Priest Quotes in The Incredibles (2004)

Helen: I love you, but if we're going to make this work, you have to be more than Mr. Incredible. You know that, don't you?

Priest: ...so long as you both shall live?

Bob: I do.

Priest: Hurry! The wall is closing!

Mondoshawan: [lumbering towards the exit] Here is your mission: pass your knowledge on to the next, as it was passed on to you.

Priest: I-I will do as you command, but please hurry! You still have time!

Mondoshawan: Time not important. Only life important.

[the Mondoshawan extends the key beyond the exit, and the Priest turns away in horror as the rest of him is crushed between the wall]

[the Priest runs outside the Temple as the Mondoshawan ship lifts off]

Priest: I will fulfill my mission! You can count on me!

[holds up the key]

Priest: I will pass the knowledge on, until you return!

Mondoshawan: Priest, you and those before you have served us well. But war is coming. Stones not safe on Earth anymore.

Priest: My lord, if you take the weapon, we will be defenseless when the evil returns.

Mondoshawan: In 300 years, when Evil returns... so shall we.

Priest: This is a house of God. People are trying to pray. You're disturbing them.

Kurgan: He cares about these helpless mortals?

Priest: Of course He cares. He died for our sins.

Kurgan: That shall be His undoing.

[gets up]

Kurgan: Father! Forgive me , I am a worm...

[starts laughing diabolically]

Kurgan: [to everyone in the church] I have something to say! It's better to burn out than to fade away!

Priest: You always turn the other cheek. I think that you conceive yourself without sin... that is a sin!

Mr. Darcy: [getting dressed after the inspection] How are you able to discern that the wound from my rib was from fencing?

Priest: I've been at this a long time, my son.

Mr. Darcy: [skeptical, as he walks away] I have no wound.

[Priest has been bitten by Reapers, and is screaming to the highest corners of Hell]

Blade: How long since he's been bitten?

Asad: About twenty minutes.

Chupa: His skin is fucking burning!

Blade: He's already starting to change.

Reinhardt: [Priest keeps screaming] Will someone just shut him the fuck up?

[Chupa puts his gun to Priest's chest]

Priest: [in vampire language] Kill me now, Chupa!

Chupa: [in vampire language] A man without fear...

[shoots him six times through the chest but it doesn't kill him]

Asad: Hold on. Hold him, Chupa!

Reinhardt: Come on, man, just put him out of his fucking misery!

[Snowman pulls his sword]

Nyssa: Don't you get it? You can't finish him that way!

[Snowman tosses his sword to Reinhardt who cuts off the top of Priest's head, without effect]

Blade: Move.

[the Bloodpack moves. Blade shoots holes in the wall, letting in beams of sunlight]

Reinhardt: Back off!

[Priest's body burns]

Priest: Look at them. Half of these bastards, they're not even pure bloods. I tell you what, why don't we just fuckin' kill everyone? Just to make sure.

[from Machete trailer]

Priest: I took a vow of peace. And now you want me to help you KILL these men?

Machete: Yes, bro... I mean Padre.

Priest: I'll see what I can do.

[pumps shotguns]

Henchman: Please, Father. Have mercy.

Priest: God has mercy. I don't.

Blackheart: Where's the contract of San Venganza?

Priest: I don't know what you're talking about.

Blackheart: Don't lie to me! You've been keeping it all these years.

Priest: Sworn to keep it from the likes of you.

Blackheart: There's an old saying, don't raise more demons than you can lay down. My father raised one too many.

[El has just walked out of the confessional booth]

Priest: Did you want confession?

El Mariachi: Heh? Well, maybe later, Father. 'Cause where I am going, I'd just have to come right back.

Hicks: [Priest is carving crosses into bullets] What's with all the bullets? I thought priests didn't use firearms.

Priest: We don't. They're for you.

Priest: [Hicks has finally grown a pair and saves Priest's life] You would have made a good priest.

Hicks: Thanks!

Priest: [Small pause] Don't let it go to your head!

Priest: God be with you, Frank.

Frank Castle: Sometimes I would like to get my hands on God.

Priest: For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Frank Castle: Matthew 7:2.

Priest: You're a long way from the seminary, Frank.

