful.

    Prince John: Such savoir faire eclat elan, Hiss.

    Little John: You took the words right out of my mouth, P.J.

    Prince John: [Absolutely delighted] P.J.! I like that, do you know I do! Hiss, put it on my luggage.

  • [the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]

    Sheriff of Nottingham: He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!

    [to Sir Hiss]

    Sheriff of Nottingham: [speaking] Am I right?

    Hiss: [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.

    [lowers his voice]

    Hiss: [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!

    [sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]

    Hiss: The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.

    Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measely, Weaseling.

    Prince John: [shouts] Enough!

    [throws the glass jug at the Sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]

    Sheriff of Nottingham: But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.

    Prince John: Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!

    [grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]

    Prince John: Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.

  • [Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]

    Hiss: I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.

    [Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]

    Hiss: Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...

    [Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]

    Hiss: Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.

    Prince John: Ahh! Mommy!

    [sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]

    Prince John: I've got a dirty thumb.

  • Hiss: A perfect fit, Sire! Looks most becoming! You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble...

    Prince John: Don't overdo it, Hiss!

  • Prince John: [chasing Sir Hiss into the burning castle] You cowardly cobra! Procrastinating python! Agravating asp! Ooh, you eel in snake's clothing!

  • Prince John: Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Ah-hah! Ah-hah!

    Hiss: Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.

    [chuckles]

    Prince John: To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to give the rich.

  • Hiss: [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.

    [starts to hypnotize him]

    Hiss: Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.

    Prince John: [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!

    Hiss: Well, I was only trying to help.

    Prince John: I wonder. Silly serpent.

    Hiss: Silly serpent?

  • Prince John: Stop! Executioner, stop! Hold your axe!

    Little John: [threatening him with a dagger] Okay, big shot, now tell him to untie my buddy, or I'll.

    Prince John: Sheriff, release my buddy! I mean, release the prisoner!

    Sheriff of Nottingham: Untie the prisoner?

    Clucky: You heard what he said, bushel britches!

    Prince John: Sheriff, I make the rules! And since I'm head man.

    [to Little John]

    Prince John: Not so hard, you mean thing.

    [back to the Sheriff]

    Prince John: Let him go, for heaven sakes! Let him go!

  • Little John: [after sitting on Hiss] Oh, excuse me, Buster.

    Hiss: Buster? You, sir, have taken my seat!

    Prince John: [laughs] Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?

  • Prince John: Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you!

    [clears his throat]

    Prince John: I've been robbed.

    Hiss: Of course you've been robbed!

  • Prince John: One more hiss out of you uhm Hiss. And you are walking to Nottingham.

    Hiss: [to himself] Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.

  • Hiss: How nobly King Richard's crown sit on your royal brow.

    Prince John: Doesn't it? King Richard?

    [wrings Hiss' neck]

    Prince John: I told you never to mention my brother's name!

    Hiss: A mere slip of the forked tongue, Sire.

  • Prince John: Hiss! You're never around when I need you!

    Hiss: Coming, coming.

    [begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]

    Hiss: Oh! there you are old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.

    Prince John: Robin Hood?

    [screams angrily]

    Prince John: [ties Hiss around a pole]

    Prince John: Get out of that if you can.

  • Prince John: My trap is baited and set! And then, revenge! Ahh.

    [screams so loud it almost blows off Hiss' skin]

    Prince John: Revenge!

    Hiss: Shh! Not so loud, sire! Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.

  • Prince John: I sentence you to sudden, instant, and even immediate death!

    Marian: Oh, no. Please. Please, sire. I beg of you to spare his life. Please have mercy.

    Prince John: My dear, emotional lady, why should I?

    Marian: Because I love him, Your Highness.

    Prince John: Love him? And does this prisoner return your love?

    Robin Hood: Marian, my darling, I love you more than life itself.

    Prince John: [Sincerely] Young love, your pleads have not fallen upon a heart of stone.

    [Tone changes to fierce and determined]

    Prince John: But traitors to the crown must die!

    Robin Hood: [cutting him off] Traitor to the crown? That crown belongs to King Richard. Long live King Richard!

    Crowd: Long live King Richard!

    Prince John: [gives the crowd a dirty look]

    [Throwing a childish tantrum]

    Prince John: Enough! I am King! King! King! Off with his head!

  • Hiss: Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.

    Prince John: [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on. Did you say, Friar Tuck?

    Hiss: Did I? Y-yes, I did.

    Prince John: Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.

    Hiss: Another trap?

    Prince John: Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.

    Hiss: B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?

    Prince John: Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric

    [laughs evilly]

    Prince John: my men will be ready.

    [laughs evilly]

  • Robin Hood: [posing as a fortune teller] A face appears. A crown is on his noble brow.

    Prince John: Oo-dee-lally! A crown! How exciting!

    Robin Hood: His face is handsome, regal, majestic, lovable. A cuddly face.

    Prince John: Handsome, regal, majestic, ha ha. Lovable, yes, yes. Cuddly.

    [laughs]

    Prince John: Oh, that's me to a T. It truly is.

    Robin Hood: [is slapped by Hiss] Ooh!

