President Skroob Quotes in Spaceballs (1987)

[after running the full length of Spaceball One to reach the bridge]

President Skroob: The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.

President Skroob: Sanders! Sanders! You gotta help me, I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions, I'm a president!

President Skroob: Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?

Charlene, Marlene: Hello, President Skroob.

President Skroob: [to Marlene] Hello, Charlene.

Marlene: I'm Marlene.

President Skroob: [to Charlene] Hello, Marlene.

Charlene: I'm Charlene.

President Skroob: Chew your gum.

President Skroob: [to Dark Helmet] Never have that damn thing down in front of me. How I do I know you're not making faces at me under that thing?

[Dark Helmet raises his face shield and sticks his tongue out at Skroob after he turns away]

Self-Destruct Voice: This ship will self-destruct in twenty seconds. This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.

President Skroob: Cancellation button? HURRY!

[Mega-Maid's computer counts down to self-destruct]

Self-Destruct Voice: Ten... nine... eight... six...

President Skroob: Six? What happened to seven?

Self-Destruct Voice: Just kidding!

President Skroob, Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet: [They growl in annoyance]

Self-Destruct Voice: [Skroob, Sandurz, and Helmet are mouthing the numbers alone with the recording] Six... five... four... three... two... one...

[they close their eyes and grimace]

Self-Destruct Voice: Have a nice day.

President Skroob, Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet: [open their eyes] Thank you.

[They close them again]

[after the self-destruction mechanism has been activated]

President Skroob: Sandurz, Sandurz. You got to help me. I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm a president!

Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?

President Skroob: I don't know about this beaming stuff? Is it safe?

Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.

Self-Destruct Voice: Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and forty-five seconds.

President Skroob: You've got to stop it. Is there any way to stop it?

Colonel Sandurz: I can't - it's irreversible.

President Skroob: Like my raincoat!

Commanderette Zircon: [Skroob is going to the bathroom. Zircon appears on the wall in front of him] President Skroob!

President Skroob: Ahh! I told you never to call me on this wall! This is an unlisted wall!

President Skroob: Did it work? Where's the king?

Dark Helmet: It worked, sir. We have the combination.

President Skroob: Great. Now we can take every last breath of fresh air from Planet Druidia. What's the combination?

Colonel Sandurz: 1-2-3-4-5

President Skroob: 1-2-3-4-5?

Colonel Sandurz: Yes!

President Skroob: That's amazing. I've got the same combination on my luggage.

Dark Helmet, Colonel Sandurz: [looks at each other]

President Skroob: [Upon discovering there is only one escape pod left] One pod left and three of us and I'm the President. Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship. I think you should go down with it.

President Skroob: Ah, Planet Druidia, and ten thousand years of fresh air.

Dark Helmet: [aside to Colonel Sandurz] The way he runs things, it won't last a hundred.

President Skroob: As president of Planet Spaceball, I can assure both you and your viewers that there's absolutely no air shortage whatsoever. Yes, of course. I've heard the same rumor myself. Yes, thanks for calling and not reversing the charges. Bye.

[hangs up]

President Skroob: [under his breath] Shithead.

President Skroob: [They hear a blowing sound] Helmet, what's going on?

Dark Helmet: Sandurz, what's going on?

Colonel Sandurz: It's Megamaid sir, she gone from suck to blow.

President Skroob: Well we've got to stop it.

[to Helmet]

President Skroob: Do something!

Dark Helmet: [to Sandurz] Do something!

Colonel Sandurz: [Over Intercom] Do something!