Frank Castle: I accepted that a long time ago.

Priest: We are gathered today to say goodbye to Lucille Adams.

Mourners: Goodbye!

Ned Trent: Open the casket.

Priest: Who are you?

Ned Trent: [draws his gun] I said open the fucking casket!

[they open the casket, then he walks away in disgust]

Ned Trent: Bitch.

[last lines]

Priest: Who give this bride away?

Jimmy Monroe: I do.

Ava: [mouthing] I love you.

Priest: Just repent. Change your ways.

Richard Boyle: That's gonna be a little tough.

Priest: You love this woman, you will be willing to change.

Richard Boyle: Okay, I can still drink and take a few hits from a joint once in a while, right? That's okay?

Priest: Twelve Our Fathers, ten Hail Marys, and an Act of Contrition.

Richard Boyle: That's it?

Priest: Ask the Lord for forgiveness from your heart.

Richard Boyle: From my heart... If I'd known this, I would've come earlier, before years.

Priest: Do you follow the Catholic way

Richard Boyle: ...Not exactly.

Natalia: [Natalia, Harry and Woody are hiding in a church, admist the attendees for a wedding. Natalia sees Morovich and his henchman storm in and begin searching the crowd] I wish to speak!

Priest: [stops with the wedding ceremony] Yes?

Natalia: [points] This man is already married!

Priest: To whom?

Natalia: To me.

Groom: What?

Natalia: Come home, Piedro, please? For the sake of the children!

Groom: [looks to his bride to be] She's lying! She's nothing but a liar! She's crazy!

Natalia: I wish I was! But Piedro Junior cries for his father!

Groom: You will leave here at once!

Natalia: I will not! Uncle Luigi and I have come to take you home!

Groom: I will remove you myself!

[grabs Natalia]

Natalia: Don't you lay a hand on me!

Groom: Who will stop me?

Natalia: [points to Morovich] Uncle Luigi!

Groom: I will make short work of this *Uncle Luigi*!

[the groom and Morovich start fighting, while Natalia, Harry and Woody slip out the back]

Chris: I'm not a religious man, Father, but I'll tell you this: they need you... more now than ever.

Priest: I've failed them.

Chris: You failed yourself. You got knocked down. Get up, Father... at least as far as your knees!

Priest: And, do you, Lin Chow Bang, take Bobo to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Lin Chow Bang: [chirpily] No speak English!

Priest: Children's Land? Is that some sort of a fancy name for a lunatic asylum?

Priest: [to 2 men in drag] Ladies, PLEASE! This is a house of God!

Priest: Can Julie come out and play?

Pi Patel (11: [pointing to oil painting of Christ's crucifixion] Why would a god do that? Why would he send his own son to suffer the sins of ordinary people?

Priest: Because He loves us. God made Himself approachable to us, human, so we could understand Him. We can't understand God in all His perfection, but we can understand God's son and His suffering, as we would a brother's.

Adult Pi Patel: [in present, to Writer] That made no sense. Sacrificing the innocent to atone for the sins of the guilty, what kind of love is that?

Conan: Is this your robe?

Priest: Yes. It is all that I own.

Conan: [knocks priest unconscious] And it's all you'll ever need.

Priest: Well, now please rise for the recession of faith.

Priest: [On board a boat: Abel has escaped from the rebels] Are you from Caracas?

Abel: Why do you ask?

Priest: I thought you might have seen something of the revolution. Yesterday we heard that the rebels were sacking the town and assassinating many government officials.

Abel: [Jumps to his feet] "Assassinating" doesn't seem like quite the right word. It's too dignified... They shoot them in their beds, and then they burn their houses down.

Priest: We saw the glow in the sky. It seemed as if the whole horizon had caught fire. If you're running away, if you're looking for refuge...

Abel: No, I'm not running away, Father. Yesterday I was, but today I'm not. Today I know *exactly* where I'm going and what I have to do and then I'll be back. They'll see me again.

[In questioning Joan regarding all the gifts that King Charles VII bestowed upon her]

Priest: What about all these dresses you were given? Silk dresses, weren't they?

Joan of Arc: Yes, I was given a few, but I never had time to wear them.