    Prince John: Now what?

    Robin Hood: I uh I see your elustrious name.

    Prince John: [shouts] I know my name! Get on with it!

    Robin Hood: Your name will go down, down, down in history, of course.

    Prince John: Yes! I knew it! I knew it! You hear that, Hiss? Oh you can't. He's in the basket. Don't forget it!

  • Hiss: Sire, sire, they may be bandits.

    Prince John: Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. Um, um, my dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands. Whichever you like, first.

  • Clucky: [smacking Prince John on the head with the golden arrow] Take that, you scurvy knave!

    Prince John: Seize the fat one!

  • Prince John: This crown gives me a feeling of power! Power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle. Heh-heh-heh. Power.

  • Prince John: Stop, hee hee hee, stop hissing in my ear!

  • Little John: And now, your mightiness, allow me to lay some protocol on you.

    Prince John: Oh, no, forgive me, but I lose more jewels that way.

  • Prince John: Hiss, this is a red letter day. A coup d'etat, to coin the Norman phrase.

  • Prince John: That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!

    Hiss: I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.

    Prince John: Enough!

    [swings at Hiss, who dodges him]

    Prince John: Hiss, you deliberately dodged.

    Hiss: But, but, but Sire, please.

    Prince John: Stop sniveling and hold still.

    [Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him]

    Hiss: [dazed] Thank you, Sire.

  • Hiss: [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings]

    Prince John: [screams and chuckles] Hiss oh you have hissed your last hiss.

    Hiss: [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket]

    Prince John: Suspicious snake.

  • Sheriff of Nottingham: [Little John is secretly holding a dagger on Prince John and demanding Robin Hood's release] There's something funny going on around here.

    Little John: [whispering] Now, P.J. tell my pal to kiss Maid Marian, or I've just found a new pincushion.

    [the Sheriff goes behind the throne and sees Little John]

    Sheriff of Nottingham: Why, you!

    [tries to hit Little John with his sword, but misses. Little John lets go of Prince John and hits the Sheriff back]

    Prince John: [shouts] Kill him! Don't stand there, kill him!

  • Prince John: [sobs] Mother. Mother always did like Richard best.

  • Prince John: [talking in his sleep] It's Robin Hood I-Iwant.

  • Prince John: What is the next stop Sir Hiss?

    Hiss: Let's see. I. Oh the next stop is Nottingham, sire.

  • Prince John: His taste in women is a glove in every Saxon face. Now let Sir Ralph DeVipont throw him and his shame's complete.

  • Prince John: Your foe has bloodied you, sir knight. Will you concede defeat?

    [Ivanhoe, disguised in black armor, shakes his head no]

    Prince John: You fight too well to die so mean a death. Will you not throw in your lot with me instead?

    Ivanhoe: That would be an even meaner death, your grace.

  • Prince John: To the confusion and confining of that cursed death's-head knight. Why could you fools not kill him on the field?

    Sir Hugh De Bracy: Because he was no fool, my liege.

    Prince John: How can a Norman hold the throne of England when the knights who are his strength go down like chaff beneath an unknown Saxon mountebank?

    Sir Brian de Bois-Guilbert: Neither a mountebank, nor yet unknown. I road against that self-same knight at Acre in the war.

    Prince John: Then tell us who he is.

    Sir Brian de Bois-Guilbert: The favored henchman of your brother Richard, my liege, Wilfred of Ivanhoe.

    Prince John: Ivanhoe here in England?

    [turning to his advisor]

    Prince John: You told me he was dead!

    Sir Brian de Bois-Guilbert: He should be and he shall be when he and I meet again. I carry his death warrant here against my breast.

  • Prince John: Never fall in love with a woman.

  • Prince John: A knife! He's got a knife!

    Eleanor: Of course he has a knife, he always has a knife, we all have knives! It's 1183 and we're barbarians! How clear we make it. Oh, my piglets, we are the origins of war: not history's forces, nor the times, nor justice, nor the lack of it, nor causes, nor religions, nor ideas, nor kinds of government, nor any other thing. We are the killers. We breed wars. We carry it like syphilis inside. Dead bodies rot in field and stream because the living ones are rotten. For the love of God, can't we love one another just a little - that's how peace begins. We have so much to love each other for. We have such possibilities, my children. We could change the world.

  • Prince John: Poor John. Who says poor John? Don't everybody sob at once! My God, if I went up in flames there's not a living soul who'd pee on me to put the fire out!

    Prince Richard: Let's strike a flint and see.

  • Prince John: [rushing in] What's wrong? What's happened?

    Eleanor: Richard's getting married.

    Prince John: Getting married? Now? He's getting married *now*?

    Eleanor: I never cease to marvel at the quickness of your mind.

  • Prince John: I thought I'd come and gloat a little.

    Eleanor: Mother's tired. Come stick pins tomorrow morning; I'll be more responsive.

    Prince John: It's no fun goading anyone tonight.

  • Prince John: You stink. You're a stinker and you stink.

  • Prince John: The trumpet sounds retreat. The day is ours!

Browse more character quotes from Robin Hood (2010)

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