Primus Quotes in Stardust (2007)

Bishop: [toasting the princes] To the new King of Stormhold. Whichever of you fine fellows it might be.

[they acknowledge him and sip their grog. The Bishop chokes and collapses forward, dead]

Tertius: Hmm.

[Tertius chortles nervously as they eye each other suspiciously; his eyes suddenly open wide; he chokes and falls forward, dead]

Septimus: [to Primus] You!

[Septimus clutches his throat and chokes, falling backward onto floor; Primus smiles, incredulous, picks up the crown as if to put it on his head. Just as he is about to put it on, Septimus bursts out laughing and rises to his feet]

Septimus: You really thought you were king!

Primus: *You* killed the bishop.

Septimus: No, Primus, I think you'll find that *you* killed the bishop, by drinking out of the wrong cup. Oh look... when you finish wrestling with your conscience, may I suggest you return to your chamber. Leave the quest for the stone to me.

Primus: [pointing at his penis] They say it's the biggest in all the kingdom.

[Tristan is on the ground and Primus has his sword at his throat]

Primus: If Septimus insists on sending a boy to do a man's job...

Tristan: No! Please, I don't know Septimus. I just need a lift. Look at me, I'm unarmed. Please. Please, let me ride with you.

[Primus returns to his carriage and Tristan stands up and follows him]

Primus: I'm afraid that's impossible. I'm on a quest of enormous importance.

[Gets on the carriage]

Tristan: All the better reason to take me with you. Maybe you'll need a second pair of hands. Sir, please. Maybe Providence sent me to you as it sent you to me.

Primus: Get on.

Primus: [speaking of his father] There was not a horse or beast he could not master. So much so that in his youth, he took to riding a camel... which was comical.

Primus: [Repeated line] Shut up.