Priest: Still... pretty wealthy for a peasant girl, wouldn't you say?

Joan of Arc: You look pretty wealthy to be a servant of God, wouldn't you say?

[first lines]

Pelias: Well?

Priest: Zeus, king of the gods of the Greeks, brighten the ashes that I may read the future. I see... a great tree at the end of the world. And in its branches there hang the skull and skin of a ram. They gleam and shine for it is a prize of the gods, a Golden Fleece.

Captain Nolan: Can you commit a sin against an animal?

Priest: Why, you can commit a sin against a blade of grass. Sins are really against oneself.

Priest: If there be anyone who objects to this union, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.

[Chuckie bursts in]

Chuckie Finster: No-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Chas: (in awe) His first word!

Elinu, the High Priest: And that is not all. The king has shown weakness and poor judgement. He believes in the divinity of these intruders. Dealing with the divine is OUR office. If we abandon the smallest particle of it to outsiders, our position will soon come to naught.

Priest: But, are these outsiders not divine?

Elinu, the High Priest: No, they are mortal. Do they not eat when they are hungry? Do they not sleep when they are weary? When the guards attacked them, did not their faces show the fears of mortal men?

Priest: But, do they not possess the power of heaven?

Elinu, the High Priest: Aah. The cylinder they carry possesses it. If you had that cylinder, or you, or you, you could use it too. And if it is the power of heaven, is it not we who should possess it, and use it to control the beasts of the dark, the people and... yes, if need be, even a faltering king himself? You will therefore follow these intruders wherever they may go, and bring me that cylinder.

Priest: Within all of us is a saint as well as a dragon.

Priest: I smell youth... vintage youth.

Neil Tennant: You don't have any weapons in there, do you?

Priest: Why? What do you need?

Chris Lowe: Where are you from?

Neil Tennant: Yes where are you from?

Priest: I'm glad you asked me twice. You see I'm a bilingual. A bilingual illiterate - I can't read in two languages.

Priest: I'm just tired... I've been up all night trying to round off the infinate. And Lucifer before the day doth go.

Chris Lowe: Don't we know you?

Priest: I don't know. I used to be blind. But then I started eating carrots. I still can't see during the day.

Beowulf: Rodgar...

King Hrothgar: Hrothgar!

Beowulf: Yes, of course. You sit here prehaps. My companions, I see, have made their own arrengements and I... shall sit here: By the door, to protect you all from monsters.

Priest: God protects us from monsters!

Beowulf: Ah! Then it seems he must be falling down on the job, ey? Not to worry. I am here now, to help him out.

Priest: Heresy!

Beowulf: I always say: Never discuss religion or politics over dinner. Bad for the digestion.

Priest: If the monster claims lives it's God's will! You speak heresy!

Beowulf: Heresy is determined by which end of the sword you're at. Now don't be boring or I might have to sort a few of you out. Beowulf is good at that, sorting out the trouble makers.

Priest: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

Leon: [looks up from his newspaper] No.

Audience: [groans]

Priest: Life must mean nothing to you.

Bobby Sands: God's gonna punish me?

Priest: Well, if not just for suicide, then he'd have to punish you for stupidity.

Priest: Do you, Hector...

Puchi: He does. Hector, say I do.

Hector Lavoe: [groggily] I do.

Priest: Puchi...

Puchi: I do.

[looks around menancingly]

Puchi: Anybody object?

Priest: Your confession has haunted me all week. How can you live such a hellish existence?

Maggie Blake: Isn't that the point of confession?

Priest: Your family is the incarnation of evil, and your life is a never-ending pact with the devil! Leave this holy place, for the love of God!

Priest: I was expecting a parishioner who can't make it, apparently. Would you like to take his place for confession?

Maggie Blake: Me? Oh, I confess, it's been years since I went to confession.

Ray: Murder, father.

Priest: Why did you murder someone, Raymond?

Ray: For money, father.

Priest: For money? You murdered someone for money?

Ray: Yes, father. Not out of anger. Not out of nothing. For money.

Priest: Who did you murder for money, Raymond?

Ray: You, father.

Priest: I'm sorry?

Ray: I said you, father. What are you, deaf?

[Ray raises pistol]

Ray: Harry Waters says hello.

Priest: [after having been shot] The little boy...

[the priest breaks his ankle and is being loaded into the ambulance]

Raleigh: Do you have an alternate?

Priest: No.

Raleigh: Are there priests on call?

Priest: [accompanying Nick from his cell to the execution chamber] In domini patrium spiritus morbidum dio madre. Omni Gallia divisa est in tres partes. Corpus delecti. Quid pro quo. Veni, vidi, vici. Nolo contendere. Habeas corpus. Rick Dureus. Ipso facto. Pro forma. Pari passeu. Hic, hike, hoc. Huius, huius, huius. E pluribus unum. Ouriyay oingay ootay etgay iedfray inthe airchay. Tempus fugit. Caveat emptor. Coitus interruptus. Mitzi Gaynor ad nauseam. Amen

Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to...

Lucy: I object.

Saul: Oh, geez.

Priest: I didn't get to that part yet.

Jack: I would have to object too.

Priest: What about you?

Peter: I'm thinking!

Ashley: Peter Callahan is engaged to me. I object to this wedding!

Priest: Get in line.

Ashley's husband: And I object to your objection.

Mary Callaghan: Who's that?

Peter: Ashley's husband.

Midge Callaghan: You proposed to a married woman?

Peter: Yes. And I'm in a coma when my brother makes a play for my- sort of my fiancée

Loretta Castorini: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last confession.

Priest: What sins have you to confess?

Loretta Castorini: Twice I took the name of the Lord in vain, once I slept with the brother of my fiancee, and once I bounced a check at the liquor store, but that was really an accident.

Priest: Then it's not a sin. But... what was that second thing you said, Loretta?

[from trailer]

Jody Campbell: So, a demon is the worse thing you can have?

Priest: No, ma'am, an STD is the worse thing you can have.

[from trailer]

Priest: Demon's got my fist, man!

[first spoken lines]

Priest: Be seated.

[pause]

Priest: We're gathered here to witness and bless the joining together forever of William and Josefina in Christian marriage. The firm covenant of marriage is permanent in this lifetime because it was established by God, and once entered into it may never be broken without risk of eternal damnation. So we ask you now, in the presence of God, family, and friends, to declare your intentions to enter a binding and permanent union with one another for as long as you both shall draw breath on this earth.

Priest: I would be remiss in my duty, if I did not tell you, that the idea of... intercourse - your firm, young... body... comingling with... withered flesh... sagging breasts... flabby b-b-buttocks... makes me want... to vomit.

Val: [In the confessional] Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Priest: How long since your last confession?

Val: 60 years give or take a few.

Priest: Head coffin please.

Priest: From dust have you come and to dust shall you return, but from dust shall you not be resurrected.

Priest: God bless.

George Khan: And Allah be with you

Priest: God Bless.

George Khan: Allah go with you.

Joey Boca: I cheated on my wife.

Priest: You committed adultery?

Joey Boca: Yes

Priest: How many times?

Joey Boca: Uh... 5 times the last 2 weeks... wait, no, that's wrong... it was uh... it was uh, 4 times this week, uh... with 3 women, and uh... 3 times last week with 2 other women... wow... plus one of the women from this week was the same as last week... or maybe 2 of the women was the same... so uh... I guess that uh... makes uh... what, uh... I dunno, 7 times... I mean it was more than uh... 7 times, father, it was, it was more like uh... 10 or 12 times but, you know, it was like on uh... 7 different occasions uh... only with 5 different women uh... uh... but uh... some of the women eh... more than once uh... some of them, quite a few times uh... in fact uh... it's hard to say father, I, I didn't exactly keep count but uh... uh, let let's say a dozen times in the last 2 weeks, uh... give or take a few times...

Priest: It's a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face, when you've gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like.

Priest: Dex, I find it hard to believe that someone of your, uh...

Dex: Moral turpitude?

Priest: Yeah, would ever consider being a priest.

Dex: Ya know, actually, I was accepted to Divinity school.

Priest: Really? So what happened?

Dex: It's like St. Augustine said, ya know: "Lord, give me chastity and virtue, but not just yet."

Dex: I just think it's cool that you get to, I know, you know, hang out with god all day.

Priest: You know, I don't exactly hang out with god.

Priest: Did we get away with it?

Imam: Down here maybe. But up there, I'm not so sure.

[pointing heavenward]

[Kevin checking the contents of 'his suit bag']

Kevin: All right let's see what we've got... I don't care if it don't look good,just fit...

[noticing the 'GFH' initials on the suit]

Kevin: GFH?

[he looks further and he found the brand tag]

Kevin: Groverton Funeral Home? I'm dead... I'm *dead*...

[guests wondering what 'GFH' stands for at Kevin's suit]

1st Guest: What is that stand for?

Kevin: My great-grandfather, General Francois Heimlich Manuever, World War 1 and 2

1st Guest: Good guy.

2nd Guest: What does it stand for?

Kevin: Gemstones Furs, and Haberdasheries.

[to 3rd guest]

Kevin: Graduated, Full Honors, Oxford. I guess you wouldn't know about that.

3rd Guest: I went to Harvard

Kevin: Yeah, Harvard *Street*

[to a Priest]

Kevin: Oh, It's a gospel group I was with, Godliness, Faithful and Honest

Priest: Ah, amen.

Kevin: [to other guests] Geeks For Hire,a temporary service. You'd fit it, you ought to call us. Gas From Humans... Girls From the Hood... G-strings For the Huge... Gotta Feed the Hungry... Girls Feeding Homies

Waitress: It's that a joke?

Kevin: [to a female guest] Good, Fine and Healthy and baby, you're it. *BAM!* You know what I'm saying?

[female guest leaves Kevin]

Priest: May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Henri Verdoux: Why not? After all, it belongs to Him.

Henri Verdoux: [the priest visits Verdoux in his jail cell, shortly before execution] Ah, Father. And what can I do for you?

Priest: Nothing, my son. I want to help you, if I can. I've come to ask you to make your peace with God.

Henri Verdoux: I *am* at peace with God. My conflict is with Man.

Priest: Have you no remorse for your sin?

Henri Verdoux: Who knows what sin is? Born as it was from God's fallen angel. Who knows the ultimate destiny it serves? After all, what would you be doing without sin?

Priest: Exactly what I'm doing now, my son: trying to help a lost soul in distress.

Priest: [clanking noises are heard] They're coming. Let me pray for you.

Henri Verdoux: As you wish. But I don't think these gentlemen want to be kept waiting.

Priest: May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Henri Verdoux: Why not? After all, it belongs to him.

Ramsey: Don't you have candles to light, or like... wine and crackers to hand out?

Priest: That's what you think I do? Mood lighting and catering?

Ramsey: Hot date?

Priest: What are you doing here?

Ramsey: You know I like to watch. I hate it when you pull the blinds, Dad.

Priest: [sighs] I'm not your dad.

Ramsey: Dad, father, father, dad... Whatever. I need 50 bucks.

Priest: I don't have 50 bucks. This is really your best option? Blackmailing a priest?

Ramsey: Think of it as community welfare.

Priest: Is there a doctor or a lawyer you can hustle?

Ramsey: If you want me to go back to taking it out of the offering tray, I will.

[talking to Amy about her relationships with men]

Priest: You have a unique talent for having bad taste in men.

Priest: You'll never arrest anybody. How can they respect you? You've got to show folks you're brave, honest, and hard-working. Here, hold this.

[Lucien Cordier holds down a statue of Christ while the Priest nails it to a cross]

Lucien Cordier: I can't.

Priest: Why not?

Lucien Cordier: First, because I'm not brave, honest, and hard-working, and second, because I don't think my bosses want me to be.

Priest: How come?

Lucien Cordier: If they wanted someone brave, honest, and hard-working, they wouldn't have hired me.

[the Fascist members of the Santa Vittoria town council are being held prisoner in the church bell tower. The priest brings them a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine]

Francucci: It's criminal! You keep us locked up! We don't get enough food! You tell us nothing! There's not even a toilet!

Priest: Next time, vote Communist!

Priest: [Bombolini wants the priest to pray for the rain to stop while the villagers move the wine] Nobody ever prays for sun, they only pray for rain.

Babbaluche: In Noah's ark people prayed for rain?

Priest: That was before organised religion.

Babbaluche: Sure, all they had was God, the poor bastards.

Priest: Don't be afraid of me, my child. I wan to help you

Jerboa: I don't need any help.

Priest: You should not run away from home.

Jerboa: I don't like home.

Priest: Why, child?

Jerboa: Because my stepfather tried to rape me, and he's a werewolf.

Priest: [stopping a young woman before going into a club] Good evening, mademoiselle. I'm doing a study from articles. I want to examine the psychological effect of the horror films on the public. Many people still believe that repeated viewings of these films is warping the minds of you young people. Now my study...

[a group of her friends walk by, calling her to join them and she abandons the old priest]

Priest: You little shit!

Priest: Owen, you don't know God's will.

Owen: And neither does the church.

Yury Detochkin: And you believe in God?

Priest: Everybody believes. Some believe that there is a God. Some believe that He doesn't exist.

Priest: ...ask yourself if that corpse of a slut is worth dying for.

Marv: Worth dying for.

[shoots priest]

Marv: Worth killing for.

[shoots him again]

Marv: Worth going to hell for.

[shoots him again]

Marv: Amen.

Priest: Don't be afraid, my son. No one is more powerful than God.

Calogero 'C' Anello: I don't know about that, father. Your guy may be bigger than my guy up there, but my guy is bigger than your guy down here.

Priest: Ya got a point.

Priest: You will be defenders of the faith. You will be soldiers of Christ.

Commoner: But is there anyone who's really good? Maybe goodness is just make-believe.

Priest: What a frightening...

Commoner: Man just wants to forget the bad stuff, and believe in the made-up good stuff. It's easier that way.

Priest: I don't want to hear it. No more horror stories.

Commoner: They are common stories these days. I even heard that the demon living here in Rashômon fled in fear of the ferocity of man.

Priest: It's horrifying. If men don't trust each other, this earth might as well be hell.

Commoner: That's right. The world's a kind of hell.

Priest: No! I believe in men. I don't want this place to be hell.

Commoner: Shouting doesn't help. Think about it. Out of these three, whose story is believable?

Woodcutter: No idea.

Commoner: In the end, you cannot understand the things men do.

Commoner: Well, men are only men. That's why they lie. They can't tell the truth, even to themselves.

Priest: That may be true. Because men are weak, they lie to deceive themselves.

Commoner: Not another sermon! I don't mind a lie if it's interesting.

Priest: A human life is truly as frail and fleeting as the morning dew.

Priest: War, earthquake, winds, fire, famine, the plague. Year after year, it's been nothing but disasters. And bandits descend upon us every night. I've seen so many men getting killed like insects, but even I have never heard a story as horrible as this. Yes. So horrible. This time, I may finally lose my faith in the human soul. It's worse than worse than bandits, the plague, famine, fire or wars.

Priest: Dead men tell no lies.

Priest: A man's been murdered.

Commoner: So what? Only one? Why, up on top of this gate, there's always five or six bodies. No one worries about them.

Martin: There's a friend of ours we'd like to have buried.

Priest: Dead I trust.

[laughs]

Romek: Are we blessed? Or are we just the edges?

Priest: We are all scraps, Romek, and we are all blessed the same.

Romek: But not all the people right?

Priest: It seems strange to see you in such good spirits, Doctor.

Dr. Henryk Savaard: Strange that I should have no fear of dying? Well, I have lived so long questioning the unknown that this plunge into its depths is only the last and perhaps the greatest of my experiments.

Priest: Have you no faith?

Dr. Henryk Savaard: As a scientist, I'm afraid I'm a professional skeptic who doubts everything - even the certainties.

Priest: But do you not recognize the great truths?

Dr. Henryk Savaard: I never found one that would bear analysis.

Priest: Can't you conceive of a truth too great for the human mind to analyze?

Dr. Henryk Savaard: Tonight, no, but tomorrow I may know better!

Bellocq: Her father unknown, and her mother deserted the child.

Violet: My mother's name was Hildegarde. Hildegarde Marr. M-A-R-R.

Priest: And she was Caucasian, or other?

Violet: She was a whore, Father.

Priest: Not content with stealing your savings, they'll be nationalising the 12 apostles next.

Rochester: If god wants men to have faith, why does he not make us more disposed to believe?

Priest: Most men are so disposed.

Rochester: But not me.

Priest: Spring is the cause of our excitement. We, frail humans, we are like animals, we suffer the laws of nature. Alas!

Pierre de l'Esperance: Happily, we have this intelligence, this heavenly gift, which enables us to fight our instincts.

Hospital Offical: He won't wait for an answer. All he says is, "Kill me, kill me, kill me."

Third Doctor: Don't you have some message for him, Padre?

[Priest shakes his head and looks to the floor]

Third Doctor: You could at least tell him to put his faith in God, couldn't you?

Priest: I'll pray for him for the rest of my days. But I will not risk testing his faith against your stupidity.

Third Doctor: Well you're a hell of a priest, aren't you?

Priest: He's the product of your profession, not mine.

Priest: So, who's going to marry her, Syracuse?

Syracuse: It's not like there's a queue, father.

Priest: And I can't marry her.

Syracuse: No, you're a tree.

Priest: Exactly.

Annie: So I supposed she isn't a Selkie really. 'Cause you can't marry a seal, can ya?

Priest: No, you definitely cannot.

Annie: Not in the real quotidian world, any way.

Priest: Quotidian?

Annie: Yep. Means the one we have to live in. If she was a seal, though, would you still do the wedding?

Priest: Me?

Priest: I don't like this at all.

Syracuse: So what kind of a tree are you father?

Priest: Oh, well, I suppose I'm an Oak.

Syracuse: You look more like one of the ones that they make holly sticks out of.

Priest: Oh, an Ash, yeah...

Priest: That girl is like a wild animal. She needs to be tamed.

Marie's mother: He is in despair. Comfort him.

[Marie's father turns away]

Priest: You must forgive. Everyone. Much will be forgiven you. You have suffered.

Marie's father: I may suffer less than you think.

Priest: [Reading] God does not foresake forever. He may punish, yet he will have compassion. H does not willingly afflict the children of men.

Priest: The man who leaves and the man who comes back are not the same.

[first lines - in the confessional]

Dave Robicheaux: I want a drink. I want a drink all the time. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, my eyes pop open and I think I gotta have a drink. A beer, a Bloody Mary, whatever. Even now, and I don't know why. I haven't had a drink in three years.

Priest: Three years, huh?

Dave Robicheaux: Yeah. Sometimes I'll be talking with my wife and the whole time we're talking I'm thinking about this bar I used to go to. The whole conversation I'm thinking, I'd rather be in that bar than anywhere. The glasses all lined up. My seat right on the corner. All those colored bottles. The ice in my glass, that burn... Man, it felt real good going down. That'll never happen again. I can't drink, I know that. Drinking fucked up my whole life. Excuse me father, I'm sorry.

Priest: That's alright, Dave. How is your wife?

Dave Robicheaux: How's Annie?

Priest: You love your wife, don't you? You have a good life now since you left the police department.

Dave Robicheaux: Yes I do.

Priest: And if you begin drinking again, what will happen?

Dave Robicheaux: I would lose everything.

Priest: But knowing this, knowing that you *would* lose everything, you would lose your wife, your business, and your self-respect, still, you want to drink.

Dave Robicheaux: Yes I do.

Priest: You're absolved of your sins. Go in peace.

Priest: May I have the rings?

Ben Sheets: [Both Ben and Arthur feel inside their coat pockets] I don't have the rings. Do you have the rings?

Arthur Sailes: No, no. No, I don't have the rings.

Priest: May I please have the rings?

Arthur Sailes: Ah, geee...

Ben Sheets: I don't have, I don't have a ring. Can we do this without a ring?

Priest: I assure you, when one lives in the grace of God, war does not exist.

Priest: You are foolish, but without fools there would be no wisdom.

Priest: Well, now, fertility. Some say it's pagan. But who's not pagan in some matters?

Draco: True, true! I love the speech of scholars.

Priest: These young folks here think of nothing but frolic. "Desist!" I tell them, but they will go a-wantoning. So, lest the Devil take them, I preach them a text from holy writ. "Increase and multiply," I say. "Replenish the earth." And oh! how they obey me.

[Bryan and Dorey are at the altar]

Priest: Are you ready?

Dorey Walker: For what?

Priest: To get married.

Villager: Reverend,can I ask you? How many clocks do you think there must be in a village?

Priest: I am not sure... I am not an astronomer, you know.

Villager: But if there are two evenings in one day,it may become very annoying.

Village woman: It's not necessarily bad.

Villager: For me... for me,it's very annoying

Priest: ...and for your penance say the Rosary five times. Now make a good Act of Contrition.

Belizaire: FIVE Rosaries? Father, I have never in my life had to say so much as three Rosaries, let alone five. One, two at the most ...

Priest: Belizaire, the penance comes from God. It's not something that you negotiate.

Priest: Why are you in here?

Heidi Hawthorne: I don't know. I was walking by with my dog and I thought I would just come in and sit for a minute. Is that okay? Are you closed?

Priest: No. We never close. God is always open and ready to listen.

Heidi Hawthorne: I just needed to sit.

Priest: Yes, it is a nice place to just come and sit.

Heidi Hawthorne: Yeah, it's nice.

Priest: [puts his hand on Heidi's back] You're a very sad girl.

Heidi Hawthorne: Yeah... I think I should get going.

[the priest grabs Heidi]

Heidi Hawthorne: Ow! What the fuck?

Priest: You have to understand that there is a war waging in Heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and his serpents, but God does not spare angels when they sin but sends them to Hell.

[Priest unzips his pants and forces Heidi's head downwards]

Priest: You are a filthy whore of Satan. Christ can't save you. Only I can save you! Oh, you must no longer offer worship and sacrifice to the goat idols to whom you prostitute yourself. You must understand what the Lord has done for you and how He has supreme mercy on your soul!

Priest: Perhaps you'd better start from the beginning.

Father Sandor: [after stopping a mob, led by a local priest, from driving a stake into the body of a girl who has died of natural causes. He orders the body be brought to a churchyard] I will bury her. Now do as I say.

[nobody moves to carry out his instructions]

Father Sandor: Do as I say!

Priest: You're out of your jurisdiction! I'll complain to the bishop!

Father Sandor: Do... and tell him that I stopped you from performing an act of blaphemy!

[indicates the body]

Father Sandor: Or would you prefer that I told him?

Priest: Well... We have to be sure.

Father Sandor: You are an idiot, Father. Worse than that: you're a superstitious, frightened idiot.

Priest: We...

[is cut off by Sandor]

Father Sandor: [to the crowd] Take care that I do not have cause to ride this way again!

Mary Lou Maloney: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last confession. I've disobeyed my parents many times. I've taken the Lord's name in vain many times. I've had sinful relations, with boys at my school. Many boys, many times.

Priest: My child, these are great sins. You must prepare yourself for the consequences.

Mary Lou Maloney: Father, there's just one more thing.

Priest: What is it, my poor child?

Mary Lou Maloney: I loved every minute of it.

The Prisoner: You're late Father. You nearly missed the show.

Priest: I'm sorry, I didn't hear the cock crow.

Priest: I have been led here, I have work to do. But what?

Priest: This is a fucking sacred place!

Priest: [about peasants] I hate saying it, but you should hear them in the confessional. You would never imagine. Did you know that they...

Adelita, woman in stagecoach: I can imagine, Father. I can imagine. Living in such promiscuity. All of them in one room, male and female together, lying in a heap, like rats in a sewer. At night, when the lights are out, all their inhibitions disappear. You never know who's next: mother, sister, goat... goat.

[first lines]

Priest: Madam.

[enters confessional booth]

Matt Fletcher: I'm having a little trouble getting started, Father.

Priest: You are in the House of God now, my son. Speak from your heart.

Matt Fletcher: Well, I've done a lot of killin'. I've killed a lot of men and sinned a lot of women. But the men I killed needed killin' and the women wanted sinnin', and well, I never was one much to argue.

Judith: I know more Spanish than they do English!

Priest: Which is not the point, dear sister. Remember, I owe much to my generous patron and you owe much to me.